When I woke up, I was alone in the bed. I could hear the shower running and I could see the steam billowing out from under the bathroom door. I sat up slowly and looked at the clock. It was 11:30 AM—time to start leaving if we were going to make it to Grand Prairie in time for our sound check. I got up and walked over to the bathroom door. I knocked. “Hey—are you going to be long?”
“Just another five minutes.”
“I wouldn’t mind showering before we go if possible—so save some water.”
“The door’s unlocked if you just want to jump in with me,” she called out.
My heart stuttered and my skin suddenly became cold. My lips parted but no words came out. I could feel my cheeks turning red. I gently grabbed the door handle and I turned it. It really was unlocked. So I pushed it open.
Then she spun towards me and quickly covered herself up, using one hand to hide her crotch and the other to cover her breasts. “Oh my God, I was just kidding!” she said. And I jumped back, slamming the door shut. In that brief moment, I saw everything: her perfect, perky tits, and her long cock. I wouldn’t have seen her cock if it wasn’t for the fact that she was erect, as if she’d just been jerking herself off. I had to strain to take a deep breath in before saying, “I’m so sorry.” I didn’t know what else to say. “I just thought—I thought…” But I didn’t know what I thought. Was I really going to get into the shower with her? Was I really planning on getting naked with her? Had I forgotten about the fact that she was actually a biological male? And had I forgotten about what happened with Mimi? “I’m so sorry,” I said again.
I heard the shower shut off, and then a moment later, the door opened. She was standing with a towel around her body. “It’s okay. You just scared the hell out of me,” she said. She brushed by me. Her cheeks were dark red—almost purple. “I wasn’t masturbating by the way. It’s just the morning. You know how it is in the morning.” She didn’t look at me as she rifled through her suitcase for something to wear.
“Yeah, of course,” I said. Maybe it was the steam from the shower, but I could feel warm beads of sweat tickling my forehead. “I mean—I didn’t really see anything. I just—I don’t know why I opened the door. Let’s just pretend like that didn’t happen.”
“Deal,” she said.
I had my shower, with the door locked. While the warm water was running off of my body, I found myself with an erection of my own. I wondered if she had been jerking off, and if so, where did she come? Did she shoot her load straight down the drain, or was it currently clinging to the shower walls? There was some white stuff to my right—was that cum? Or was it just stray shampoo? I had that naked image of her in my mind and it refused to go away—my erection refused to go away as well. So I quickly rubbed one out, hoping it would filter some sanity back into my head—and it did. I immediately felt relieved and a bit guilty once my cum had finished swirling down the drain—maybe to join her cum. And I couldn’t help but wonder if she was thinking about me when she had her erection, the way I was thinking about her with mine… Or maybe she was thinking about that creep at the bar.
Or maybe she wasn’t even into dudes. Maybe she liked girls. She was technically a boy after all, and most boys like girls. Are all trans girls gay before they transition? Is there such a thing as a lesbian trans girl? What could that even mean?
I tried not to think about it while I packed up the minivan with all of our stuff. It was almost 1:00 PM now. We were running late, but I figured we could make up the time on the road. She hopped into the passenger seat and I took the wheel. “Ready to go?” I asked.
“Never been more ready,” she said. I looked over and saw that her cheeks were still a bit pink. No one wants to be seen with an erection—especially someone who doesn’t want people to know that an erection is even a possibility.
“Then let’s go,” I said, pulling away from the motel, starting on the road towards Grand Prairie where our third show awaited us.
The last time I went to Grand Prairie, I was with Mimi. Our van had broken down in Red Deer, so we ended up renting a couple of sedans. Ian and our drummer shared one sedan, while Mimi and I shared the other. Mimi and I ended up missing sound check because we kept stopping to take pictures along the way. Mimi had just started an Instagram account and she was trying to fill it up, to make it look like it wasn’t brand new. It was a few days later when Ian pointed out that her Instagram made it look like we were a couple, because I was in every one of her photos. I can still remember how red Mimi’s face got when Ian pointed it out. She started getting me to take pictures of her—but I still made it into one or two from time to time.
“We should stop to take a picture,” Danni said. We were driving past a beautiful field, and the clouds in the sky were remarkably beautiful. We pulled over, and then I recognized that very field as one of the places Mimi and I stopped for a photo. I tried not to think of that time now. Mimi wasn’t a part of my life anymore.
“Say Over Oleander!” Danni said as she held up her phone. I forced a smile and she snapped the photo. She was cute in the shots. She was amazingly photogenic. Her eyes almost didn’t look real because they were so big and flashy—it almost seemed like she had taken the photo with a SnapChat filter on. But that’s just the way her eyes were: big and beautiful and hard to look away from, even when you remembered that they belonged to a man.
“We arrived in Grand Prairie ten minutes before our sound check. We scrambled to haul our gear inside. The large man with the big moustache from our first show was there to greet us. “I’m so happy you came. The people of Grand Prairie are going to love you. Your music is exactly what they’re looking for. I’m sure you’re going to be Grand Prairie’s new favourite couple by the end of the night.”
Danni and I were both silent. I was too afraid to look over at her to see her reaction. I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to tell him that we weren’t actually a couple. “Is something wrong?” he asked.
“No—nothing,” I said. “Where’s the bathroom?”
He pointed me towards the bathroom and I rushed over. I stared at myself in the mirror for a long minute. I didn’t want people to think that I was dating Danni. I wished they didn’t come to that assumption. Maybe it was time to find an actual drummer, and maybe even a bass player. No one would think that we were an item if there were more people in the band… Though people always thought that Mimi and I were together, even though we had a drummer and a bass player who were always around.
But maybe people just couldn’t tell. Maybe people thought she was hot, the way I thought she was hot—so maybe I was being gifted an opportunity. I didn’t like the idea of her running off and having a fling with some guy from the audience, so maybe it was best that everyone thought we were together.
Or maybe I needed to slap some sense into myself. Why did I care about what my band mate did with her personal life? Why did she get some special jealousy in my mind, just because she called herself a girl? I knew the truth—I knew she wasn’t a girl. I didn’t used to get jealous when Ian went off with some chick, so why should I care what Danni did? Ian and Danni were the same, biologically speaking.
Danni and I made music together, and that was it—that’s what we were good. And that night, we were on the top of our game. Danni nailed every solo and I played some of the best guitar of my life. The crowd cheered us back on stage after we finished our set and then we ended up jamming out a new song for the next ten minutes—nothing we’d ever played before, but the audience couldn’t possibly know that based on how elegant our sound was. As we left the venue, Danni’s eyes were glowing. “I’m so glad I replied to your ad,” she said, looking into my eyes.
“Me too,” I said.
We were stopped at a red light, but we didn’t start moving when it turned green. I was still staring into those eyes, unable to look away. She truly was beautiful, despite her gender mix-up. No one ever had to know that I thought she was beautiful. No one had to know that I felt jealous when she t
alked to other guys, even when she was just talking casually. No one had to know that I had the strong urge to kiss her. And those pretty eyes helped make me feel a bit better about my mixed up feelings. How could a man not lust after those eyes?
A car honked. We both darted our gazed forward. I started to drive. The car became silent and it stayed that way until we pulled up to a motel.
It wasn’t the ritziest motel. It was in a somewhat sketchy neighbourhood. The house across the street had its window broken, and a nearby car was up on blocks. “Maybe one of us should go in to get the room and the other should stay with the van,” she said.
“I’ll get the room,” I said, hopping out of the car, leaving it running so that Danni could stay warm on that cold spring night.
CHAPTER VII
I had to ring the bell four times before the desk clerk came out. His eyes were hardly open when he stepped into that small check-in room—to call it a lobby would be a gross overstatement. He rubbed his face and then he yawned. “A room?” he asked. “We charge upfront as of last month.”
“One room please,” I said.
“You want one bed or two?”
“Whatever’s cheapest.”
“It’s the same price. You can either have two queens, one king, or there’s the overflow room with the single twin—but I doubt you want that.”
“I’ll take that,” I said. My heart fluttered.
He stared at me for a moment. “The one with the twin?” he asked. “It’s the same price as the one with the king. We just use it for overflow. In fact, it’s only ever been used once since I started working here ten years ago.”
“Are the sheets in there clean?”
She shrugged his shoulders. “Yeah,” he said.
“Then I’ll take it.”
He stared at me for a moment longer with that crooked look. “Okay, whatever floats your dingy.” He grabbed the key off the wall and handed it to me. “That’ll be fifty bucks.”
I gave him the money and then I went back to Danni in the van. “They only have one room open. The others are being fumigated,” I said.
“For bugs?”
“He didn’t say. But he said the one room is fine—but we’ll have to share a bed again.”
“That’s fine, right?” she said.
“As long as you don’t mind.” I forced a smile. My heart was still fluttering around in my chest. Why was I doing this? Why was I trying to force us closer together? We were already starting to feel uncomfortably close. I’d already spent a night with my arm wrapped around a boy, technically speaking. Did I really want to risk going any further? Did I really want to risk this great band that I had going?
The room was small but clean. Everything, including the television, looked brand new but terribly dated, from the 80s. The carpet had a green and brown checkerboard pattern that looked like it had never been walked on. “Retro,” Danni said. “Do you need the bathroom? I’m going to take a shower.”
“No, I’m okay. I’ll unload the van for the night.”
“Do you want help?”
“No, just take your shower.”
“Are you saying I stink?” she said with a big grin. I laughed. And I couldn’t help but think that we had chemistry. We’d been together for three straight days now without even a little spat. There had hardly been a minute of silence between us since we met up for our road trip. Even with Mimi, there would be long awkward silences that would sometimes last entire car rides, though it was usually her initiating the silence. She would get mad, but I wouldn’t know why. One day, on a drive home from Saskatoon, she didn’t say a single word in the car. But just the night before, she had helped me pick up a super cute blonde at the bar we’d just played. “You can do better,” was the last thing she said to me, with a laugh, before I went home with the girl.
There was a cute blonde at the Grand Prairie show. I noticed her when we were doing our improvised encore. She was standing right at the front of the crowd and she was looking at me. She even smiled when I looked into her eyes. It didn’t dawn on me until I was unloading that minivan that she was probably hoping I would stick around after the show to hang out. Maybe she wanted me to go home with her. She was wearing a tight red dress—the kind of dress that a girl only wears when she’s looking for a good fucking. It was the kind of red dress I would ask her to leave on while I was fucking her—just hike up her skirt and tug down her top a little bit. But while we were playing, I didn’t even think about sex. I was too distracted by Danni.
On stage, Danni looked so beautiful. She danced so elegantly to the music, and her voice was so mesmerizing. And the smile she always had on when she was playing was so genuine and so precious.
I took a shower once Danni was finished. The water was no longer hot, but I didn’t mind. Sometimes a cold shower is nice after a long night, sweating under stage lights. I spent a good twenty minutes standing under that sporadic stream of water. My mind was spinning as if I was drunk, but I didn’t have a single drink that night. I could push the image of Danni in her stage outfit out from my mind. Even in my mind I couldn’t look away from her.
The room was dark when I got out from the bathroom. Danni was already in the small bed, with her back turned to me. I only had a towel on. I walked over to my bag, to get out my sweatpants, and then I hesitated. I wondered if she would even notice if I got into the bed naked. I honestly preferred sleeping without clothes—and my heart became excited over the thought of cuddling up to Danni in the nude. I walked over to the bed and gently dropped the towel on the ground. I slipped under the covers and felt that warm aura glowing off of her body. I got snuggled up tight and she snuggled her body back on cue. I put my arm over her and she accepted it.
I loved the way her hair smelled—she’d used the same cheap motel shampoo that I used, but somehow she still smelled like a supermodel. Her skin was so amazingly soft and I really couldn’t get over how warm her body was.
She snuggled back again, pressing her bum hard against my crotch. She wiggled slightly, unintentionally massaging my cock with her tush. It felt nice. I bit down hard on my tongue, but that didn’t stop the throbbing. I was quickly becoming aroused, but I wasn’t slipping away from her. I should have gotten up to put on my sweatpants before I ruined a good thing, but instead I stayed there, with my cock nestled between her cotton-clad bum cheeks. With each heartbeat, my dick was getting bigger and harder. By now, she could probably feel it. She was completely silent. And I was basically still a stranger to her. We’d only known each other for a couple of weeks—if that. And in those couple of weeks, we’d only met up to play music. We weren’t exactly getting to know each other while playing.
We were out in the middle of nowhere, seven hours away from home. What if she felt trapped? What if she was too afraid to reject me because she had to spend the whole next day in a van with me? Or what if she liked it? What if she wasn’t stopping me because she wanted it? Did I want it? Did I want to live the rest of my life knowing that I fucked a tranny?
I didn’t want that—at least I kept telling myself I didn’t want it, but that wasn’t enough to stop myself. I lowered my hand on her hip and I gently started to grind my cock up and down the length of her butt crack. It dawned on me after a few gentle thrusts that my fingers were only a couple of inches away from the big cock that I saw very briefly in that motel shower—the cock that should have been a harrowing reminder that I should be staying far away from Danni in any romantic way whatsoever. But instead of withdrawing my hand, I started to slip it forward, reaching slowly for that cock. She still wasn’t stopping me. In fact, she was rolling her body slightly, pushing herself into me and opening herself up so that I had a clearer shot at her cock. I pushed my fingertips down the front of her cotton shorts, over her soft pubic hair, and then onto her long shaft, which was already half erect.
It was warm and throbbing and thick. I could feel her veins pumping as I wrapped my hand around her member. I let a sigh out from my lips.
/> Now, her head was turned back and she was looking into my eyes. The sight of those eyes was a relief: a nice reminder that she was beautiful and not boyish at all—well, maybe a little bit, but not enough to knock me out of the mood. I gently kissed her lips, and that gentle kiss quickly turned into full-blown making out. We were officially crossing a line that I knew shouldn’t be crossed for so many reasons.
I was about to fuck a tranny. But worse than that, I was repeating history. I was about to ruin a perfectly good band for the second time in a month. I couldn’t help but think that God wasn’t going to give me a third chance. It wouldn’t be long before every working musician in my city knew about my reputation: the guy who fucks great opportunities into oblivion. But I couldn’t help myself. I couldn’t resist her. I loved her soft lips pressed up against mine, and I loved the feeling of her thick cock throbbing in my hand.
I used my free hand to shimmy down her little shorts. Then I used the same hand to push her shirt up to her collarbone. I didn’t get it off completely; I didn’t want to ruin even a second of that perfect kiss—the best kiss I’d ever had in my life. Her tongue was in my mouth now, exploring and twisting around mine. Her lips had a slight vanilla flavour to them, which was making me harder than ever before.
So what if she had a cock? No one had to know. This little fuck could be our secret. Maybe she was just looking for a one off too. She was a guy after all—technically. So maybe she would approach sex like a guy: without emotions and baggage. We were just satisfying one another—just for fun. It didn’t have to mean anything. Sex with Mimi wasn’t supposed to mean anything either… But that was different. She was a girl with some emotional issues. Danni seemed to be put together. She had her emotions in check. Or did she?
“This is just a fling—okay?” I said as I broke away from the kiss for a moment.
She looked into my eyes. “Oh—Okay. Sure,” she said. And then she smiled—but it wasn’t the warm, sexy smile I was hoping for. My heart plunged into my gut. I’d seen that smile before, when I said the same thing to Mimi when we had sex. Did Danni want more than just a fling? Did she want a relationship? Was she now going to feel hurt every time I picked up a girl at a show? Was it going to be awkward whenever we stayed in a motel now? Was this the end of our endless conversations during long drives?
Womanized Page 25
