by Sadie Moss
My stomach twisted, and I shot her a look. “Do you?”
Beatrice sighed. “I don’t think I ever did. Not truly, not logically. But I was angry, Lana. So angry. My entire family was taken from me in one fell swoop. My sister. My husband. My child and his lovely wife. My beautiful grandchild.” She glanced up at me, eyes bright and full of sadness. “I was angry that the Blighted didn’t have to suffer like we did. And I wanted someone to blame.”
I stopped walking, turning to her.
“If you don’t believe the Blighted truly caused the Great Death, then why do you let them be treated like this? Why allow them to be attacked and killed for years, and why let them be pushed out of city centers, forced to live on the scraps the Gifted throw away?”
“As I said, there are many here who do blame the Blighted. Many who would probably like to see a return to the time just after the Great Death, when the Gifted could abuse the Blighted with no fear of punishment.” She ran a frail, delicate hand across her forehead. “I have tried, Lana. I’ve tried to do right. Even before I knew you were out there, living in a Blighted camp somewhere, I tried to make life a bit better for them. But if I had known… oh, sweet child, I’m so sorry.”
She looked away, her face tight with grief, and I felt an overwhelming urge to hug her, to tell her everything would be okay.
But I didn’t, of course. Because it wouldn’t. Or at least, I couldn’t promise it would.
I pulled in a deep breath. “I believe you, Beatrice. And I guess I’m glad it’s been you on the council instead of another bigoted asshole like Nicholas or Victor. But can I ask you something? You say you tried to make life a little easier for the Blighted. But you still think you’re better than them, more deserving than them, don’t you? Just because you have magic and they don’t.”
She led us down a smaller, carpeted hallway as she considered her answer.
Finally, she sighed. “I don’t know, child. I don’t know what to think anymore. You’ve upended everything I thought I believed too, my dear. What you said the other day… I think about how much I missed you, how heartbroken I am that I couldn’t be there for you all these years. If I could have saved you from the harshness of the life you endured, I would have. And if I would save you, why not another Blighted girl just like you? As you said, everyone has someone who cares about them. Thinking of other mothers and grandmothers feeling the pain and worry I felt… I don’t know. I suppose you’re right. Our worries are the same whether we have magic or not.”
Hope bloomed in my chest as I listened to Beatrice speak.
I hadn’t fully changed her mind, but she seemed to at least be considering what I’d said. The once-theoretical suffering of the Blighted had just been made viscerally real for her, and I could see her grappling with the implications of that.
And if I could shift her perspective, maybe I could do the same for others here. So far, most of the Gifted I’d met at the palace confirmed my long-held perception of them. But maybe there were a few others here like my grandmother. Reasonable people who had been caught up in a system they didn’t truly believe in. Decent people blinded to the suffering of others by their own pain and anger.
I latched onto her wavering emotions and pushed harder.
“Beatrice—Grandma—I need your help. You said the Gifted have both privilege and responsibility. I think you’re right. I’m still learning what to do with all this fucking… er, all this privilege, but I know what I want to do with the responsibility. I want to make things better for everyone. I want to live up to the responsibility I’ve been given, but I can’t do it alone. I don’t know this world. I don’t know how to play politics or win people to my side. I don’t know who I can trust here. But I want to trust you.”
She nodded to a guard who passed us in the empty hallway, and then tugged me over to sit on a small bench in an alcove. The corners of her eyes creased with concern as she studied me intently.
“Lana, sweet girl, I see the fire burning in your eyes. You remind me of your father. When Dominic latched onto an idea, he wouldn’t let it go until he’d pursued it as far as he possibly could. But be careful, my dear. Some paths only lead to greater and greater danger.” She rested a hand on my knee, gazing up at the light glowing from the ornate sconce on the opposite wall. “I will do what I can to help you, but you have to know what you’re up against. There are many in the government who don’t want to see anything change. They will work hard to stop you.”
I furrowed my brow. “Do you think I’m in danger? Here? Even though I’m under your protection?”
“I don’t know, my dear,” she answered heavily. “You shouldn’t be. Your station and connection to me should be enough to keep you safe. But”—she glanced down the hallway, as if to make certain no one lingered nearby—“you’re right about the beauty of this place covering up some of its ugliness. There are people here who are little more than snakes in suits.”
A shiver of distaste passed up my spine. “Nicholas.”
The look on my grandmother’s face told me she didn’t hold him in much higher esteem than I did.
“Yes, Nicholas. I’ve never liked that man, but after tonight….” She shook her head, grimacing. “But there are others, more threatening perhaps, because they act more subtly. I know it’s hard for you to believe this, and I freely admit my efforts were not enough, but I have tried to improve life for the Blighted. But I’m just one voice on the council, and I’ve had to tread carefully to avoid making powerful enemies along the way.”
I scoffed. “But what could they do to you?” Then I turned to her, a bubble of fear rising in my chest. “Wait. You’re not in danger, are you?”
She smiled sadly. “I don’t like to think so. But I could be forced out if I caused too much trouble. Theron Stearns likes me, and I believe he would stand up for me. But I’ve begun to wonder if—”
A noise down the hallway made us both look up, and a moment later, Chief Advisor Rain stepped around a corner. When his eyes fell on the two of us, he hesitated, an odd expression passing over his face before his features cleared.
“Representative Lockwood, may I have a word with you? Alone?” He approached us stiffly.
Beatrice sighed, rising from the bench slowly. “As you wish, Rain. I can guess what this is about.” She turned back to me. “I had Tarik take your three friends home. I believe Jae is still in the ballroom. You and he can take the other car. I’ll use a transport spell to return home when I finish up here.”
I stood too, the marble floor cool under my bare feet. “Thank you, Grandma. Can we talk more later?”
“Of course, sweet girl,” she murmured. She shot a glance at Rain, who hovered a short distance away, tapping his fingers together impatiently. “There are things I must tell you. Things I’ve kept to myself for too long.”
My heart rate picked up at that. What did my grandmother know about each of the Representatives? I’d been shocked to hear her admit she worried for both my safety and her own. Maybe she could help me sort out who in the government might become an ally—and who couldn’t be trusted.
“Thank you, Grandma. Be safe.”
She took my face in her hands, thumbs swiping over my cheeks.
“You too, dear one. I just got you back. I don’t want to lose you again.”
Chapter 10
By the time I made my way back to the ballroom, the festivities had resumed as if nothing had ever happened. The fairies must’ve been instructed to ramp up their “feel good” magic and were out in full force, flitting among the crowd like butterflies spreading laughter and cheer.
The people clustered near the door fell into a hush when I walked under the archway into the expansive room.
“Oh, just fuck off,” I muttered under my breath, ignoring them all as I made a beeline for Jae. He was standing off to the side, and his eyes flicked up as I crossed toward him. There was a perimeter of empty space around him, just like there had been around the “enhanced” Blighted co
uple at the previous ball we’d attended. At that event, Jae had seemed well-known and generally liked. But here, he was obviously a pariah, and I wondered if that was because of his association with me and the other men, or because most of the people in attendance tonight were friends of his father.
Either way, the crowd kept their distance as he walked forward to meet me halfway. With no thought, my hand slipped into his, the cool touch of his palm and the strength of his long fingers soothing me.
“You ready to get out of here?” I asked.
“Fuck yes.”
My eyes widened. It was the first time I could ever remember Jae cursing, and although he spoke low, the vehemence in his voice startled me.
Apparently, even stoic and calm mages had their limits.
I squeezed his hand tighter as we walked out of the room, ignoring the hushed whispers that trailed in our wake.
Tarik was waiting for us outside, and he glanced back as Jae held the car door open for me. His green hair was shoulder length and shaggy, and he had the distinctive facial features of a fairy—a sharp nose, eyes just a little too big to look human, and irises the same brilliant color as his hair. He smiled at me, and I felt tension drain from my body.
We were silent on the ride back to Beatrice’s place. I needed to tell Jae about my conversation with my grandmother, my hopes that she could become an ally in this place, and her distrust of the other Representatives. But exhaustion weighed on me, and worry for Corin twisted in my gut. Even though distance separated us, I swore I could still feel an echo of his emotions, and they churned in my stomach along with my own until I was nearly sick.
Finally, Tarik pulled the car around the circular drive, past the enchanted fountain where drops of water shaped like fish leapt from the rippling surface and then plunged back in to become one with the fountain’s pool again.
I let us into my grandmother’s house. Warm light filtered into the foyer from the sitting room, and I dashed around the corner. “Corin?”
Fenris looked up from where he sat on the couch. Akio lounged in a large chair nearby, his eyes almost black in the dim light.
“He’s outside,” Fen said sadly. “Said he wanted some time alone.”
My eyes met Jae’s. He gave my hand a squeeze before he let go, saying, “If he wants to see any one of us right now, it’s you.”
I gave him a grateful smile then darted down the hall to the back of the mansion, bare feet nearly silent on the hardwood. The stones of the pathway outside dug into my soles as I wended my way away from the house into the sprawling garden. Soft yellow lights glowed along the path every few feet, but otherwise the garden was lit only by the moon.
“Corin?” I called softly into the darkness.
No response.
I walked quickly through the garden, and when I reached the end with no sight of him, I cut toward another part of the manicured yard that was empty except for a few large willow trees. Their hanging boughs nearly obscured their trunks, making the area underneath them almost pitch black. Lifting a hand, I generated a small ball of flame above my palm to see by. It wasn’t the same as the ball of light Jae had created in the dark tunnel at the Resistance—he hadn’t taught me that spell yet—but it would work just fine as long as I didn’t accidentally set a tree on fire.
But as I approached the first willow, I realized I hardly needed the light.
I could feel him.
Veering away from the tree I had been headed for, I walked quickly toward another larger one several yards away. The tips of its long, drooping boughs nearly brushed the ground, and I pushed them aside, careful to keep them well away from my magical fire. The light of my orange flame filled the protected space under the tree, and the sight that greeted me broke my heart.
Corin sat with his back against the trunk, knees pulled up to his chest and elbows braced against them, head hung low. He’d taken off his suit jacket and rolled up the sleeves of his white shirt to his elbows.
“Corin?”
He didn’t look up, so I crept forward slowly, easing down to the ground next to him. I held my small fireball away from my body, its flickering light making shadows dance around us.
We sat in silence for a moment, and then Corin slowly lifted his head. “Is everyone back?”
I looked over at him. His eyes were dull and blank.
“Yeah. Well, all except Beatrice. The guys are in the house.” My throat tightened. “Corin, I’m so sorry about tonight.”
He lifted one shoulder. “I’ve been called worse.”
I snorted. “So have I. That doesn’t make it okay.”
The flame in my hand was becoming unwieldy. I wanted to get closer to Corin but didn’t want to risk hurting him, so I extinguished the ball of fire above my palm. My eyes hadn’t adjusted to the darkness yet, and I could barely make out his silhouette as I turned to him, resting my hand on his forearm.
“Do you have any idea how fucked up it is to envy the people you hate?” Corin’s voice was rough. “I’ve always been proud of who I am, of what I can do. But tonight, I would’ve given anything to have magic. To be able to stand up and fight him. To defend myself. To defend you. I hated myself tonight, even more than I hated that asshole Nicholas.”
My heart thudded painfully in my chest. I crawled up onto my knees, kneeling in front of him so I could face him fully. “Don’t say that. Please, don’t.”
“It’s true, Lana. I’ve told you for as long as I’ve known you that I’ll always have your back. But I don’t know how to do that here. I can’t keep you safe the way I want to. I can’t take care of you. Godsdamn it, I’m fucking useless.”
He broke off with a choked sound and dropped his head again. I stroked his short, sandy blond hair, trying to soothe him with my touch.
When he spoke again, his voice was barely a whisper.
“I let them die.”
I leaned my head in, not sure I’d heard him right. “What? Who?”
He looked up, eyes meeting mine. “My… family. I let them die.”
My skin went cold.
I knew his family had been killed by a Gifted lynch mob after the Great Death, but I’d never pressed him for more details than that. Some things weren’t worth reliving.
He went on, his voice slow and halting, as if the weight of his memories dragged on his tongue.
“I was six. We had a farm in the country, and only a few magic users lived there. Some of them got sick and died, but my parents didn’t realize how bad it was at first, how widespread. I didn’t have any idea what was going on, not really. I was just a kid. But I knew there was something dangerous out there. One afternoon, I was playing by the little stream out back, and I heard screams and yells from down the road. I ran back to the house and told my mom. She didn’t say anything, just stared at me for a second. Her eyes got so big, her pupils blasted out until they looked black. I’ll never, ever forget that look.”
Heart cracking, I gripped both of his hands in mine, trying to lend him some of my strength as he continued.
“She called for my dad, and he and my brother Marcus came running. Marcus was older than me, and bigger. He was sixteen and was already allowed to help with the heavy farm equipment. They said I could someday, when I was old enough, but….” He swallowed. “Marcus left and came back with pitchforks, shovels, a knife. He gave me the knife, and my mother took me down into the cellar. I didn’t understand what was happening. I thought they were coming with me.”
A harsh sob burst from his throat, and he dropped his head again. I rested my forehead against his knees, the tops of our heads touching, our hands joined as if in silent prayer.
After a moment, he went on, his voice thick.
“But they didn’t come with me. My mother slipped back upstairs and locked the cellar door. There was a crash, and then loud, angry voices I didn’t recognize, and then… screams. I hid in the cellar, clutching a kitchen knife, while my family was killed. I let them die.”
Dropping his h
ands, I grasped both sides of his face, forcing him to meet my eyes. “That’s not true! That’s not fucking true, Corin, and you know it. You were a kid. A little boy. They were attacked by a Gifted mob; they never stood a chance. You couldn’t have saved them.”
Tears glinted in his eyes as he nodded, his nostrils flaring. “You’re probably right. But I wish, and I will keep wishing until the day I die, that I’d tried.”
The raw truth in his voice broke my heart. I thought I’d known everything about Corin after our years together in Wyoming, but he had never let me in on this crushing burden of guilt he carried.
No wonder it broke his heart so badly when I snuck away. I’d been yet another person he loved who left him behind to protect him.
He drew in a sharp breath. “Having you here, surrounded by the fucking Gifted, it’s been making me crazy with worry. I thought it would be better once we came to stay with you and Beatrice, but even when I’m right here, I can’t keep you safe. Jae, Akio, Fenris—they can. They can teach you and protect you. I can’t do either.”
My hand shook as I reached over to wipe the tears off his cheeks with my thumbs, still cradling his face in my palms.
“You do teach me, Corin. You teach me how to be better. I’m so sorry about your family, but I’m not sorry your mom loved you enough to save your life. She wanted you to live so you could keep spreading your goodness in the world. And I’m so glad my path in life led me to you. I need you. You anchor me.”
“Right. You need my humanity to anchor your magic through the bond.”
Bitterness tinged his voice, and he tried to look away, but I tightened my grip, clutching him as though he might disappear if I let go.
“No! I need you. Fuck magic. Fuck the Gifted. Fuck the bond. I need you, Corin. You’re the person I look to for guidance on how I should treat other people. The person whose moral compass I trust most in this world. One of the kindest, sweetest, most protective men I know. And just because you don’t have magic doesn’t mean you can’t keep me safe. Hell, you’ve already saved my life more than once. I. Need. You. Just the way you are.”
