“I won’t be here when you fulfill your destiny, child of steel,” she says, a smile curling her lips, “but give Alice hell.” Her eyes flick to Cheshire one last time. “Don’t give up, Calypso. Hearts are feral creatures. Sometimes, it takes a little time to convince them of their feelings.”
I nod my head and smile as Hatter offers her his arm, and walks in through the spinning tunnel of light in front of us.
Finally, it’s just mom, and my tears begin to flow down my face all over again. She pulls Attie into her arms first, both hugging so tight, I doubt they can breathe.
“You’re such a bright young man, Atlas. Never let anyone steal your courage. I’m so proud of the man you’re becoming, and I’ll always be with you, whether you see me or not.”
He nods his head where she holds him against her. When he pulls away, his face is red, his nose running.
Mom turns and embraces me just as hard, and I wrap my arms around her slight frame. She’s so tiny—Attie and my height came from dad—that it feels like I’m holding her to me more than she can hold me.
“You are everything I’ve ever imagined, Calypso,” she whispers. “And then so much more. I’m sorry you had to take care of Atlas when I couldn’t.”
“Don’t apologize, mom,” I croak. “You couldn’t help it.”
“Still,” she leans away. “I’m sorry. You’ve done so much. You’ve always been so strong. I’m so proud of you, baby. Don’t you ever forget that.”
I hug her tighter, and pull Attie into the embrace until there’s no end, and no beginning.
“I’m going to miss you,” I whisper. “We both will.”
“And I will always be here for you when you need me. Right in here.” She presses her hand against our chests, over our hearts. “You will both do great things. And I’ll always be by your side, cheering you on. Remember that. I love you both so much.”
My shoulders shake with my sobs.
“I love you, too,” Attie and I say at the same time.
I feel like I can’t breathe, as if I’m watching her die all over again, but somehow, this part is comforting. Most people don’t get the opportunity to know if their loved ones move on, if there’s something out there other than death. We know there is, and as Attie and I both step away one final time, we watch as our mom turns towards the swirling lights.
She stops beside Cheshire and places her hand on his face. He lets her, no smirk on his face, no mask to hide behind.
“It’s not your fault, Cheshire,” she whispers, barely loud enough for me to hear. “Take care of my baby’s heart.”
And then she’s moving forward. Hatter offers mom his arm just as a shape appears in the swirling lights. Attie and I both gasp at the same time as the shape forms into someone we haven’t seen for so long, it hurts. He’s insubstantial, so faint, we can see through him, but still, he’s here.
“Oh, Jimmy,” mom chides, a grin on her face. “I just knew you would be late.”
Dad laughs and looks over her shoulder towards us. He smiles, lifting his arm to his heart and bowing his head.
“I love you two,” he says, and I swear I can feel his hug even from the other side of the room. I know Attie feels it, too, when he hugs me tight against him. We both watch as Dad offers his arm to mom, and she takes it, so that she’s connected to Hatter and him.
They step through the light, into the Here After, and I smile.
At least, they’re both okay.
I hug Attie just a little bit tighter, and when Cheshire looks over at me, I hold out my arm for him, too. He hesitates, but he moves closer, until I can wrap my arm around him.
Everything.
It has to be everything.
Even if my heart can’t survive it.
Chapter 37
Time moves both at a snail’s pace and flies by in Wonderland. A week is gone before I know it, and yet, it seems like it’s been forever. Our days become a mishmash of discussing strategies and training for battle. Hatter thinks we should learn how to use a blade and insists that I exercise with the Vorpal blade until my arms are numb from holding the sword aloft. White focuses on discussing any allies we can find, as many as still live. We need help, that much is clear. But my role isn’t for any of that. I have one job: take down the Jabberwocky and Alice.
To say that I’m nervous is an understatement. I’m a mechanic. I can swing a mean wrench, but it’s very clear from the first moment that the Hatter faces off with me that I’m far from ready to swing a sword.
“Elbows up,” Hatter orders when my arms begin to drop from exhaustion again. “Back straight. Grip tight.”
“I’m trying,” I growl, sweat dripping from my brow.
“Try harder.”
He doesn’t give me any warning before he swings an intricate sword at me, it’s purple glow mesmerizing. The first time I’d seen it, I’d been enamored with it. Now I can’t stand the sight of the thing.
I just barely lift my arms up to block his swing. My arms shake with the force as the steel clashes, and I grit my teeth.
“Where’s your muchness?” Hatter growls as he dances backwards before attacking again.
“I don’t know what the fuck that means!” Clash. My arms give under the force of the Hatter’s strength, but I focus on keeping my elbows up, my back straight, my feet planted before I dance away.
I can feel the eyes focusing on us as we go back and forth, me the offense, Hatter the defense. We’ve run through this drill what feels like a hundred times, and still he pushes. Behind me, Clara dances around with her blade like an expert, as if she’s been practicing since the moment she arrived here. I suppose she probably has. If Hatter is this determined to teach me how to sword fight, he no doubt runs Clara through the same drills.
“Halt.” I drop my arms in exhaustion, and the Vorpal blade drags the floor as I stumble away before laying down on the mat.
“Come on, sis,” Attie teases where he practices swinging an axe. Someone gave my little brother an honest-to-god battle axe. I could wring their necks. “It’s just a little sword fighting.”
“Shut up, lumberjack,” I grumble, panting for breath.
The days are filled with learning different weapons. Yesterday, we trained with bow and arrows before Hatter dismissed both of us from that. Apparently, neither of us have the skills needed there. Attie had been so disappointed. Secretly, I’d rejoiced. Bow and Arrows are a distance weapon. I prefer close contact.
Jupiter and White sit on the other side of the large weapons room. Jupiter has her eyes closed in concentration, that signature golden globe around them as she focuses on pushing it larger. Sweat coats her body same as mine, her face pinched with pain. Whatever it takes to use her powers, it takes a lot of. Maybe that’s what the Hatter means with muchness. I can’t even really guess.
Cheshire has been conveniently distant, even if he never seems to be far from where I am. It’s as if he can’t stay away, but he wants to, and I can’t blame him. I’ve never gotten to thank him for bringing March to my mother’s bedside, and each time I try to bring it up, he pulls a little further away, as if the reminder of the kindness he’d done for me rattles him. Still, I push, and I don’t turn away. The Cat is stubborn as hell, but he can’t deny the feelings between us, the pull. I don’t like it, either, but I’ve come to terms that it’s already too late. Jupiter thinks it’s some biological compatibility between each of us that makes the draw so strong. Clara theorizes that it’s nothing more than Wonderland knowing who works together. Me, I think it’s all bullshit. But I do know that something pulls us together. We just get to decide if we accept it or not. Unfortunately for me, my heart accepted it before my brain did, but the last words I’d had with my mom had opened my eyes. It does no one any good to fight the inevitable, especially when it feels so right.
“Again,” Hatter commands, bracing his feet apart and lifting his sword.
I glare at him from my spot on the floor, my arms like Jell-O, and my body dre
nched in sweat.
“I’m done.” I wipe my forehead with the back of my arm and push my hair out of my face.
“The Red Queen won’t give you a chance to walk away.”
“At the moment, Alice can go fuck herself.” I drag myself into a sitting position and sheath the Vorpal Blade. It sings as it slides inside, a sound I can’t attribute to anything but a sword. There’s an echo in my bones at the action, as if the blade is letting me know it understands that it’s done for today. I don’t know if it’s sentient, but I pat it in appreciation just in case. Never hurts to be on someone’s good side.
I barely spare the Hatter another glance as I leave the room and focus on where I want to go. Before long, I’m at that window again.
The roof of the Hatter’s house has become my favorite place. The stars are mesmerizing in their firefly dance. And when the stars aren’t out, like now, the sky is just an endless stream of black. Still, the sky pulses with an unseen energy during the day that soothes.
I climb through the window and carefully make my way to my favorite spot, before laying with my back against the warm shingles. How has my life become this new normal, of staring at a sky with no sun on top of the Mad Hatter’s house?
I’m on the roof for barely a minute, when I feel that I’m not alone. I don’t even turn my head.
“I’m not in the mood for you to stare at me some more, Pussy Cat.”
Cheshire doesn’t respond to my jab as he picks his way towards me and takes a seat, lounging backwards as if we’re on a couch rather than a roof.
“You okay?” he asks instead.
This time I turn my head and meet his electric eyes, so bright even in the darkness of this world. “Is that a serious question?”
A tiny curl of his lips, as if he wants to smile, but he fights it. Of course, I’m not okay. I’m in a fantasy world, fighting to save it, and I lost my mother a week ago. He doesn’t push for a different answer.
We sit in companionable silence for a few minutes, neither of us daring to break the calm. But eventually, everything breaks.
“When I was younger,” Cheshire whispers, and I turn my head towards him, “I never expected to be a Son, or to become immortal. I was a wild child. Danica was the sweet one.”
“You aren’t born a Son?”
“No. Wonderland chooses her Sons, just as worlds choose all their children. She deems who will work for which job. And if you’re picked, you know that any dreams you might have had, probably won’t come true.”
“What did you dream of?” I whisper. “Before you became the Hands of Justice.”
His jaw ticks with my question.
“I dreamed of being free.”
And suddenly, I understand exactly who Cheshire is. He was forced into a role he didn’t want, obligated to fulfill that role, and now there are prophecies that dictate what exactly his life will become. It’s no wonder he’s fighting so hard against the destiny Wonderland is trying to give us.
“You know, I had dreams, too, once.”
“What does a goddess dream of?” Cheshire finally turns his head and meets my eyes.
“Before my mom got sick, I wanted to go to college, start my own business, maybe meet a normal guy who wasn’t an asshole, settle down, and have a family.” I smile. “But dreams can also change. When my mom got sick, and my life got turned upside down, my new dream became to be successful enough to raise Attie so that he never wanted for anything in his life. It’s been a struggle, but I’m confident he’ll get to go to college, and chase his own dreams. It’s okay,” I whisper, “to change your dreams.”
His face relaxes for a moment, revealing the Cheshire underneath, but then the mask slams back down before my eyes.
“I still want freedom, from everything Wonderland throws at me.”
I try not to let the words hurt me. I realize it’s not directed at me so much as the idea of me forced upon him. Still my chest aches at the thought, and I turn back to the pulsating sky, focusing on the sounds of the forest in the distance.
This world, the man next to me, will be the end of me. I can feel it in my bones. Even if I succeed, if we win the battle, I have to leave, to take my brother home. This isn’t his dream, and I won’t force it on him, no matter how much I long to stay. I’m falling, and this time, there won’t be anyone to catch me.
But that’s okay. I have to give everything, after all.
“You promised me when we first got here, that you would make sure Attie gets home, right?”
“I did.” His voice is barely above a whisper.
I turn towards him again, meeting his eyes with the seriousness of what I’m about to say.
“Whatever happens,” I pause, trying to find my words. “No matter what happens to me, you take Attie back home.”
“You can take him yourself,” Cheshire replies, wrinkling his brows.
“Just promise, Cheshire. Please?”
He studies me for a minute, searching for whatever I’m hiding. He won’t have to look deep. I’m an open book when it comes to Cheshire, but I’m written in the wrong language. He doesn’t see, doesn’t realize, so he nods his head slowly, before looking back at the sky.
“I promise.”
Chapter 38
It’s been a month since mom died, and it feels like it was only yesterday. The house is filled to the brim with creatures and people that White has brought back, all allies rallying to fight the Red Queen. We’ve somehow amassed an army, although messy and odd.
Attie has taken to the new creatures with gusto, training with whoever is available. He’s become adept at the battle axe, practicing with the thing every day. I watch as he swings the axe towards a frog-like creature that leaves little spots of slime wherever he moves. It makes it difficult to keep my face straight when a glob of slime splatters my arm. I wipe it on a towel, barely hiding the disgust at the feeling.
“There’s still one more thing you haven’t done that you should,” Clara says from her spot beside me. She watches as the Hatter runs a group of creatures through a drill. It seems that, although most of the people seem too odd or soft for war, they swing weapons with skill, just as dangerous as any other being.
On the other side of the room, Jupiter stands working out inside her golden dome, doing burpees as if her life depends on it. It’s her newest goal, that no matter what she’s doing, the golden dome stays up. She’s able to hold it much longer now, and without as much thought. Progress, White says. She’s making progress.
“What’s that?” I ask.
I’m already drenched in sweat from my training session. Hatter let up on me once I started to get the hang of the sword, but he’s started training me in some smaller weapons. I won’t be an expert knife thrower like Jupiter seems to be, but at least I can disarm someone with a knife and attack with one.
“You haven’t tasted the Reali-Tea.”
“Do I even want to know?” I swipe my hand through my hair. Does this world ever stop asking for things?
“It’s a tea that March makes that allows you to see memories.” Clara glances over at me. “It’s brutal, and hard to stomach, but both Jupiter and I saw different things that helped us in our missions. Perhaps, you could see the same thing.” I frown. “We can use all the help we can get,” she reminds me.
“Whose memories do I see?”
“For me, I saw Alice and memories of the Hatter. For Jupiter–”
“Alice and White,” I finish, closing my eyes. “So, I would see Alice and Cheshire.”
“In theory, yes.”
My eyes trail to the other side of the room where Cheshire leans against the wall, watching a pair spar back and forth with spears. He tracks their movement, even though he appears as relaxed as a sleeping cat. Anyone who knows him, would realize he’s much more like a feral jungle cat, than any lazy housecat.
“And you think it’s necessary?”
Of course, she does. Clara doesn’t bring anything up without it being important.
She has the most analytical mind I’ve ever seen, which makes her an odd pairing for the Hatter in my eyes. But even I’ve seen her eyes flash with darkness in moments, as if by chasing away the Hatter’s madness, she absorbs a little bit into herself.
Clara nods her head. “Cheshire can take you there, see if anything new is revealed, and you can come right back.” She bites her lip. “Don’t you feel it?”
“Feel what?”
“It’s almost time. The war is coming, and we have to be ready.”
I don’t ask what she means, or how she even knows such a thing. Clara has been here longer than me, and I don’t even know how long that is. I’m beginning to understand that Wonderland changes a person the longer they’re here, far more reason to leave when it’s time. Even now, I can feel the pull of the Vorpal Blade stronger than ever, as if we are one and the same. It’s unnerving but has made the drills far easier when the sword feels like an extension of myself rather than a weapon.
“I’ll ask Cheshire to take me.”
I leave Clara to watch the Hatter dance around with his sword and walk up to Cheshire. The moment I start heading towards him, his eyes flick to me before quickly dancing away. Then it becomes a fight for him not to look at me, dutifully fixating on the sparring couple in front of him.
He still doesn’t look at me when I stop a few feet in front of him.
“Clara says I need to drink the Reali-Tea.”
“So?”
“So, you have to take me.”
His ear flicks. “I’m busy.”
“Too bad. Come on. I want to leave and get back before night falls.”
I’d taken to sitting on the roof every night, my time away from the insanity. Almost every night, Cheshire joins me. Those that he doesn’t, I can feel him near, hiding just out of sight, as if he’s afraid to get too close. I’ve given up fighting the pull, my heart being a little shit and deciding it likes the Cat. It’s a little more than “like”, but I haven’t thought the words for fear of what they mean. But Cheshire still completely refuses to acknowledge anything. I expect nothing less.
Feral as a Cat (Sons of Wonderland Book 3) Page 17
