I turn my phone off and place it on the bedside table. I lie there, staring at the ceiling for God knows how long before I decide to turn the television on. I just need some sort of background noise to try to distract me.
I need to stop hurting, just for a little while.
I flick through the channels but seeing as it is just after three in the morning, there is nothing decent on. I mindlessly stare at the screen whilst some woman gives the weather report. I don’t take in anything she is saying. I just stare and will myself to feel numb.
My head whirrs with what I should do, and I keep replaying the events that transpired with Jake.
Can I really be with a man who would use another woman to try and piss me off?
How many more hurdles am I going to have to face by staying with him?
Can I really give him up?
Can I throw away everything we have worked for over a misunderstanding?
My thoughts consume me until I am so tired that I finally drift off to sleep again.
Chapter Fifteen
Stacey
I don’t wake up in time for breakfast, which is just as well seeing as I have no appetite. It is just after eleven in the morning when I wake up. At least I managed another few hours of sleep. I still feel exhausted though.
I get out of the bed, use the ensuite, and decide that running a nice, hot bath might help to relieve some of the tension in my body. I start running the water and then I go to the bedside table and turn my phone on. Before I can do anything, my phone starts to ring.
It’s Jake again.
I toy with the idea of answering, my finger hovering over the answer button, when the ringing cuts out. I place the phone down on the bedside table and return to the ensuite. I wait for the bath to fill up, shutting the door. I take my clothes off, feeling icky that I slept in them all night. I finish running the bath and get in, enjoying how the hot water makes my skin tingle.
I stay in the bath until the water becomes lukewarm. As I drag my weary body out, I dry myself and I hear my phone buzzing in the next room. I ignore it for the time being, taking my time to get dry. I then go to my holdall and take out a pair of leggings and my off the shoulder jumper. Or my comfy jumper as I call it. I grab some clean underwear and then go back to the ensuite to get dressed.
I dry my hair with the towel and tidy up the ensuite, ensuring that I have dried any water on the floor. My phone starts to buzz again, and I sigh as I roll my eyes and walk over to it. Jake’s name appears across the screen again and I wait for the call to end. I desperately want to speak to him, but I still need time, so I decide to call Lydia.
“Hi, babes,” she says as she answers the phone. “How are you feeling today?”
“I’m okay,” I reply sullenly.
“Really?”
“No.”
“Look, Stace, I know that this is a shitty situation, but maybe it would help to talk to Jake?” I know that she means well, but with her saying that I should speak to him, it is slowly chipping away at any resolve I have to ignore his calls.
“No,” I reply bluntly as determination courses through me to stand my ground. I hear Lydia sigh and I know that she is frustrated with my stubbornness.
“Jake has been round here again this morning.” I groan out loud at her words. He can’t hound my best friend. No wonder she wants me to speak to him.
“Was he hoping that I would be there this time?”
“I think so. I had to tell him that you have gone away for a few days. He looked devastated, Stace. Paul said that Jake was pacing the house all night long, trying to figure out where you could have gone.”
“I’m sorry that he is bothering you, Lyd.”
“Don’t you apologise. This is all my fault anyway.”
“Oh no, don’t you dare––” I don’t get to finish my sentence as Lydia cuts me off.
“Stacey Marie Paris, I know what you are going to say, and I also know that this whole situation is my fault. I don’t need you trying to tell me that it isn’t. If you hadn’t taken those abortion leaflets for me, then none of this would have happened. You know that as well as I do.” She pauses, and I hear her take in a deep breath. “Babes, I know that you are hurting, but can’t you just give him a call? I know that what he did was out of order, and I’m not sticking up for him, but you guys are made for each other.”
“I will speak to him when I am ready, and that’s not yet.”
“Okay,” Lydia replies, exasperated. “I just don’t want you to regret not talking to him.”
I need to get off of the phone.
“I need to go, Lyd, but I will call you tomorrow.”
“Oh, okay.” She sounds a little shocked that I am ending the call, but I don’t need to hear her fighting Jake’s corner any longer.
“Speak to you soon.”
“Bye, Stace.” I hang up the phone and let out a groan of frustration. I think about what Lydia said, and I scroll through the phone and find Jake’s name.
I stare at his name and am so close to pressing the dial button, but I can’t make myself do it. I throw the phone down on the bed and decide that I need to get out of this room. I need to go for a walk.
I put my shoes on, grab my handbag and exit my room, leaving my phone on the bed. I don’t want to take it with me.
I leave the bed and breakfast and there is no sign of any other guests. I walk through the car park and head left, along the main road. I don’t worry about being seen by Jake as he has no idea where to look for me. I walk about ten minutes along the road and I come across a newsagent, so I decide to take a look inside and maybe pick up a newspaper.
I enter the shop which is actually bigger than it appears from the outside, take a look around, and grab a daily newspaper to read, just for something to do. As I look around the store, I notice a stationary section near the back. I peruse the notepads and pens and decide that a spot of writing may take my mind off of my personal life.
I pick up a couple of notepads and a pack of pens and take them to the counter to pay. After paying and leaving the shop, I head back to the bed and breakfast. Walking along, I am scared to death when a car starts beeping its horn at me. I jump in shock and freeze on the spot, my thoughts immediately thinking that it is Jake.
As I look up though, I see that it is Martin’s car. He pulls over, puts his hazard lights on, and jumps out of the driver’s seat.
“Baby girl,” he screeches at me as he comes running around the car. “What are you doing here?” he asks as he envelopes me in a hug. I take comfort in his arms holding me as I feel fresh tears spring to my eyes.
No, Stacey, don’t fucking cry now.
When I don’t answer, Martin steps back and takes a proper look at me. “Baby girl, what’s wrong?” he asks, concern replacing his happy demeanour from a few seconds ago.
Instead of answering him, I let the tears fall. I can’t hold them back any longer.
Martin puts his arm around my shoulders and guides me towards his car. He opens the passenger door and manoeuvres me into the passenger seat. The sobs rack my body as he puts my seatbelt on and then hurries around to the driver’s side. Martin starts to drive, and I don’t ask where we are going. I don’t care where we are going either. I let all the emotions flow through me as I continue to let the pain take over. Anger, hurt, betrayal, disappointment, and sadness consume me.
I felt like my heart was shattering into a million pieces last night, but right now, in this moment, I know that I am heartbroken, and I worry that it may never be repaired.
Chapter Sixteen
Stacey
I return to the bed and breakfast just after six, after spending the remainder of the afternoon with Martin at his house. I promised that I would call him tomorrow before I waved him off, assuring him that I would be okay. He offered for me to stay at his, but I didn’t think that it was fair of me to put him out like that. I also didn’t want to annoy Melody by not letting her know if I was staying again or not.
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I enter the foyer and Melody comes waltzing out of the communal room.
“Hello there, dear,” she says, smiling at me.
“Hi, Melody. I just wanted to make sure that it was okay for me to stay again tonight?”
“Of course it is. You look a little pale, dear, are you feeling okay?” she asks me, her brows furrowing with concern.
“It’s just been a long day.” I don’t care to divulge my personal problems to her. I spent the afternoon doing that with Martin and I feel drained. “If you’re not too busy, could I possibly have a large glass of white wine?” I ask her, feeling that I need something to drink after an emotional day.
“Coming right up. You go on through to the communal room and I will bring it in to you.”
“Thank you,” I say as she rushes off into the dining area.
I enter the communal room and choose to sit in one of the chairs by the window. I place my handbag and my bag of shopping that I got from the newsagent earlier, on the table. I am the only person in here and it feels peaceful. I stare out of the window and enjoy the view of the gorgeous sunset.
Melody comes in a few moments later with my glass of wine and places it on the table in front of me.
“There we are, dear. I will add it to the tab for your room.”
“That’s great,” I say, hoping that I won’t have to force myself to make polite conversation.
“I’m so glad that you have decided to stay another night. It’s nice to have someone young here. Don’t get me wrong, I love anyone coming here, but most of the people who walk through that door are old fuddy-duddies.” She chuckles, and I laugh along with her. It’s the first time I have laughed in two days, and it feels good. “Anyway, I must dash, lots of work left to do before tomorrow.” She gives me a wink and then leaves the room.
I shake my head and smile. She really is a character, and her easy nature has made me feel so comfortable here. I pick up my glass of wine and take a sip, closing my eyes as the cool liquid slides down my throat. I take another sip and let my mind drift to the conversation that Martin and I were having earlier.
Martin was wonderful. He let me vent, cry, and then vent some more. He listened to my fears and worries. He didn’t try to convince me to speak to Jake. He was just there for me, and that is just what I needed.
I take another sip of wine and nearly drop the glass when someone clears their throat right behind me. I turn around to see who it is and am gobsmacked by the person standing there.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you jump.” Holy shit, it’s Doctor Bradley. He smiles at me and my mouth drops open in surprise. He indicates to the chair on the other side of the table. “Do you mind if I join you?”
“Uh, no, not at all.” Why would he want to sit with me?
“It’s Stacey, right?” he asks as his eyes linger intently on my face.
“Yeah.” I don’t know what else to say. I sit awkwardly, racking my brains for something to say. He has a glass of scotch in his hand, and he takes a sip.
“So, how are you?” he asks, placing the scotch glass on the table.
“Uh, I’m okay, thanks. You?”
“I’m great. How’s your friend? Lydia, isn’t it?” Should Lydia’s doctor be asking me this?
“Oh, she’s fine.” I feel my face frown. “Excuse me for being blunt, but can I ask why you wanted to sit with me?” I decide that I don’t have the energy or the inclination to pussy-foot around someone right now.
“Oh, well, I just moved back to the area and I don’t really know anyone. I saw you sitting here and recognised you from the other day. I can leave though, if you like?” He looks a little wary and I instantly feel like a bitch for being so blunt.
“No, it’s fine. I’m sorry, I’m just not very good company at the moment. I didn’t mean to come across as rude.” The guy is only looking for some friendly chit-chat. I bet he wishes that he hadn’t bothered coming over now.
“No worries. So, you don’t mind if I sit with you then?” His striking eyes look to me for confirmation.
“No, of course not.” I smile at him. “So, how long have you been staying here?” I ask, feeling that I now need to make a little bit of effort to show that I am not just some rude bitch.
“A couple of weeks now. I just moved back from America.”
“Wow. Why would you do that? I would love to live out there.” It has always been a dream of mine to go to America. One day I hope that I will make that dream come true.
Doctor Bradley chuckles at my reaction. “I guess you could say that I felt homesick. I missed certain aspects of living here. I also have a brother who I am hoping that I can reconnect with. I left on bad terms with him, and I am hoping to gain back his trust.” He looks sad as he speaks, and I can’t help but feel sorry for him.
“Oh.” Well, that conversation turned a little more serious than I thought that it would. I’m a little surprised that he has just divulged personal information to me, seeing as I am a virtual stranger to him. “I’m sorry to hear that.” There really is nothing else that I can say at this point.
“It’s my own fault. I acted like a complete ass when I was younger.” He stares out of the window as he speaks. “I am hoping to change my brother’s opinion of me, and I’m hoping that he will be able to see that I am not the same person that I once was.” His head turns, and his eyes lock with mine.
“I’m sure that it will all work out.”
“Fingers crossed.” He smiles and clears his throat. “So, what brings you to this bed and breakfast?”
“Um, let’s just say that I needed a time out from life.” I give him the same reason that I gave Melody.
“Huh. I’m guessing that there could be a man involved in that statement.” I let a sad smile form on my lips, not bothering to hide the fact that he has hit the nail on the head.
“I would rather not talk about it.” I’m not about to place my trust in this guy. He may be a doctor, but that doesn’t mean that I have to tell him my secrets. I take a few gulps of my wine and Doctor Bradley nods towards my glass.
“Another?” he asks, picking his scotch glass up off of the table.
“No thanks. I really should be getting back to my room.” I stand up and the doctor does the same, holding his hand out for me to shake. I place my hand in his and I don’t fail to notice how he tightens his grip on me.
“It was nice talking to you, Stacey. We should do it again soon.” He flashes me a killer smile and I quickly pull my hand away, feeling like I am betraying Jake by being near this guy. I can appreciate that he is handsome, but that’s as far as it goes. I don’t get butterflies from looking at him. I don’t feel a blush creeping over my cheeks. I don’t feel my sex stir with need at the thought of his skin on mine.
Jake has officially ruined me for any other man.
I doubt that anyone will ever make me feel the way that Jake does.
I smile at Doctor Bradley before picking up my bags off of the table. I turn and exit the communal room, making my way up the stairs to my room. I unlock the door and enter my room, putting my bags on the floor and locking the door behind me.
I feel my body sag against the closed door and I close my eyes, hoping to God that I can find a way out of the hell that I am feeling sometime soon.
Chapter Seventeen
Stacey
It’s six in the evening, and I have spent the whole day locked in my room, writing. I woke up this morning and took out the notepads and pens that I bought from the newsagents yesterday, and I sat by the window, pouring my heart out onto the pages in front of me. It feels therapeutic to write about the way that I am feeling. It also lets me maintain a sense of privacy that I have put all of my emotions into characters that I have made up.
I have been running on caffeine all day long. I didn’t make it to breakfast again this morning, but I still have no appetite. I know that I should really eat, but I have been so consumed with getting my thoughts down on paper that I haven’t
thought about anything else. My phone has been off all day, and it’s been quite nice to shut myself off from the outside world. I know that I need to switch it on and check in with Lydia and Martin, but I am enjoying my last few moments of peace before I do that.
I sip the last of my coffee and walk over to the bedside table. Picking up my phone, I turn it on and wait to see what messages await me today. I have two, one from Lydia and one from Martin. They are both just asking how I am doing. I have nothing from Jake.
I feel a pang of disappointment within me. I know that I asked for space, and I know that I am the one who has been ignoring his calls, but I would hate to think that he has given up on me. My mind is still all over the place as I realise how ridiculous that sounds. I want him to leave me alone, but then I’m disheartened that he hasn’t called.
I need to get my shit together.
I decide to give Martin a call to distract my confused thoughts.
“Baby girl,” Martin exclaims as he answers the phone. “How are you doing?” His voice softens as he asks me the question.
“I’m okay, Mart. How are you?”
“Oh, I’m just peachy.” I sense a hint of sarcasm in his answer.
“What’s wrong?” I ask, feeling concern for my friend.
“I don’t know if I should tell you.”
“Why not?”
“Because it’s work-related.” I instantly know that his problem is with Jake and I sigh into the phone. I don’t want him to feel like he can’t talk to me just because Jake is his boss.
“You can tell me, you know? I’m not going to fall apart at the mention of his name.” I would have done two days ago, but I feel like I can’t cry over Jake any more than I already have.
“Well, to put it bluntly, Jake has been a fucking nightmare. He was in work today, and all he did was shout and ball at anyone who spoke to him. Honestly, it was horrendous. He’s clearly not handling this situation very well.”
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