by Fanny Finch
“It makes it so they cannot trust him. Perhaps he bullies his wife, they think. Perhaps he forced her to marry him. Perhaps the father had good reasons for not approving of the match.”
“I had not thought about that,” Georgiana admitted. “That is why I am wondering if I did the right thing. I was thinking only of myself. I was being terribly selfish.”
“It is not selfish to put one’s needs before another person’s wants,” Julia said. “Captain Trentworth wanted to marry you. But you needed to be taken care of. You needed a steady income upon which you could rely. You needed to be a part of the society in which you had grown up. You needed your friends and family.
“He would have taken that all away from you if you had married him against your father’s wishes. Whether that is what he meant to do or not, that is what would have happened.
“You would have lived a life of uncertainty. A life of frustration and loneliness. And that is not how a marriage should start. That is not what a relationship should bring you.
“Was it difficult? Yes. Was it unkind? Possibly, to him and to you. But was it necessary? Also, yes.”
Georgiana sipped her tea. Julia eyed her. “Were you two going over that night? Presenting your arguments once again? Is that why you were so distressed?”
Georgiana shook her head. She had come this far. She might as well tell Julia everything.
And if she could not tell it to Julia, well, who could she tell it to then? Julia was her best friend. Her dearest friend. And she was the only one who had been there when it had all happened originally. She had witnessed nearly all of it.
Georgiana therefore told her everything about last night.
It was hard to talk about. It was still difficult for her to even think about. But she must tell someone. And she should do it before she inevitably lost her courage and kept it bottled up for years.
“I think that Mr. Norwich is a better man than I first expected,” Julia admitted. “I think his advice to you was sound.”
“Except that look at what it got me: a broken heart.”
“Yes, but you would have gotten that had you not said anything so plainly either. Only in that case it would have been a long and drawn-out process.
“You would have been trapped there wondering about his relationship with Miss Perry, or Miss Everett, or any other woman with whom he danced and conversed.
“You would have done your best to convince yourself that it was all in your imagination. That you were being paranoid. But then you would have convinced yourself in the other direction: that you were right and all hope was lost.
“It would have been terribly drawn-out and awful for you. Not to mention quite dramatic. You would have been stuck in the middle and it wouldn’t have been fair. Not to you.
“And not to Captain Trentworth either, come to think of it. He deserved to know how you felt and to have a chance to respond to it properly.”
“He responded to it, all right,” Georgiana said sadly. “He made his feelings on the matter quite clear.”
Julia sighed and wrapped her arm around Georgiana’s shoulders, giving her a squeeze. “This isn’t the end of the world, my dear. Although I’m sure that it feels like it.”
“If I were younger that might be one thing,” Georgiana admitted. “And I do not even mean in the sense of being too old for marriage.
“I mean that, I have been in love with the same man for years. Even when there was no hope. Not a letter, not a word about him or from him.
“Surely if I was capable of loving someone else it would have happened by now? If I was younger and this was happening I might have hope of that. But it seems to me now to be an impossible hope.
“I feel rather stupid for asking this, but it really does not strike me as fair. Why should God grant me these feelings for Captain Trentworth if I should gain nothing from them? What is it supposed to all mean?”
“My dear, you know that when you start to get philosophical you are out of my depth.” Julia’s tone was teasing but loving. “I’m afraid that I do not have an answer for you.”
“What do you think that I should do?”
“Well, I think that you ought to think on a smaller scale, for one. No more raving at God. Instead, have your breakfast. Finish your breakfast. Then go on a walk.
“Perhaps you might take Mother to one of the bathing pools? She would love the company and she will cheer you up immensely with her observations about everyone around her.”
“I can sense a scandal already.” Georgiana smiled at her.
“Just keep everything in perspective. Think about the little things. The big things will work themselves out in time. But I think that what you need right now is a bit of relaxation, perhaps some pampering.”
“And what about dinner?”
“Do not worry about any of that,” Julia assured her. “I promise you, I shall take care of everything. What else are your dearest friends for, if not to help you when you are feeling down?”
“I hope that if our predicaments are ever reversed, you will come straight to me and allow me to help you in return,” Georgiana said.
She doubted that bright, vivacious Julia would ever have reason to be in such a state. But if she were, Georgiana would do whatever was in her power to set things right and to help Julia feel better. She wanted Julia to know that.
Julia hugged her. “Of course. I know that I can always count on you. If I am ever in such a state as you are in, you know that you will be the first person I shall go to.
“Although I must say, and I mean no offense by it, I hope that I am not ever in your state.”
“Perhaps if you actually did something about the business of getting married, you might be,” Georgiana replied.
“Ah, her wit has returned! She is beginning to make a full recovery. This doctor prescribes fresh air, bathing, and the stimulating conversation of my mother.”
Julia pecked Georgiana on the cheek and then left the room. “I shall leave you to it! See you later, my dear, and focus only on the little things!”
Georgiana looked down at her plate. She was not sure if she would be able to keep Captain Trentworth entirely out of her thoughts. But it was something, to focus on the small things.
Only thinking about the present moment and focusing on the things that she could control. That sounded like good advice.
Her questions about what to do regarding Captain Trentworth and Mr. Tomlinson could all wait until later. Those problems weren’t going to go away the moment she stopped thinking about them.
But coming back to them later with a fresh mind was a good idea.
Georgiana settled back against the pillows. She could manage this. She would have to.
Chapter 17
Robert was just finishing reading the paper when the servant entered.
“There is a Miss Weston to see you, sir,” he said. “Shall I show her in or tell her that you are not at home?”
If he told the man to inform Miss Weston that he was not at home, she would know that he was and that he was only lying to avoid seeing her.
Robert did not want to have to deal with the sort of storm that would kick up. Besides, he saw no reason why he shouldn’t see her. It would mean that he could decline all future dinner invitations in person rather than by post.
“Show her in.”
Miss Weston entered in such a state that Robert jumped up at once in concern. “Whatever is the matter?”
“Oh, you are quite lucky, Captain, that there are some bounds of propriety to which I must adhere!” Miss Weston hissed. “I cannot believe you. And to think that I had placed my hat in your ring!”
“What on earth are you on about? Do you need some water or tea?”
Miss Weston looked like the personification of a summer storm. Her eyes were blazing and her cheeks had spots of color on them from her rage.
Robert could suddenly and quite clearly understand why the Furies and Valkyries and so on of legend were all women
.
“What I need, Captain Trentworth,” Miss Weston snapped, “is a proper apology from you to Miss Reginald. Preferably in writing. And with a great deal of poetic groveling. But I’m not terribly picky.”
“I see that you have probably heard some of what transpired last night.”
Robert was under no illusions that Miss Reginald had sent Miss Weston here. That was not Miss Reginald’s way. She must have been upset and told Miss Weston the whole thing.
And now Miss Weston had taken it upon herself to start upon the war path.
He was not surprised.
“Some?” Miss Weston’s voice rose slightly in pitch. “You, sir, treated her with the most bitter and unfair judgment! You are a thoughtless man, yes, a cruel and thoughtless man.
“You with your talk of principle. I remember the things that you said to her that day. You were in my house for that final conversation if you will recall.
“I am not prone to listening at doors but it was difficult not to hear! And Georgiana told me of the entire thing afterwards—begging me not to be angry with you all the while.
“She is far too forgiving. I understood your manner once but I cannot understand it now, nor will I allow it!”
Robert’s blood boiled. “You dare speak to me in such a way? You, a flighty young girl—”
“Young I may be, and a woman I may be,” Miss Weston shot back. “But flighty I am not. Nor am I a fool. Not in this. In this you are the fool, the greatest of fools, to let that woman slip through your fingers when she gave herself to you.
“No, more than that! You did not merely let her slip away. You rejected her! After she took such a risk and poured her heart out to you!”
“Miss Weston. You are in a state. And you are disturbing the household. Will you please—”
“Be quiet? Go away? No. No I shall not.” Miss Weston took a few steps towards him. “Is this not what you have always said that you value, Captain Trentworth? A woman of principle who stands up for her beliefs?
“Well, it is my belief that you are a proper idiot and an unkind man. To judge her brother and Miss Reginald in such a manner, while in the same breath condemning their class for judging people like you sight unseen simply because you do not have a title!
“You are a hypocrite, sir. A hypocrite. And you are so blind that you cannot even see how much of one that you are!
“The last time you and Miss Reginald exchanged words was when she ended your engagement. You told her that you objected to her lack of principles.
“You told her that you hated how she bowed to her father instead of standing up for what she wanted and what would make her happy. That she agreed with her father instead of defending you.
“Is that not what she did last night? You attacked her brother. And you knew that she loved you and wanted your approval. But did she give in to you? Did she bow her head and say you are right to judge my brother for the sins of his father?
“No. She stood up for the man that she cares for. The man who has been the best of brothers to her. She defended him, even though she knew that it would cost her the man with whom she was in love.
“You ought to applaud her! You ought to thank her for exhibiting that which you so proclaim you care about! And instead you all but spat on her for it!
“And to think that you would let a small thing as her brother possibly, maybe, perhaps, objecting to your union—that you would let that alone stop you!
“Oh, sir, no. Where is the daring man with whom my best friend fell in love? The man that wanted her to risk it all for love? Were you willing to risk it all last night? Were you going to risk Lord Reginald’s disapproval? Were you going to take the chance that he might actually, shockingly, approve?”
Robert was agog. Literally. His jaw had dropped open. Never in his life had any woman dared to speak to him in such a manner. Nor, indeed, had many men even dared.
But here was Miss Weston, standing like a pillar of righteous justice. And speaking to him quite outside the bounds of propriety. Speaking to him as if she were his mother, in fact, and he had just broken a prize vase.
Miss Weston was not quite finished yet, however.
“Did you know anything about the story of how Lord Reginald met and came to propose to his intended bride?” she asked.
“I know only that they both took quite a long time to realize that their affections were returned,” Robert managed.
“She has no title,” Miss Weston informed him. “She was raised in the Caribbean, in fact. On a plantation. Her mother died while she was young. She grew up quite wild, in fact.
“Her father and the late Lord Reginald were close friends growing up, and so when the time came, Miss Worthing—for that is her name. Miss Worthing. Her father sent her to the new Lord Reginald and Miss Reginald so that they might educate her and be her escorts for the London season.
“She was horribly bullied, the poor thing. She was the target of several women. I think out of envy over Lord Reginald. A single duke, you know. But in any case, she was always saying or doing the wrong thing.
“She had no title. She was not particularly rich. In fact, she had to marry or at least obtain a proposal by the end of the season or she should get nothing. Her father was dying and could leave her with very little.
“And did this wild girl get rejected by the duke? No. He fell in love with her. He proposed to her. He is going to marry her.
“You decided that he was going to be like his father. I suppose that is a sound assumption to make when merely hearing about someone. But you did not even take the chance to meet him again. You did not say, I will run the risk of him being like his father, because I want to be with you no matter what the circumstances or troubles that might come our way.
“Is that not what is promised when one gets married? Or have I been hearing it wrong in churches all of these years? The words are in sickness and in health, and for better or for worse.
“You assumed that it would be for worse, and you ran. Like the coward that you are.”
Robert looked over Miss Weston’s shoulder to see Mr. Norwich standing there, eyebrows raised in surprise and—it looked like he was actually impressed. As though he might even be struggling to smother a smile.
Of course Mr. Norwich would be the one to find this all amusing. He was not the one who was being yelled at.
“Well?” Miss Weston demanded. “Have you nothing to say in your own defense?”
“I might, if you would allow me to get in a word edgewise,” Robert replied, a tad sardonically.
Miss Weston was unimpressed with his tone and merely arched an eyebrow. “There is nothing that you can say in your defense. What you can say is, ‘I am terribly sorry, Miss Reginald’ and ‘You must try and forgive me for my horrible and inconceivable behavior, Miss Reginald’.”
Robert gestured at her, looking over her shoulder at Mr. Norwich. “Are you not going to kick this woman out of your house for her improper behavior?”
“I might, if I did not find it so amusing,” Mr. Norwich replied.
Miss Weston bestowed a grateful smile upon Mr. Norwich, and then turned back to Robert. “That woman has been in love with you all of these years.
“She has never spoken of it. I think that she has felt ashamed that she could not be sensible and move on like so many other girls. Or that she could not simply marry for security.
“But she has been faithful to you in her heart. As constant and true as if you were actually engaged or married to one another.
“And when she takes the greatest of risks and tells you about this… When she tells you how she feels and is the exact sort of courageous woman that you claim to want—you tell her that she is not worth it? You insult her brother? You tell her that she and all people like her are pretentious?
“I know that you have suffered. I understand that. I am sure that you have languished in your love for her just as she has languished in her love for you.
“But you do not get a m
onopoly on suffering! You are not the only one who has had to make sacrifices in your life. You are not the only one who feels the pains of a broken heart.
“I will not stand for your hypocrisy and your selfishness. I let it go by before but now I see I should have stopped you from getting on your boat and given you a piece of my mind long ago.
“Now, you will apologize to Miss Reginald. I do not care how or when but you shall do it and you shall do it soon. If you do not, I will make certain that you are barred from every party and every ball and every dinner.
