by Fanny Finch
He went out into the street, knowing he ought to retire to the hotel he was staying at but not wanting to find himself inside again.
Walls felt too confining at the moment. He needed fresh air and darkness and to be alone.
He had thought that he knew pain before when he lost Miss Reginald the first time. But he had not truly known. It was bad enough when he lost someone that he loved because of circumstances beyond his control.
But when it was because of his own folly? His own anger and frustrations? When it was because he had been callous and unthinking?
He could not bear it.
Robert had no idea how he was going to make it through the wedding. Miss Reginald probably would not bring her new intended to the wedding. Unless the letter was sent in order to ask that he be added to the guest list.
But Robert did not think that Miss Reginald would impose upon her brother in such a last-minute fashion. At least he would not have to suffer the punishment of seeing her with Mr. Tomlinson.
Seeing her at all, however, would be bad enough.
He must still apologize, he resolved. He must apologize and gift her something so that at least she would understand that he realized how poorly he had behaved.
He had treated her unfairly and in a most ungentlemanlike manner and for that he ought to apologize.
It was only that now there would be no declaration of love to go along with it.
He wandered the streets for goodness knew how long. He would certainly not recommend it to any other man walking alone. But he had been in the navy and he knew how to take care of himself should danger arise. Besides, he took care to keep to the nicer sections and parks. No sense in being reckless.
For far too long, he tried to think of another angle, another way that he could come at this which would allow him to be with the woman that he loved. But he could think of nothing.
After what felt like hours but could have been mere minutes—he lost all sense of time—his thoughts turned to how he might apologize.
He had not gotten the chance to ask the duke about his thoughts on how Robert might best make up for his transgressions. Now, he did not know how to ask.
It was clear to him that the duke wanted Robert to be with his sister. Indeed, the duke had seemed not only surprised but disappointed to read that she had chosen another.
Robert was sure that the duke would warm to Mr. Tomlinson in time. Mr. Tomlinson was an amiable man with a charming and easy air. Exactly as Miss Reginald’s letter had described.
The duke might be disappointed now, but he would come around and learn to enjoy Mr. Tomlinson’s company. Certainly, the man was a better conversationalist than Robert was. And he wasn’t the sort of man who would lose his temper and give himself over to bitterness and ruin all chances with someone.
But for now, Lord Reginald seemed to be firmly in Robert’s corner. Robert was grateful, although still a little surprised at it.
It meant that he could not go to Lord Reginald for advice on how to apologize. For surely the duke would take it as an opportunity to try and get Robert to try and win over his sister again, and Robert could not have that.
Lord Reginald was a duke. There was little that could be done to destroy his reputation. Someone would have to be very powerful themselves, and work hard, in order to unseat him from society.
But the sister or daughter of a duke was not the same as being a duke oneself. Miss Reginald would receive quite a lot of gossip for breaking off an engagement.
Even if it was not yet publicly announced. It could not be, for the duke had not given his blessing. But there would be talk. Miss Weston, for one, would probably be eager to sound the trumpets about it.
There would be talk, and then if she broke it off, there would be even more talk. Goodness knew that tongues were already wagging about Miss Reginald’s age already. Discussing her impending spinsterhood. Asking what was wrong with her, the daughter of a duke, that men still did not wish to marry her.
He could not risk subjecting her to such ridicule. Of course her brother probably thought that she would be safe or that he could protect her. Robert, however, was not willing to take the risk.
Once before, he had not understood what he was asking of her in requesting that she marry him against her father’s wishes. Now, he was older and wiser. He knew better than to play so lightly with or ignore the rules of society.
He would not ask her to punish herself like that, not again.
And, he thought as he rounded the street that would take him back to his hotel, was this not what love was? Was it not doing what the other person needed and not what you wanted from them?
He wanted her. He was, indeed, quite convinced that he needed her. That she was integral to his happiness.
After all, if she was not, why would he have dwelled on her for so many years? Why would he have been unable to let go of her in his heart?
But that was not what Miss Reginald needed. He was not, evidently, what she needed. Therefore, he had to let her go.
She needed someone who was charming, who knew how to compliment her. Someone who would not hurt her or allow their anger and resentment to turn them into a horrid, well, beast for lack of a better term.
It was possible that he was getting a little dramatic from sleep deprivation.
Mr. Tomlinson would provide her with respectability, compliments, children, a home, stability, and charm. He would be a life companion. Surely, that was all and more that she asked for? That any woman asked for?
And he would love her. How could he not? The man had been smitten from the first, Robert had seen that. He was surprised that more men were not smitten with Miss Reginald. A grave oversight by the male sex, if you asked him.
She would be loved and cared for. And that was what Robert wanted her to be.
He also wanted to be the person loving and caring for her but that was his own selfish desires. He had to think of her, and she would be getting all that she needed. That was what mattered.
Chapter 23
Georgiana was aflutter with nerves as the carriage deposited her at her brother’s house.
What would he say about her letter? Would he urge her to accept the proposal at the quickest opportunity? Or would he want her to reject it and wait in case there was another offer? Would he tell her that spinsterhood was preferable to a loveless marriage?
The moment that she stepped in the door, someone came flying at her, enveloping her in a hug.
Ah, Maria. Not yet used to putting her natural exuberance and urge for physical touch in check. Georgiana privately did not mind if Maria was tactile around her. The younger woman was like a sister to her.
“Hello, my dear, and how have you been?” she asked, hugging Maria in return and then stepping back to examine her.
Maria’s cheeks were pleasantly flushed and her eyes were sparkling. “Oh, I am quite well! My stomach is having difficulty with food lately but I am simply so excited, it feels as though I’ve been dancing all night at a ball and could keep doing it.”
“You must remember to take deep breaths, darling. And where is that wayward brother of mine?”
“He is going over things in his office, but I shall fetch him for you.”
Maria hurried out of the room and Georgiana took the time to direct the servants in taking her bags up to her room. Already she was ticking through the list of things that had to be done.
She had to meet with the vicar and make sure that everything was in order. She had to double-check the confirmed guests who would be there. She had to…
Edward appeared, smiling, with Maria on his arm. “Georgiana.” He released Maria and went over to Georgiana, taking her hands. “We’ve missed you.”
He sounded as though he genuinely meant it—and she knew that he genuinely meant it. Her brother was far from the kind of person who would lie to spare someone’s feelings.
Tears nearly welled up in her eyes. It had been such a difficult few weeks, filled with such tr
ials and emotions and confusions.
To be back with her brother, to have him saying that he missed her, to be back in her home feeling safe… it was almost too much.
“Oh, my dear sister,” Edward said. His face grew grave. “You seem upset.”
“Come and sit down,” Maria said, still fairly bounding with energy. “I shall fetch us some tea.”
Edward led Georgiana into the drawing room, where he had her sit down. “Now, tell me—your letter was very brief. Explain to me all that has happened while you were away.”
“It is a long story,” Georgiana replied. “I do not wish to burden you with it.”
“Would it have something to do with Captain Trentworth?” Edward asked.
Georgiana nearly jumped up out of her chair. “How—”
“Miss Worthing and I ran into him in London, and invited him to dinner. He confided in me that he had treated you most unfortunately and that he had to make amends.
“I believe that he was intending to ask me how he might best go about making those amends… but then your letter arrived.” Edward looked terribly guilty. Georgiana had not seen him look so down on himself since he had been ten and broken Mother’s favorite teacup.
“I read your letter out loud, not realizing what it contained,” Edward admitted.
Georgiana inhaled sharply.
“The worst part of it is,” Edward went on, “he left before I could finish reading it. He was in great distress. I let him go, only reading further as he was already heading out the door and it was too late for me to stop him.
“I tried to leave word at his hotel, but I learned that he has gone to look at an estate and will not be back until the wedding. Which we have invited him to. Of course now it must be quite awkward but at the time I thought that I was helping you to be reunited with him.”
Georgiana was trying not to look too horrified for her brother’s sake. She could tell by his heavy tone that Edward already felt badly and she certainly didn’t want to make him feel any worse.
But oh. Oh no. Robert now thought that she was engaged to Mr. Tomlinson.
“Did he seem… very upset?”
“He did,” Edward confirmed. “He cares for you still, Georgiana. Deeply. He was hesitant to speak plainly, of course, as a man of discretion. Especially to the brother of the woman of whom he was speaking.
“But I could see it all over his face. I could hear it in his voice. He feels for you now as he did then when you had to reject him.”
“I… he said such horrid things, Edward,” Georgiana admitted. “Unfair things. And so I said horrid things in return.”
“It occurs to me,” Edward mused, “that another young man and another young woman did the same thing. The young woman made a mistake and the young man overreacted terribly. He acted like the worst cad, if you were to ask my opinion.
“Both were of the opinion, after the whole argument was had, that the other one would never forgive them. That it was all over and that there was no chance of them making amends and returning to one another’s favor.
“And yet, when the time came…”
Georgiana sighed. “Edward, please. This is nothing at all like you and…”
“Shh, let me finish,” Edward chastised gently. “When the time came, they were able to patch it up. They both felt horribly for how they had behaved and wanted nothing more than to apologize and be amicable again.
“If Miss Worthing and I could work out our issues and survive our tribulations, then why should you not be able to work out yours? I have every faith in this positive outcome.”
“You have always had too much faith in me,” Georgiana replied with frustration. “I cannot even begin to chronicle how frustrating it is when you do not see the world and my life for what it truly is, Edward.
“You continue to believe that I will get the happy ending that you feel that I deserve. And perhaps I do deserve it. But that does not mean that I will actually get it.
“I must make a decision, and soon. And Captain Trentworth does not factor into it.”
“He wishes to factor into it,” Edward replied. “Forgive my plain speech, my darling sister, but he loves you. He is in love with you. I could see it—if only you had seen his eyes that night when I read your letter aloud. I curse myself for it.
“He all but fled the scene because he could not bear to hear another word. He looked like a man who had been delivered a killing blow. It was distressing simply to watch.”
“And why are you telling me all of this? To cause me distress as well?”
“To help you see that you can have marriage and security, and have happiness as well,” Edward replied. “Georgiana. He will be at the wedding. You can tell him then that you are not engaged. That you were proposed to but asked for some time to consider.
“You can tell him that you forgive him for his transgression—after he apologizes for it properly as I am certain that he will. And then he will propose to you on the spot. I would stake my entire fortune on it. I would stake Foreshire on it.”
“I hope you will not stake my love on it,” Maria said, appearing again with the servants bringing in tea behind her.
Edward’s entire face lit up as she approached them. He reached out his hand and took hers, squeezing it gently before releasing it so that Maria could sit down.
“My darling, I do not think anything in the world would compel me to stake that on it.”
Maria smiled and blushed, immensely pleased. Georgiana ignored the pang of envy that shot through her like hot poison.
She did not at all resent their love. Far from it. She was overjoyed to see her brother and Maria so happy. But she did so want to have that as well.
And she did have it, at one point. With Captain Trentworth.
Could it be? Was she allowed to hope that he wanted to apologize and fight for her? That he would, indeed, propose to her once she let him know that she was still available?
She did not have to give Mr. Tomlinson a response until after the wedding. If she saw Captain Trentworth during the wedding, where he was a guest, then perhaps… she could settle this whole thing once and for all?
The third time was the charm and all that, or so the saying went.
But no, that would be too much to hope for, would it not?
Then again, Edward was not a man given to exaggeration. To strong beliefs, yes. Very much so. Sometimes too strong. But if he believed in Captain Trentworth then there had to be good reason behind it. He would not go around making things up.
Maria glanced over at Edward, as though wondering if she should say anything. Then she sucked in a breath and looked back at Georgiana.
“I think that you have nothing to lose at this point,” she said quietly. “At least, not by trying. You have until after the wedding to give your answer.
“Captain Trentworth is going to be at the wedding now. It provides you with the opportunity that I think you need. You can hear from him directly what his thoughts are, and tell him that you are not yet promised to anyone.
“I am not saying to be overly optimistic. I know that is not your way. You do not wish to believe in yourself, I think, because you want to be prepared for disappointment.”
Georgiana looked over at her future sister-in-law. Maria was a girl who was prone to too much honesty. She sometimes said things without thinking, but only in the sense that she was not always proper—she was never malicious or thoughtless.
But that lack of tact did not mean that Maria was lacking in intelligence. Some people would mistakenly think so upon meeting her and noting her age and exuberant personality. Those people quickly found themselves put in their place.
Maria was well-read, intelligent, and quick-witted. And it seemed that she had done just as much observing of Georgiana in her time living with them as Georgiana had done of Maria.
Maria smiled gently. “You need not be so hard on yourself. I think, Georgiana, that this is one time where you may allow yourself to hope.
> “And as I said—what have you got to lose? You will either be embraced or rejected by Captain Trentworth at the wedding. And then afterwards you can give Mr. Tomlinson your answer either way.”
“Have courage,” Edward told her. “That is what Mother always said. She encouraged us to have compassion, but also to have courage.
“I fear that I thought only of the courage, while you thought only of the compassion. You have it in spades, Georgiana. But I think it is time that you remembered the courage as well, just as I have, through Miss Worthing, remembered the compassion.”
“I cannot accept the proposal of another man or even bring myself to discuss it with another man, while the first one waits for my answer. It makes him so clearly the second choice, the safety net. That is unfair to him.”
