by Marie, Carly
I was tired enough that the statement didn’t seem odd, even as I followed him toward our bed and watched him pull the covers down. "Sleep well, baby," he told me before pressing a gentle kiss to my forehead.
I assured myself we'd talk when I woke up; I just needed a short nap anyway. Then the bed dipped as Spencer climbed in beside me. I rolled toward him and let him wrap me in his strong arms. "Love you," I said as my eyes drifted shut and sleep overtook me.
Chapter Five
Spencer
"Rawr!" I was confused for a moment as I walked into the house. The growl definitely hadn't belonged to Jayden—it was too deep. Actually, Jayden and Mia shouldn't be home at all. It was just after noon on a school day, and I'd taken the last half of the day off to get my thoughts in order.
I kicked my shoes off and hung my coat up.
"No, good dragons don't rawr at their Daddy." The voice was deeper, but I could tell it was forced. What the hell was going on in my house?
There was a pause, and I barely made out the next words. "Sorry, Daddy."
Now I was even more confused. I headed toward the noise as I worked at loosening the tie around my neck and popping the top button free. I passed the living room to find it empty save for the laptop and discarded blankets on the couch. Interesting. The kitchen and dining rooms were also empty. It didn't even look like the kitchen had been touched since breakfast. Weird.
"Nom, nom, nom, nom. Crackers!" I knew Gray's voice when I heard it, but I still didn't know what was going on. The den was the only room left on the main level of the house. Set back behind the dining room, it was so rarely used I tended to forget it was there.
The light was on and the noises seemed to be getting louder as I approached. I popped my head around the corner and my heart swelled as I took in my husband lying on the floor playing with two of his favorite dragon stuffies I'd bought him on business trips over the years. Grayson's legs swayed back and forth as he chewed his mouthful of crackers.
I watched him swallow hard, then move the dragon in his right hand as he spoke in the deeper voice. "Don't make a mess with your snack."
Grayson's head bobbed up and down as he moved the dragon in his left hand. "I won't, Daddy."
My eyes widened. I'd come home and inadvertently caught my husband having little time on his own. Why hadn't he waited for me? I felt like a voyeur watching him right then, so I cleared my throat. I'd never seen Gray jump so high or let out a squeal so high-pitched. Both of the dragons flew to opposite sides of the room.
"Spence?" He gasped, holding his chest and trying to catch his breath, then his eyes went wide as saucers. "What time is it? The kids!" He was patting his pockets frantically looking for his phone to find the time.
I walked forward and pulled him into a hug. "Relax, baby. It's barely one. They don't get out of school for another two hours."
He relaxed for the briefest of seconds, then his back stiffened again. "What the hell are you doing home? You should be at work! Is everything okay? Is your brother okay?"
"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Gray, breathe for me. You're going to hyperventilate. Everything's fine. My board meeting got canceled, so I came home early." I pulled him closer and kissed his head. I hadn't meant to scare the shit out of him.
"So everyone and everything is okay?"
"Yeah, baby. It's all fine."
Runt came up and nudged my lower back with his nose, then snorted in annoyance that I didn't have any food or treats for him.
"Oh, good." He took a deep breath and sagged against me for a moment. "Oh shit." He groaned just as I’d thought he'd fully relaxed. "How long were you here?"
"Not long," I said into his hair. "Have you eaten?" I was starving. It had been between cafeteria food at the hospital or coming home to eat. I wasn't going to lie and say that real food at home hadn't been the driving factor for heading home early.
"No, I lost track of time. Well, I guess I had some crackers."
I wasn't going to tell him that I'd noticed as much on both accounts. Instead, I decided to try to get his mind off of things. "Let's go into the kitchen and I'll make some lunch."
Grayson nodded slowly, questions in his eyes, but not daring to put voice to them. I didn't push him as I walked us to the kitchen. As we left the den, I grabbed the dragon stuffie Grayson had accidentally tossed near the door.
"What do you want me to get started?" Gray asked, pointedly ignoring the stuffed animal in my hand.
I gripped his shoulders gently and led him toward the barstool at the island. "Absolutely nothing. You can just sit here while I figure out something to throw together."
"But if you cook, it's going to be healthy."
I couldn't stop the snort of laughter that escaped me at his complaint. Gray would live on junk food, boxed dinners, and frozen meals if I let him. He was still convinced that cereal counted as a balanced meal at any hour of the day. "I'll make sure you eat a good lunch that has all the food groups."
"That's what I was afraid you were going to say." He huffed as he took a seat.
It was far more difficult than it should have been to not roll my eyes at his dramatics. Instead of focusing on the way his full lips turned downward in an adorable pout, I set his dragon in front of him on the island and turned my back before he'd had a chance to fully process what I'd done.
Torture didn't begin to describe how difficult it was to not watch him while I set about finding lunch items. I, the doctor with slightly obsessive healthy-eating habits, struggled to figure out a lunch that was both nutritious, but also fun for my boy who was just discovering his little side.
I found the makings for a grilled ham and cheese, a carton of tomato soup in the pantry, and some fresh fruit that had already been cut up and was sitting on a shelf in the fridge. It seemed like a decent enough meal: filling, relatively balanced, and something that I was pretty sure Gray would enjoy no matter what his mindset was.
As I slid the container of fruit across the counter, I couldn't help the smile I felt forming on my lips. My husband had tucked his dragon under his arm, but was watching as I moved about.
"Eat some fruit. Nine out of ten dragons recommend it."
A giggle bubbled out of him that I was sure wasn't like any sound I'd ever heard from him before. "Dragons, huh?" he asked as he popped a green grape into his mouth.
"Well, maybe eight dragons and a Daddy."
And Gray choked. He choked badly enough that I worried I was going to have to put my training into practice before he finally coughed it out. "Are you trying to kill me?" he asked as he tried to catch his breath.
"Sorry, baby."
Grayson recovered before I got a glass of water to him. "You've been calling me that a lot lately."
I thought about it for a moment, then nodded. "I guess I have." He'd always been my babe, so I hadn't thought much of it when I'd begun to call him baby instead of babe. "It's natural."
"Do you want to be Daddy?" I could tell he'd had to work hard to get the question out, so I wasn't going to make him sweat waiting for an answer.
"Honestly? I've loved the few times you've called me Daddy. I like thinking of myself as your Daddy." Which reminded me that I needed to call and set up a coffee date with Trent and Travis before long. I had questions, and before Gray and I got much further in the lifestyle, I'd like to have them answered.
"Oh." Grayson popped another two pieces of melon in his mouth and focused on chewing. I wasn't going to force him to talk right then, so I set to work putting together two sandwiches and heating the soup. Gray still hadn't said anything when I finally slid the grilled sandwich—cut into fours—and soup in front of him, but he had eaten most of the fruit.
Unfocused eyes blinked up at me. "Thank you." Then almost inaudibly, he added, "Daddy."
The word made me feel a happiness I'd not experienced before. He'd called me Daddy nearly a week ago, but he hadn't said it since the night we'd gone to DASH. It had gotten to the point that I'd stopped expecting him to get
comfortable with it. "You're welcome, baby."
He chewed on his lower lip as his blush faded, then dunked one of the sandwich quarters into the soup. He'd barely had the first bite in his mouth before he moaned. Watching him eat the grilled cheese like it was the best thing he'd ever put in his mouth felt so satisfying. Little moans accompanied eyes that kept falling closed. "This is so yummy," he said after eating half the sandwich.
I couldn't help but wonder if he'd even noticed his word choice, but I definitely swelled with pride. "I’m glad you like it."
He ate another quarter of the sandwich and looked over at me. "Do dragons exist?"
The question took me by such surprise I didn't know how to answer. Was I answering my husband or my boy? Did my boy want me to play along and tell him stories about dragons or did my husband want an honest answer about lizards and whatnot? Then again my husband knew all about dragons. He was a wealth of information about them.
I must have taken too long to answer because Grayson chuckled to himself. "I mean, Logan's a puppy. And I've heard of kitty play too." He wrinkled his nose up at the thought, and even at the word kitty Squirrel growled from his place at my feet.
"There's no kitty, Squirrel," I said, rolling my eyes at the dog. I turned my attention back to my husband. "I've heard of kitty play as well." But I still wasn't following his train of thought.
"And there are furries too." He paused for a moment, then leveled me with a serious expression. "Nothing wrong with that, but totally not for me."
"There's nothing wrong with knowing what you want."
He nodded, but I got the impression it was more to himself. "Do you think there are dragons, though? Like puppies, but that look like dragons?" He dunked the last quarter into the soup. "I want to be a dragon."
Huh. That was an interesting thought. "I have no idea, baby. We could look online. If it exists, we’ll find it online."
Grayson popped the last bite into his mouth and calmly chewed as though he hadn't turned everything I'd thought I'd been figuring out on its head. I had suspected puppy play fit him; I knew he liked dragons. But dragon play? Was that even a thing? I had absolutely no idea.
Big brown eyes met mine, then narrowed in confusion. "Is everything okay?"
I nodded automatically. "Fine, yeah."
"You've been sitting there with that bite of sandwich halfway to your mouth for over a minute."
I had? I glanced down and sure enough there it was, halfway between the plate and my mouth. "Oh." I pushed it into my mouth and took the time I was chewing to work out my thoughts. Mainly, Help, where the fuck do I find a dragon hood? Was that even what they were called?
That conversation with Trent and Travis had quickly moved high on the list.
Thanks to small miracles, Grayson didn't seem to notice my panic as he focused on eating his soup. I tried to focus on my own meal, but continued to steal glances at my husband. A few drops of soup had dotted his chin, and by the way he didn't bother to wipe it off, he either didn't notice or didn't care. After another bite, I saw his body was completely relaxed. I ate a few more bites and looked up, realization dawning slowly, far slower than it should have. Gray had the same look on his face that he'd had at the club while he played with Aiden, Caleb, and Logan.
I was looking at my boy, not my husband. My boy had dribbled soup down his chin while he ate and wanted to be a dragon when he played. But more importantly, my boy was relaxed and happy. I had no idea where to go from here, but I was happy to take it for what it was, and we still had nearly two hours to enjoy it in before the kids arrived home.
Grayson seemed distracted enough with his soup, so I pulled out my phone and sent a text to the two men who might be able to give me some advice.
Me: Gray and I have about two hours of downtime, and I think he'd like being little—or a dragon—for the next few hours. But we don't have many toys for him to play with. What do you suggest?
I didn't even have the phone back in my pocket when it buzzed in my hand.
Trent: Dragon?
Travis: Don't overthink. You have coloring books and crayons. Even snuggles on the couch are often enough to have Cal in little space.
Trent: He said dragon.
Travis: I saw that, but he's looking for ideas.
I bit my lip so I didn't laugh and startle Grayson.
Me: He said like a puppy, but a dragon. Whatever that means.
Bubbles started and stopped a number of times.
Travis: Lots of layers.
Me: Layers?
Travis: Cal loves dragons. Obsessed with them, actually. He's got picture books and story books and novels. The man can tell me all about all different dragons. But the biggest thing with his dragons is that they don't like being cold. And they hoard things. Especially shiny things.
Me: Well, my husband hates being cold. That fits.
Trent: Mind if I talk to Logan about dragon play? Maybe he's seen it or has some ideas.
Me: Go for it. I'll take any help I can get.
Travis: Make sure he's warm and maybe has some crayons and a dragon cartoon to watch. It will make a perfect afternoon, and a great way to dip your toes into this type of play.
Me: Thanks guys.
I looked up to find Grayson looking at me.
Me: And he's done with lunch. Talk with you all later.
The phone buzzed a few more times, but I ignored it and turned the ringer to vibrate.
"Let me get you cleaned up. You're a mess," I said to him as I took my dishes to the sink.
Bibs were going to be high on my list of things needed if he was going to be a messy eater when he got to be little. And warm clothes. I was already making a list in my head as I ran a rag under the hot water. Bibs, sippy cups, maybe a bottle as well. Did he want a pacifier? I'd seen him sucking his thumb more often lately and I didn't know what that meant. Maybe it was his way of testing out being little?
Too many questions, not enough answers. I'd tackle them one at a time, but I needed to focus on my husband first. I glanced over my shoulder and saw him watching me, his lips upturned at the corner, and his eyes bright with happiness. He wasn't my husband at the moment. He was my boy, I was his Daddy, and he needed to be cleaned up.
I wrung the rag out and turned the water off. "Okay, baby, let's get all that soup off your chin."
When I said it, Gray's expression changed to confusion and he instinctively reached to brush it off. The problem with that was that now his face and fingers were a mess. I chuckled. "Yucky. Time to get cleaned up."
Grayson didn't seem to know what to do, and after a moment's pause, he held out his hands. "Messy," he said with a nod.
"You sure are," I said, nodding in agreement as I washed his fingers, then folded the rag and wiped off his face. It took a second fold, but eventually I got his face cleaned off well enough that I wasn't worried about him making a mess in the living room.
His eyes flashed with various emotions and I couldn't read them all. I saw everything from confusion to shyness, and a few times his cheeks heated with embarrassment, but he never told me to stop. He never flinched away, never showed me anything more than uncertainty. And that was a feeling I could easily understand. I felt it in my bones, but I also felt how right this was. I just hoped under all the new and confusing feelings, he felt the same way.
"Come on, baby. Let's take your dragon and go to the living room. I bet there's a show we can watch and I'll go find you some crayons and coloring books." I held my hand out to him and Gray took it without hesitation and allowed me to lead the way.
In the living room, I was able to settle Grayson on the floor with the pile of blankets he'd left on the couch earlier. It felt like I was making a nest around him as he settled down, but the chill he usually had this time of the year was nowhere to be seen.
Very warm pajamas were a must.
As I wrapped the bright dragon blanket around his shoulders, I saw a shy smile appear on his face. "Thank you, Daddy."
&nbs
p; In that moment, my heart felt too big for my chest. "You're welcome, baby." If I let myself stand there too long, I was going to become emotional, so I forced myself to continue with my original plan. TV on, cartoon found—not about dragons, but he seemed happy with the dinosaurs—and fire started. While he was preoccupied with the show, I went on a hunt for crayons and coloring books, cursing as I continued to come up empty-handed.
Just as I was getting ready to give up, I remembered the stash of art supplies Gray kept in his office for when the kids were in there while he worked. I changed course and walked into his office, hoping to find something in there. To my surprise, right on top of his desk sat an almost new box of crayons and two coloring books filled with dragon pictures.
I took just a moment to flip through them to find that a few pictures in each book had been colored already. Neat, meticulous coloring filled each page, and I knew it was Gray's work. He'd been thinking about this more than he'd let on. Maybe it was a good thing I'd come home early and nearly given him a heart attack. If I hadn't, we might not have made it to this point for a long time.
Gray's blush flared up again when I made it back to the living room. "My books." His voice cracked on the words, like he wasn't sure if he should be embarrassed or happy.
"They're very pretty." I set the books and crayons on the coffee table in front of Gray and moved to sit down behind him. "Maybe you can color me a picture for the office?"
Gray's eyes widened. "You'd want one?"
"Of course." Was that even a question? Thinking hard, maybe it should have been. Maybe the immediacy of my response and the conviction of my words spoke to how invested I was. Maybe it just said that I loved my husband. Maybe it was because I already knew that I was going to love being Gray's Daddy.
I settled down behind where he sat, within arm’s reach, and pulled the tablet on the side table into my lap. I had research to do.
