Cord was nodding, and that didn’t help her heart at all. So she too stared out over the horses’ ears. She’d take Cord’s draft horses over a show horse any day.
“You described it perfectly.” He nodded again. She wanted to grab his head and stop it. He didn’t have to agree. Even if was true.
“Something happened about four and a half months ago that made me feel like I needed to get married.” He snorted a laugh; it kinda sounded like he was laughing at himself. “And fast. Sweet Water’s a small town, and you and Rosalin are the girls I grew up with. I know you better than anybody. It just made sense to ask one of you.”
Rosie wanted to roll her eyes. But she didn’t. She did, however, hold her hand up. “Would you stop, please?” She let out an irritated sigh. “I get it, okay? I get that Rosalin is the girl that guys are attracted to. She’s the one that looks good. I get it. Really. Can we stop talking about it now?” She blinked the pricking sensation out of her eyes and forged ahead, determined to change the subject. “Are you training your horses for the show this spring? Let’s talk about dogsleds. We can talk about the competition that will be there. Or hey, we could talk about the weather. Anything else.”
“Whoa.” They had trained Bill and Sadie to respond to voice commands, and he didn’t really need to use the reins.
He held them loosely in his hands, his elbows resting on his knees.
He took a breath like he was gonna speak, then let it out. He did that twice.
“What?” she asked, exasperated.
Why in the world was he stumbling and mumbling around like this? Couldn’t they just move past the subject of Rosalin?
Why was he insisting on talking about her?
He looked down at the floor between his feet. “I think I’ve been doing a really bad job trying to talk to you about this.”
“Talk to me about what? About Rosalin?” Yeah, she had no idea why he thought she wanted to hear about it. She and Rosalin had never been competitive, and she’d always cheered Rosalin on, in everything. Even when boys noticed Rosalin and walked right by Rosie. Until Cord had done the same thing. It was a little hard to cheer Rosalin on then.
“I broke up with Rosalin because I have feelings for you.”
One of the horses stamped their feet. The trace jingled. The wind blew across the flat snow-covered ground. Rosie hardly noticed it.
“What?” It was all she could think of to say.
“I said,” Cord began, his head twisting so that he looked at her, their eyes meeting. “I said I broke up with her because I like you for more than a friend.” His voice trailed off at the end, and he looked back down at the floor.
Normally, Cord didn’t have a problem talking. Normally, he was laughing and joking. Normally, he didn’t look dejected and like someone had just kicked a puppy right in front of him.
“You’re serious.” She could hardly believe it.
“I get that you might not feel the same. I understand. I’m fine with that. I just wanted you to know. I’m not expecting you to do anything about it.” He fingered the reins, then he looked up, his eyes narrowed. “But I kinda thought you might feel the same. It’s hard for me to believe that my heart beats like a locomotive, and my whole body burns when you sit beside me, and you don’t feel anything. It started when you kissed me.” He looked down as he said those last words, like he was a little ashamed. Maybe he was. Technically, he was engaged to Rosalin when they’d kissed.
She took a breath, probably to say that she felt the same way, although those words weren’t planned in her head, but he put his hand up, stopping her.
“I know I’ve been messing this up, big time.” He folded his hands together around the reins. “But that’s because I felt I needed to say this, and I didn’t want to ruin our friendship.” He took a deep breath and looked over at her again. His eyes were clear and sincere. “It’s fine if you don’t feel the same. I just wanted to tell you how I felt, but I wanted to do it in such a way that we could still be friends if you didn’t feel the same. Please tell me I didn’t ruin everything.”
“You didn’t ruin everything.” That was easy.
He straightened, holding his reins in his left hand while he laid his right arm along the back of her seat. He’d sat like that a thousand times, and it hadn’t meant anything. But now she wanted to lean closer.
“But?” He lifted his brows, encouraging her to go on.
She spread out her hands. “I’m not sure what to say. It’s a little scary, the idea of being more than friends. What if it doesn’t work out? I don’t want to lose my best friend.”
“You’ve put up with me being pretty stupid over the years.” He raised his brows. “Surely you can put up with that one more time.”
“I’ve been stupid too.” She couldn’t allow him to have the monopoly on that when she’d been just as guilty over the years. Her lips pursed when she looked at him. He grinned. They both knew it to be true.
“Not like me.” His arm shifted behind her. “You didn’t answer me.”
Why couldn’t she get the words out of her mouth? Why was it so hard to tell the truth? Especially since he just said the exact same thing to her. She did. She liked him as more than a friend. Already. And had for a while. She was definitely interested in a more than a friend relationship. Why couldn’t she say that?
“I guess I’m scared.” She took a deep breath and blew it out slowly, her breath condensing in the cold air. She watched the cloud form, like it was something she’d never seen before. Another deep breath. Blowing it out again. And one more. “The kiss did it for me too. I’d definitely like to be more than friends.”
There, she said it. Okay, so she couldn’t look at him, but the words were out there, frozen in the air.
His fingers touched her shoulder. “Thank you for saying that. Makes it a little easier for me to breathe.”
They laughed a little together, but it felt stilted. Which made her chest constrict. She didn’t want their relationship to be stilted. Or uncomfortable. It never had been before. Maybe changing things was a bad idea.
Although, as she looked at the cowboy sitting beside her, she knew she wanted to take that chance.
“What does that look mean?” he asked with a lifted brow.
She had to return his smile. How could she not? She lifted her shoulder. “It means I’m glad you had the courage to say what you did. I don’t want things to be awkward between us, but I definitely wouldn’t mind kissing you again.”
Oh, goodness. She couldn’t believe she had just said that. If her cheeks weren’t already red from the cold, they would be flashing red brighter than Rudolph’s nose.
But when she peeked a look back up at him, he wasn’t shocked, and he definitely didn’t look offended. His smile stretched from one side of his face to the other.
“That’s funny,” he said. “I feel the same way about you.” He snorted a little and looked up between the horses’ ears. “I’d say maybe we should spend some time practicing, but I think that might be dangerous.” He sat still for a minute, and Rosie didn’t say anything. He was probably right.
“I’m not confused about how I feel. But I thought maybe you might need a little time to get used to the shift in our relationship. I’ve got a feeling I’m really going to like the kissing part. But I don’t want to push you or make you feel uncomfortable.”
His fingers were still on her shoulder; she could feel the heat burning down through her coat and sending tingles down her arms. Although his words made her a little disappointed. She definitely wanted to do more kissing. But she wasn’t going to beg him.
“That’s fine,” she said. “I wouldn’t want you to feel uncomfortable either.” She lifted her brows at him and wiggled them a little, just to be slightly goofy. Even if this was going to be some kind of romantic relationship, they could still be friends, right? Was it like they all of a sudden had to be serious with each other? Because the best part of their relationship was their ability to laug
h and joke, and not take things too seriously. Although she really loved working with him too.
“I think we have a lot of things to talk about, but I need to get back. I have an appointment in fifteen minutes, then maybe we can sit in the house and discuss some things, anything you want.”
He hadn’t told her what his appointment was for, but she assumed it probably had something to do with his horses.
A little shot of excitement went through her. Maybe he was buying more. He’d talked about it. Getting a new team and training them. A young team. Or it could possibly be someone who wanted to order a sled. He had people visit for that as well.
“I’ll make us lunch. We can talk over lunch, when your appointment is done.”
He nodded, looking at her lap then looking at his, his eyes seeming to get hung up on the six inches that were between them.
He nodded at the bare bench. “Maybe you can slide a little closer? It’s awfully cold out.”
She laughed. She couldn’t help it. “You know it’s funny, on the way out here, I was a little depressed. I wasn’t expecting you to say what you did. And now,” she said, “I can’t imagine this day getting any better.” She slid over, squeezing next to him, loving that he put his arm around her and pulled her even tighter to him. It gave her the feeling that that was exactly where she belonged, and she loved it.
They didn’t say too much on the ride home, although her heart felt like bursting with happiness. Cord hummed under his breath, which he didn’t do very often. She’d only heard him do it a few times in their whole lives. One time she remembered clearly. It was just after he had bought his horses, after saving for years in order to be able to afford them. They were small and young, but he was confident, and she’d just agreed to help him. They were standing at the corral gate, and he hummed as he watched the babies prance around the corral. They were his babies, and he had been so proud.
She figured she probably couldn’t do any better than that—giving him the same happy feelings that his horses had.
He pulled the sleigh beside the house and stopped in front of the door.
Rather than just holding the reins while she got out, he said an extra whoa to his horses and got out behind her.
“They gave us a pretty good ride, didn’t they?” Cord walked to the horses’ heads. He patted Sadie and then Bill.
Rosie followed him around, stopping and patting the horses too. “They sure did.” It was kinda odd that Cord would get out to pet the horses and start talking about them.
Later, she realized exactly what he was doing, but at that point, she just found it weird. But she didn’t ask about it. Later, she wished she had.
She kissed Sadie right in the middle of the blaze on the long forehead, and she gave Bill an extra scratch between his ears. “You two make sure Cord rubs you down good and digs the ice out of your hooves.”
“Like I wouldn’t, flower girl,” he said, putting his gloved hand on her hat and twisting, using the nickname he’d used since they were little.
It had been a long time since he’d called her that, and again, it just didn’t feel completely normal but not so odd that she said anything.
“Okay.” She backed away from the horses and started walking toward the door. “It’s cold out here. I’m going in to make some soup for lunch. How long do you think your meeting will be?”
Cord still stood at the front of the horses, petting their heads. He didn’t seem to be in a big rush to head to the barn. Nothing unusual about that.
With a last pat, he moved away from the horses. “It won’t take long. I’ll probably be back in less than an hour.”
She nodded. She’d always admired the way he had with horses, and she watched him now. Just the way he moved, slow and steady, but with confidence, was something she would never tire of watching. She could hardly believe that they just agreed to be more than friends, and she almost felt like it was a dream but honestly wasn’t sure what it meant or what she should do.
He walked back along the sides of the horses and looked over at her, standing with one hand on the door. He opened his mouth like he was gonna say something, then he closed it and seemed to force a smile.
“I’ll be in.” His lips twitched, but his eyes looked sad.
A vehicle appeared far out in the distance, coming down the lane. She jerked her chin at it. “Looks like your appointment’s arriving.”
“Perfect timing.”
He grabbed the reins and climbed up in the sleigh, lifting his fingers in a little wave before he spoke to the horses, and they took off.
Chapter 16
CORD DRAGGED HIS FEET going in the house. It hadn’t even taken an hour. He felt good, because he knew he’d done the right thing. But his heart was heavy. He was also pretty sure that Rosie wasn’t going to be overly happy about what he had done, but he still thought she’d be happy with what he had planned. Even if she wasn’t too excited now.
But first, he had to tell her. He wasn’t sure how he was going to do that.
She’d responded way better than he thought she might to his declaration that he had feelings for her. She’d almost jumped on his suggestion that they be more than friends. Thinking about it now still made him smile.
Rosie and he would make a great team. The same way Sadie and Bill did. Well, maybe not exactly the same way. But he did think of it as very similar to that. He hadn’t when he’d made his suggestion to Rosalin. He hadn’t thought of marriage like that at all. Actually, looking back, he didn’t really think he was thinking much. How could he have thought that marrying Rosalin was a good idea?
Because while there was a definite attraction, now that he’d kissed Rosie, he didn’t doubt he’d want to do more kissing. But there was also a camaraderie, a feeling of support, maybe even mutual respect. They worked together, they enjoyed each other’s company, and he would have no problem waking up to her every morning for the rest of his life. He thought that was what marriage was. Not whatever he had thought it would be with Rosalin.
Rosie didn’t seem to hold that against him, so he couldn’t hold her deception against her. Not that it was always tit for tat, but those two things he kinda felt canceled each other out. He wasn’t sure how Rosie felt about it, but he wanted to find out.
After he told her what he’d done just now.
And that thought made his heart heavy again.
He walked in the door, stomping the snow off his boots. He was planning on staying in for a while, so after he took his coat and hat and gloves off, he took the time to bend over and unlace them, toeing them off, making sure they were sitting on the rug when he walked away.
The heat felt good after the chill of outside. Early that morning when he’d looked at the thermometer, it’d been below zero by a good many degrees. It had warmed up some, he was sure, but he hadn’t checked it. The temperature wasn’t exactly the first thing on his mind today.
“Whatever you’re cooking, it smells amazing,” he said, walking into his kitchen where Rosie stood with her back to him, doing something at the counter.
She turned and smiled, then set the knife that she was holding down—he realized she was slicing bread—and walked over to him. Yeah. He could live like this for the rest of his life. He’d just done something really hard, but seeing her smile, watching her walk over, made everything so much easier to handle.
“Come in and stay a while, cowboy.” Her steps slowed just a little as she got within a couple feet of him. He wasn’t going to make her do this new thing on her own. He took a step forward and put his arms around her. It felt just as good as he remembered.
No. Better, actually.
Because Rosalin wasn’t standing between them, and he wasn’t worried about their friendship.
Also, she wasn’t wearing a coat and hat and gloves. He could feel the lines of her body. Soft curves. And smell the scent that made him think of laughter and fun and made him feel like he could do anything.
He put his cheek in the hair abov
e her ear and whispered, “I had no idea what I was missing. But I want this. Every day. For the rest of my life.”
Her fingers moved down the indentation of his spine and stopped at the top of his belt. “If I didn’t know you better, I would think you were asking me to marry you.” Her head tilted, and she kind of looked up at him. “But I know you just broke up with my sister. Engaged to one girl yesterday, engaged to a different one today?” Her smile got a little sassy. “I know you’re not that kinda guy.”
He didn’t want to be engaged. He wanted to be married. “Maybe you shouldn’t say that. I think you might be surprised. I think I might be that kinda guy.” He grinned so she’d think he was joking.
She laughed, as he intended, and gave his shoulder a nudge as she pulled away and walked back to the counter, picking up the knife and slicing the bread.
She spoke as hot pieces fell to the cutting board. “How did your meeting go? I thought after you drove away that I should’ve said it was fine if you want to bring them in here. It’s your house after all.”
“No, his business was in the barn.” A heavy weight settled in his chest. It felt constricted, like traces that were too tight. But he needed to get these words out. There was no point in delaying. Although, maybe it had only been five minutes, but he was really enjoying this new relationship with Rosie. What he had to say might change things.
A knock at the door startled them. He swallowed his words and walked to where he could look out the front door. “That looks like Lark.” He said a little louder, “Come on in.”
The door was already opening when he spoke. It wasn’t like his sister felt like she had to stand outside of his house until he came and opened the door for her.
He pushed back any disappointment he felt at being interrupted. He would have plenty of time to spend with Rosie, and he didn’t see Lark that often. Especially in the winter. Although now that she’d graduated from high school, she was around more.
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