Through stained glass
Page 53
Lewis's eyes went blind over his father's words, his father's message."Tell my boy I stopped to take on a side-tracked car." Half across theworld those words carried him back and back over half of life to arattling train, a boy, and the wondrous stranger, speaking: "Every manwho goes through the stress of life has need of an individualphilosophy... Life to me is like this train; a lot of sections and a lotof couplings... Once in a while your soul looks out of the window andsees some long-forgotten, side-tracked car beckoning to be coupled onagain. If you try to go back and pick it up, you're done."
Not in Africa had his father stopped to take on a side-tracked car, buton a day that was already months ago when, standing in a still, desertedlane, he turned to face forever that moment of his life that had nearesttouched divinity.
Lewis sat pondering for hours. It was not grief he was feeling so muchas an immeasurable loss. One grieves at death when it seems futile, whenit robs youth or racks old age, when it devastates hopes or wrecks avision. But death had not come so to his father. It had come as afulfilment. Lewis knew instinctively that thus and thus only would hisfather have wished to strike into the royal road.
But the loss seized upon his heart and made it ache. He thoughtdespondently, as which one of us has not, face to face with the fact ofdeath, of things undone and of words unsaid. How cruel seemed their lasthurried farewell, how hard that his father could not have known that hissacrifice had told for his boy's liberty, that his wisdom had rightlyseen the path his art must follow to its land of promise! "Hard foryou--only for you," whispered the voice of his new-found maturity.
It was natural that with reaction should come to Lewis a desire to talk,to seek comfort and sympathy, and it was natural that he should turn toH lne. He walked slowly to her house. The doorman turned from him topick up a note from the hall table. He handed it to Lewis.
"Her ladyship is not in, sir, to-day. Her ladyship told me to give youthe note when you called."
Lewis took the note and walked out. He opened it absently and read:
Lew darling, I have heard. They will tell you that I am out. I'm not out, but I am broken. I cannot let you see me. Dear, I have given you all that I had to give.