“No, I was distracted by…you know.”
“There are more jobs, Sam. Trust me.”
Our dad should know. Jason Cocker is the talented music producer behind many of the past two decade’s top hits, including most recently my rockstar cousin Gabriel’s. If anyone understands the nature of artistic opportunities, it’s my dad.
Except he doesn’t understand one thing. How could he? There is no age limit on producing albums. You can sit behind a soundboard at eighty and still move those knobs around.
A dancer’s life is limited.
“Thanks, Dad. You’re right.”
“Samantha.”
“Dad.”
“Okay!” he laughs.
Mom raises her volume to be heard. “Call us anytime!”
“Tell her I love you guys.”
“We love you, too. Here for you, always.”
We hang up and I stare at the phone, sending a quick text to Caden:
Tell Kian hello for me. Have the best time! Send pizza!
He won’t get that until he lands, but I hope it will make him smile.
I set the phone on my nightstand next to the framed photo taken the day I was born. Lifting it up, a sad smile spreads on my face.
Five years old, Caden is sitting on one of those boring hospital chairs, holding tiny me like if he loosens his grip I’ll fall. Six-year-old Max is on one side of him, touching me, his back straight and dignified. Lexi is only three, red hair curly and her dimpled hand on me like she’s claiming me as hers for the rest of our lives.
Hunter came almost two years later so he always grumbles about this photograph. But I love it so much. My three older siblings are holding onto me as I began a life where I would someday become a dancer, even though in this picture I can’t even hold up my head.
Caden, you jerk.
I miss you already.
Chapter Four
SAMANTHA
I toss my sock at the screen. “What is wrong with you!? You should have picked him!”
Lexi pops her head inside the front door while tucking away her key. When last I saw her hair it was sleek and straight. Now it looks like she hasn’t left Brad’s bed all day. “That’s a lot of tissues, Sam.”
“He chose the stranger!” I point to the rolling credits. “Can you believe that! Someone he barely knew!”
“That’s terrible.” She tilts her head, bright green eyes flicking from Sally Ashes to my phone. “Logan’s calling you.”
He said he’d call when he got news about the musical. I rush to answer it, crying out, “Oh my Gosh, did you hear back?”
“I got the part.”
Happiness explodes by way of the loudest scream I’ve got as I jump onto our couch, tissues tumbling around my one-bare foot and one-socked foot. “Are you serious! That’s incredible! I’m so happy for you!” Zoe rushes up in her pajamas, eyes sleepy and confused. I shout at her, “Logan got that musical, Zo! He’s the brother of the lead!”
She cups her hands to shout, “Congratulations, Logan!”
“Thanks, Zo!”
“He said thank you!”
“You’re welcome!” Quieter, she tells Lexi, “I thought there was a burglar!”
“No, just me,” my sister jokes.
I grin as I gather tissues. “Tell me all about it. Every slash, glide, punch—every detail!”
“Have you heard anything?”
“Not yet, but you just got the call?”
“Yeah.”
“This late?”
“I called you right away.”
“Better have!” I run into our kitchen to toss sadness into an overflowing trashcan under our messy sink. “How’d you do it? How’d you win the role?”
“Ms. Galloway gave me the steps with that guy watching.”
“Rogess, the Broadway producer?”
“Yeah, and his bug-eyed assistant.”
“He was bug-eyed!”
Zoe yawns and waves as she heads back to her bedroom.
But Lexi is curious so she joins me back on the couch while Logan laughs, “He was totally bug-eyed. Just stared. No expression. The whole time I was there! She took me through the steps and Rogess sat back while Kelly played the song. All the guy needed was an evil mustache twirling in his fingers.”
“Oh my God, totally.”
“I did the number. And then they sprung dialogue on me.”
Sally Ashes bounds onto Lexi’s lap as I freak out, “They didn’t give you the lines ahead of time?”
“Nope. Galloway handed me three sheets and said I had to do it cold.”
“Three pages of dialogue? How did you do that?”
“I read as I went. Looked up to deliver the lines. Truth is, the character is kind of like me. At least, now he is!” Logan laughs and adds, “I guess they saw what they needed to.”
“Hey Logan, I’ve got something to tell you. Are you going to be up later?”
“Probably for another hour. Ring me back.”
“Okay. Talk soon.” I hang up and Lexi rises from the couch. “You didn’t stay over?”
My hero, my sister, my need for novocaine, freezes before adopting a casual stance. “I wanted to sleep in my own bed.”
I should let that lie slide, but I’m so wired from Logan’s news that I blurt, “Why didn’t he want you staying the night?”
Her shoulders go tight as she locks the deadbolt. I catch the even worse rear view of her sexed-up hair as she mutters, “He has to work in the morning.”
“That’s been his excuse for—”
“I know, Sam!”
“Was it fun at least?”
“We fucked three times. Three!”
“Did he help you forget? Did you tell him Caden left?”
The freckles on her nose scrunch up. “We never talk about that kind of stuff.”
I tilt my head. “Family stuff?”
“Yeah, I keep that stuff for me. But that’s on purpose.” Leaning against the wall, she stares off. Her mouth and chin are completely red from his stubble-covered jaw as she teaches me, “Never let a guy get too close or he’ll become bored of you.” A slow grin spreads and she meets my eyes. “We had the best time.”
Bundling Sally onto my lap, I smile, “I’m glad it’s going better for you guys.”
“Better? Oh, you mean that stunt he pulled, calling the police?1 That was just his way of playing the game. Our fight lasted about a minute and then he was all over me. Look, he tore my zipper.” We check out her jeans together.
“Those were expensive.”
She sings, “Worth the repair!”
I don’t need to ask what the fight was about. They’re always battling about something, no matter what she says.
“Did he help you forget?”
Smudged eyes flicker at the reminder. “When you have the kind of chemistry Brad and I have, it erases every bad little thing.” Quieter, Lexi adds, “For a little while anyway. Hunter drive you back here from the airport?”
“You know he did.”
“How was he?”
“Ask me if he spoke.”
We stare at each other, and Lexi returns to her favorite subject. “You’ve never had this feeling, Sam, but when you finally do, trust me!”
“I don’t have the stomach for the ups and downs you guys have. I would puke and ask to get off the ride.”
Shaking her head, she cocks her raw chin. “You don’t understand. Sometimes when I’m with Brad, my heart is pounding so hard it feels like I might die. I don’t let him see that, of course!”
“No, you're always cool around him.”
“Exactly! You have to play it! You don’t show them how much you care. Because guys get scared, you know? They’ve got all these ideas about freedom and independence and how women just want to tie them down. You have to play within the confines of those parameters. It’s like math. This behavior adds to his fear. That one subtracts, getting him to open up. And if you show him that your feelings are serious, that
multiplies all the stupid ideas he has about you, in an instant.” She snaps her fingers. “Boom, he’s gone.”
I reach for my water. Turning the empty cup upside down I grumble, “I cried myself to dehydration.”
“What they’re scared of is that maybe you want to marry them just so you’re not single anymore. Just to officially say you’re married to someone, anyone! Then, whoops, you have his babies and lock him in hell for all eternity.”
My eyebrows fly up. “Sounds awful. Is that what they’re thinking?”
“It’s like Shelby. Did you see her at Caden’s? I wanted to strangle her!”
“She looked nervous, not mean.”
“From what Sofia said—”
“—Sofia is very dramatic.”
“No Sam, she’s direct, and maybe a little dark, but she’s protective of Ben because you have to remember how much time they spent together when they were kids! Their dads are best friends, and Ben and Soph are the only cousins in our family who are both ‘only-children.’ All the rest of us have siblings. They were that for each other, since they didn’t have brothers and sisters, right?”
“I forgot about that.”
“Sofia loves him so much! You remember what she told us about when she confronted him! That is what men are afraid of. Being trapped like that. Most men don’t want to settle down—”
“I don’t know if that’s true. They seem to have no problem doing it when they find the right person.”
Lexi overlaps my argument, “—Brad’s been married before. Unhappily, right? He’s like a wounded dog, scared of getting close to anyone who might hurt him again.”
“He told you he was hurt?”
“You don’t walk over rose petals prepped for divorce. He’s jaded from it. Closed off. So he needs my patience. What’s that look for?”
“You, patient?”
“My patience is a different kind.”
“The screaming and throwing kind.”
She smirks, shaking out her hair. “He can fight this all he wants. It’s just a matter of time. So I sleep at home. Big deal. Each time gets a little closer to that day when he’s mine.”
Stretching, I snatch my phone from the coffee table and stand up. “I’m still hoping I hear back from that audition.”
“I never asked how it went.”
Shrugging, I smile at my phone and carry it to my bedroom. “Logan got the part. That’s all that matters. Maybe I’ll get background and be able to watch him shine.”
“Besides, you don’t want me living here with you forever, right? Night, Sammy.”
I frown, “Actually, I do.” She sticks out her tongue and I return the favor, grinning, “Night, Lex,” before I close the door.
1 This scene took place in Caden’s love story: Cocky Surgeon with Lexi, Sam, Max, Caden, Hunter, and their cousin, police officer Wyatt Cocker.
Chapter Five
LOGAN
M y phone vibrates on my black nightstand. Naked in bed, blanket up to my waist, I stretch for it. “Hey you.”
She’s got her late-night voice on, just like me. “Sorry, Lexi came home and we had to talk. She disappeared into her room before realizing that Sally was still with me. Now you’re stuck with me, aren’t you, Sals?”
I chuckle, “Lexi’s her favorite.”
“You joke, but trust me, she is.”
“Nah, she likes you just as much.”
“Then why is she pawing the door?”
“Is she?”
With a smile in her tone, Sam confesses, “No.”
Stretching out my toes I grin, “You’re so dumb.”
“You’re dumber.”
“What are you guys doing?”
“Me and Sally?”
“Yeah.”
“Staring at shadows on the ceiling.”
“See anything in particular?” I wait for an answer and when it doesn’t come, I frown, “Sam?”
“Huh?”
“See anything?”
“Sorry. I got lost in my thoughts a second.”
“What were you thinking about?”
“Aren’t girls supposed to ask that?”
“When you’re dating, yeah.”
“True.”
“You’re not going to tell me.”
“There’s a boogeyman top right.”
“Really? I’ve got a warped ice cream cone.”
“Trade you.”
“Done. Wait, I’ll make the boogeyman vanish. Watch this.” I make a bunch of noises like I’m a magician, a healer, or someone who can actually change shadows on a ceiling in another neighborhood, from sheer mind-power and willingness.
“Fail.”
“I’m not done,” I murmur, waving my hands in the air. “He’s very persistent. There. Got him.”
We sit in silence for a bit until I hear Samantha’s breathing change. Stifling a laugh, I listen to her sleeping. I can picture her parted lips, long, light brown eyelashes closed as she cuddles with Sally. I bet the lights are still on in her room — she always does that.
I’ve seen Sam dreaming more times than I could count. When we were little she was just my buddy. But that changed, and I don’t know exactly when. I love watching her sleep. She looks angelic, but I can’t let it last.
“SAM!”
She snorts, “Huh? What?!”
“You passed out. Not cool.”
“Who are you? How did this phone get in my hand?”
“If I didn’t get rid of the boogeyman, just say so. You don’t have to insult me by pretending I bored you unconscious.”
Her tone shifts to curious. “Okay, weird.”
My eyebrows shoot up. “It’s gone?”
“The shadow is different.”
“See? I’m magic.”
“Go to sleep, dork.”
I lose the humor and ask, “What were you thinking about earlier? Something’s bugging you.”
She sighs, “I don’t want to dampen your big day, Logan.”
Adjusting my pillow, I rest on my hand, staring at the dark ice cream cone in the corner. “You upset you didn’t get the part? There’s still a chance.”
“There’s a reason I screwed up my audition.”
“What?”
“Caden got sent to Chicago. We took him to the airport this morning.”
“What?” Bolting upright, I drag a hand through my messy hair. “When did this happen? Why didn’t you tell me? I wish you would’ve told me so I could have helped pack and said goodbye, too.”
With regret in her voice, she says, “It was just family, Logan. He doesn’t have a big house, and everyone…well, it was just a Cocker thing. Sorry.”
Tightness digs into my chest.
Did she even think to call?
Was I on her mind at all?
“Sure, I get it. No big deal.”
She sounds so sleepy as she says, “It was pretty much just us cousins.”
“It’s cool. This isn’t about me.”
“Sweet dreams, Logan.”
“Night,” I frown, staying on the line.
She’s snoring into the receiver within seconds.
Samantha, you just don’t get it, do you? I wanted to be there to say goodbye to him. But more than that, I’d have liked to have been there for you. So that’s the reason for the sadness I saw in your beautiful eyes the day you blew that audition. It wasn’t the shot you lost, it was the brother.
I would have skipped it.
Given up the audition.
If you’d have just told me.
But you didn’t.
You put me first.
And I’m going to lie here listening to you sleep until I fall asleep, too.
Wish I had been there with you.
For you.
Chapter Six
LOGAN
I slide my gaze up the Midtown skyscraper where I’ll be rehearsing day in and day out for weeks, playing a part where I have actual dialogue.
We might go to New York
if we do well. It’s a common practice to preview Broadway shows here at the Alliance, but not every local cast member gets chosen to travel with the bigger production. Sometimes we’re guinea pigs, test dummies. I’d love a chance at the big time. You don’t train as hard as I have and not hope for greatness.
I spot Lexi’s car pulling up, and cock my head, happy but more than a little surprised. What is Sam doing here? Why didn’t she call?
She emerges in grey leggings and a loose black shirt. Her blonde ponytail flips as she turns to tell her sister, “Thanks for the ride.”
Lexi leans to ask, “Pick you up at what time?” her bright red hair hanging long as she waves to me. “Hi Logan!”
“Lex,” I nod, and lock eyes with Samantha as she glances over. “Hey.”
She jerks her chin, and dips down for her bag, putting the cherry-red strap over her shoulder. “I don’t know yet. I’ll text you.” Shutting the door, she sends the blue Subaru off with a tap. “I’m trying to be excited about this.”
I frown with the deduction, “You got the background, but not the solo.”
Sighing, she gazes at the shiny building, “I would’ve called you if I got that part.”
The sunlight splashing in her eyes…damn.
“You were supposed to call me either way. Why didn’t you tell me they cast you as—”
“Couldn’t, Logan,” she murmurs, bringing a fingernail to her mouth.
“Biting them again?”
She shoves them behind her back with a smile. “Maybe.”
I try to grab them, but she ducks out of the way, laughing. Her expression flickers on something behind me, back straightening a little.
I turn my head to discover a good-looking guy with black hair and hazel eyes strolling toward us. I’ve never seen him before, but he’s got a rehearsal bag casually in his grip. From his muscle structure and the way he walks, he’s a dancer like us.
His sleepy gaze locks on Sam until he turns to enter the building.
I realize with a sinking feeling that she thinks he’s hot. She never looks at me like that. And I didn’t get a phone call that she got cast as background? I’m feeling pretty unimportant here.
She jogs her chin. “Who was that?”
Samantha Cocker (Cocker Brothers Book 21) Page 2
