by J. C. Allen
“I guess I felt like I couldn’t.”
His eyes stared out a thousand yards before they narrowed back down to the one that separated the two of us.
“I don’t want this place to go down. Just because I’m not in deep with club, doesn’t mean that I do not care about it. This was dad’s life’s work. He loved this place. And I guess that’s my issue. That he loved this place. Sometimes, I thought, more than us.”
Of all the things I expected to hear…
Of all the words he could have said…
He said the ones that all of us, on varying levels, knew to be true… but had fought so hard to deny it. And now, the one most distance from the club had pretty much just said why.
“I know it’s not true, but that’s just the way it is for me. I want to—someday, I can be in the club. But right now I need to just, me for a while.”
It was the first admission of any kind that Simon might someday become more active in the club. Granted, I wasn’t going to pretend that all was perfectly forgiven and the world was perfect now that he had agreed to come back, but it was a start.
“I learned about bikes before women, and that’s got to be a huge issue.”
We both shared a short laugh at that before I came back into focus.
“I know,” I said, recognizing now Simon’s true intentions. “I understand. I won’t hound you about it anymore.”
He nodded in thanks before deciding to push his luck..
“Speaking of women,” he said. “Come on, I came all the way down here.”
I had fought so hard to keep us private out of respect for her life. And now even the distant brother was picking up on this?
“Meeting’s over, Simon,” I said. “Don’t keep pushing me.”
“Who is she? Tell me that much.”
I stopped and turned to face him. I had heard enough. And instead of running from it, damnit, I was going to deliver the truest words yet.
“I’m pretty sure she’s my girl.”
10
Isabelle
“Are you two going to eat?”
Riley’s question seemed simple enough.
But with Jaxson, nothing was ever “simple enough.” There always seemed to be an added layer of complexity and arrogance—either real or perceived. Admittedly, my stance on him was softening with each passing day, but that didn’t mean that he couldn’t have some really bad moments.
“I don’t know. And even if we were, I don’t think I could.”
It was a bit of an exaggeration—something Riley seemed to pick up on, given her laugh.
“What?” I said, trying to probe Riley’s feelings on it.
“Nothing just… it’s weird. You going out with a hot biker dude.”
In many ways.
“Jaxson is a hot biker dude, I agree with you there. And also, that it is weird.”
Of course, there was the fact that I was in a MFA program and he was a biker. There was the fact that I came from a normal family, Jaxson came from a biker family.
But there was something undeniable I just had to confess to Riley.
“The way he kisses, though? I could just die.”
Riley’s eyes widened, and her next question once again seemed simple enough. But, like all other things…
“How will you survive sex with him?”
I rolled my eyes at her and nudged her knee under our restaurant dinner table.
“You’re crazy. Who said that we would even have sex?”
Even if I have thought about it.
“Oh please,” she said, making her face all serious. “Like you would walk out of this without getting a piece of that.”
I shrugged.
But the thought still made me shiver, and not just because Jaxson himself would probably be a great time in bed. It also made me shiver because I had only had sex with one person in my life, my first boyfriend and first everything.
Being a nerd in high school and kind of peaking in college did that to me. I hung out with a lot of people from theatre and arts classes, so that’s where I met Jason. He was nice enough, handsome enough, but he was always just… enough. I knew that I didn’t love him and that there was almost no passion. The first time we had sex felt like a chore. I didn’t even tell him I was a virgin until after, I didn’t even feel like I could open up to him.
Jaxson, though… he was different already, that was for sure. There was definitely passion. That kiss was still heating my body and searing my lips all this time later.
And, of course, I had already thought about sex with him.
He had a ruggedness to him, but a softness that I felt like only I saw last night. Even with his whole biker look, I didn’t think he was dangerous. On some guys, the long hair thing could be weird; but his wavy dark locks that fell to his neck were the epitome of sexy to me. I wanted to run my fingers through them all night and feel them on my skin. He was tall as ever and built like he worked out. I felt every part of his ribbed muscles when I was on his bike.
He was…
“Hello, Isabelle?”
Apparently distracting even from afar.
“What?” I said, staring back at Riley for a good few seconds until I noticed that the server came by. “Oh, did you already order?”
Riley gave me a funny look, and our server just laughed. He was a bit amused, and perhaps justifiably so.
“Um, yeah.”
I laughed nervously as I glanced at the menu. I had thought about Jaxson so much I hadn’t even analyzed the menu.
“I’ll have the… same as her.” I said, not wanting to keep the waiter, well, waiting.
The waiter politely took it down, took our menus away, and walked away, but he did not take my embarrassment with him. And seconds later, Riley made sure that I didn’t get to let that drop either.
“What the hell were you thinking about?”
“Um, I have to write an original short play for my workshop. It’s due Friday.”
Wow, just straight lied to her. And I’m not even sure it’s a convincing lie, not after what we had started this dinner with.
“Jeez. I don’t know how you can continue on with automated assignments. My life isn’t measured in semesters anymore.”
It was of great surprise to me that Riley just seemed perfectly at ease with what I had said—there was nothing to her expression to suggest that she thought I was full of shit but just playing along. She really seemed convinced that was what was bothering me.
Well, if that was the case, I was going to go with it. Plus, it wasn’t like I didn’t have work for my program.
“When did you even go to class?” I said, trying to keep the topic.
“Are you kidding? Restaurant management was the easiest of them all.”
Riley laughed, making it obvious that the academic lifestyle was not her cup of tea. I was just trying to keep a conversation away from Jaxson, especially since I had a date with him after this—if I let myself think about him, Riley would practically be eating alone.
“What do you think you’ll write?” Riley said.
“I have no idea,” I said. “I usually write sappy, women’s fiction type stuff. I want to try something edgier, but I don’t want to get torn apart in workshop. I got admitted based on my writing style, so I don’t want to mess that up.”
“Yeah, but the program is all for trying things and becoming a better writer.”
Now she’s really engaged. She’s caring way more about this than I am.
Probably not a great sign, considering I’m the one actually in the program. Might be good for me to… well, put Jaxson to the side after tonight, if I can even manage that.
“I know, you’re right,” I said.
“Who cares what people think? It’s not like you’ll ever see them again.”
And then it was obvious that Riley, while she may have had my best interests at heart, did not necessarily know how to have my best interests at heart.
“Uh, except every da
y for the next two years?” I said with a laugh.
“Fuck. Sorry. I’m used to firing employees if they don’t do well. Still, just do what you want.”
I nodded in agreement. “Just do what you want” seemed like the simplest advice I had gotten to date, and yet it might just have been the best one.
“I will.”
Thankfully, for the rest of dinner, the topic remained away from Jaxson. I wanted to think that was just because conversation naturally went to other areas, like things to do in Minnesota in the fall, prep for the cold, and nightlife outside of the Kinsmen, but there was a certain look in Riley’s eyes that suggested she knew full well what was going on and just was being polite about it.
Frankly, as long as I was able to push Jaxson away as long as I could, it was all well. Because as soon as I actually saw Jaxson…
As we walked back into our house, Jaxson texted me. It was his second text, his first having come during dinner, asking “We still on?”
His new one read “I’ll be there at eight to pick you up. Can’t wait to see you. Don’t disappoint me.”
I just laughed. Of course we were still on, but there was something very bold about him saying he was coming to pick me up even though I had not responded. It was, in typical Jaxson fashion, him assuming he could do something and that the rest of the world would follow.
It wasn’t particularly wrong.
I wrote back and told him that I would indeed be waiting for him. Like a schoolgirl, I waited and stared as I saw he was writing me back.
“I thought you were about to stand me up.”
“Sorry, I have a nosy roommate and we were out at dinner. “
“Oh, we’re not telling anyone about us yet?”
I smirked. Last go around, it was the guy who had wanted to keep things on the down low, partially because he was nervous about looking bad—in his words, he didn’t want to declare anything early, but in reality, he was probably looking to avoid dating the nerd—but partially because neither of us were really sure we liked the other. Here, though?
It was almost too good to be true. I wasn’t about to jinx that.
“You’re a funny guy.”
“For you I am.”
I smiled wider and left the conversation there. If I kept going, there was no way I was going to ready by eight.
When I felt like my stomach had settled from nerves, I started getting ready. I picked an outfit of simple dark jeans and a plush, cream sweater. It was one of my favorites, and I had a feeling he might like it on me, given that it was tight and form fitting—revealing everything that Jaxson would like.
I washed my face and then reapplied some makeup. I slipped on canvas sneakers and finished just before eight, heading down the stairs. I was nervous, but damn if I hadn’t done everything I could to make myself look as good as possible.
As… sexual as possible.
“Oh, you look cute!”
Riley surprised me by shouting from her spot on the couch. Still, by now, it wasn’t like there were any secrets, so I just smiled at her and made sure she liked it.
“It’s fucking hot, you look amazing. I wouldn’t lie.”
I smiled my gratitude back at her.
And then the doorbell rang.
“Eek, it’s him!”
People usually had trouble finding the place; we often had to give specific, written instructions to the local pizza delivery guys just go get here.
Jaxson, though, seemingly had no problems.
“I’m out,” I said. “Don’t wait up.”
I was out the door before Riley could ask what that meant. As soon as I opened the door and made my way through the maze of hallways that led to our door, I found him leaning back on his bike, looking as goddamn sexy as I ever had.
He looked dreamier than I even remembered. If I was trying to be a good girl tonight, well, I was out of luck. His jeans were tight, fitting the strong muscles of his thighs and… ahem, other places. He had on a thin button up under his familiar leather jacket, the buttons strain right at his pecs. I could almost see the divets of his abs. His hair was already wind blown, and his cheeks were a little rosy too.
“Hey,” I finally said with a dry mouth.
Yeah, I was a bit nervous. But, when Jaxson looked at his most… Jaxson, how could I not?
“You look hot,” he said so bluntly and so straightforwardly that the words went straight to me, straight to my thighs, straight in there… and I liked the feeling.
“Um, thank you. So do you.”
What could I say? The man practically had a spell on me.
He let out one chuckle under his breath, and I felt myself blush with excitement. I crossed the rest of the space, coming right up under him to inhale his cologne and natural scent. I could smell what his naked body would be like, with his natural scent and strong cologne he wears, and it flooded my senses. He tilted his head down to look at me and brought his fingertips up under my chin, tilting my head up to his. He locked his dark eyes with mine for a fast, heated second before his lips were on mine.
He tugged my body close to his. I felt myself let go and mold to him. It became the best feeling in the world.
I reached my hands up to the lapel of his coat, stretching on my tip toes before I linked my arms around his neck just as his tongue dances across mine. I felt my knees go weak, and I surrendered to him, even more so when his big, hot hands came down on my ass, squeezing me without abandon. I moved my hips and gasped into the kiss when I felt his cock against me through his jeans.
And then, like the good little tease that he was, he pulled away.
I stared up, breathless and panting, into his even brown eyes.
“Fuck. We might not even make it out of here if we don’t stop.”
It wasn’t me who had said that, though. He licked his red lips and swallowed, glazing his eyes over my body.
“Why’d you go and wear something as sexy as this?”
For this very reason, Jaxson. For this very reason.
“You don’t look too bad yourself.”
I smiled and bit my bottom lip. My nerves had slowly faded away, but the heat was still coursing through my body—as I knew it would for some time.
He gave me a crooked smile before he turned and got a helmet out for me. As usual, he put it on for me and then got on the bike. My jeans stretched with me as I settle around him.
His warmth seeped through. I pressed my body to his without hesitation as he kicked the bike on. I wrapped my arms around his waist, cinching his tight waist and muscles. He drove off in a faster than normal speed, but I didn’t mind—the sooner we got to where we needed to go, the better.
The wind hit me, and I literally felt like I was flying. It was almost the best feeling in the world, second to kissing him. The only question I had at this point was if something would happen that would make it third later tonight.
And I was pretty sure of the answer.
The bike eventually slowed down—though not before we seemed to go through the entire town—and we peeled around an open field. He helped me off and took my hand in his as we walked farther down. It definitely looked like it was already set up, and when I get closer, I could see a blanket out on the ground and flashlight.
“You did this?” I said.
Jaxson let my hand go and bent to turn the flashlight on. Once he did, it lit up a portion of the forest. I listened to the creaking of branches in the wind and what was probably squirrels running across the ground.
“No, we’re stealing this from someone else.”
I was pretty sure he was being sarcastic. Pretty sure…
He stood back up and extended his hand to me. I took it, and we sat down on the thick quilt. I snuggled up next to him, and he wrapped his large arm around me to hold me close. So far, so picturesque perfect.
“You asked me what I would do if I wasn’t in the club. I’d probably do something like this. Something with nature, I don’t know.”
He said
it like it didn’t count, like it was a lame answer, but I wanted to assure him. I thought it was a perfectly legitimate answer.
“I get it. You just enjoy it.”
Unfortunately, Jaxson didn’t seem to agree with me.
“Yeah, but I don’t even know what it is I enjoy. I mean, when I first learned to ride, I came out here a lot. I found myself coming back here at every turn, it relaxed me. Nothing bothers you out here, I have it all to myself.”
“So why share it with me?” I said.
I realized it might have come across as too strong, as if accusing him of sharing it with someone it didn’t deserve to be shared with. But Jaxson didn’t seem to take offense in the least.
“Because I just felt like I could. Can’t really explain it.”
“Makes sense,” I said, even though it didn’t.
I laid against him for a long time, just letting the relatively silent natural surroundings fill our ears. Eventually, we moved so we were laying down, and my head was on his chest. I felt his heart beat. It was going slightly faster than expected.
“So, why plays?” he said
“Oh no,” I sighed with a laugh.
“What? What is it? What did I say?”
“Nothing,” I said with a laugh. “It just…reminds me of having to write a personal statement or something. I guess it’s because other people love books, but I like plays. It gives everyone a chance.”
Then Jaxson, seemingly having done enough dancing around the subject, went right to the point.
“Do you feel like you didn’t have a chance?”
Wow, right to the heavy stuff, huh?
“Sometimes,” I admitted. “It was just my mom and I growing up, and she worked really hard, but I still missed out on some things.”
If we were on the topic, I figured we might as well keep going.
“Do you feel that way, with your dad and the club?”
I looked up at him. He licked his lips and shook his head to himself. I told myself to tread carefully.
“I just had a conversation like this today with my brother, Simon. He isn’t as involved in the club as I am, and… he basically said that’s what he felt like. I felt bad because I never felt that way. So I think maybe I had something to do with it.”
