CHAPTER NINE
TREATING THE CASE
Horace started to enlarge on how much he didn't know about ridin'; butTank breaks in with a plea for his nerves. "Look here," he said,scowlin' at Horace with his good eye, while the free one rove aroundwild in his face, "your nerves are a little out o' fix, an' mine isplumb tied into knots. This here outin' will be the best thing we cando for ourselves, an' you got to come along. No matter which way yougo, you got to ride; so the' ain't no sense in makin' a fuss about it.We'll mount you up on as gentle a cayuse as the' is in the West; an'we won't tell no one if you hang on to the saddle horn goin' downhill."
"That's right, Mr. Bradford," sez I respectful. "You'd have to rideback anyway, so you might as well come on with us an' have a pleasantouting."
"Besides," sez Tank, "up there in the Wind River country we stand achance o' gettin' somethin' for our nerves, if the Injuns happen to bein a good humor. Those Injun doctors know all about hurbs an' whichdiseases they grow for, an' when they're in a good humor, they'll sellya some."
"What'll they do if they're not in a good humor?" asked Horace.
"Well, that's the beatin'est question I've yet heard!" sez Tank. "Howdoes any one know what an Injun'll do when he's not in a good humor? Idon't reckon any one ever tried to learn the answer to that question.When an Injun's not in a good humor, either you've got to kill him orhe'll kill you. If we hear tell 'at they're out o' humor, we'll simplyscurry back at the first hint, an' don't you forget it."
Horace wasn't resigned yet; so he kept sawin' away with his questionsall the time we were tyin' on the beds an' grub. The grass had beenpurty brown down below, but it was fat an' green up above, an' theponies felt fine. We had picked out good ones, an' it took some timeto get 'em wore down to where they was willin' to pack; but by seveno'clock we were ready to start, an' then Tank lifted Horace into thesaddle, while I held the pony's head. We had chose a steady old fellerfor Horace, because we didn't want any serious accidents. Ol' CastSteel was dead again' sheepin' the Easteners, an' I knew they'd bedoin's about what we'd done already, let alone havin' any sort of amishap.
We told Horace just what to do to save himself, an' we fixed hisstirrups to just fit him; but he took it purty hard. It takes aridin'-man a couple o' weeks to harden up after he's laid off a spell;but when a man begins to do his first ridin' at forty, it comesex-tremely awkward. Horace was the first feller I ever saw getsea-sick on hossback; but he certainly did have a bad attack. Isuppose it was the best thing 'at could have happened to him, an'after he was emptied out, he rode some easier. We only covered aboutthirty miles that day altogether, an' Tank had plenty o' time to getall the sleep he could use; but when he came to lift Horace down fromthe saddle, Horace couldn't make his legs stiff enough to stand on.
We let him stretch out while we were makin' camp; but he fell asleep,so we had to wake him up to help get supper. I was beginnin' to feelsorry for him, but he had pestered us regardless about his nerves, an'I knew 'at pity for him now would be the worse for him in the longrun.
After supper, Horace spent consid'able time in bewailin' his fatebecause he had got disgusted an' thrown his whole box o' cigars intothe fire. "I've got an extra pipe, if you'd like to try that," sezTank. "It's lots better for the nerves than cigars--though from what Ican tell o' you, you ain't bothered much with nerves. I wish to gloryI was in your skin."
"Oh, man," sez Horace, "you can't imagine how I suffer. I ache like asore tooth all over, an' it gives me a cute pain just to sit here onthe grass."
"Sit on the saddle-blankets," sez Tank, sympathetic. As soon as Horacehad piled up the blankets an' sat down on 'em, groanin' most bitter,Tank sez with feelin': "Gee, how I envy you. You have nothin' but afew muscle-aches and chafed skin an' such, while my nerves isbeginnin' to threaten me again. I'm not goin' to bother either o' youfellers, though. I'm goin' to have you tie me to a tree to-night if Ican't sleep."
Horace filled the pipe, which was an ancient one, bitter as gall; butwhen he began to smoke, his face became almost satisfied. The pipe waspurty well choked up, so that he had some bother in keepin' it goin',but after we'd run a grass stem through it, it worked purty well, an'we was right sociable until along about nine o'clock, when I gotsleepy, myself. Then Tank began to worry about his nerves. Horace hadabout forgot his own nerves, he was sufferin' so from Tank's.
When we see that Horace couldn't keep awake any longer without bein'tortured, Tank began to carry on fiercer. He rumpled up his hair, gavestarts an' jerks, but the thing 'at worked best, was just to sit an'look at his fingers, an' pick at 'em. He'd form a circle with his leftthumb and forefinger, then poke his right finger through this circleand try to grab it with his right hand before it could back out. Itwas the craziest thing I'd ever seen; but before long Horace got totryin' it himself. While Tank was lookin' at his fingers with his goodeye, the free one rambled around, an' half the time it rested onHorace, an' fair gave him the creeps; but when I couldn't stay awakemyself, I gave Tank the sign, an' he got delirious.
"I can't sleep," he wailed, "I can't sleep! My nerves, oh, my nerves!One minute they're like hot wires, an' the next they're like streaksof ice. You'll have to tie me up, boys, you certainly will have to tieme up."
I argued again' it as bein' inhuman; but Tank begged so that finally Igave in, an' we tied him to a down pine tree. Horace helped to tiehim, an' he sure did his best to make a good job of it. I was a littledoubtful, myself, about Tank gettin' loose; but he had blowed up hismuscles, an' he coughed me the all-right signal, so me an' Horaceturned in.
Horace groaned consid'able while stretchin' out; but he began to snorebefore I had got through findin' the soft place. When I first go tobed, I like to roll about a bit, an' stretch, an' loosen up mymuscles--I like to stay awake long enough to feel the tired spots sinkdown again' the earth, an' sort o' ooze into it; and before I haddrifted off, Horace was buzzin' away at a log in great shape.
I must 'a' slept an hour when I was wakened by a bright light, an'lookin' out, I saw Tank Williams standin' with his back to the firean' glowerin' down at Horace. "As soon as this log burns off, I'mgoin' to get you," sez Tank between set teeth.
"What are you goin' to get me for?" asked Horace. "You asked me to tieyou to it. I didn't want to tie you to it, but you insisted. I'lluntie you if you want me to, and rub your brow again."
"It's too late," muttered Tank. "It's too infernal late. Nothin' couldput me to sleep now. As soon as this log burns off, I'm goin' to getyou. You was the one which brought back my nerve trouble, an' you arethe one what has to suffer."
Tank hadn't been able to free himself from the pine tree; so he haddragged it in an' across the fire. It wasn't such a big one as treesgo; but it was a mighty big one for a man, tied to it as he was, totote along. Horace reasoned with him a while longer, an' then when hesaw that the trunk was about burned through, he got purty well off toone side, an' threw a chunk at me. I popped out of bed on the instant,an' began to shoot about promiscuous; so as to live up to myreputation.
When I'd emptied my gun, I looked at Tank, as though seein' him forthe first time, an' sez: "What in thunder da you mean, by raisin' allthis havoc?"
"My nerves," sez Tank, "my pore nerves. I can't sleep, an' I can'tkeep my senses if I'm left tied to this tree any longer. It's all hisfault, an' as soon as this log burns up, I'm goin' ta hunt him down."
Tank an' I argued fierce as long as we could think of anything to say;an' just as the dead pine was gettin' too hot for Tank to stand it anylonger, Horace calls in from the darkness, "Don't you want me to rubyour brow a while an' see if that won't put you to sleep?"
"Come in here," I sez, cross. "This man is liable to kill himself, an'you know more about nerves 'n I do."
Horace crawled out from behind a big rock, came in, shiverin' with thecold; an' we untied Tank from the log. He had managed to get his feetloose; but his hands had been tied behind him an' when they got cold,he couldn't make a go of it. "Well," sez I, as soon as Tank was free,"what are
you goin' to do now?"
"I move we get up the hosses, an' start at once," sez Tank. "I don'ttrust myself any longer, an' we can ride faster at night. My one hope,is to get to an Injun doctor, or else get so tired out that I can fallinto a dreamless sleep."
"Why don't you ride alone?" demanded Horace with a sudden burst ofintelligence. "Why don't you ride alone; an' then you could ride asfast as you wanted to, an' if you found the Injuns out o' humor, youcould come back an' let us know."
This set us back for a minute: we had been playin' Horace for bein'utterly thought-loose; but he had figured out the best plan the' was,an' his eyes were bright an' eager.
"Take the hoss that's fastened on the rope here," Horace went on; "an'we can take the manacled hosses in the mornin' and foller ya. Yes,that's the best plan."
You see the fact was, we were only twenty or twenty-five miles fromthe ranch house. We had been circlin' an' zig-zaggin' through thehills, an' at night we hung up Horace's pony on a picket an' puthobbles on the balance. Bein' fooled on direction wasn't any sign ofHorace bein' a complete lunkhead; I've known a heap o' wise ones getballed up in the mountains.
Tank stood puzzlin' over it with his free eye trottin' about in acircle; but he couldn't think any way out of it. "All right," sez he,"if you two can get along without me, why, I'll risk my life by bein'a scout."
"Nonsense," sez Horace; "the Injuns haven't riz for years, an' they'renot likely to again."
Tank only winked his lookin' eye, an' proceeded to fling the saddle onthe picketed hoss. Horace was smilin' purty contented with himself,until I sez: "Which hoss are you goin' to ride to-morrow, Mr.Bradford?"
Then his face went blank as he recalled the blow-up we'd had thatmornin' gettin' the pack ponies contented with their loads. "By Jove,I can't ride any of them!" he exclaims. "It would kill me to have ahoss buck with me. I'm so sore now I can hardly move."
"You don't look as nervous as you did, though," I sez to him forcomfort.
He didn't pay me no heed. "Here, Williams," he calls, "you can't takethat hoss. He's the only one I can ride, and you'll have to catchanother."
"You ort have thought o' that before," sez Tank, goin' on with hisarrangements, but movin' slow.
"Well, you two straighten it out among yourselves," sez I. "I'm goin'back to bed. No wonder you're nervous. It would make a saw-horsenervous to jibe around the way you two do."
I went off grumblin', an' I went to sleep before they settled it; butTank stretched it out as much as he could, an' Horace didn't oversleepany that night. Next mornin' when I looked out, I saw him tied up withhis back again' a tree, an' Tank's head in his lap. He was swathed inhis slicker an' saddle-blanket to keep warm, an' was sound asleep. Helooked purty well hammered out, but hanged if he didn't look a lotmore worth while 'n he did when he started to take my treatment.
It seemed a shame to do it, as it was just gettin' into the gray; butI woke him up, an' asked him in a whisper what he was doin'. He satan' blinked at me for a full minute before he remembered what or wherehe was, an' then he told me that he finally induced Tank to try havin'his head rubbed again, by lettin' Tank truss him up so he couldn'tkeel over on him. "Gee, but I'm cold an' stiff," he sez in a husky,raspin' voice. "I don't see how it can be so hot daytimes, an' so coldnights."
"This'll do you a world of good, Mr. Bradford," sez I. "You see, youswell up with the heat daytimes, an' crimp down with the cold nights;an' this will goad on your circulation, fry the lard out o' ya, an'give your nerves a chance to get toned up." I quoted from the patentmedicine almanac occasional, just so he wouldn't forget he was takin'treatment.
"I can't possibly ride, to-day," he sez, shakin' his head. "Honest,I'm in agony."
"That's just 'cause you're stiff," sez I, kindly. "That'll all wearoff when the sun softens up your joint-oil. Why, man, you'll look backon this trip as one o' the brightest spots in your whole life."
"I got hit in the back o' the head with a golf ball once," he flaresback real angry; "an' that showed me a lot o' brightness, too. I don'twant no more brightness, an' I don't intend to ride to-day."
I was especial pleased at the human traits he was displayin'. Hehadn't acted so healthy an' natural since he'd been with us, an' I wasencouraged to keep on with the treatment. "You will have to ride withus, even if we have to tie you on," I sez. "We are now close to theInjun country, an' we're responsible for you. O' course the' ain't anydanger from regular war parties; but Injun boys is just as full o'devilment as white boys, an' they haven't as many safety valves.They're all the time sneakin' off an' playin' at war, an' they play apurty stiff game, too, believe me. If a dozen o' these voting bucks,eighteen or twenty years old, was to stalk us, they'd try most earnestto lift our hair."
"I'd as soon be killed one way as another," he sez. "I can't stand itto ride, an' that's all the' is to it."
Here was a queer thing: the little cuss actually wasn't afeared ofInjuns, which I had counted on as my big card. Nerves or no nerves,Horace Walpole Bradford wasn't no coward; 'cause we are all afeared o'crazy folks, an' he thought Tank was crazy. If Tank had had two goodeyes, chances are he wouldn't 'a' feared him; so I kicked Tank in theside an' woke him up.
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