“That's your first mistake.” Jenny snorts and licks her fork.
Ava brings me into her room, closing the door behind us.
“I'm sorry I needed a second.”
“I can tell. You are upset.”
“No shit. I just can't deal with this right now on top of everything else.” She walks from one side of the room to the other, hands tearing through her hair and heart racing.
“Calm down.”
“That's easy for you to say, you're always calm.” Her fingers twist together and it is all I can do not to seize her and make her look at me so I can calm her with my eyes. I try not to do that to her anymore. It is no better than tricking her.
“I am not. Your distress makes me distressed. And then it rebounds back to you, like light and mirrors. If you do not relax it will get worse and I am not sure if one of us will burst with it.”
She gives a little laugh.
“Yeah, that would be great. Okay, calm, calm.” Her eyes close and she shakes out her arms, taking deep breaths and rolling her shoulders. It does not look like a relaxing activity, but I stand by the door and wait. Her emotions continue to swirl, but at a slower pace. I do my best, trying to slow them further. Like ripples in a pond that spread out, it takes time.
“Okay, okay.” She rolls her head on her neck. “I'm good. I think. I don't know why I freaked out.”
“It was a surprise.”
“I know, I know. I just thought things were going to calm down and now I'm freaking out again.”
“You never have to be sorry for what you feel. Ever.” I do not touch her, as much as I want to. My touch has done nothing but make her emotional today.
“They're talking about us, aren't they?” She turns her head to the side, as if she is trying to hear.
“Yes.” I have been listening while she calmed herself. The majority of the talk was about males of my age and what they expected of girls and how those expectations could be met in only a few moments alone. I also learned that Jenny had been promiscuous when she was younger, and was concerned about Ava. Claire defended me.
“I can't quite hear them.”
“I can.”
She snorts, crossing her arms. “I figured.” She lets out a huge breath, expelling all the air in her lungs. “I probably don't want to know, anyway. She probably thinks I brought you up here for something scandalous and not virtuous.”
“She does.”
“Oh well.” Her manner is casual, but it does bother her. On top of everything else, it is beginning to become too much again. My hands have started to shake again, but I am strong enough to hide it.
“We should go back down. She probably thinks I'm having my way with you.” Her voice is thick with desire, but she doesn't touch me. Afraid of what happened earlier. Of losing control and losing me. I need to give her some time with her family.
I follow her back downstairs. Jenny and Claire have their heads together as they giggle over a shared joke.
“Everything okay?”
“Fine,” Ava says, smiling. Only I know how not fine she is. I decide to make my exit.
“I should get home. My mother is expecting me. I have homework.”
“Yeah, sure,” Ava says, hiding a small smile. “I'll call you later.” She sends a rush of heat and love toward me. I send my adoration back.
“It was nice to meet you.”
“Nice to meet you too, Peter.” Jenny does not move to shake my hand. I nod to Claire and leave through the front door.
“Wait a second. How is he getting home?” Jenny's voice reaches to me after I've closed the door.
“He's going to run,” Ava says, smiling again.
Chapter Fourteen
Ava
“How far away does he live?” Aj says.
“About fifteen miles.”
“He's going to run fifteen miles?” Her eyebrows slide up her forehead.
“No, his mom will pick him up.” It hurts to lie to her like this. But I have no choice. I can't do the Noctalis Talk with one more person this week. It's just not going to happen.
“Hm,” she says, stacking the empty dishes from the cake. I'd managed to demolish mine after Peter left. Even with the smell of Aj's blood making my head swirl.
“How is your lovelife?” I say, going to the sink to help her. Aj slams her fist into my leg. Violence is our most often used form of affection.
“None of your business. You're the one who's keeping secrets about their lovelife.”
I roll my eyes and shove her with my shoulder. “Come on, I need something normal to talk about. Please give me something normal.” I put my hands together and throw in a good pout. Did pouts ever work on anyone in real life?
Aj lets out a big heavy sigh. Oh, this should be good. At least we're not talking about me anymore.
“Oh, do tell,” Mom says, leaning on the counter and putting her chin in her hands. We're both waiting on the edges of our seats.
Her face blooms red as she says, “well, there is this grad student.”
“Hold up, a student. You robbing the cradle Aj?” I jostle her again. Or try to.
She exhales loudly. “See? This is why I didn't tell you. He's 33. He worked for his father's business for years until it went under. He always wanted to go to college, but he felt like he had to support his parents. He's a wonderful man. You'd really like him.” She bites her lip to hide a smile. Oh yeah, she's got it bad.
“Good looking?”
This time she's the one doing the jostling and I'm almost thrown to the floor by her strength. I really need to start kickboxing.
“Would I settle for anything less? Tall, gorgeous brown eyes. Still has all his hair.” She sighs again. This time it's one of those girly sighs. “He has fabulous hair.” Hair is an important quality in a man.
“Anything under that hair?”
“He's wicked smart,” she says, using a Maine accent to turn the phrase into 'wikid smaht.'
“Right wicked smart,” I say back, turning on my own latent accent. The normalcy of washing the dishes and talking about the values of men with good hair was just what I needed. Sometimes I got a little too focused on Peter and our crazy situation. I might be a noctalis someday, but for now I was human. And I needed to remind myself.
Jenny decides to stay for dinner, which Dad is late to, and helps us make burritos.
“You still a tree hugger?”
“Uh, if by that you mean vegetarian, yes.” I'm busy chopping tomatoes while she pretends to watch the sweet potato and black bean mixture. Aj may be good at many things, but cooking is not one of them.
“What about eggs? They're baby chickens.” I've been over this with Tex and Jamie a million times.
“Not unfertilized ones.”
“Still.” I was getting tired and I was getting snappy. Plus the blood smell had been driving me nuts all day. With Dad home, I was teetering on an edge and about to fall off. The being human had lasted for a few hours. Because I wasn't one of those anymore either. I was stuck between two worlds, with one foot precariously set in each. I send out a silent plea to Peter and seconds later there was a knock on the door.
“Perfect timing,” I say when I open it. I smile at him, and then he says the worst words in the English language other than, “we need to talk.”
“We have a problem,” he says.
“Define problem,” I say.
“Ivan is here.”
“Define here.” A shadow steps from behind Peter.
“Hello again, darling.”
Oh.
Shit.
Peter
My natural inclination toward violence is multiplied tenfold when Ivan stands next to me. I'd briefly gone to meet Viktor to apprise him of our plan to visit Cal again.
We had taken a short run around the woods behind Ava's house only to find him waiting for us near the end of the driveway.
“Enjoy your run?” His face curled into a smile. It was a mystery how he managed it so ea
sily.
“What are you doing here?”
He blinked. “I thought I would visit my brothers. What's wrong with that? We are family.”
“What do you want?” He laughed, throwing his head back. It infuriated me that he could laugh so easily and I could not.
“You know what I want.” I say nothing. “You took something from me. Something I can never get back. And I want you to pay for it.” I have heard the words so many times before they had ceased to have meaning.
“Destroying me won't bring her back.”
“I. Know. That.” He was on an edge and I kept bringing him closer. Ava's baiting had worn off on me. I was becoming more human. It seems to be in their nature to pick fights. Or perhaps I was finally expressing one of the most human of all emotions. Anger.
“If you think that I will stand by and let you have something you denied me, you are mistaken.”
“Ivan.” Viktor says, sensing the escalating tension.
“You stay out of this. It is not your concern.” Viktor backed off. He knew we could not do any damage to one another. We were at an impasse. Ivan took one step toward me.
“What does it feel like, Peter? To have the one thing you always wanted and worry every second that it will be taken away? Do you worry that she will trip and fall? Puncture her skull with a pencil while she is studying? Crash that ridiculous car? Their bodies are so soft. Vulnerable. Broken so easily. Do you worry about that, Peter?” His voice was soft.
I didn't say a word. Didn't tell him that I worry about those very things every single second of every single day. Every moment she is alive, I am terrified something will happen to change that. Things go wrong, blood vessels burst. And then she would be gone. And I would have nothing. My reason for existing, gone, gone, gone.
“Someday you will pray for the simple worries you have no. I promise you that.” We couldn't making binding promises to each other, but still. Promises are serious things.
“You should go now,” Viktor said. Ivan turned and I watched as he took his noctalis form. I stayed in my human shape. His skin slid from human to the glittering scales of a reptile. His hair sunk into his scalp. Turning back around, he fixed me with his eyes. The pupils were no longer round, but elongated.
Within seconds he was back to his human form, smile in place. As if nothing had happened.
“What are you fellows up to tonight? Bingo? Perhaps a lovely evening in the backseat of a car at a drive in movie?”
“You should go now,” I said.
“And not get to catch up with that lovely lady you have Claimed? Never. I can smell her from here. And her mother. Shame about her shortened life.” He lifted his face to scent the air. “Seems as if they have a guest. Honeysuckle? Interesting.”
“Go.”
“I don't think I will.” I stepped away from him and looked at Viktor. There was nothing we could do. I had a brief and pleasing image of tackling him and grinding him into the ground, or wrapping him with chains that he couldn't break. But none of those things were possible.
We were a match, strength-wise and even with Viktor's help, nothing would be strong enough to hold him. Unlike the vampires and werewolves of legend, our only weaknesses were the promises we made. We could be weakened by thirst, but it would take weeks to get to that point. We didn't have weeks.
“You going to stop me? You and what army?” He gestured to the empty woods. “I could always contact our lovely mother to settle this. I'm sure she'd love a visit to see how her protegees are getting along.” He stands next to me and throws his arm over my shoulder. “Right?” His smile could sharpen knives. I had no choice but to comply.
My only consolation was that he couldn't touch Ava. Her family... I would have to protect them. Viktor and I shared a wordless glance and he ran in the opposite direction of the house.
“Where's the fire?” He knew Viktor was going to set up a perimeter to protect from an ambush. I would handle the humans in the house.
And then we were on Ava's doorstep.
Her face was first one of happiness to see me and then confusion at why Ivan was here.
****
“Who's at the door?” Claire calls after our greeting and several seconds of silence in which I try to find the words to explain to Ava what is going on.
“Uh, it's Peter and, his, uh, brother.” She says the last word dubiously, no doubt remembering the last time we met. Claire comes around the corner, wiping her hands on her apron.
“Oh. It's nice to meet you...” she says, silently asking one of us for his name.
“Ivan,” Ava and I say at the exact same time.
“It is a pleasure to meet you too, Mrs. Sullivan.” His smile is firmly on his face. Charming. She blushes a little as he says her name. He tends to have that affect on human women. Ava glares at Ivan.
“Mom, could you excuse us for a second? And keep this on the DL?”
“Sure, I need to check on dinner anyway.” She gives Ava a look I have seen before that means she will demand details later.
“What the hell are you doing here? I thought you said he was in Vegas.” She fires the last part at me.
“I came to see you,” he says at the same time I say, “he was.” She closes her eyes and shakes her head.
“I do not need this right now.” She groans and leans against the door.
“Oh come on, is that any way to greet us? I came all the way from the glittering city to this out of the way town to see Peter's best girl. You could give me a little something.”
“What do you want?” Her hands twist together, and I feel her anxiety, and undercurrent to her confusion and anger. She's also curious, underneath it all.
“I would start with a kiss, but that might be hazardous to my health, if you know what I mean.” He winks at her. Ava sputters for a moment as a glare settles in her eyes.
“If I could slap you without breaking my hand I would. I thought you were the one who was pushing me toward Peter, what happened with that plan?” Her arms cross and she gives him a triumphant look. I was so proud of her.
“Oh, I haven't ruled that out. But what is that they say? All roads lead to Rome?” Her face drains of color. I know why, but I'm not sure Ivan does.
“I think you need to leave.”
“Ah, love. You pierce my heart.” He holds his hand to his chest dramatically. Ava is shocked for a moment, then angry. She hasn't had the pleasure of seeing Ivan in his element. I have seen it far too much.
“You don't have a heart.”
“Correction. I don't have a soul. Those are two different things. I had a heart. I gave it away.” His cockiness drops for a brief moment. Strange. I'd never seen him do that before. Not ever.
“I know.” Ava's face melts into a smile. A pang of guilt goes through her. Why does she feel guilty? She didn't kill Josephine.
I did.
“Well, it's been delightful to see you, Sweetness. I hope to repeat this often. But for now, adieu. Parting is such sweet sorrow.” He blows her a kiss before running into the night. In the space of one of her blinks, I decide it would be best to stay with her and not follow him.
“What the hell was that?” Her human eyes search the night for something they cannot find. Ivan is gone. I will have to find out where.
“That, was Ivan. Being Ivan.”
She leans against the door, still looking for him. “That's what you had to put up with for a hundred some odd years?”
“More or less.”
“Is it more or is it less?” I think for a moment.
“More.”
Chapter Fifteen
Ava
“Is Peter coming in?” Mom calls from the kitchen.
“I don't know,” I yell back. “Are you coming in? Please say you're coming in. I'm about ready to explode and I don't think I can take anymore.” My voice shakes and I have to close my eyes for a moment. The world is a heavy thing, and it's crushing me.
“Take my hand.”
�
��Hm?” Takes me a moment to open my eyes and figure out what he said. The porchlight sparkles on his hair. It's in his eyes, but with my good vision, I can see the glittering irises of his mismatched eyes. God, he's so beautiful. He holds his hand out to me and I take it.
“I want to try something.”
“Go ahead.” His skin is cool as it meets mine. I watch as he stares at our linked hands. I wait for something to happen. My eyes close of their own volition. They snap open a second later.
“What are you doing?” My hand's got that feeling like when you lay on it and then the sensation comes back slowly. Prickly. And, warm. And... really nice.
“How are you doing that?” My eyes are open and I feel like I've gotten a jolt of... something. It's like dipping my entire body in a cool, still lake. Silent and quiet. And calm.
“It was a guess.” His gaze is still on our hands. My fingers flex. His thumb traces my knuckles, back and forth. I'm not used to such a human gesture from him.
“Thank you. That was. Amazing.” I have no other word for it. I feel like I could take on anything. Even Ivan.
Maybe not.
“Ava, dinner's ready. Why don't you bring Peter in?” I hear Dad hiss to Mom as they walk into the living room, “I didn't know he was coming over. When did this happen?”
“Shh,” she says back.
My hearing picks up on Aj whispering to Mom as well.
She was saying something about what could Peter and I possibly be doing in the doorway and it couldn't be anything good. Mom says something about giving me privacy and that Peter wouldn't do anything that wasn't gentlemanly.
“You know I can't eat,” Peter says in my ear.
“We put cheese in the burritos so you can't have them anyway. So just come and sit next to me and show Aj and Dad that you're a nice human boy. Let's just be human tonight. Please?”
“Human,” he says, taking my hand and kissing the top of it. “Okay.”
I lead him inside, praying that I'd made the right choice.
“Look who came over,” I say, presenting him to Mom, Aj and Dad. Their reactions are mixed. Mom winks. Aj frowns. Dad looks pissed. So really, we've covered the rainbow of emotions in one room. Go us.
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