by J. C. Allen
I couldn’t begin to express how appreciative I was that Simon wasn’t mocking me, criticizing me, or just in general being mean to me for these words.
“So, how did you get here?”
“Michael has just turned eight. He was in a very nice school there up until second grade ended. I mean, he had a very comfortable life because of my dad’s blood money. But dad slowly started to clue him in on the family business and things like that. It made me sick. I knew Michael couldn’t live that life. That’s when Mina started to help me. She was with one of my dad’s other servants, which made it easy to steal from him where he wouldn’t notice. That’s one thing he made mistakes in, he hired too many people to do the things he could. He had power, but he was lazy. We picked a day, everything was ready to go. Mina met me outside in her car as we planned… except there was a bullet through her head and she was dead on the ground. No one was around. It was a message he intended to work. I knew that I had to leave anyway, and so I did. It was the only way to save myself and Michael. I swore to my father I wouldn’t come back here. He believed me. But I did anyway.”
There was a long moment of silence before either of us could say anything. I didn’t think he expected a story quite like that one, and I wasn’t even sure that I could get through it.
But for Simon, I had to. I watched the uncertainty blaze from his eyes. All that was left was his resolve.
He looked at me the way he used to, the way I wanted him to until the day I died.
“Did you know you would see me again? When you came back here?” he asked.
“I did… and I didn’t. I couldn’t figure out if I hoped to see you or if I wished that you had moved far away, for whatever reason. That way if my reasoning didn’t work, you would be safe. But then… I thought of you every day, I really did. Especially with Michael, he looked… just like you, Simon.”
The tears were now falling freely, and I knew I can’t stop them. Simon wiped them from my cheeks as he cradled my face.
“So deep down, I knew I would see you, and I was so afraid to at the same time. I still am. I don’t know what I was thinking, really. We can’t do this. My uncle has already found me, and he will kill you on sight when he sees you. It isn’t a matter of if anymore, it will happen. I feel it in my bones, the same way I know I love you, I know it isn’t safe for you to be with me—”
But Simon had seemed to have heard enough. He pulled me in close to him, and I sobbed into his chest.
“Sh, Ella. Shh. It’s okay, everything will be fine, I promise.”
I wished it were true. I wished that he was right and that I had nothing to worry about.
But I had everything to worry about.
When I can calmed down, he pulled me back to look at me, his hands still caressing my face.
“I have to know my son, Ella. So I’m not going anywhere, and I won’t let you go either. I can’t, not now that I know.”
I nodded.
“I’m sorry I kept him from you for so long.”
“I understand why you had to.”
I was so grateful.
But it was time for one more truth.
“I won’t leave. But you need to prepare your family and the club, because they are going to need to defend themselves.”
11
Simon
I hated seeing Ella cry.
For various reasons, back then, I would see her cry and wished I could do something to stop it. It broke my heart to know she was upset, and I never knew why she could be… until now.
I knew I always treated her well. I didn’t want to lose her. I walked on egg shells around her until I discovered that she wasn’t like other women at all. She was reasonable and kind and loving… no, it wasn’t her. It was her father that caused any sadness in her life. Some days she would come to school on the verge of tears and stay that way until we left. I thought it was something I did and I never knew what to say. Now, I could only just hold her as she recounted the hardest parts of her life.
But I needed to know what they are so I could protect her the best way I knew how. I wouldn’t consider myself a brute, or even a real biker like some other guys in the club, but if it came down to me to protect my family, I would do everything I could to do it, no matter the cost.
Now that I knew she was back for good, I knew I had to get things together and make sure that she didn’t go anywhere. And I was going to do everything I could to reassure her that that was the case.
“I talked to the sheriff.”
She sat up and wiped her eyes. I tried not to be distracted by the swell of her breasts peeking through her top, or her lilac scent swarming my nose. I had kept myself at bay, because of the sadness of her story. But now we were past the worst part and I just wanted to have her right here and now.
“What?”
I sincerely hoped that she didn’t see what I had done as some sort of betrayal. It wasn’t like she’d promised to tell me the truth if I didn’t ask anyone else about it; I had done my own probing that anyone could have done.
Still, with Ella, I could never be sure. And I didn’t hold it against her—it was just a fact I had to deal with when it came to her state.
“When we weren’t speaking, I wanted to find out what had you so scared. I had never seen you… so frightened.”
She nodded.
“I only did that because my uncle had emailed me a picture of the two of us here together at this house. His message was that I have found you, and that was it. It’s the worst warning as any.”
I nodded to her and sighed. That was, admittedly, pretty damn bad and alarming. If I had gotten an email like that, I probably would have punched a hole through my computer out of frustration. As it was, I wanted to find her uncle right now and break his fucking little neck for sending his niece something like that.
I supposed that would have to wait until the opportunity presented itself. For now, I just had to remain present with Ella and let the good times keep on being the good times.
“The sheriff had a lot of trouble with him back then, and so did my dad. He got through it somehow, but I don’t know how that will go over this time without violence.”
She gasped under her breath, but from the sound of her father, she must be used to it by now. The sooner she could prepare, the better.
“But there are enough guys in the club dangerous enough to deal with it. Money has to come from somewhere, and Jaxson runs transport at the docks up north, but of course he doesn’t know what’s being transported. Still, we got the manpower.”
“I know but… my dad isn’t just some common criminal with a gun. I’ve seen him burn places to ash just because he can, shoot people for asking questions. I don’t know what else I might do.”
“Stay out of it.”
The words might have sounded bold, but I didn’t want to see her get hurt. Unfortunately or fortunately, Ella was too stubborn to listen to me.
“I won’t. I bought a gun you know.”
She crossed her arms, but I could only laugh in response. I didn’t mean to be rude, but after all she had said about her father… it was just a little idealistic to think her with a gun could make a difference.
“Oh?”
She arched her trimmed brow at me.
“Yes, I did. I know how to use one.”
“How the hell do you know how to use a gun?”
She shrugged and sighed, as if a bad memory came back.
“My uncle taught me. He did it as a punishment though.”
So I wasn’t wrong.
“For what?”
“He wanted to show me what he was capable of. I told my father that I didn’t like when he was around. He wanted to show me that he didn’t have to be close to me to hurt me.”
My expression turned dark as a terrible thought crossed my mind.
“Was he…”
“No,” she said quickly. “He was just worse than all the things that could go bump in the night.”
Our
little snack did nothing to quell my hunger. But Grace was coming home with Michael soon, and I felt like I had to prepare for the little guy’s arrival. As I got dressed, I tried to remind myself that I had already met him and that it would be no different.
But once he knew that I was his father, it was accepting the biggest responsibility of my life.
“Michael is a very sweet kid, as long as you’re honest with him, he’ll like you. Well, he already likes you.”
Ella hugged me tight as we heard the car coming up the driveway.
“Yeah, as Bob the Builder. Not his dad.”
She laughed against me. I was happy to hear her laughter after all that we had talked about tonight.
“He’ll love you before you know it.”
I sure hope so.
“It’s weird, I think I already do love him. He feels like a part of me that I don’t know.”
Her eyes glistened. I could see she was feeling a tremendous amount of guilt and wanted to rectify it.
“I’m not mad at you Ella. I could never be. I’m just mad at the situation and I hate that you had to go through this alone. I wish I could have been there for you. But I’m here now, and I swear I am never leaving. I love you.”
I kissed her hard and deep, feeling her hands trail under my cut to grasp at my back and hold me close. She released me too soon. Any point before forever would have been too soon.
“I love you too.”
We turned at the same time the door flies open.
“Mommy! I got all the cotton candy!”
Michael ran up to her, a sticky mess of blue and pink cotton candy still on his face. Grace, who followed, could only shrug at the hilarity of the sight. When her eyes meet mine, she expressed confusion until she figured out what happened between Ella and I. Guess it’s kind of obvious.
“Oh wow, it looks like you need a bath,” Ella said, ruffling his hair as he laughed.
“We ate dinner already. I had steak.”
Yup, he is definitely my son.
“Sounds delicious,” Ella said, laughing with him.
Michael then turned his attention to me and caught a rather curious expression.
“What’s this?”
He tugged at the end of my cut. He gave me an inquisitive look, his small features puzzled up together. I thought about lying, but if Ella’s father had already talked to him some about MC life…
“My club jacket. It’s like… spirit wear.”
“It has a logo,” he said, tracing the end of the design on my left shoulder, right over where it should say VP—if I ever took that role.
“Yeah, it represents us.”
And then he said the words that reminded me he was just a young child.
“I want one! It looks cool! Can’t I have one mommy?”
I just laughed. I didn’t think it would harm anyone if we gave the kid a little treat.
“Sure kid,” I said, patting his leg. “You can have one.”
You might have to wait a few years, but you’ll get one eventually.
“Yes!”
I chuckled and cleared my throat, suddenly getting all funny inside. It was hard looking at him so grown and missing everything that led up to it. Better late than never, I suppose.
“Okay, bath time bub.”
Ella scooped him up, giving me a look as she turns away. I stood and cleared my throat again, turning away from Grace as I blinked rapidly.
“She told you?”
Like many things associated with me, it seemed to be pretty obvious.
“Yeah.”
She moved around me and got something out of the fridge, a yogurt cup. Her dress was very low cut and suggestive… but it did nothing to me. It was Grace, not Ella.
“So… you gonna stick around?”
“Of course I am,” I said, as if insulted by the question—because I was, frankly.
“When I would force Ros to go out, guys would hit on her and I would tell them her father was a ruthless mobster to get them to leave her alone.”
She laughed, but I couldn’t quite tell if it was meant to be a joke or a warning.
“Well that won’t work on me.”
Thankfully, her next words told me she’d been kidding before.
“Michael is a lot like you,” Grace said. “Ella never wanted to see it, because it would be too hard for her. But I saw it. Don’t worry, we took pictures.”
Better than nothing, I suppose. But still… it’s not the same as not being there.
But as a silence fell over the room, I remembered another fact that was brought up to me at the fair I hadn’t known about either.
“So um… can I ask you something?”
Grace gave me a funny look.
“Please don’t ask me about Matthew.”
“Oh come on. You owe me.”
“For what?” she said, laughing nervously. “I was here raising your son. Yes. Lots of babysitting I put into that little one.”
The statement stung a bit, but I let it pass since Grace hadn’t meant it rudely.
“Hmm, if he does something horrid I’ll blame it on you,” I said with a chuckle before returning to my question. “He saw you today and asked about you. None of us knew that the two of you… did whatever it was you did.”
“It was just one night—
“I don’t want to know that much about it though.”
She seemed a little surprised by that, but I had just wanted confirmation of some kind.
“Fair enough.”
Grace stared off into the distance as she finished her yogurt. I heard footsteps coming down. It was obvious our little side conversation had to wrap up.
“Look, he likes you, okay?” I said, hoping it was throwing her a bone. “But he’ll never admit it. That’s all I can offer you.”
She just grinned at me like I had changed her life.
Ella came around the corner with Michael, now clean and in a pair of matching orange pajamas. He was probably the cutest thing I had ever seen. Ella brushed against my hand, and I look down at her. I suppose she hasn’t told him about us yet. Michael would have said something by now.
“Um, Grace is going to help me find the photo album.”
“Okay…”
Grace hopped off the counter. I faintly thought I heard Ella say “and cover up” but I could have been imagining things. Michael went rummaging in the fridge, returning with string cheese. The kid has an appetite on him, that’s for sure.
“Did you come to do work?” he said as he pulled a long string off and popped it in his mouth. I looked down at him as he gave me one of his quizzical looks.
“Uh, no,” I said, deciding to tell the truth. “I came to see your Mom, actually.”
He cackled to himself, a response I certainly didn’t expect.
“She doesn’t like anyone. Good luck with that.”
“Why do you say that?”
I was very curious to know the answer, but I was also a little nervous. Little kids like Michael had a way of blurting out the truth, for better and for worse in equal measure.
“I don’t know,” he said. “She’s never had a boyfriend or been married like other moms. I think I came out of a test tube. At least that’s what the other kids say.”
What? He’s just talking out of his ass right now. That’s a hell of a thing for an eight year old to say.
“Yeah, cause I don’t have a dad around for any of the events. So they started to say stuff like that. Maybe here… it will be better at this school.”
He shrugged like it was no big deal and went back to eating his cheese. But I got a sinking feeling inside me that his words might have meant something bad for me and for him. It will be different now that I’m here.
“Well that’s mean, and they shouldn’t say that.”
“Yeah but… I know it’s not true. But that doesn’t stop them from saying it.”
I was stunned with how well he presented himself. He definitely didn’t get his intellect fro
m his father.
“You didn’t come from—never mind.”
I rubbed down my face.
“Were you bullied in school? Is that why you’re upset?”
I chuckled, looking down at him again. He was a hell of an insightful kid.
“I’m not upset kid, just thinking. And I was, for a little bit. I was smaller than the other kids.”
“But you’re huge now. Like the Hulk!”
I laughed.
“Yeah, cause I ate my vegetables.”
“Maybe I should then.”
You might be the first eight year old to ever think that was a good idea, kid.
“Yeah, you should.”
He sighed and finished his cheese before turning in the chair and standing on his knees.
What he then blurted out stunned me so much I was left to laughing in disbelief.
“Can you date my mom again Simon? So she can be like the other moms.”
What?!?
“What?”
Kids really do have no filter.
“She’s really pretty and nice, and I’m sure she’ll cook for you when she has time.”
“I know but… why did you say again?”
I furrowed my brow. He grinned with his small teeth before he hopped off the counter and runs off so fast, I didn’t even know what direction he went.
Seconds later though, he was back, lifting himself back up on the counter in the same position to show me a photo.
“I found it when we were moving.”
It was of me and Ella at one of the Easter fairs back in high school. We weren’t quite official then, but the feelings were definitely hinted at in the photo.
“I mean, you look different here, but I saw you come in the house and I thought it was you. I mean, I hoped it was you. But you were so skinny back then, and I guess since you didn’t say anything, I thought it was my imagination.”
I patted his shoulder and hugged him with one arm. He was making me prouder by the second.
“It’s not your imagination, kid. That’s me and your Mom back in high school.”
“Wow… she looks so happy.”
“We were… it was a long time ago.”
“But—but you’re back now and…”
