“No fucking way.” I sit back into my seat and run the numbers in my head one more time, trying to piece everything together.
If her daughter is nine, that means she got pregnant ten years ago. I know she wasn’t pregnant when I left for college, and we were always diligent about using condoms, though there was one time we thought one of them might have torn but we weren’t sure …
I left in the middle of August.
Westley left in the middle of September.
He wouldn’t have …
She wouldn’t have …
I think back to Thanksgiving that year, when he was acting standoffish. I brushed it off until it happened the next year and the next. Something changed after that summer and we went from being as close as brothers to perfect strangers over the last ten years.
But I still have his number in my phone.
I grab my cell and call the bastard. I don’t care how late it is in Connecticut.
“Hello?” Westley answers.
“Did you know Lila had a kid?” I ask, hoping to catch him off guard. It’s an old interview technique I learned in law school. Westley’s never been good at lying on the spot.
“Did you find her?” He ignores my question.
“Answer me. Did you know Lila had a kid?”
“No.” He almost answers too quickly.
“I take it you found her?” he asks. “Where was she? I always wondered what happened to her. She was there one summer then the next summer she was gone.”
He’s rambling now, a red flag.
He knows more than he’s letting on.
“Don’t lie to me, West,” I say. “You know something.”
He’s quiet, and I hold my breath as I wait for him to answer.
“Tell me,” I say through gritted teeth. “This is your chance. Tell me what you did.”
For a second, I wonder if he assaulted her, knocked her up, and Granddad paid her to go away for “liability reasons.”
If he hurt her, he’s a dead man.
I don’t care if we’re family.
“I think we should talk,” Westley says. “In person.”
“Why, so you can look me in the eye and tell me you fucked my girlfriend and got her pregnant?”
“Thayer … I’m sorry. It’s beyond complicated and I can’t tell you anything. Not right now. Just … don't tell anybody you found Lila, okay?”
“Did you hurt her?” I ask.
“What? God. No. I would never.”
“Fuck,” I say, punching the steering wheel. “You knew where she was all these years and you didn't say a goddamned thing? You saw how much this destroyed me, you saw me put my entire life on hold and you sat back and … you’re pathetic, Westley. You know that? And now you’re dead to me.”
He’s silent on the other end, and all I keep picturing are the two of them together. I’m not sure which one I feel most betrayed by at this point.
“We’ll talk when you come back,” he says.
“No need. I’ve got nothing more to say to you.” I end the call and throw my phone into the passenger seat.
I’ve got a flight to catch tomorrow, but before I go, I want to have one last word with Lila, and then she’ll never hear from me again.
Chapter 36
Lila
There’s a persistent tap coming from downstairs, like someone rapping on the screen door.
I glance down to see MJ’s out cold again, and then I tiptoe out of her room, making my way back downstairs. Flicking on the porch light, I find Thayer standing there.
He still hasn’t left, not that this surprises me.
“We have to talk,” he says when I open the door. “Now.”
There’s a wild flash in his stormy eyes, and he’s breathing so hard his nostrils are flared. But I’m not scared—I’m curious.
“I just talked to Westley.”
Oh, God.
“Come in,” I say, though I don’t take him to the living room. I make him stand here in the foyer.
“How could you, Lila?” he asks. “How could you lie to me? How could you keep me in the dark? You made a promise and then you betrayed me.”
I hug my sides, listening to the cocktail of pain and anger in his tone, unable to look him in the eye any longer.
I can’t believe Westley told him what happened—as far as I knew, his grandfather forced him into signing an NDA as well, threatening to cut him out of his will if he breathed a word to anyone about any of this.
“For ten goddamned years, I didn’t love another woman. I didn’t go on a single fucking date. I was obsessed with finding you, with making sure you were okay and finally knowing what happened. But all this time it turns out I’ve been chasing after an illusion. You never loved me. You wouldn’t have done this if you did.”
“You’re wrong,” I say. “I did what I did because I love you.”
“Justify it any way you want … at the end of the day, that’s not love. Lying is not love. Betrayal is not love.”
I can’t say his anger isn’t warranted, but I won’t stand here and take the misguided anger another minute longer.
“You need to go,” I say. “Before my daughter wakes up again.”
“Answer one last question for me,” he says. “And then I’ll never bother you again … why?”
“Why did I do it?”
“Yes. Why did you do it?”
“I didn’t have a choice,” I say. “Plain and simple. I didn’t have a choice.”
“So someone forced you.”
“In a way, yes.”
“Who?” he asks.
“I can’t tell you. Not yet.”
His hand runs through his thick dark hair, and he grabs a fistful. “I don’t understand.”
“Someday you will.”
“Do you remember that time when you asked me what my greatest fear was? And I told you I didn’t have an answer for you. Well, I figured it out about halfway through my sophomore year,” he says. “My biggest fear was losing you. But it turns out, I’d lost you long before I realized that.”
He shows himself out.
I hate that he had to find out from Westley.
I can only imagine his version of events.
There are two sides to every story. I can only hope someday I’ll get the chance to tell him mine.
Chapter 37
Thayer
I stop at the coffee shop on the square before hitting the road. My flight leaves in two hours and as soon as I get back to the island, we’ll be in full wedding prep mode for Whitley’s big day next weekend. I’m not exactly looking forward to breathing the same air as Westley for a whole fucking week, but I’m left with no choice.
“Coffee. Black.” I toss a five-dollar bill on the counter and tell the kid behind the cash register to keep the rest before moving down the line.
A little girl with dark pigtails and a unicorn backpack is in line ahead of me. She turns to glance up at me. She smiles, and I can’t help but notice her eyes are the exact same shade of amber-green as Lila’s.
“Hi,” the girl says.
For a second, I think she’s with the woman ahead of her, but that woman grabs two coffees off the counter and leaves alone. The girl’s in here by herself.
“Hi.”
“Were you at my house last night?” she asks. “You look like the guy that was talking to my mom.”
“Are you MJ?” I ask.
Her face lights. “Yep. It’s short for Mary June. I was named after my grandma and great-grandma ‘cause I was born on Mother’s Day.”
She tugs at a gold chain around her neck, and I realize there’s something attached to it, like a pendant or something. Upon closer inspection, I realize it’s not a pendant at all—it’s an opal ring.
The very one I bought Lila from that antique shop in Rose Crossing the summer of ‘09.
“That’s a very nice necklace you have,” I say.
She toys with the chain. “Thank you. My mom gave this to m
e. She says my daddy gave it to her before I was born.”
PART THREE [ past]
September 2009
Chapter 38
Lila
“Lila, hey.”
I’m sitting at the edge of the dock when Westley finds me. Turning away, I dry my tears on the back of my hand.
“You okay?” he asks, sitting beside me.
Thayer left almost a month ago and Whitley left shortly thereafter, but Westley’s semester doesn't start until the middle of September, so he isn’t leaving until this weekend.
“You miss him, don’t you?” he asks.
My heart flips. There’s no way he knows …
Thayer would’ve told me if he told Westley.
“I know about you and Thayer,” he says, voice low even though we’re the only two around. “It’s okay. Your secret’s safe with me.”
I say nothing. There’s nothing to say. Or at least there’s nothing I can say to Westley right now.
“If you want to write him a letter or something, I can take it back with me and mail it from campus.” I can feel Westley watching me. “I mean, is there anything I can do here? I have this thing where I can’t handle girls crying.”
He’s sweet to try and comfort me, but I realize now that I went the whole summer without saying more than a handful of sentences to him. He kept his distance. I kept mine. We’re practically strangers, but I know he thinks the world of Thayer and if Thayer did entrust him with our secret, then maybe I can trust him with mine …
“Can I tell you something?” I ask.
“Of course. What’s up?”
I slide my hand into the pocket of my hoodie, my fingers wrapped around the positive pregnancy test I took an hour ago.
A few days ago I realized I was late.
Two weeks.
My whole life my period has come every four weeks like clockwork, no matter what. My grandma happened to be sending me to the mainland for supplies the next day, so I grabbed a test from a local pharmacy while I was there.
I didn’t have the courage to take it until today.
I kept thinking that maybe if I waited just another day and another day … my period would come.
But it never did.
And now I’m pregnant with the baby of a man I was explicitly told to stay away from.
My grandparents are going to kill me.
Mr. Bertram is going to kill Thayer.
Pulling the test from my pocket, I hold it in my palm.
“What’s tha—” he begins to ask. “Oh. Shit. Um …”
“Yeah.” I shove it back into my pocket.
“Oh, shit,” he says again. “Shit, shit, shit.”
“What am I going to do?” I ask.
I have no money aside from what I’ve saved over the summer, which is hardly enough to get me on my feet. I was hoping to have at least another year of earnings in the bank before figuring out the whole school-work-independent woman chapter of my life. If I can’t support myself now, how am I going to support a baby too?
“If Granddad finds out about this ... " Westley’s words taper into nothing.
“What do you think he’s going to do?” I ask. “Worst-case scenario. I want to be prepared.”
He blows a hard breath between his lips. “Honestly?”
“Yeah.”
“Well, first he’ll probably fire you,” he says. “And then he’ll probably stop paying Thayer’s tuition.”
Shit.
“But this is his great-grandchild. Why would he do that?” I ask.
“You have to know my grandfather to understand him,” he says. “And half the time we don’t even understand him. He makes the rules, we’re expected to follow them. If we don’t, there are consequences. Trust me. I was the first to learn that the hard way. I didn’t take his threats seriously.”
“You really think he’ll cut Thayer off?”
“In a heartbeat. Without question.”
“What do I do? Obviously I spent the entire summer on the island. When my belly starts to grow, they’re going to know it was him.”
“No, they won’t,” Westley says before turning to me. “They might think it’s me.”
I bury my face in my palms.
Unplanned pregnancies happen every day, but I never knew something so small could have such a ripple effect and complicate so many lives.
“I have an idea,” he says. “What if we tell them it’s mine? I’ve already been cut off. I’ve got nothing to lose. He’ll be pissed at me and probably say a bunch of shit that’s going to hurt and he’ll still probably fire you, but at least Thayer will be in the clear. We don’t have to tell Granddad the truth until Thayer’s done with school … you know, if Granddad’s still around then.”
“You would do that?” I ask. “You would take the fall for him?”
“He’d do it for me,” he says. And he’s probably right. “It makes sense. I’ve got nothing to lose. He’s got everything to lose.”
“And what will you tell your parents? They’ll think they’ve got a grandchild on the way.”
He sucks in a deep breath, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Yeah. I guess we’ll have to figure that out too.”
We linger in silence for a few moments. I imagine he’s mulling over the ramifications of what he’s about to do.
“Are you sure about this?” I ask again.
He’s quiet, contemplative, and he peers across the rolling waves just beyond the cove.
“Yeah,” he says. “I’m sure.”
“When do we tell them?” I ask. “Do we wait until I'm showing or do we just do it now and get it over with?”
I’m on the taller side … maybe I’ll be able to hide this a little longer so I can put a few more paychecks away?
“We’re going to have to do it now, Lila,” he says. “I leave this weekend and I won’t be back until next summer.”
He’s right.
“We’ll do it tonight,” Westley says. “After dinner, after everyone leaves, we’ll pull him aside and do it then.”
My body fills with little earthquakes and my stomach churns, though it could be morning sickness for all I know.
“Don’t stress,” he says, taking my hand. “Think of me as your surrogate Thayer.”
I laugh at his absurd comment.
And then I cry at his generosity.
Chapter 39
Thayer
“Hey, hey!”
I hit save on my paper and spin in my desk seat to find one of my friends standing in the doorway of my dorm room.
“Are you kidding me right now? It’s Friday night,” Noah says. “Don’t make me unplug that thing.”
“I dare you,” I say, teasing though not really. He struts across my dorm room giving me a half-handshake, half-high five and then takes a seat on the edge of my bed. A few more pages and the paper’s done, but he has a point. It’s Friday night and it’s been a hell of a week.
“Bunch of us are going to Carter’s place for drinks. You in?”
I rest my hands behind my head, leaning back in my chair. “Yeah. Sure. Why not.”
I’ve been back in New Haven for a month now and this marks the first time I’ve actually gone out of my way to socialize. Ashlan’s begged me to hang out a few times, but so far I’ve been able to excuse my way out of those.
I grab my jacket, phone, wallet, and keys and follow Noah to the hall, locking up behind me.
Friday night on campus is alive and buzzing, everyone’s laughing, their good moods spreading like wildfire. A group of girls that I recognize from my philosophy class pass me going the opposite way and the blonde in the middle smiles and waves.
A year ago, something like that would’ve made my night. Now? It only makes me miss Lila.
Chapter 40
Lila
“Do either of you have any idea what you’ve done?” Howard’s eyes are wild and spittle leaves his lips when he talks. “Do you know what this means? No, you don’t. How could you?
” He’s pacing back and forth in his study as Westley and I sit in the leather guest chairs, holding hands for show. “I told you, Westley!”
He points a crooked finger at his grandson.
“I told you to stay away from her!” He’s yelling now, his face cherry-red.
“This is going to destroy everything I’ve worked so hard to build for us,” he says. “Our family name. Our legacy. And the two of you have ruined it.” He rests his palm over his wrinkled forehead. “You can’t keep this baby. No one can know about this. No one.”
The thought of handing Thayer’s baby off to a perfect stranger to raise is one that never crossed my mind. The baby is mine. Ours. No matter how hard it’s going to be, I’m not giving it up.
“You know, I had my suspicions over the summer,” Howard said. “Went for a walk one morning and noticed the front door to the cottage was open. Went inside and no one was there, but why else would it have been open? Someone had to have been in there. I knew it was one of you boys, I just couldn’t figure out who ...” he’s rambling, mostly talking to himself I think. “And you.” He points at me, his eyes even wilder than before. “I never should’ve given you a job here. You’re just like your harlot of a mother.”
“Granddad.” Westley stands up.
“Sit. Down. Westley,” he bites back before straightening his shoulders and resting his hands on his hips. He’s facing us square on, his gaze traveling between us. “There’s something the two of you need to know now that you’ve brought this plague upon our family.”
Westley squeezes my hand.
“The two of you are half-siblings,” Bertram says.
Westley and I exchange looks, and for a second I think I misheard Howard.
“H... how?” Westley asks.
My stomach churns and my entire body is clenched as I wait for his answer.
For Lila, Forever Page 14
