by B. B. Hamel
“You got what you wanted. Then you killed my friend.”
“I saved your life.”
I snarled at him. “You ruined it, you sick freak.”
He kissed me. I bit his lip, which only made him kiss me harder. I tasted his blood as I returned the kiss with a fervent hate. I burned with it, an anger deep inside that’d been building and building for years, and now exploded out as I hammered my tongue against his. He grabbed my hair and pulled it, and I gasped with the pain, but wanted more. I tried to hit him, managed to slap his cheek before he wrenched me back, turned me around, and pushed me against the wall next to the window.
I saw the courtyard, more men marching, as Kaspar unbuttoned my jeans. I struggled, but weakly. We both knew it was a game. I bit his hand and he growled, pulled my hair harder, shoved his fingers down the front of my panties. He found me slick and dripping, and I was livid with myself.
So weak. I was so weak.
His fingers felt like heaven as he rolled them around my clit and kissed my neck from behind. He released my hair and unbuttoned my blouse, thrust his fingers over my breasts, and teased my nipples. He slid his fingers inside of me and I gasped, moaning, back arching as he fucked me with them.
His other hand went back into my hair as he moved faster, his lips close to my throat.
“Every second I spent near you back then was torture. But every second since has been even worse. I would die for you, Penny. I would kill for you, and I have. Again and again, I’ve murdered for you, and I’ll keep on slaughtering until everyone that ever hurt you is lying cold in the earth. You’re mine, your body is mine, your soul is mine, and your heart will be mine. I will devour you and make you come, again, and again, and again.”
I felt the pleasure peak as my fingers dug into the wood. I saw him reflected in the glass, his eyes almost glowing with need. My body was his to control, to command, to do with as he pleased, and I loathed him, my chest filled with venom and rancor, as pleasure ripped up my spine.
I came in a spark, a meteor shower. The rage, the repulsion, the incredible ecstasy and the thrill of him taking me all mixed into a heady rush. I saw flashing lights, nearly collapsed, but he caught me, held me tight, fingers still slowly rolling around my clit as my orgasm finished.
I wanted to punch him in the throat but couldn’t work up the strength.
He kissed my lips. I kissed him back.
Confusion mingled with desire mingled with grief.
How could I want this from a man like Kaspar?
He stalked me. Hounded me until I gave him what he wanted.
Then he killed my roommate and claimed it was for my own good.
Now he wanted to force me into marrying him.
I should’ve screamed in his face with unabashed malevolence.
Instead, I pressed my face against his chest and listened to his breath as I buttoned my shirt again.
“You’ll see, my treasure,” he whispered softly like a feather on my bare spine. “I did it all for you and I’d do it again. You hate me now, but you’ll understand. I suffered for you, went through hell and fought my way back. Every second without you is agony, and every moment you hate me is even worse. I’ll fix it, I promise I will.”
I pulled away from him. My knees trembled.
“Will you bring Alice back?”
My words cut him. I saw the pain in his expression. I didn’t feel good about that.
“No, I won’t.”
“Then you can’t fix anything.”
I pushed past him and left the shed.
18
Penny
Present Day
Near Chicago
We left the farm two days later.
There was no warning. I woke up thinking it’d be another boring afternoon of staring at corn and sketching, but instead I found the place nearly empty. Kaspar helped me pack, ushered me into a car, and we drove off.
“Where is everyone?” I asked, gawping at the quiet land.
“Getting into position.” He stared out the window. We’d barely talked since he got me off for a second time.
I was still processing what he’d said.
About doing it for my own good. About how badly he hurt.
It was hard for me to feel sorry for the bastard.
“You’re attacking her soon, aren’t you?”
“Today. We’re hitting a few of her spots throughout the city.”
“Are you going to kill her?”
“If I find her, yes.”
“And what will that accomplish? You’ll just start another war. Wasn’t my brother’s war with Roman bad enough?”
“You’ll understand soon.”
I let out a derisive snort. “You keep saying that. Like you can’t just explain it to me.”
He turned, his eyebrows raised. “You think I’m a liar and a murderer. You think I’m a psychotic monster. Why would I think you’d listen?”
“Because most people start with a conversation before they progress to burning down a powerful Oligarch.”
“I’m not most people.” His gaze was hot fire and lightning on my skin and I shirked away, afraid of what he might do.
“I know you aren’t, and that’s what I’m afraid of.”
“You don’t have to be afraid of me.”
“You haven’t given me a reason not to be.”
“My hands between your legs aren’t enough? My lips and tongue drinking you down and making you come?”
I flushed and glanced at the men sitting up front. They didn’t react, as if they couldn’t hear what we were saying.
“None of that matters, okay? That’s just… it’s just sex. It’s physical.”
“Nothing’s just physical with you, Penny. If you didn’t want me on some level, you wouldn’t take what I give you. Don’t pretend as though I’m alone in all this.”
My fists trembled as I looked out the window. He was right and I despised him for it. I wanted him, and I couldn’t deny it.
He wouldn’t even give me that much.
We drove into Chicago on a balmy afternoon. The wind blew strong through the city. We parked outside a nice downtown hotel and he took me up to the penthouse, a massive eight-bedroom apartment that must’ve cost $20,000 per night.
I was left alone with several guards.
“Don’t go anywhere,” Kaspar said, lingering near the door.
“What are you going to do?”
“I have some people to kill.” He didn’t smile, only stared at me for a few seconds longer, like he wanted to remember my face before going to do something dangerous, then left.
I wandered into the living room. The enormous windows gave me a breathtaking view of the city. The furniture was lavish, the refrigerator was stocked.
I didn’t care about any of it.
I wanted Kaspar to come back. I needed him to make me understand what the hell he was talking about—why he killed Alice, why he was attacking Maeve, and how it all connected back to me.
None of that was forthcoming.
I spent another day alone. I sat on the couch, sketching:
Kaspar staring at me with lust in his eyes.
Kaspar walking across the farm, gazing out at the corn with a distant stare.
Kaspar smiling as he helped me load the crossbow.
Kaspar looking up moments after getting me off, his expression glowing.
I drew him over and over again, trying to find some truth I was missing, and only made myself realize something I was trying to avoid.
I cared about him.
It was stupid. Kaspar had done nothing but hurt me. He claimed I was important to him, said he loved me, and I still couldn’t believe it.
Except I saw the way he looked at me. I felt his fingers and his tongue. I tasted his kiss.
He beat Scott bloody for looking at me the wrong way. He smashed a glass into Redmond’s face for sneering at me and making lewd comments.
I closed my eyes and shuddered as night fe
ll and I wondered what intrinsic piece of my soul was broken if I could give a damn about a man like that.
He returned sometime after nine. His right side was drenched in blood; he walked with a limp. His guards fussed over him, but he pushed them away and collapsed onto the couch.
I stared at his sweat-drenched face, his eyes shining.
“You won, didn’t you?”
He nodded. “I could use a drink.”
I clenched my jaw, trying not to get angry. “Take off that jacket.”
“Why? Forget the jacket. There’s whiskey on the side table.”
“Take it off, you idiot.” I knelt and helped him lean forward. He grimaced as I got it off. I unbuttoned his shirt slowly, staring at his muscular chest down to his cut abdomen. I stripped him down until I could see the jagged, ugly wound down his flank.
“Grazed me,” he grunted. “It’s not that deep. Looks worse than it is.”
“You need stitches.”
“Glue and staples.”
“You really are insane, you know.” I got a clean towel from the bathroom and held it against his wound. “You have a doctor, right?”
“He’s on the way.”
“Good. You’re crazy, but not stupid.”
He grinned at me, eyes shining. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you were worried.”
“Good thing you know better.”
“What would you do if I never came back?” His voice was deep and soft. His men lingered in the kitchen, talking in low tones.
“I’d go home.”
“What then? Marry someone else?”
“I don’t know, maybe.”
“Would you let your brother sell you to some politically important bidder?”
I glared at him. “Like my sister sold me to you?”
He laughed then winced in pain. “Something like that.”
“Darren wouldn’t.” Although I wasn’t so sure.
“He would. You haven’t figured it out yet. We’re all malformed little creatures.”
“Darren’s not so bad. He cares, anyway.”
He was quiet for a moment. I checked the cut. The bleeding was slowing, but it wouldn’t stop on its own. Definitely needed to be stitched.
“I agree Darren’s not so bad. I don’t want to hurt him.”
“I didn’t know you were going to.”
“He’ll try to take you back. It might come to violence.”
I couldn’t meet his eyes. “I won’t let it.”
“You’ll talk to him for me? Tell him not to attack?”
“If I have to.”
“I knew you wanted me.” His smirk drove me crazy.
“Don’t be an ass. I just know that if you and Darren start feuding, the whole world might blow up.”
“And why’s that?”
“You’re both stubborn morons.” The front door opened and a small man with thick glasses hustled inside carrying a black bag. The guards brought him over and he immediately began to fuss over Kaspar.
He watched me the whole time as the doctor tended to the wound. I retreated away and when the stitches were done, I poured a whiskey and handed it to him. His eyes sparkled as he took a long drink, despite the doctor’s protests.
I said nothing as I went to bed, still draped in uncertainty, but sure about one thing: Kaspar believed what he said.
Only that didn’t make it true.
19
Penny
Present Day
Chicago
Kaspar fought several pitched battles with Maeve’s forces over the next two days. Their war overtook the city like a shadow, and they must’ve used their considerable influence to keep the sudden influx of violence and devastation out of the news.
But people noticed. There were fewer pedestrians outside of my window, and in the distance, black smoke billowed over the buildings.
New guards took over my care. They ignored me, like always, except for one: a crooked little fellow with a sharp nose and big teeth. He looked more like a math teacher than a soldier, but the others treated him like one of their own.
I didn’t think anything of it until he approached me that afternoon.
I was sitting near the window drawing. I wasn’t good at buildings—too many straight lines. They were too geometrical, too perfect. I liked flaws, curves, flows. People were perfect—none of them were symmetrical, but they always followed the same basic logic. I didn’t notice when the new guard lingered over my shoulder, looking at my sketchbook.
“That’s not bad.”
I jumped in shock. He was the first person aside from Kaspar to speak to me in days. I looked back with wide eyes and flinched away. His smile was probably meant to be disarming, but came off creepy and wolfish.
“Uh, thank you, but can you not look over my shoulder?”
He seemed bashful. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to intrude.”
“No, it’s fine, I’m just surprised. Don’t you have orders to ignore me?”
“I’m not one of Kaspar’s men.”
I got a strange, twisting feeling. “Who are you then?”
His eyes sparkled. “Want to hear a little secret?”
I didn’t. Not even a little bit. This man made all the little hairs on my neck stand up, like a dog with raised hackles. Something was wrong here—he shouldn’t be talking to me, not if he valued his life, and yet he wasn’t even trying to hide his approach. The other guards glared, but none of them moved to interrupt.
“I guess so.”
“Your brother sent me.”
I nearly screamed in his face.
“Is this some kind of joke?”
He held a finger to his lips, shaking his head, eyes smiling. My tone was hysterical and I was hyperventilating.
“If you can’t calm down, the other guards are going to come over. So please, get it together.”
“They’re already watching. You said Darren sent you?”
“Hired me for this mission specifically. Please, you need to get yourself together.”
I sucked in big, slow breaths to try to get level again but I couldn’t manage to stop my hands from shaking.
“What mission?” I asked at a whisper.
“I’m going to bring you home.”
He was fucking with me. He had to be. I went through this once already and it ended with my utter humiliation followed by one of the best orgasms of my life. I was willing to come like that again—but wasn’t interested in getting embarrassed in front of Kaspar’s guards.
“How?” I croaked like a frog. A pathetic little toad.
“Tonight. Leave your window open. I’ll do the rest.”
“My window?”
“You’re monitored. Your door, the whole apartment. Except your room. Except your windows.”
“We’re fifty stories up.”
“Leave it open. Trust me. I’ll handle the rest.”
I shivered, afraid, but he turned and walked away. He didn’t give me time to think, time to answer.
I had a decision to make.
All day, I sat, sketched, and thought.
This had to be a trap.
But to what purpose?
The thing with Cards was supposed to show me that escape was futile. But I wasn’t trying to escape anymore. He had me, broken and obedient.
There was no reason to dangle another fake escape attempt in front of me.
Which meant this was real.
Darren wanted me back. He attacked once in an attempt to save my life and steal me away, but he’d been quiet ever since. I thought he gave up.
Maybe he was playing a longer game.
Kaspar didn’t come home. I waited as long as I could, until I was too tired to think. I thought maybe, maybe, he might convince me to stay—give me some reason to ignore this insane offer from that strange guard.
I couldn’t do it.
Staying would be the height of insanity. It would only show that Kaspar owned me.
And yet I worried th
at if I left, nobody would be able to rein him in. Kaspar would rampage around Chicago, burning, killing, maiming, until he finished off Maeve—then he’d come for me.
There’d be a war, and nothing would stop it.
I could stay and avert the worst.
In my room, with the lights off, I tried to imagine being with him.
Married to Kaspar.
It was a strange image. Coming home to him smiling at me, kissing my neck, whispering all the filthy things he wanted to do to me.
We’d never be normal.
Though I didn’t want what all the other regular people had.
I was an Oligarch. I was meant for more.
So why stay? Why not return home and try to do something with myself?
In the darkness, I opened the window, and I waited.
Part of me wanted the guard to stay away.
If he never came then I didn’t have to make a choice.
But as I lay there staring at the ceiling, trying to imagine forgiving Kaspar enough to be his wife, I heard thumping from outside.
It sounded like someone walking down the side of the building.
I sat up straight, body tingling and alert.
A shadow descended from above. It hesitated, hovering right outside the glass, before twisting and sliding through the opening.
The guard dropped silently to the floor.
Rope was wound around his waist. He unbuckled the harness and turned. He was draped in black, his face painted in darkness, his eyes quiet and cold. His lips pulled apart and his white teeth floated in the middle of his empty face.
“There you are,” he said, and he sounded like a laughing hyena.
“What do we do now? I can’t climb.”
“No, I doubt you can. It’s not easy.”
“And there’s no other harness. How do you expect me to—”
I stopped, the words dead on my tongue.
The guard’s face split as his grin got larger.
