by Bloom, Anna
We walk around the house, up and down the stairs, in and out of the garden and kitchen; all the while the tightening’s become stronger and more painful.
Miss Beesley, who can literally sense drama from three miles away, has a stopwatch in her hands. I think she believes she's a sports coach.
I breathe out and bend over, wincing as the burning cramp pulls my stomach.
“I think you are close to ten minutes apart. You’d better get to the hospital.”
I shake my head, breathing in and out, in and out, just like I was shown at the classes Eli and I went to.
In and out. In and out.
Holy fuck balls this hurts.
“I don’t think I want to do this now,” I say to no one in particular.
“I’m getting the car.” Eli strides for the hallway.
“Eli, no.” I wave my hand, so he comes back to me. “Parking will be a bitch. Let’s walk.”
For a moment he looks like he’s waiting for me to drop a punchline. “Are you kidding?”
“No, the walking will keep it moving. If I get to the hospital, then I will lie on a bed and it will all slow down. Believe me, I don’t want to be stuck like this for hours. You know what Abi told us.” Oh, Abi and Adam had taken great delight in telling all their gory birthing details, as they quaffed all my wine and I sat there with my sparking water and lemon. It was nearly the end of our friendship and if it wasn’t the fact I didn’t know anything about babies or what to do with them it probably would have been. Lucky for Abi I need her real bad at the moment.
Miss Beesley opens her mouth to say something, but I stop her. “Look, it’s a fifteen-minute walk. It’s fine. Rachel, you can walk with us, can’t you?”
The look on her face says it all. Pride and pleasure make her smile shine bright.
“I mean,” I hasten to add, “It’s not like I expect you to be looking up my fanny or anything, but if this takes a while Eli will need a break. You are family to me.”
The daft woman bursts into tears. I don’t have a chance to say anything else because another searing contraction pulls my insides out. Holy mother of God.
When it’s finished, I stand up. “Right, let’s go.”
Eli shakes his head. “You are utterly insane.”
“But you love me. Come on, before the next one comes.”
I breathe in deep. I’m in control. This will be amazing.
No. No. Like fuck will it be amazing. I can’t breathe and I can’t walk. I can see the hospital, but I can’t quite get there. The contractions are bowling me over like snowballs lost in an avalanche.
“Jesus Christ, my baby is going to be born in the street.” Eli palms his hair making it stick up at random angles. The man in the suit is so very far away I’ve almost forgotten he exists.
“No, no, now let’s not panic,” Miss Beesley starts but I screech and squat down on the floor.
My baby is going to be born on a London street.
A burning sensation stabs deep in my vagina.
Eli grabs his phone. “Sally!” He shouts above the roar of the passing cars. He turns and I don’t hear what else he says. The next thing I know he’s sprinting away in the direction of the hospital. Now I’m going to have my baby on a London street without my husband.
He’s back before I can straighten up from my next contraction. They are coming over me in waves, relentless and strong. He’s pushing a wheelchair which he launches me into with no ceremony before sprinting back off again. I hang on for dear life, one butt cheek raised because it hurts to sit down on both.
People are waiting as we come through the doors. They take the chair from him and push me towards the maternity department.
Dr Vernon is primed in blue scrubs. “Well, Faith. That was an entrance.”
“I know.” I can barely smile. It’s more of a grimace as another contraction makes me never want to have sex again.
“Right, let’s get you examined.”
I don’t even question it as I strip off my clothes and lay on the table. I’m sure in my hospital bag I have a lovely nightie to wear—who gives a fuck?
No one. No one has ever given a fuck about nighties while in childbirth.
“Okay, we need to go to the delivery room.”
“Already? No, I need some gas and air.”
“Too late.” She grins. “The baby is crowning. It’s time to push.”
“No, no, no, no. I have to get to ten centimetres or something. I know all about it, I read about it.”
She comes to my head and nods understandingly. Eli is gripping my hand like it’s him being stabbed in the vagina by a hot poker. “Faith, you are ten centimetres. Now, let’s get you introduced to your baby.”
I can’t believe it as they wheel me along. Eli and I stare at one another, both of us silent. Once they have me parked, he leans down and whispers in my ear, “You are amazing.”
I open my mouth to respond and instead just scream. Holy fuck. “No! Eli, no way. Just no fucking way.”
He chuckles as I swear loudly. “That’s my girl. Come on, sunshine.”
“Jesus, don’t you call me sunshine.”
There is no space between one searing contraction and another. Just this enormous building pressure. It pushes higher and higher until I no longer exist.
“I want gas and air,” I shout when I can catch a breath.
Dr Vernon calls back from where she’s positioned between my legs. “No time.”
Then it comes. The intense need to push.
“Push,” she calls. Eli grips my hand so tight and I bear down onto our joined fingers. I clutch them together so damn hard it’s a miracle I don’t rebreak my left hand. I can’t even feel the pain. There is no pain apart from the burning fire in between my legs.
“No, make it stop.” I whimper when I manage to catch my breath.
I glance up at Eli and find his cheeks wet, tears slipping down them. “What the fuck are you crying for?’
He laughs and wipes at his face. “You. You’re goddamn amazing.”
I scream and scream, push and push until my energy is flattened. A battery with no juice. “Don’t make me push anymore.”
“Don’t push.” Dr Vernon shouts. “Don’t push.”
“What?”
Another contraction tears at me. “Eli, look.” Dr Vernon calls him down her end and still managing to hold my hand he leans down.
“Oh my god.” The blues that stare back up at me will be forever etched in my memory. Despite the pain, and my need to kill someone, I log them in my memory box. “She’s here.”
I sob so hard, my body going into auto-drive as my head spins. She’s here.
“Let me see her.” I hold my weakened arms out. I need to hold her, need to feel that she’s real. Dr Vernon moves closer, holding my daughter.
“Here, put her straight on your skin.” She pushes down the sheet covering my top half and lays her on my chest, and I stare down at the single most beautiful thing I have ever seen. Her skin is red and covered in a white film, but her hair is dark just like his
I blink up at Eli. His eyes shine. “She’s beautiful. Both my girls are beautiful.”
“She’s here.”
He kisses me, wet droplets landing on my skin. “She is.”
A nurse steps up. “Do you want to try to put her straight to the breast? It can help.”
It’s the most natural thing in the world. I slide her around to the side and lift my nipple to slot it between her lips. At first nothing happens, her eyes are still shut, then softly there’s a gentle tug, and then another.
I’m feeding her.
I’m doing what mothers do.
“I’m so proud of you. My warrior.” Eli kisses my head again, his fingers pushing back the blanket a little so he can stare with wonder at his daughter.
“For her,” I murmur, mesmerised by the gift I hold in my arms. “I’m a mother.”
Tears spring from my eyes and my daughter sucks gently letting me n
urture her while my husband smooths my hair. From the echoes of the past a girl giggles, her screams of laughter wild as the sea rolls up the pebbles on a deserted beach. She finds her way into my heart and for a long moment her and I are one, captured together as past and present collide. Then I let her go, let her live free with her giggles on the wind and I turn to my wonder in my arms and know I will only ever look forward.
“What name do you think?” Eli settles at my side careful not to jostle me too much.
I meet his gaze, those delphinium blues that met my gaze across a table at The Ritz in what feels like a lifetime ago.
“Victoria. Our victory.”
He kisses me deep and we hold one another tight. Me, him, and our Victoria.
The End.
Afterword
Thank you so much for reading the Tears of Ink series.
If you would like to discover more about my upcoming standalone release RUIN in June 2019 please sign up here.
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Anna’s Angsty Reads
Dan will get his own story this summer in Scars of Silk! I shall share the details with my readers as the time approaches.
***
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It’s been great hanging out with you. From one slow burn princess to another, read deep, love hard, but never put out before chapter five. x
RUIN - JUNE 2019
I remember the first time I saw her. To my young impressionable self, she was an angel.
The second time I saw her she was a shell of her former heavenly state. Her life and voice ruined by the accident that had changed the world’s songbird beyond recognition.
Now it’s me and her in a room.
And I’d ruin everything to just have one simple taste of her. To know what an angel tastes like and to hear how a songbird sings.
Together her and I would ruin everything.
Rising singer songwriter Liam Duke knows all about paying for fame. Desperate to succeed, he’s on the cusp of greatness. He wants more, everything, all the awards and accolades that can rain down on his show. He’ll take them all for any price., even that of his soul.
Lexie Saint was the worlds brightest star until one night changed her future. Unable to sing, and with years slipping past, she hides in the shadows unwilling to step back out into the limelight. Twenty years into her career she’s still the greatest songwriter out there, her skill hidden behind a pen name and layers of mystery.
He needs a Grammy. She wants peace.
Will either of them get what they need, or will their burning desire be their very ruin.
Acknowledgments
Ah this book. I can’t tell you how much I cried at the end of this book. It took me a week to recover and to be able to open the document again. I cried on the school run, in the bath, even cooking dinner—much to the horror of my family.
That is how much Faith’s story means to me. To see it end, to give them the happiness they deserve, it’s such a euphoric sensation.
Never have I loved a couple as much as I do Faith an Elijah.
For all my readers who have fallen in love with them along the way, thank you for trusting me and staying with me to the end.
The list of readers I wan’t to thank could go on and on, but you guys deserve this happy ending. And I’m sorry for the cliff hangers I put you through.
To Wendy. Oh Wendy, what would my life be without you. This success is as much yours as it is mine. Thank you for being my boss and keeping me going.
Leah, you little fighter you. I love you. (And your diary)
Andie, my gold medal Editor. I promise not to shit that many more doors.
Wes, the kids, my parents, I love you. Thank you.
Lastly. This book could NOT have been written without the heartfelt story that was shared with me. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for you trusting me. You are my hero.
Anna.xxx
