In the past that would have been a deal breaker for many women. It’s almost appalling how many wanted me, but they didn’t realize I was a packaged deal. Syd has always come with me where relationships are concerned. Which is probably why I never really had them to begin with.
A: You want to come over tomorrow night? We could make dinner, watch a movie. She’ll have homework, but it shouldn’t take long for us to finish it when she gets home from school.
E: I would love to! What can I bring? And don’t worry if you have stuff you need to do with her. I get it. You’re her dad. I wouldn’t ever ask you to put her care second. She’s important to you.
And that right there is what so many other’s haven’t seemed to understand. I’ve always overcompensated because of what Courtney did, but if I don’t make Syd a priority, then who will? I never want her to feel like she was forgotten.
A: You don’t know how much that means to me.
E: I see how you treat her every time the two of you come into Bridget’s. You’re a terrific dad, Ash. You make her feel like she’s the center of your entire world. I can promise you that.
There’s a nagging feeling at my neck. Does Emma think there’s not room for two women in my world? If I’m wondering, then she has to be wondering too. I make a snap decision. It’s either the right one or the wrong one, but I do it regardless.
A: I’ve got room for two people to be the center of my world if you’re worried about that. There’s enough of me to go around.
E: I’m glad to hear that, Ash. I’ll see both of you tomorrow night. Six okay?
A: Six is perfect.
E: Do I need to bring anything?
A: Just yourself, and maybe something sweet if you’ve been baking.
My stomach growls as I think about the cupcakes me and Syd had for dinner after our pizza. This woman can make a cupcake like nobody’s business, and I don’t have much of a sweet tooth.
E: LOL! Okay, I’ll be sure to bring the dessert.
Immediately my thoughts take a turn. What I wouldn’t give to make her my dessert. Instead, I keep it PG.
A: See you then!
E: Good night, Ash.
A: Night Em, sleep tight.
Slowly I put my phone back on the nightstand, and roll over, pulling the pillow tightly under my cheek. Even though I’m exhausted, tonight I go to sleep with a huge smile on my face.
Thirteen
Emma
Nerves rush through my body as I stand on the porch of Ash’s house, waiting for someone to answer the door. Obviously, I’ve met Syd before, but this is so much different than being the waitress who brings her the pancakes she likes. My hands are sweating as I carry a platter of my favorite cupcakes – they’re a special chocolate covered strawberry – and I hope they love them as much as I do. Those same nerves make my hands shake, as I wait for what feels like forever for someone to answer the ringing of the doorbell.
The door flings open, and I’m greeted with her smiling face. “Dad! Your girlfriend’s here!” Syd giggles when I smile down at her. I don’t necessarily know what to say, but I’m happy to hear her joking about our relationship.
Ash comes up behind her. “Syd, she’s not my girlfriend,” he grabs her shoulders in his hands, squeezing softly.
Immediately my gaze travels along the tattoos on his hands and up his arms, where they make a maze of ink and designs. On him, they fit like cut out pieces of a puzzle. Finally, I get up to his eyes, there’s a heat that only the two of us recognize in the depths of his look. A stoked passion that we haven’t unleashed on each other yet. Right here on the front step of his house, I feel heat and moisture between my legs. What I wouldn’t give to be able to squeeze harder, assuage the ache that’s throbbing where I’ve wanted him to touch.
“Well, she should be,” Syd answers, a little bit of smartness to her tone.
“Why don’t you go wash your hands before dinner?” He suggests, one of his eyebrows raised in what I recognize as a warning for the way she spoke.
As she goes to do what he’s asked, the two of us look at one another, before he speaks. “Come on in, let me take your coat, and those cupcakes,” he’s got a grin so much like Syd’s on his face.
When he moves back from the door, I gratefully come in out of the cold. I’m not sure what I thought his house would look like, but I’m surprised to see a very homey living room along with a roaring fire in the fireplace. As he takes my coat, purse, and of course the cupcakes, he keeps talking.
“Sorry, she’s really excited about me seeing someone, and it’s new, so she may be a bit higher strung than usual,” there’s a note of apology in his tone, and I don’t want him to apologize for her. She’s the most important person in his life. I want to be her friend, and I want to put both of them at ease, while somehow putting myself at ease too.
“It’s okay,” I wonder if I’m supposed to kiss him or not. This is kind of awkward for us because we’ve always been alone. Not liking this feeling, I step closer to him, whispering. “Is it alright to kiss you?”
Immediately he puts the cupcakes down on the catchall before I feel his arms circle around my waist, pulling me closer. “I thought you’d never ask,” he whispers back. “We can’t let it get out of hand though.”
A giggle works its way out of my chest. Twining my arms around his neck, I lift up on my tiptoes, tilting my head so that our mouths will meet in the middle. When he crushes my lips against his, my world seems right again. I’m not nervous like I was standing out on his doorstep. With his arms around me, his lips on mine, I know this is exactly where I’m supposed to be.
We break apart, and almost as if we’ve been a couple for years, I reach up, cleaning my lipstick off his bottom lip. His teeth reach out, nipping at my thumb. “I know it’s not the place, but you have no idea where I’d like to have your lipstick smeared.”
My inhale of breath is sharp and deep, I can feel it all over my body. From the goosebumps covering my arms to all the crevices I’d gladly give him access to if the time was right. This man and his silver tongue are going to be enough to end me before this night is over. I seriously wonder why no other woman has scooped him up.
“My hands are washed.”
As we hear her voice, the two of us break apart from one another, both trying to act like we’re not affected. Which is a lie, because looking at him, I know he’s just as affected as me.
“Then let’s go eat,” Ash says, taking a moment to wipe his lips one more time. “I hope you like tacos. Well tacos for us, chicken fingers and fries for Syd. Because my kid doesn’t like tacos,” he makes a grab for his chest like it pains him.
I giggle at his display. “Love them,” I answer, walking ahead when Syd comes over, grabs my hands, and pulls me along with her.
“Emma I’m so glad you’re here,” and that begins the night of me asking a thousand and one questions from this cute little girl who steals my heart just like her dad did.
* * *
Ash
This is a new kind of hell, one I wasn’t prepared for. Now I think I get why so many women were after me, once they saw me being a good dad. I’m sitting at my kitchen table, the remnants of dinner already cleaned up by not only Emma, but Syd helped as well.
I’m still amazed by what this woman did.
“These cupcakes are amazing,” Syd says as she takes another bite, smearing pink frosting all over her face.
I laugh as I reach over, handing her a napkin. “You might want to use this.”
“I’ll just wait until I’m done,” she grins. “Wipe my mouth once, instead of after every bite.”
Emma laughs. “Can’t fault her logic there.”
We lapse into a comfortable silence. I’m sitting here with my two girls, my stomach full, feeling like we’re a family and it’s the best thing I’ve felt in a long time.
“What do you two do after dinner?” Emma asks as she sips her water, leaning forward, resting her chin on her hand.
&nb
sp; Immediately I notice she’s directed the question to Syd and not to me. Another point for her in my book.
Syd swallows another bite of her cupcake, licking some of the frosting off her fingers before she answers. “We usually finish doing my homework, and then we watch a movie or color. No matter what it is, we do it together,” she looks at me, a smile on her face.
“Syd’s right, we typically do something together.”
“Can I make a suggestion?” Emma asks as she looks between the two of us.
“Sure,” I want her to feel like she’s a part of this, and I welcome any input she may have.
“Along with those cupcakes, I’m going to be making take-home cookie kits. The idea is I have a box readily available with icing, and cookies already cut out, for says holidays and birthdays or just a night where you want to do something else with your kids. I have one in the car, a prototype I’d like to try out on Syd if she’s up for it,” she nods to Syd.
“Do I get to eat the cookies?”
Emma laughs. “Probably not tonight, but we’ll definitely bake them, and then your dad can tell you when you’re allowed to eat them. Sound fun?”
Her eyes catch mine, looking for permission.
“Sounds awesome. Go get the kit.”
Which brings me to why I’m sitting here at my kitchen table watching these two giggle as they put the icing on some princess cookies. I never would have thought of this idea, and it’s obvious Syd’s enjoying herself in a way I can’t give her.
“What about this color, Em?” She questions as she goes about filling in the dress on the cookie in front of her.
“I love that! It’ll look great once it’s cooked,” she answers, encouraging Syd to embrace her creativity.
I’m pretty sure it’s going to look like a blob once it’s cooked, but Syd’s so excited about it, I can’t help but be excited too. Maybe I’m learning something from this woman of mine at the same time. I’m so focused on teaching Syd to be a good person, what’s right, what’s wrong, that I don’t encourage this side of her often enough. I mean yeah, we color, but it looks like she enjoys hands-on crafts more than I thought she would.
“You having fun, Syd?” I ask the question casually. I can tell just by looking at her she’s having fun, but I want her honest answer.
“Yes! Like, don’t get me wrong dad.”
She started saying ‘like’ recently, learned from school and I can’t tell you how much I fucking hate it. She sounds like a teenager, I bite my tongue to keep from correcting her.
“The movies we watch are cool, and the coloring is fun, but like all my friends have these cool bracelets they made with their mom’s, and I don’t have any of that. I’m going to take one of these for lunch tomorrow and tell everybody Emma helped me make it.”
My eyes travel over to where Emma sits. Plainly I can see the surprise in her face. “You like this that much, Syd?” Emma questions.
“Yeah, I’ve never done anything like this, and it’s so much fun. I like that I can pick out what colors to use, and this is my own. You said we can make more colors?”
“We can, next time I come over,” Emma’s eyes meet mine, and I give her a slight nod, letting her know there will definitely be a next time. “I’ll bring some white icing and some food coloring, we can make whatever colors you want to make. The possibilities are endless.”
The smile on my daughter’s face is the best thing I’ve ever seen.
“Thanks for coming over,” I’m telling Emma a few hours later.
It took longer to get Syd to bed, and then Emma insisted on cleaning up their mess from the cookies. It was nice, having someone share in the duties with me for once.
“Thanks for inviting me,” she circles her arms around my waist. “I had a great time, and I’m so excited she loved the cookie box.”
“You’re going to be her favorite person for a while because of that,” I kiss her on the forehead, holding her close to me.
This easiness, the way she fits in my arms, it’s almost like she was made for me. There’s a part of me that’s scared to count on it, another part of me that’s scared to let it go. She laughs.
“I just thought she’d enjoy it, I didn’t bring them to score points with her.”
“And that,” I lean down, kissing along her jawline. “Is what makes it even better. I appreciate what you did tonight.”
She tilts her head back to give me room. “I appreciate the chance to get to know her outside of work. Thanks for inviting me into your home.”
I kiss up to her ear. “I’d invite you into my bed, but we both know that’d be a bad decision tonight.”
She moans, and even that noise goes straight to my cock. “It would be. Hopefully, soon we can arrange it.”
“Needs to be soon,” I agree.
Reluctantly I let her go, open the door and walk her to her car. When we get there, I open her driver’s side door for her. “Let me know when you get home? It’s slick tonight, be careful.”
“I always am, Ash.”
I lean in one more time, stealing another kiss before I shut her inside the car. But I don’t go inside to the warmth of my home until her taillights disappear from my vision.
This night will undoubtedly go down as a turning point and one of the absolute best nights of my life.
Fourteen
Ash
“Oh you fucking wish that chick had asked for your number,” I’m cracking up over Gunner telling a story about he and I in our younger years. He’s got the whole place in the palm of his hand, the newest guys in our squad look like they’re about to bow down to the guy who's just called himself G-spot Gunner, but I have to bust his balls. “Newsflash boys, she was way out of his league, and she never gave him her number.”
“Lies,” Gunner, puts his hand over my mouth. “This man right here is telling lies.”
There are equal amounts of laughter and calls of bullshit coming from the peanut gallery. I’m laughing right along with them, because I of all people, know how ridiculous Gunner can be. Just as I open my mouth to refute him, our sirens start to sound and then we can hear dispatches voice broadcast all over the firehouse.
“Multiple car accident with entrapment and possibility of fire on the Bay Bridge. Engine twenty-three, truck fifteen, and ambulance eighteen, please respond.”
Like we’re trained to do, we spring into action, getting our gear on, and trying to find out what we can as soon as we get into our vehicles and on the way to the scene.
The radio is going crazy, but I’m taking the facts I can hear being transmitted to us, and committing them to my memory. “Three car accident, two hit head-on, unsure of the condition of car three at this time. There is entrapment with a child.”
These are the calls I absolutely hate. Any of them involving children leave a horrible taste in my mouth because I always imagine Sydney being the child hurt. They strike fear in my heart every time we receive them. Unfortunately, we get a ton of them this time of year. People who shouldn’t be on the road are on the road, others who don’t respect the weather, and assume they can do the same speed on snow and ice as they can on dry roads.
We’re listening to the radio, hearing the Midnight Cove Police Department doing what they can for emergency medical services. What we’re hearing doesn’t sound great.
“Did they say it’s a toddler?” I ask Gunner.
‘Yeah,” his mouth is a tight line as he confirms what I thought I heard.
Immediately my stomach drops, I can’t help but imagine being the parent in this equation. Doing my job, I’m supposed to separate myself from the situation, but there’s a small part of me that has to put himself into the shoes of the people we’re helping. It’s unavoidable. Time seems to stand still as we make our way to the scene as safely as we can. We’re in the middle of another winter storm. Snow is blown at us in all directions, and the roads haven’t been plowed yet. At this point, they’ve barely been salted. It feels like it’s taking us foreve
r to get to our destination.
“There are two kids,” I heard the scream on the radio. “I repeat two children. Please hurry!”
It takes everything I have not to get out of my seat, jump onto the icy roads and run for this scene. I would probably get there faster than we’re moving right now. My heart pumps, adrenaline coursing through my veins as I think about what we’re going to find when we get there. A million scenarios run through my head, not all of them are good.
Gunner’s leg beside me is twitching with the same rhythm as my heart. I know he wants to get out and do the same thing I just imagined doing.
“Jesus Christ,” I hear one of our younger guys breath as we top the hill leading to the Bay Bridge.
Scooting forward so I can get a better look of what’s happening. Immediately I wish I didn’t. The two cars that hit head-on were somehow t-boned by a third car. They’ve been pushed to the edge, holding on only because of the concrete wall, and if I’m not mistaken parts of that barrier have given way.
“Do we know about the integrity of the structure?”
The words are out of my mouth before I can stop them. I’ve been on this team since I was twenty-one, I know what to look for, plan for, and what to do. But this, this is isn’t a one-size-fits-all emergency, so many factors are coming into play, and we have to account for every single one of them.
Someone answers. “They lost a portion of it, but there’s enough room for us to work.”
Which is all we need.
This is the worst scene I’ve ever been on, and I’ve been on a few. Both drivers that hit head-on were drunk, and the third person was an innocent bystander who t-boned them trying to miss the carnage. The worst thing though? The two children are trapped.
From what I can tell they weren’t properly secured in their five-point harnesses, which would have made all the difference. Instead of now being in their seats, they’ve been tossed in between the floorboard and the crushed door.
Inflame: Midnight Cove #1 Page 8
