by Sadie Moss
“I’m so sorry, Jae.”
“You have nothing to be sorry for,” Jae said bluntly. “He does.”
My stomach tightened. “You know we’re going to have to fight him.”
“I am looking forward to it.” His normally calm voice held an edge I’d never heard before.
I looked over at him, a lump forming in my throat. “It shouldn’t be like this. You shouldn’t have to fight your own father.”
Jae’s chest rose and fell erratically, making me worry for his heart all over again. “Maybe it shouldn’t be, but it is. This is my fault. I’ve known what he’s capable of, what he’s truly like, my whole life. I should’ve stopped him a long time ago.”
Squeezing his hand tighter, I pulled it to my chest. “Don't put that on yourself! His actions are his alone. You are not your father, Jae. You’re everything he isn’t—honest and empathetic and brave as hell. He doesn’t deserve to have a son like you. And if you don’t want to fight him, just say the word. Because I’m dying to.”
I broke off then, pressing my lips into a thin line. I probably shouldn’t have run my mouth like that, but my wildly fluctuating emotions were getting the better of me.
Gods. How fucked up is it to realize you love someone and offer to kill their father in the space of five minutes?
There was a pause as Jae regarded me, and for the first time, no part of his expression was unreadable. He looked younger and wilder with his calm facade stripped away, nothing but naked emotion on his face.
It was breathtaking.
But before I was done looking my fill, his lips were on mine.
He kissed like a starving man—like every pent-up emotion he’d held in for so long was finally spilling out into the connection between us. He wrapped his arm around me, and a moment later I was straddling his legs, our lips still locked in a hot, wet kiss. My hands framed his face as he sat up straighter, tasting my teeth with his tongue.
I moaned against his mouth, running my hands down his lean chest to his firm waist. I tugged up his shirt and slipped my hands under it, seeking the warm skin underneath and—
Jae’s body stiffened.
He shoved me roughly away from him as he scrambled off the bed.
I thought for a second he was going to run out the door, but he paused a few steps from it, his breath coming in sharp bursts. A pair of bare light bulbs gleamed from an old fixture in the ceiling, and in their dim light, he looked like a trapped, wounded animal.
Embarrassment flooded my body. Shit. Had I been wrong? I knew Jae cared for me, but there were different kinds of love. Maybe the sparks that danced across my skin at even the most casual touch from him were mine alone.
I cleared my throat, my mouth suddenly dry. “Jae, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to—”
“No. It’s not you.” His voice was harsh, his shoulders shaking from whatever emotion he was holding back.
I wasn’t sure what was going on in his head. But I knew we stood at a precipice. He’d opened himself up to me in so many ways, but there was a part of him that had always remained closed off.
I’d given up hope of ever seeing it, considering the vice-like control he had over his emotions.
But I’d finally caught a glimpse of that hidden part of him.
And even though the intensity of it scared me, I wasn’t going to let him push it back down.
Chapter 14
Jae’s body was taut, poised to run or fight, like a fox caught in the open on a desert plain. He looked like he was on the verge of breaking down entirely, and part of me wanted to back away, to give us both an out.
But sometimes, the only way out was through.
I stood slowly, keeping my eyes glued to his back. He tensed as I approached, and when I reached out to lay a gentle hand on his shoulder, his whole body jerked.
“What, Jae? Please tell me. I want to help if I can.”
“I don’t… I don’t want you to see.” His voice was rough, almost unrecognizable.
“See what?”
“Me.” His shoulders slumped, and my heart broke.
“I want to see you, Jae. I want to know all of you.” My words were soft, and he shuddered under my touch.
Slowly, I walked around to face him. He looked lost and pained; it was the same expression he’d worn at the Grand Ball after I met his father for the first time.
Deciding it was a better to ask forgiveness than permission, I pushed him slowly toward the bed. His movements were stiff, but he responded to my gentle guidance, stepping backward until he hit the edge of the mattress.
He sank down slowly. Keeping my eyes locked on his, almost drowning in the bright green of his irises, I deliberately moved my hands across his chest toward the first button of his shirt.
Jae seemed drunk, hypnotized by my gaze, and though he shifted uncomfortably, he didn’t pull away as I undid the first button.
I continued that way, working my fingers down without ever breaking eye contact. When the shirt hung open loosely, revealing a small sliver of his chest and abdomen, I moved to push the fabric off his shoulders.
He stiffened again, reaching up to clamp one long-fingered hand around my wrist.
“Please, Jae.”
I didn’t push but held perfectly still until his grip on my wrist loosened. When it finally did, I slipped the white shirt down his arms.
A pained gasp fell from my lips before I could contain it.
This was what he hadn’t wanted me to see.
Thick, pinkish lines streaked across his chest and shoulders—old wounds long ago healed over. What had caused these? A knife? A lash? Some kind of magic?
My gaze traced the lines across his body as I crawled up onto the bed with him. I followed one that disappeared over his shoulder, and when I saw his back, I had to force myself to keep breathing.
“Holy gods….”
His chest had borne a few scars, but his back was a patchwork of violence.
Unable to stop myself, I reached out a trembling hand and traced the lines of overlapping scars. Jae swallowed, holding perfectly still under my light touch. There was no deliberate pattern to them, just an array of slashes cutting across his back. They were thick, the reformed skin stretched over time. These wounds had been received when he was young, no more than a boy.
“Your father?” I whispered.
He swallowed thickly. “Yes.”
“This was what you meant when you said you knew what kind of man he was.” My voice was strained as fury and pity fought for dominance in my mind.
Jae didn’t answer this time, just nodded slowly.
I wanted to scream. Wanted to hit something. Wanted to tear open another portal so I could go back to the palace and stab Jonas twenty more times—consequences be damned.
But my rage wouldn't help Jae.
From the looks of it, he’d had more than enough of that in his life. I didn’t want to be the bearer of any more.
So instead, I leaned down and pressed my lips softly to a thick scar over his spine. His breath hitched, but I continued working my way across his back, pressing kisses of love and desire to all the places where his father had tried to break him.
As my lips worshipped him, his breathing slowly deepened and evened out. When I brushed them across the strong muscles of his shoulder, he let out a low groan.
The atmosphere shifted, the painful tension that had melted away earlier returning as something else entirely. Something that made my skin prickle with awareness and warmth spread low in my belly.
My heart pounded out a heavy beat as I sat back and climbed off the bed. Jae’s deep green eyes watched my every movement, still a bit dazed. I crossed to the door and flicked the lock on the knob. It wouldn’t keep out determined intruders, but it would grant us all the privacy we needed for the moment.
When I turned back toward Jae, butterflies took flight in my stomach as nerves unaccountably raced through me. The man before me had become one of my best friends, a guiding forc
e in my life. His beauty and goodness were almost inhuman.
Actually, maybe that was why I was nervous. The things I wanted to do to him right now were very, very human.
But if we crossed this line, we could never go back.
I couldn’t go back to being the thing he yearned for from a distance.
He couldn’t go back to being someone I idolized from afar.
We’d each tumble from the pedestal the other had placed us on and meet on solid ground, our flaws and fears no longer safely hidden away.
Jae was the one currently shirtless, but his intense eyes made me feel completely exposed. My skin warmed everywhere his gaze roamed, as if it penetrated right through my clothes.
I approached him slowly and rested my hands on his bare shoulders, feeling the scarred texture of his skin under my fingertips. His hands came up to clasp my hips in a surprisingly possessive grip as he stared at me.
“Lana, are you sure…?”
I bit my lip. “How’s your heart feeling?”
One corner of his lip twitched up, and his green eyes lightened for a moment. “Good. Your healing skills are improving fast.”
“Then yes, I’m sure.”
Bending down, I pressed my lips to his. It was softer than our first kiss, gentler. An invitation and a reassurance all at once. The hands on my hips became almost bruising, and I felt the muscles of his shoulders bunch, but his mouth moved soft and slow against mine.
This was what I wanted, what I’d wanted for so long. Whatever pleasure there was in loving the idea of Jae, it was nowhere near as good as loving the man himself—scars and all.
As I explored his mouth with mine, I slid my hands down over the lean planes of his chest and stomach to his thighs. The muscles felt like steel as he tensed beneath my fingertips, but I didn’t let that stop me.
Breaking our kiss, I licked and bit a path down his neck. Jae leaned back, bracing his hands on the bed, and when I showered kisses over the scars on his chest, his head lolled, his eyes falling half-closed. A bulge strained against the fabric of his pants as I dropped to my knees between his parted legs. He was already hard for me. I ran my hand over his cock through the fabric then gave a gentle squeeze, and Jae’s head jerked up.
I could see him trying to wrest back control of his emotions, to put a lid on all the feelings coursing through him. To bottle them up like he always did.
But I didn’t let him. I squeezed him through his pants again, stroking up and down his hard length, making his green eyes spark with desire.
Then I reached for his button and fly, inching them open to give me access to what I wanted. He lifted his hips to help me work his pants down a little, and a soft smile played across my lips. He wanted this as much as I did.
When his cock sprang free, the velvety softness in my hand made heat pool in my core. I stroked the warm, smooth skin gently, taking my time as I explored him.
This was Jae. My Jae. The man who had taught me, talked with me, and comforted me when I felt lost in a new world I didn’t understand.
But now he was also the man who looked at me with fire in his eyes, who murmured soft groans and words of approval as I caressed his thick length. And I wanted this side of him as much as I wanted the cool, calm mage I’d come to love.
I dipped my head, exhaling hot breaths along his cock before running my tongue over the tip. He tensed and fisted my hair tightly but didn’t try to control my movements.
The pull on my scalp sent another zing of pleasure through me, and I took him in my mouth, unable to hold back any longer. I wanted to feel him, to taste him. To make him lose control.
“Lana….” Jae dragged out my name as I swirled my tongue around him, his hips shifting in time to my rhythm.
I hummed in response, wrapping my hand around his base as I worked my lips up and down, loving the way I could feel him pulse in my mouth, growing even harder in response to my touch.
My gaze flicked upward, and the tempo of my strokes faltered.
Good gods. He’s fucking beautiful.
Jae’s head was tilted down, the muscles of his neck corded. His nostrils flared as he watched me, and his mouth dropped open slightly. But it was the expression on his face that undid me. The cool mask was gone, along with the doubt and pain that had broken through earlier. All that was left was raw, unfiltered desire.
Because of me.
A heady feeling of power rushed through me. I was on my knees before a man who never lost control to anyone. Except to me. I had cracked through his carefully erected walls, and as I sucked harder on his cock, those walls came crumbling down.
I licked his slit with the tip of my tongue, tasting his salty essence, and he bucked his hips.
The hand in my hair tightened, finally beginning to guide and control my movements. I let him, opening the back of my throat and pulling more of him into my mouth with each stroke.
He needed this. Needed to let go and take what he wanted.
“Touch yourself, Lana. Keep your mouth on me and touch yourself.”
The rough, commanding edge to his voice was new and thrilling. I fumbled with the zipper on my jeans then reached my hand in to rub my clit, relieving some of the desperate ache building inside me. The rhythm of my mouth and tongue stuttered as my body tensed with pleasure, but I was more focused on his release than mine.
More than anything in the world at this moment, I wanted to make Jae come.
In a dusty room in an unfamiliar house in the Outskirts, with world-ending danger bearing down on us, all I wanted was to make him feel good. To make him feel loved.
My orgasm hit me like a freight train. I’d been so focused on his responses and reactions, trying to drive him over the edge, that my own climax caught me by surprise. But each moan from his lips, each muttered praise and curse, the radiant heat pouring off his skin—it all heightened my arousal until I couldn’t contain it anymore. I flew apart with a muffled cry, struggling through the aftershocks to work him harder and deeper.
Suddenly, his hand on the back of my head stilled. His whole body went rigid.
“I’m coming. Oh gods, Lana, I’m coming.”
Those words, in his strangled voice, were the most incredible sounds I’d ever heard. A heartbeat later, his cock pulsed in my mouth, thickening with his release. I swallowed greedily, not willing to let a bit of him go.
As he gasped for breath, I slowly drew back, flattening my tongue against the underside of his softening cock as I did, making him hiss and exhale roughly. I tucked him back into his pants and zipped them up, then adjusted my own clothes. Resting my cheek on his thigh, I looked up at him, sated and happy.
For a moment, his green gaze shone down on me, a brilliant smile lighting up his face.
Then his smile drooped, his eyes clouding over. “Damn it. I’m sorry. That wasn’t what our first time together should’ve been like. With me half dressed, you fully dressed, in the middle of a crisis, in a room that….” He gestured vaguely around us, pulling away from me uncomfortably. “You deserve better than this, Lana.”
What?
I tightened my grip on his thighs, not letting him get far. “No, I don’t. I deserve exactly this. You. The real, true you, and everything that comes with it. And this”—I mimicked his gesture encompassing the room—“will always mean something special to me. Because it’s the first time this happened.” Rising up, I grabbed the back of his head and kissed him hard. When I felt him relax again, I softened the kiss and spoke my next words against his lips. “This was everything I wanted. A moment doesn’t have to be perfect to be amazing, Jae.”
He cupped the sides of my face, delving into my mouth with slow, languid strokes of his tongue. When we broke apart, he rested his forehead against mine. “Gods, you’re incredible.”
I chuckled dryly. “If you think so, I’m not going to try to talk you out of it.” I paused, regarding him seriously. “But I’m also a little damaged, and angry, and afraid. I want you to know those parts of me to
o. And I want to know all of you. Please don’t hide from me—not the good parts or the bad.”
Jae pulled me up suddenly, settling me on his lap and wrapping his arms around me, burying his face against my chest. His grip was crushing, like he was holding onto a lifeline. “I’m so fucking angry, Lana. I want to kill him.”
I pulled him close, ghosting my fingers over the marks on his back before running them through his neatly trimmed brown hair. “I’ll help.”
Chapter 15
We held each other for a while longer, and even as worry about what was to come beat against my chest, I reveled in the feel of Jae’s body pressed tightly to mine.
No barriers between us.
No pretenses.
Finally, he lifted me off his lap and stood slowly. He stroked my cheek, gazing down at me with worshipful green eyes, then laced our fingers together and led me from the room.
The hallway we entered was dark and shadowed, but light glowed from the staircase at one end. A worn carpet covered the steps, muffling our footsteps as we descended. Voices reached my ear as we entered a small, mostly empty room. A wide archway on the left opened up into another room, and the voices cut off as we stepped inside.
Old furniture was spread around the intimate space, forming a rough circle. Noble was perched on the arm of a large chair next to a woman I didn’t recognize. Fen, Akio, and Corin sat on a worn red couch, and several other Resistance members took up other seats in the room.
“Jae!” Noble stood and crossed to us quickly, clapping Jae on the shoulders. “Are you all right?”
“Yes, I am. Thanks to Lana.” He shot me a smile, and Noble transferred his attention to me.
I wouldn’t have thought it was possible, but the man’s internal tempo was even faster than the first time we’d met. I half expected him to burst apart into pieces of pure energy at any moment.
“Well done, Crow. We’re going to need you both more than ever. Rain needs to be stopped. Sit, sit! We’re working on a plan of action.” He paced back over to his chair and perched on the arm again.
Jae guided me over to a large armchair, mimicking Noble’s pose by sitting on the side. He wrapped his arm casually around my shoulders, his thumb brushing my collarbone.
