He looks down at the floor. “I’m afraid if I say the wrong thing, you’ll leave.” He’s quiet, like he’s straining to get the words out.
I let go of the breath I’ve been holding but somehow resist the fierce urge to throw myself through this invisible wall between us, straight into his arms. Because I don’t think the electricity between our bodies will be enough this time.
“I’m sorry… I’m sorry I pushed you.”
“You pushed me away.” He looks up. The dark blue rings around his eyes intensify. “You keep pushing me away. That’s a lot worse.”
“I’m sorry for that too.” The last word gets caught in my throat. The emotion of today returns full force. I swallow hard, trying my best to hold it back. “And I’m sorry for dragging you into my life. You didn’t ask for any of this. I’ve just never felt this way about someone before. I should have kept it to myself. I shouldn’t have pushed so hard for something more.”
He closes his eyes. “Kara.”
“I can’t take it back now. I can’t undo this. And I can’t pretend like I don’t want to be with you when you’re the only person in my life I’ve ever thought about breaking the rules for.” Hot tears roll down my cheeks. I drag in a painful breath and force myself to go on. “With you, I’m me. Even if I can’t show you everything, I feel like you see me. And I don’t want to lose that.”
I choke through a sob. The dam is breaking. I can barely see through the tears.
“I don’t know how much time I have left here, Maximus. All I know is that I want to spend it with you.”
The stone column of his figure softens when he lets go of the door and crosses the threshold. “Come here,” he murmurs before lifting me into his arms.
I curl into his chest as he carries me inside. He kicks the door closed. I don’t bother looking around. All I can do is cinch my arms around his neck and burrow myself tighter against him. As close as I can get. Even as the unrelenting sobs are ripping me apart on the inside.
He hushes me softly and lowers us onto the couch. I’m curled up on his lap, my arms locked around him, afraid to move. I never want to let go. I wish I never had to…
I shudder through another stab of emotion. Everything is bubbling over. Not just from today. From forever. My whole life. Every dream I ever held on to, hoping for a different outcome. A better future. No dream has ever been as perfect as this one.
“I don’t want to lose you,” I whisper.
“You’re not going to lose me,” he says, his voice deep and soothing.
I can almost pretend to believe him when he’s skimming his hands across my back and down my arms. Brushing my tears away. Whispering reassurances against my ear.
But the inevitable truth is seared into me, so painful and real it overwhelms his sweet promises, no matter how badly I want to hear them.
“You don’t understand. They’ll come for me.”
“They’ll have to get through me first, Kara.”
I shake my head, saturating more of his shirt with my tears. “It won’t matter.”
“If I make this my fight, it will. I’m pretty sure I’m a lot stronger than they are.”
I collect myself enough to look up at him. The fresh determination in his stare shouldn’t give me hope, but it does.
“And this is my fight,” he adds.
Except he doesn’t know what he’s up against. He might be stronger. In fact, I know he is. But he doesn’t have the advantage of knowing the enemy as well as I do. And I can’t tell him. Not when my days are numbered anyway.
I glance down at the dark smudges on his shirt. “I made a mess of your shirt.” I wipe frantically at my eyes. As miserable as I am, I wish he wasn’t seeing me like this. I can’t imagine how terrible I must look.
He leans forward, loosening my hold on him so he can tug the garment over his head and toss it aside.
“There. Problem solved.”
His playful grin is already doing something to my insides. When he tucks me back against him, the full contact has my head spinning. Makes me wonder what it might be like with nothing between us. Just our bodies.
I bite my lip, unable to keep myself from tracing the contours of his muscled chest and abdomen with my gaze and my fingertips. Literature professors aren’t supposed to look like this. It’s unfair to the entire student body.
“You’re really hot, you know that?”
“Thanks,” he says with a laugh.
“You know how many girls at Alameda would kill to see what Professor Maximus looks like under his sweater-vest?”
“Hmm. How many?”
“Probably all of them. Funny thing, it’s not even my favorite thing about you.”
I meet his eyes. Something glimmers there. Warmth. Happiness. I don’t have to strain to sense it. Pressed this close, everything he’s feeling radiates right into me. A beam of sunshine through a cloudless sky.
He brushes his thumb over my cheek tenderly. “What’s your favorite thing about me, then?”
I smile, already enjoying the list my mind is making. All of my favorite things…
“The way you read the cantos. Like you forget other people are in the room.” I cover his hand with mine. “The way you touch me, like I’m…”
“Like what?”
I close my eyes and rest my cheek against his chest. “Like I’m precious to you.”
“You are. You should know that by now.”
His heart and the way it speeds up when we’re this close is a steady reminder of the sentiment.
I take in a deep breath, grateful how the pain in my chest is slowly receding. The simple gift of his presence is pushing the misery away little by little. Even if it all comes back tomorrow, I have this right now. This one perfect moment with him.
Our fingers hook and thread.
“Your turn,” I finally say.
“My turn?”
“You have to tell me your favorite things about me.”
He blows out a long breath. “Well… That’s a long list. You don’t need me to tell you how brilliant you are, but I’ll put it at the top. We could put everything else aside, and that alone would knock me to my knees.”
I feel my cheeks warm at the compliment. I’m tempted to remind him about the time he tried to cut me from his class for my supposed shortcomings, but I resist. I knew better anyway.
“You surprise me…all the time,” he continues. “I never know what’s going to come out of your mouth.”
I laugh. “That’s probably not always a good thing.”
“At least it’s real. You’re real.”
I sigh…relax into him a little more…wonder how it’s possible to be this content with someone else. I’m happier than I can ever remember being, even in the wake of all that’s gone wrong today.
Everything…
But I refuse to think about that. Not now.
“What else?”
“Are you fishing for compliments?”
I smile. “You said it was a long list. I’m just curious.”
“It’s just a hundred other things that make you unfairly perfect. Your sexy little body. Your smile.” He touches my chin, lifting my gaze to his. “And I’m kind of a fan of the way your eyes light up like a forest fire.”
I bite my lip, unsure how to feel about that. I should be ashamed of the eerie abnormality, but what if I didn’t need to be?
“How does that work anyway?” He murmurs it like it’s a secret between us.
It could be.
I lift my shoulder and release my lip, feeling brave. “It’s genetic.”
He pauses. “Your mother too?”
“All of us. Well, not—”
“Not your grandfather.”
I shake my head. “No.” But I don’t want to talk about that either. I want to talk about us. The way Maximus stimulates my mind and everything else. The way he flips every switch on my body. My thoughts race over our more intimate memories, making my skin heat. “It happens when I�
�m feeling things strongly. Usually when I’m really pissed off. And I guess when I’m…aroused.” Suddenly shy, I look down. “The other night…I didn’t realize that would happen. That’s why I left so fast,” I add quietly. “I don’t have that much experience, if you couldn’t tell.”
He doesn’t say anything at first. Every second that goes by, I worry I’ve said too much, until I can’t take the silence anymore and break it.
“Does that bother you?” I ask, looking up.
His gaze intensifies. My attraction to him skyrockets when those cobalt rings in his irises are more defined. “Why would it bother me?”
“I guess it’s one of those things people hype up to be more of a big deal than it is.”
A corner of his mouth quirks up. “Call me a romantic, but it seems like a big deal to me. You trusting someone that much.”
Light rain pelts the windows. I can hardly hear it over the rush of blood in my ears. My heart is beating wildly thanks to the intimate turn of this conversation. This slow dance of showing him pieces of me. Always afraid of revealing too much. More frightened than ever that I’ll never have a chance to be with him. To make this real.
“I trust you.” I flatten my palm over his heart. The tightness in my chest is back, except now it’s made of longing. Anticipation. Hope.
How do I tell him all that? I brave a look into his eyes, only to be met with their heart-shattering intensity. Before I can formulate the right words, he sweeps his lips over mine. Tenderly. Maddeningly tentative. I pull myself higher, press myself closer, needing the contact to match the wild need building in me.
Except when I do, he brings his hands to my face, keeping me from going deeper. Tasting more. Taking more.
He pulls back and takes a couple of short breaths. “You should get some rest.”
I frown. “Why?”
“Because it’s been a heavy day, Kara, and it’s late. You must be exhausted.”
I am, of course. But I’m not. My heart is going a million miles an hour. Every nerve ending is hypercharged to respond to his touch. No way could I sleep right now.
Still, he’s lifting me into his arms again like all this crying has somehow rendered my legs useless. But I don’t mind the effort he goes to, walking me to the edge of his bed in the studio and lowering me gently to my feet.
“You can sleep here, all right? I’ll take the couch.”
He bends to kiss me again. A swift, chaste kiss that’s a fraction of what I need it to be. I chase it, but he’s moving away too fast.
Meanwhile the ache in my chest is spreading everywhere. Fire under my skin. A frantic pulse so fierce and so fast, I can hardly breathe. I need more than a kiss. I need his hands on me. I need to feel this connection between us in every possible way.
I’m done denying I can walk through this life without having it.
He’s moving around the living room, tossing throw pillows off the couch. His face is so crunched in concentration, one might think he was in the midst of solving a complex equation. The equation is simpler than he realizes.
Me plus him. Not a shred of anything else. Not even the snug jeans that are giving his own arousal away.
I slip off my shoes and tug on the string that’s holding my wrap dress in place. That’s all it takes for it to loosen and slip off me. He can’t possibly hear the flimsy fabric fall to the floor, but he looks up just then.
I don’t think he’s even breathing.
“Kara.”
My name has never sounded like such torture. It might as well be a dying plea on his lips.
Except he’s mine. My last wish.
My hero.
“Come here,” I say.
His chest moves under labored breaths. Finally he takes a few steps closer, slowly, stopping several feet away. He swallows hard and takes me in, from my naked toes to my bare breasts, lingering on the lacy black panties I’d have stripped off too if I didn’t want to save the task for him.
“I want to be with you, Maximus.”
He tears his gaze away with a muttered curse.
“You said you wanted all of me.”
“I do. God, I do.” He slams his eyes closed and rakes a hand through his hair roughly.
“Just come here,” I beg.
“If I touch you right now, this is over. I can’t… I’m strong, but I’m not that strong.”
“You don’t need to be. We want the same thing.”
He won’t move. Won’t open his eyes. So I go to him.
“Maximus,” I whisper. “Look at me. Feel me.”
Then we’re chest to chest. He releases a jagged exhale and opens his eyes, looking every bit as overwhelmed as I feel.
“Just kiss me.”
A long moment passes. He searches my eyes, feathers a soft touch over my lips. He looks me over with wild wonder, like maybe he can’t believe I’m real.
And when he finally lowers, our mouths collide in a desperate rush. He kisses me like he might die if he doesn’t. Or maybe that’s the reflection from my own soul. My own agonized spirit. Every inch of my anxious body. I’m a mass of awakening and awareness, of need and urgency, of lust and longing. Never have I been drenched in a feeling like this. Already it’s threatening to consume me.
He folds his arms around me and binds us tightly, lifting me off my toes. We’re sharing breaths. And heat. And connection. So many chains of connection…but not nearly enough.
He moans my name. It’s a desperate sound that reflects my own thinning patience. My own raw desire and commitment to fulfilling it. He captures my face and holds my gaze for another long moment.
“Are you sure?”
“I’m sure,” I promise.
“We have time,” he whispers.
“No, we don’t.”
Chapter Twenty-Three
Maximus
I believe her. Even the last conviction she utters, with all three of the words threatened by the sob she’s struggling to hold in. It’s not the first time that’s happened tonight, but this moment is different—in the best and worst ways.
This time, I feel her anguish too.
It’s not telepathy or sorcery or any of the crazy reality twists we’ve experienced together before. Right now, in this moment of our shared breaths and fitted bodies, it comes down to simple human chemistry. Her tremors are mine. Her heartbeats too. That means all her fear and despair are mine too.
And every desperate drop of her lust…
Especially that. It’s thick smoke in my blood, clinging tar along my limbs. As our gazes meet again, the heat in her eyes confirms her own losing battle with it. And her confirmation of how we’re going to get rid of it. The only way.
By searing it off with a fire we can’t fight anymore. A passion we can’t control.
No. Not can’t. I just won’t.
Not now. Not even after today, when every valid objection I had to this was justified by a paparazzi invasion to rival a biblical locust swarm. Her family. Her unique place in that family. My job and all the ways this relationship continues to threaten it.
But all the dread that had churned in my head couldn’t touch the fear of watching her flee from me. An intensity of feeling trumped only by the elation of now. The wonder of holding her like this, as rain beats at the windows and a flash of lightning flares through the room. Blue-silver light leaps across the air, illuminating the burnished nudity of the gorgeous creature in my arms. For an incredible moment, she’s an angel of brilliance and boldness. Her gaze is like starfire, full of wonder that’s born of innocence.
Innocence she’s giving to me. Only me…
And I refuse to deny how I feel about that. To myself or to her. The truth is that I more than want it. I pledge to deserve it. To cherish the gift she can only give once.
I make that silent vow with a soft mesh of our lips first, using the moment to coax her body higher against mine. As soon as she spreads her thighs and locks them around my waist, I settle their apex along the burgeoning bulg
e of mine.
“You feel…so good,” I murmur once we’ve pulled back to catch our breaths. As soon as she responds with an approving sigh, I go on. “And I’m going to make all of it good for you, beautiful.”
“Maximus.” Every syllable is a perfect whisper, curling through me more thoroughly than her gentle fingers in my hair. “I need you to promise me something.”
“I’ll promise you anything,” I husk. “You know that.”
She tightens her twists, prickling my scalp in all the best ways. “Promise me you won’t hold anything back.”
The plea cuts through my haze of desire just enough to make me tense and really think about that. Not holding anything back. In every fantasy I’ve ever had about taking her this way, I’ve done just that. But deep down, I knew if it came to this—having her in my arms, ready to give me everything—I couldn’t unleash all of that onto her.
I force myself to relax and brush a gentle kiss across her lips. “How about you let me drive, little temptress.”
A frown mars her brow. “All of me for all of you. That’s how this works. You don’t have to be gentle with me.”
“The fuck I won’t be gentle.”
Her lips purse. “We’ll see about that.”
“The fuck we’ll see ab—”
She cuts me off by ramming her mouth against mine. Fiercely. Flawlessly. Just like that, the woman has stolen my breath again. I deal with it by taking hers. In the moment I plunge my lips back across hers, a new flash of lightning spears the room. Every cell of my blood feels jolted by the same energy. It sizzles between our mouths, arcing and sparking and feeding us. Never have I wanted a kiss to continue and end in the same moment.
I linger for a while, reveling in how Kara’s silken groan resonates through my system, before dragging my mouth free. I look away long enough to make sure I get us across the room and onto the bed. Those few seconds are all I can take without her filling my vision. As soon as I sweep her down onto my rumpled sheets and blankets, I drink her in again. No. I gorge my gaze on the glory of her.
She’s graceful curves and sensual shadows.
Sultry darkness and passionate light.
Blood of Zeus: (Blood of Zeus: Book One) Page 20
