by Dori Lavelle
Now he pulls me close. “Not if I have to leave you behind.”
“What does that mean?” It was so easy last time. We both knew what we were getting into. One night. Nothing more, nothing less. It’s different this time. Something strong and beautiful connects us.
“You mean for us?” He pulls the sheets over our naked bodies and tightens his arms around me.
I rest my head on his broad, tanned chest. “Yeah. Where do we go from here?” The thought of leaving him behind, and not knowing whether we will have this again, makes my stomach twist.
“I don't want this to be goodbye.” He inhales, his chest rising, then falling. “I want it to be the start of something wonderful.”
“But that’s not you. In most of your interviews you were clear that you don’t do relationships.”
“Sometimes life happens and people change, whether they want to or not. I think I have.” He runs a hand up and down my back. “Knowing that I'm…was a father changed me. I realize now that it’s not all about me. For the first time in my life I care about someone other than myself, even though she’s no longer here.”
“You love her without even meeting her, don't you?”
“I do.” He pauses. “And I think I’m falling in love with her mother.”
I lift my head from his chest and sit up, the sheets pooling into my lap, exposing my breasts. “Do you mean that?” Never in a million years would I have thought my trip to Ireland would end like this. This is a man I had idolized for years before I met him, before I slept with him. A man who became the father of my child. But I never allowed myself to dream that he could ever be mine.
He takes my hand and brings it to his lips. His lips are warm and soft against my palm. “It’s the first time I’ve ever felt this way about anyone. Before last night, I spent my life avoiding love. But now that it has found me, I can’t walk away.”
I lean down, my breasts meeting his chest before the rest of my body. My eyes are filled with tears of joy as I kiss him hard. “I'm in love with you too, Seamus Black. I’ve always been in love with you.”
Before our kiss can transport us to another place, we’re startled by a hard knock on the door.
“What the hell?” Seamus gets out of bed and grabs a robe. “I'll be back, my lady. We shall finish what you started.” The smile he gives me when he leaves the room is the kind I’ll always remember, warm and tortured at the same time, too beautiful not to store inside my heart.
I flop back onto the pillows, my arms above my head, smiling up at the ceiling. But before my smile warms my heart, Melinda’s little face appears in my mind, like it always does when I come close to feeling too good. My sadness returns, accompanied by the guilt of feeling happy when she’s not here. Before my heart breaks all over again, I remember something my therapist said to me.
“Piper, being happy doesn't mean you have forgotten your daughter. Remaining in your unhappy place won’t bring her back.”
The sound of raised male voices pulls me from my thoughts.
Curious about who the visitors are, I get out of bed and slip into the second bathrobe. It feels so soft against my skin.
I can’t stop myself from tiptoeing to the door to listen. I’ve always been a very curious person.
“Why the fuck would you just disappear like that? You said you’ll be back for the after-party. Janie was looking for you. You should have told us last night that you’re sleeping at this hotel, not waited to send me a text in the morning.”
Earlier this morning Seamus had sent his brother Sean—also a Blackthorn member— a text to let him know where he is. He had warned me that Sean might come looking for him. From the looks of it, all the band members are here.
“Sorry I disappointed all of you, but I had plans.”
“What plans?” Someone else shoots back. “We had to get back on stage without you. We had to find a drummer to fill in for you. You made us look bad in front of Conor Byrne.”
Conor Byrne is a solo singer who opened for their band yesterday. From what I read in the magazines at the airport, he and the Blackthorns don’t get along, but they’re stuck together since they share the same manager.
“You might as well start searching for someone to replace me for good,” Seamus says, his voice strained. “You were planning to replace me anyway.”
“Where the fuck did you hear that?” I can’t see who’s speaking, but he has a really deep voice. As a fan of the band for a long time, I know it’s Declan McManus, the guy who sits at the keyboard.
“I overheard your little conversation with Janie. You all agreed that since I was not on board with the band heading into a new musical direction, it might not be a bad idea to move forward without me.”
The pain in his voice makes me sick to my stomach. This morning, he told me the Blackthorns are his family and he doesn’t know what he would do when they turn their backs on him.
“You know what, you don't have to explain.” Seamus chuckles. “Maybe it's time I go my own way. My life is going to be different from now on anyway.”
“Come on, Seamus,” someone says. “It’s not what you think. You misunderstood us.”
“Are you telling me that I heard wrong?” Seamus pauses. “Sean, you're my brother. If anyone should tell me the truth, it should be you. So, were you on board with kicking out your own brother?”
There’s silence again, long and uncomfortable.
“Forget it. Don’t bother answering that question. Your silence tells me everything I need to know.” The pain in Seamus’s voice stabs me in the chest. “It's fine really. I think it's time I go solo. Over the years I've had people contacting me about doing just that, but even though I was tempted, I chose to be loyal to the band. Now that things have changed, it’s time to move on.” He sighs loudly. “My girlfriend is returning to the US tonight, and I'm going with her. Who knows, maybe I’ll get married before I turn thirty, just a year to go. I think—”
“Your girlfriend?” Someone cuts him off. “Since when do you date? And you said many times marriage is not for you.”
“Since I fell in love. People change all the time. I did.” I hear the sound of a chair scraping the wooden floor.
My heart is thudding as I stumble back to the bed until my calves come into contact with the edge. My knees give way and I sink onto the unmade bed. He meant it, every word he told me. He's really in love with me.
While I'm still reeling from his words, he returns to the room and takes my hand. “I would like to introduce you to my brothers.” Last night, he wanted to take his life because of what the other Blackthorns did to him. Now he’s calling them all brothers.
“Ummm…Are you sure?” I chew a corner of my lip. “You don’t have to.”
“I have never been more sure about anything in my life.” He puts an arm around my waist and walks me out of the room.
Everyone in the living room is shocked to see me. Maybe they thought he was lying about having a girlfriend. I don’t blame them. I didn’t even know I was actually his girlfriend until he made the announcement.
They all stare at me as if I'm some kind of unreal thing.
“Hey.” Seamus’s brother finally gets the courage to step forward. If I didn’t already know they’re brothers, I would never be able to tell from looking at them. Sean is much shorter and paler than Seamus, and his eyes are a dark shade of brown. “It’s a pleasure to meet you…ummm…”
“Piper.” I shake his hand. “I’m Piper.”
I look nervously at Seamus. He winks at me.
After I introduce myself to everyone in the room, Seamus asks them all to leave.
“You’re really serious about us, aren’t you?” I ask when we’re alone again.
“You bet I am.” He pulls me into the circle of his arms. “But since I don’t know much about relationships, you’ll have to teach me a thing or two about how to treat a lady.”
I tip my head back to gaze into his eyes. “You're doing a fantastic job alre
ady.” I pull back. “But do you really want to come to the States with me? Why?”
“I want to spend more time with you. I also need to visit my daughter’s grave.”
I swallow hard and nod as emotions well up inside me. It feels good to know I’m no longer alone in my grief. Seamus is here, and his eyes tell me he won’t be going anywhere anytime soon.
“You saved my life last night,” he continues. “Now I hope you’re willing to spend it with me.”
“There's nothing I'd rather do.” I give him a bright smile.
“In that case, we should celebrate.” He gathers me into his arms again and returns me to the bedroom where we do exactly that.
I came to Ireland looking for closure. I never expected to find more.
The rose-scented air is warm as it sweeps across my skin. Strands of my curly hair flutters into my eyes. It’s a beautiful day with birds singing in the trees and the sky clear of clouds.
I brush the locks back, tuck them behind my ears and say the words I never thought I’d say, “I do.”
The minister beams at me and Seamus and pronounces us husband and wife.
Seamus turns to me and draws me near so I can drown into his kiss. It’s been a little over a year and I still feel the heat under my skin when he touches me. There’s no doubt in my mind that he’s my soul mate.
“You look stunning in your little white dress, Mrs. Black,” he whispers into my ear. “But I can’t wait to see you naked tonight.”
It’s been exactly one year and three months since we became a couple. I still shudder when I remember that there was a time when he wanted to kill himself. If I had not been there in time, this day would never have happened and I’d still be drowning in my grief. He was so brave to step off the ledge that night. Since then his career as a solo singer has taken off. Three months after we dated from a distance, he finally moved to New York to be with me.
I giggle as I turn to look at the faces of our friends and family who are standing around us in a circle. My mother is standing next to Sean Black. As our eyes meet, she gives me a small nod and smiles.
“Ready?” I ask Seamus.
He sighs and touches his now clean-shaven chin. He wanted a new look to symbolize his new life. “I’m ready if you are.”
“I think I am,” I say and turn around to face Melinda’s grave with my husband’s arm around my waist.
Many of our friends and family members thought we were crazy to want to get married in a cemetery. We disagreed with them. In the early days when we visited Melinda together, it was hard, especially for Seamus who did not have the chance to grieve for Melinda as long as I had.
The more we visited, the more we found ourselves looking forward to spending time at her grave. As we sat under the shade of the sycamore tree close by, I often told him about the year Melinda was in my life. Both of us felt such a strong presence, as if she was there with us.
Six months ago, Seamus proposed to me on stage, after performing his hit single, “Melinda,” that took the charts by storm.
Two weeks after I said yes, we were at Melinda’s grave again and I was upset that our daughter would not be there to see her parents get married. After a long silence, Seamus asked how I felt about us tying the knot at her grave. I didn’t even hesitate before saying yes.
Now, as I untie the pink ribbon around the twelve long-stemmed white roses—the number of months Melinda lived—that make up my bouquet, I don’t regret my decision. I hand Seamus one of the roses and he kisses me on the cheek before approaching Melinda’s grave. My heart clenches with emotion when he drops to his knees in front of the gravestone, singing Melinda’s song softly. When he’s done, he lowers the flower to the base of the stone, then he rises, his gaze averted to hide his pain. I’m crying as I place another single rose from my bouquet next to his.
One by one, our ten guests take turns accepting a rose from me and putting them at the grave. We wanted a really intimate wedding so we chose to invite only ten of our closest friends and family to experience this life-changing moment with us.
As we walk away from the cemetery, I know my life has taken a shift in the right direction and I have finally found the closure I went searching for in Ireland. As I settle next to Seamus in the back seat of the bridal limo, I notice that the emptiness inside my heart has been filled.
Seamus pulls me close and we both close our eyes as we head into our future with our little angel watching over us.
THE END
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