Meara tugged gently on her sleeve. “It’s time to let him go now. He is with the gods. Tonight we will send him to the Heavens with fire, and to the Earth with the ashes.”
A funeral pyre, she assumed, sniffing and wiping at her tears. Angus would have liked that. Angus would have loved that. She slowly stood up, her legs shaky with the after-effects of so much adrenaline. It took her a moment to realize that she was crying. “Maybe he’s with Gram now”, she sniffed.
“Aye. He is at peace”, Meara said, petting her hair in a soothing gesture.
Nessa smiled through her tears. “He was crazy. But he was a good man. What am I going to do without him?”
Bridei came up beside her and opened his arms. She walked into them, and he enfolded her to his chest. For a moment everything else faded away and she felt safe and content as the warmth and scent of his body washed over her.
Nessa wanted nothing more than to stay right where she was, with her head against Bridei’s chest and his warm scent filling her senses. But she couldn’t. Not when Angus was still lying on the ground near her feet. She couldn’t quite believe he was gone, even after so many days already expecting the worst. Somehow her heart must have known he was still alive…then.
“He…he just wanted to help. He wanted to do something good”, she said.
“I know Ashta. And he did.” She couldn’t be sure, but she thought she heard him barely whisper He brought you to me.
“But what if I’m not even supposed to be here? Now I’ll never be able to go back. Only Angus knew how to get home again.”
Bridei held her at arm’s length, looking into her eyes. What she saw there both calmed and frightened her: it was a dizzying mix of lust and determination.
“I believe that you are meant to be here, and I am glad you can’t go back. You will be happy here, I will see to it.” He pressed his lips against the top of her head, and as he did so she caught a movement out of the corner of her eye. Sten was standing close by, glaring at her as if he could will her out of existence. She was sure he wished he could do just that. Bridei felt her tense and followed her gaze.
“Don’t let him bother you. He was counsel to my father. I owe him my loyalty as he owes me his. He has strong opinions, but he knows better than to act against me.”
Meara tugged at her sleeve, pulling her gently out of Bridei’s arms. “Come with me. I will look after you while the men take care of your uncle.”
“But…”
“You will see him one last time tonight, to say your goodbyes, after his body is properly prepared. Come now, I’ll make you some nice hot tea.”
Nessa nodded, feeling a bit numb now that the shock had worn off. She let Meara take her hand, and as she stepped away, Bridei seemed hesitant to let her go. His hand stayed on her arm until she was out of his reach.
“Meara will take good care of you, lass.”
When they reached Meara’s home, she gestured to a simple stool fashioned out of a log. “Sit.”
Nessa perched on the edge and looked around. Normally such a dark and close room would bother her and she’d want nothing more than to be outside again, but at that moment it was comforting, like a cocoon that she could hide in for a while her wounds healed. All around her herbs were hanging from the ceiling, and bowls and clay jars were strewn across several shelves and tables. The air smelled of incense and pungent greenery.
“You’re a medicine woman…a healer.”
“Aye. I heal what the gods will allow me to heal.”
“And you…know things.”
“Aye. We all know things.” Meara ladled some steaming liquid from a kettle hanging over the banked fire into a cup and handed it out to her. Nessa wrapped her hands around it and breathed in the fragrant warmth. Meara sat across from her, watching for a moment with eyes that Nessa was certain saw more than most.
“Do not be afraid of what you wish to know, child. Knowledge, in all forms, is power.”
Nessa put her cup down on the table next to her and folded her trembling hands in her lap in an attempt to keep them still. “Where I come from, things are different. Really different.”
Meara nodded. “And you never expected to be here…now.”
“No. I was building a life for myself. I had people who loved me. I never even knew all this”, she waved her hand around, “coming here I mean, was possible.” Her throat was getting tighter with every word, and she knew the tears were not far behind. “And now Angus is gone, and I wonder if I’m grieving only for him, or for the fact I can never go back. I would have stayed here forever if it meant he could live…I really would have!”
“I know you would have.”
Meara’s voice…her presence, was so comforting that Nessa could feel her body relaxing by slow degrees as tears slid one after another down her cheeks.
“But Nessa dear, you are as close to him now as you have ever been. We are all timeless, ageless. The future, the past…they have no real meaning, we just are. You can be as happy here as any other time or place, I promise you.”
“I don’t think I can. What about the people I’ve left behind? How can I be happy when I know they’re hurting?”
Meara took a handful of colored stones from a basket and blew softly over them before tossing them on the table. She stared at the pattern they made for a long moment, turning her head to one side. “You have in your heart loyalty to one and passion for another. Do you honor the loyalty, or follow the passion with hope it will bring you what you truly need?”
Nessa shook her head sadly. “What do I truly need? I don’t even know anymore.”
“Your heart’s home. Your soul’s harmony with another. The time and place of your human body is irrelevant. When the time comes, you will choose, and you will know that choice is the one that has always been written in the stars. You only need to learn to read it.”
“The things you say…it’s like you know things that you can’t possibly know.”
Meara picked up one of Nessa’s hands and squeezed it gently. “Like I said, we all know. We just have to learn how to see.”
For a moment, as Nessa looked at Meara, she saw the flicker of a different face. Perpetually young. Impossibly beautiful.
They sat on the grassy ground near one of the many fires, and although there were people all around, laughing and talking, it felt like she and Bridei were alone together with the darkness enfolding them from behind like a blanket. He offered her the wooden goblet they were sharing, and she took another mouthful of sweet red wine made from berries and herbs. It was so strange…to finally have his trust. It would take some getting used to.
At the edge of the sea-cliff the funeral pyre still burned, and though she knew Angus’s body was now no more than ash, she still couldn’t bring herself to look at it. Now that the ceremony to send him to the afterlife was over, the celebration of life had begun, as was the custom among the Picts. People danced and laughed and the fermented beverages flowed freely. Nessa was touched that Bridei had done all of this for her uncle; a man he didn’t even know, and her spirits were slowly but steadily being dragged up out of the mire by the jovial atmosphere all around her.
These people valued life above all else; reveled in it. And yet death was always so close. She thought of Bridei. Every time he picked up his sword and went to fight, he risked death. Every single time, he knew he could die. But he always believed he would live. When she lifted her head, she saw that he was looking at her, watching her.
“You are lost in your thoughts tonight, Ashta. So far away.” He stroked the side of her face with a gentle finger. “What shall I do to distract you and bring you back to me?”
She leaned back a little because the mesmerizing power he had over was just too much for her to handle right then. She attempted a smile. “Tell me a story. Tell me about your life. Do you like being King?”
He was silent for a moment before he answered, looking over to the line of fires burning against the dark sky. “Once, there were f
our kingdoms. The Picts of the North, the Britons of the South, the Gaels of Dál Riata, and the Saxons of Northumbria. For a while, all was peaceful, except of course for the usual small problems between tribes. But when Ecgfrith became king of the Saxons, things changed. He is always hungry for more land and more wealth, and he has afflicted many of our people with his ways. They have forgotten who they are. I am here to remind them. I would do anything to see my people free and our lands returned to us.”
“Did you kill him? The last king?” She knew he did; at least that was what history had recorded.
His face hardened, and Nessa held her breath for a second. What was she thinking, asking him such a thing? But then he began to speak, as if he were telling her a story. His story.
“There was greed and treachery everywhere I looked. Beornhæth, ruler of the southern Pictish kingdom of Niuduera was in league with Northumbria. He marched with Ecgfrith to put down our rebellion. Still more treachery had warned him of the planned attack, and they were met with so much force that our dead could scarcely be counted. For fourteen years after that, our people were no better than slaves, paying tribute with men and gold to a king who would have us live as captives on our own land. Drest mac Donuel failed as King. He was not strong enough to rally all of the people to fight, or even force them to. He did not punish those who had betrayed us.”
“And so you killed him.”
He looked at her, his expression hard, the stark black tattoos on his face melding into the shadows in the firelight. He looked fierce and powerful and confident. Every inch the warrior King that he was. She shivered.
“Aye.”
The word held no remorse.
Nessa exhaled slowly.
“Oh,” she whispered. Despite herself, despite everything, she was finding it arousing, the power and certainty he exuded. He was a warrior, a protector, all man. She could not deny that it was a thrill even to be sitting here beside him, this ancient King from her childhood bedtime stories.
He reached out and placed a hand on her hair, smoothing it. His touch sent an electric current racing through her body. The tension between them seemed like a living, breathing thing. The butterflies came alive in the pit of her stomach.
“I know that violence does not sit well with you Ashta. You are a gentle soul. But it needed to be done. He was in the pocket of our enemy. I wouldn’t kill a man without cause, or only for my own gain.”
“I know you wouldn’t. I know you had to do it.”
He nodded, satisfied that she understood. “I was there, at the Battle of Two Rivers, before I became King. Word had reached Ecgfrith before we even mounted our horses that we were preparing to fight. There were traitors and spies everywhere then, even among my own people. No one could be trusted.”
No wonder he had suspected her of being a spy. She supposed she was lucky to have survived her unexplained appearance at Tallorc.
“The first thing I did when I had the power to do it was rid my people of Ecgfrith’s treachery. Many died, but eventually I surrounded myself with those I could trust.”
“Ecgfrith is your cousin?”
He looked down at her, his eyes stony. “Aye. Our mothers were sisters. But in my heart, we are not kin.”
“No. I would feel the same way.”
“Ecgfrith assembled an army and headed north. He had help from Beornhæth, ruler of Niuduera, a Pictish kingdom. But then you would know that, being from Fife.” The glint in his eyes told her he was teasing. “When we reached Moncreiffe, we concealed ourselves and waited. The men on horseback came first, and we ambushed them. We had them outnumbered at least two to one, but then Beornhæth rounded the hill with his traitorous army of southern Picts, and the slaughter began. So many of my people fell, you could walk across their bodies for a mile and never touch the earth.”
“How terrible…”
“I could not live, and see the lands once ruled by my grandfather overrun by the Saxons, and my people made slaves to their king. And I could not live, knowing that it was only a matter of time before all of Pictavia was conquered in the same way. These lands, these people, are mine.”
Several moments passed in silence, and when he looked down at her she could see that his mind was no longer on matters of war and politics. His eyes were dark and his whole body held a certain strain, as if he was only just holding himself back from moving closer. The energy humming between them thickened until Nessa was certain there must be a palpable force pushing them to come together. She was suddenly aware of every single one of her heartbeats, while at the same time every sound and sight around them faded into oblivion. She could only see Bridei, and he was beautiful and fierce.
The moment, only seconds long, seemed to drag on for an eternity, until finally he did move closer, slipping his hand through her hair to clasp the base of her skull and tip her face up to his. There was an almost frightening intensity in his eyes as he stared into hers. “And I always, always, protect what is mine, Nessa.”
His. Was she his? A part of her, still loyal to a past she couldn’t return to, thought of Nathan and the promises they had made to one another. A deeper, more primitive part answered: Aye, I am yours. Somehow, I always have been.
He leaned in so that his mouth was just beside her ear and she could feel his warm breath there. His scent surrounded her from his heated skin; a deep, woodsy, spiciness that filled her head. “There is something that I need to know.”
She was breathless. Her heart pounded dangerously fast. “What?”
“This.”
His fingers gripped her tighter and pulled her closer. Their mouths touched lightly at first, tentatively, as if he were just tasting her. He ran his tongue gently along her bottom lip, and his hand, still tangled in her hair, began to tremble slightly. He pulled back just far enough to look into her eyes for a moment, then his mouth crashed down on hers with a desperation that she felt, too. Her lips parted for his tongue as it thrust against hers in a way that felt somehow more intimate than any other kiss, as if he could reach parts of her body and mind that no one else ever had, or ever would again.
He kissed her hard and long, as if he were trying to consume her, until her jaw ached with the force of it. In contrast, her body was softening, flooding with heat and the restless fever of desire. She clenched her thighs together to try to contain the hollow throbbing that had begun as her body begged to be filled. She was floating, losing all sense of space and time and even herself. She had never, ever, felt this way from just a kiss. If she could have stayed like that, kissing him forever, she probably would have.
An almost violent shudder went through him and he pulled away, his breathing harsh and his eyes wild as he looked at her. “Ashta, you make me senseless.”
She didn’t understand why—or how—he had stopped. Her body still felt like it was floating, her mind felt heavy and dreamy, and she felt all tingly, as if she was standing too close to a downed electric wire.
“Now I know”, he said, his voice rough.
“Aye.” It was all she could manage to say.
“That wasn’t like I imagined, and I have imagined it so many ways, so many times.”
“You…you have?” She wanted his mouth back on hers…
“Aye. But I couldn’t have known this. I could never have known this…”
Nessa wanted nothing more than to keep kissing him, but when she leaned closer, he held her back, his lips pressed together and eyebrows drawn down as if he was in agony. He let out a long breath and stood slowly.
“I must go, before I cannot.”
“But why? Stay with me. Please.”
“I’m sorry lass, but if I stay any longer, I will not be able to stop with a kiss. I don’t believe I have the strength it would take not to claim you with my whole body.”
“But I…what if I want you to?”
He squeezed his eyes shut as if in pain, but shook his head. His voice was rough. “No. I cannot. I can’t take that chance. I don’t want a child to
come of my weakness.”
Domech caught up to him on the way to the training fields the next morning.
“Did you do it? Do you know what I mean now?”
Bridei sighed. “No, Domech. I didn’t.” He had wanted to, more than he had ever wanted anything before. It had taken every last ounce of his strength and then some to walk away from Nessa after that kiss. He had been burning, frantic to take her, mate with her, have his cock inside her so deep that their bodies were melded together as if they were one.
“What? I saw you kiss her. It ended there? Why? Are you mad?”
Bridei scrubbed his hands over his face. “No. Unfortunately for me, I’m perfectly sane.” And now his cock was hard again. Wonderful.
“I don’t understand why you don’t just…”
“Why is whether or not I’m bedding a woman so important to you?” Bridei snapped. Aye, he was irritable. What man in his state wouldn’t be?
Domech took a cautious step back at his prickly tone and shrugged. “No…I just…”
Bridei stopped and turned to face his friend, throwing his hands up in the air in a gesture of frustration. “Children, Domech. Family. Don’t you understand? I’m going off to face my enemy very soon. I won’t leave a child or a wife of mine alone in this world unprotected. What if I should be killed? What if Ecgfrith then goes after my family? An heir of mine would be a target for any one of my enemies, especially if I wasn’t here to protect him.”
“But…”
“I won’t take the chance with Nessa’s safety. It means everything to me.”
“Aye. I’m sorry Bridei, I shouldn’t have pressed. It’s an honorable thing, to wait. I suppose…”
They reached the training grounds, and Bridei began to mentally prepare himself for the day ahead. This was the time when he must put all of his problems and emotions aside and be a leader of men. He clenched his jaw and fingered the hilt of his sword, eager to work off some of the pent-up energy in his body and mind.
“I saw you kissing her last night”, said a voice just behind him. Sten. Bridei closed his eyes and hoped for enough patience. Had everyone in Tallorc been watching them? Aye, they probably had.
Born of Fire Page 17
