The Has-Been and the Hot Mess

by Isabel Jordan

  “So, how are you doing, mom?” she asked.

  Lilian let out a big, gusty sigh. “I’m doing much better now that I know Sam is going to be fine. Monitoring his diet is not going to be pleasant, but if that’s what it takes to keep him around, then that’s what I’m going to do.” She shook her head. “Oh, honey…there was a minute there when I thought he was going to leave me. I wasn’t sure what I was going to do without him. I mean, we’ve been together so long. I’m not even sure who I am anymore without him. He’s my other half.”

  Kendall’s eyes welled up as she took her mom’s hand. “Oh, mom. That’s maybe the most beautiful thing I’ve ever heard. You guys are so…I mean…how are any relationships supposed to ever measure up to yours? You guys set the bar too high.”

  Her mom laughed and wiped at her own teary eyes. “It’s not like it was always easy. There were fights and tears and nonsense like you wouldn’t believe over the years. But when the love is there, you can somehow find a way to get through the rest of it. And for us? The love was always there.”

  Kendall had never been in love. She’d doubted she was even capable of it. But now? With what she was feeling for Jackson? She was beginning to question everything.

  She swallowed hard. “How did you know dad was the one?”

  Her mom smiled at her—a little too knowingly for Kendall’s liking. “In the beginning, it was tricky. I had to go by how he treated me. He made me feel important, you know? Respected. And he actually listened to me when I talked.”

  Jackson made her feel like she was the most important person in any room. And he listened to everything she had to say, even when he didn’t like hearing it.

  “Then,” her mom went on, “there were times when I caught him looking at me when he thought I wasn’t paying attention.” She smiled dreamily. “He looked at me like heaven put an angel right here on earth just for him.”

  Kendall frowned. Well, how the hell was she supposed to know how Jackson looked at her when she wasn’t paying attention? Was she supposed to spy on him and pretend to not be looking so that she could catch him looking? That seemed twisted. And overly complicated.

  “But,” her mom went on, “the biggest clue of all that he was the one for me was how I felt about him. When something good happened, he was always the first one I wanted to tell. The good stuff just didn’t seem real unless I’d talked it over with him.”

  Well, up until a week ago, that person for Kendall was Ray. But now it was definitely Jackson, with Ray following in a very close second position.

  What could she say? Ray was a pretty awesome friend.

  Had Kyle ever been the first person she wanted to call when something good happened? She couldn’t remember now. That probably meant the answer was no.

  “And here was the real kicker,” her mom said. “When I thought about not being with him, that thought was way scarier than the idea of letting myself fall for him and be vulnerable.”

  Kendall was quiet for a minute as she let all of that digest. The thought of leaving Jackson when he got his dream job was gut-wrenching. But the thought of giving a real relationship a shot with someone she could actually love was positively terrifying. Did she have that kind of courage?

  Her mom elbowed her and pointed to the door. Jackson had just come in. His eyes found her immediately, and his whole face lit up with a smile that had Kendall’s heart beating double time.

  Her mom leaned over and whispered, “Like heaven put an angel on earth just for him.”

  Huh. Maybe the idea of letting herself fall wasn’t so terrifying after all.

  Kendall was quiet on the way back to the hotel.

  If he were with anyone else on the planet, the quiet wouldn’t worry Jackson. But with Kendall?

  Something was wrong. Seriously, terribly, scarily wrong.

  He glanced over at her, studying her delicate profile, lit only by the dashboard lights of their rented Land Rover. She was staring, unblinking, out the window. Since there wasn’t a damn thing to look at out there—the darkened store fronts that popped up in between the occasional bar and restaurant just weren’t all that interesting—he had to wonder if she was truly lost in thought, or actively avoiding talking to him.

  “Are we going to talk about it, or are you going to stay quiet all night?” he finally asked.

  She glanced over at him, then shifted her gaze back to the road. “I’m just thinking.”

  “Well, I realize that.” In his experience, her brain only shut down in one of two circumstances: if she was asleep, or when she was mid-orgasm. “Care to share with the class?”

  It took a minute, but eventually, she said, “My work here is almost done. I mean, one phone call and I can get you any agent in LA. After that, you’ll still need some PR and social media support, but not much. A low-level assistant could handle your social media, and you’d only need someone like me in a crisis.”

  Oh, he needed her for a lot more than a crisis. But he didn’t want to scare the crap out of her, so even though his hands tightened involuntarily on the steering wheel, he managed to stay cool and ask, “Are you anxious to get back to LA?”

  Her laugh was completely devoid of actual humor. “Anxious to go back to the townhouse that isn’t mine in the city where Kyle has probably blackballed me and I’ll never find work? No, not especially.”

  Don’t just blurt out that you want her to stay. Stay cool. Don’t be an overeager creeper. “In that case, what do you want to do, career wise?”

  She finally turned her beautiful eyes his way, and he had a second to enjoy it before he had to look back at the road in front of them. But having her finally look at him after being so quiet and distant for so long was…soothing somehow.

  “Up until the whole mess with Kyle,” she said, her adorable little button nose wrinkling at his name, “when I first started my career, I would’ve told you that I was made for celebrity PR. I mean, I was the best. I think I equated being the best with actually enjoying my job. But when I think back on all the whiny, entitled, asshole celebrities I’ve had to work with over the years—”

  “Ouch,” he joked, rubbing a hand over his heart.

  She smacked his arm lightly. “Not you, dumbass. I’m talking about all the people I’ve worked with that I didn’t even like. And it was my job to make other people like them. It was fraud, I guess? Not criminal or anything, obviously, but definitely phony. I don’t want to be phony anymore.” Then she turned in her seat to fully face him and asked, “Do you know what I really want to do?”

  Please say me. Please say me. Please…

  He mentally smacked himself across the face. “What’s that?”

  “I want to do more events that benefit charities like your shelter, and all the shelters who participated in our event. Raising that money and getting all those dogs adopted was a real…” she trailed off, obviously searching for the right word.

  “High,” he supplied. “It’s a high. The only healthy one I’ve been able to find.”

  Other than you.

  She was very quickly becoming his drug of choice. And the crazy part? It didn’t scare him nearly as much as it should have.

  “Yeah,” she said on a dreamy sigh. “I want to help. Do some good, you know?”

  He smiled at the excitement in her voice. “Yeah. I know.”

  Jackson couldn’t keep up his calm, collected front any longer. And he also couldn’t spill his guts while he was driving. So, he quickly signaled and pulled off onto the shoulder of the road. When he’d come to a complete stop, he turned in his seat to face her.

  “I think you should stay with me,” he blurted.

  Her eyes widened and her mouth dropped open a little. He’d shocked her. But he couldn’t stop now. “Look,” he said, “I know we haven’t known each other that long. But I can’t remember a time when I ever felt like this about someone. And the thought of you leaving and heading back to LA makes me want to puke, frankly.”

  Way to go, loser. Talk ab
out puking. That’s real fucking romantic.

  But the verbal diarrhea went on, completely unchecked.

  “I care about you. I love having you around, and I want to be with you—as much as I can be for as long as you can tolerate me. And since you said yourself that you can work remotely from just about anywhere, why not from the ranch? I’ll still need PR help, the shelter still needs PR help, and I’m sure every shelter in the country is going to want to work with you soon, not to mention all the other charities out there. So, you can pretty much write your own ticket. I want to be there, supporting you when you do it. And if you don’t want to live with me—because I know this all probably sounds crazy to you—you can get a place in town. The rent there will be less than half of what you’re paying in LA. Or we could always—”

  Whatever he was going to say next was lost (which was probably for the best because he was rambling like a blithering idiot) when Kendall grabbed the front of his shirt in her fists, yanked him towards her, and slanted her mouth over his, kissing him hard.

  When she pulled back and rested her forehead against his, she said, “I care about you, too. I’d love nothing more than to stay with you and see where this thing between us goes.”

  He let out a deep breath. “Thank God, because I was about to start begging and that would’ve been damned embarrassing.”

  Her answering smile lit up her entire face. “Now, get me back to the hotel because I have no intention of talking for the rest of the night. I have far, far better things to do with my tongue.”

  Jackson about swallowed his at that point.

  But, several broken traffic laws (and possibly a few land speed records) later, they made it back to the hotel, and indeed didn’t talk about anything for the rest of the night.

  Chapter 29

  Kendall rolled over in bed and stretched, smiling as a few sore muscles made themselves known.

  She was fairly certain she’d used muscles last night that she’d never used before.

  Totally. Worth. The. Pain.

  Kendall had never felt this level of sheer, unadulterated happiness. She finally had a direction she wanted to take her life in, and as if that wasn’t monumental enough, she also had someone by her side who wanted to travel that road with her. A real partner—someone who saw her as an equal.

  Also didn’t hurt that he was smokin’ hot and gifted her multiple orgasms like it was his damn job.

  And surprisingly enough, she wasn’t terrified anymore. If this thing with Jackson didn’t work out, sure, it would be devastating, but she’d recover. Because as it turned out, she wasn’t nearly the hot mess she’d always taken herself for. Jackson had helped her see that, but he hadn’t ever done anything to try to “fix” her, like Kyle had.

  Kendall Quinn was now officially well on her way to becoming a settled, happy, optimistic woman.

  Whoever could have predicted that?

  She reached over and grabbed her phone, noticing that Jackson had sent her a text.

  Be back soon, beautiful. Going to the gym on the ground level. I’ll bring the coffee when I’m done.

  Then there was a GIF of a Minion blowing kisses that made her burst out laughing. The tattooed, sexy-as-hell rock star of her teenaged dreams (and current reality) had sent her a Minion GIF.

  He was gorgeous, smart, kind, loved animals, was an absolute god in bed, and he was goofy as fuck.

  She loved Jackson Hale. It was just as simple—and as complicated—as that.

  A knock on the door interrupted her emotional epiphany. Jackson probably forgot his keycard or couldn’t open the door while he was carrying the coffee or something.

  Jumping out of bed, she threw on her robe and glasses, and stepped over the pile of clothes they’d so hastily discarded on their way into the room last night. With a smile she couldn’t seem to wipe off her face, she opened the door. “Did you forget—”

  She swallowed the rest of what she was going to say because it wasn’t Jackson at her door.

  It was Kyle.

  Now that was enough to wipe the smile off her face.

  She actually verbalized an “ugh”, then added, “What the hell are you doing here?”

  The smug bastard had the nerve to smirk at her before side-stepping around her into the room.

  “And here I didn’t think vampires could come in uninvited,” she muttered, closing the door behind him.

  Kyle glanced down at a pair of Jackson’s jeans on the floor, and one shoe that was sticking out from under the bed. His eyes lifted to hers, and he shot her a look of betrayal and hurt—as if he was the injured party here.

  As. If.

  “I’m here,” he said, his tone positively oozing false sincerity, “because I was hoping we could work things out.” He did a little man pout that made her want to throttle him. “I miss you.”

  Was this a joke? Had she stepped into an alternate reality? This could not be happening. “How did you even know I was here? Did you follow us last night?”

  He didn’t answer, but he didn’t really need to. It didn’t matter.

  Kendall tightened her robe and crossed her arms over her chest. “Kyle, there’s nothing to work out. You’re a cheating bastard, and you fired me, even though I was the best PR manager you had.” She glanced down her nose at him and added, “And I don’t miss you at all.”

  He glanced at Jackson’s shoe again. “We’ve clearly both made mistakes. But if I’m willing to forgive and forget, why can’t you?”

  She wondered if it was possible to choke on her own outrage. Or better yet, was it possible for her outrage to choke someone else?

  “I didn’t do anything wrong, Kyle. But you want forgiveness? Fine. I forgive you. I don’t care anymore.”

  His eyes narrowed. “Because of him? You’re going to throw away everything we have so that you can keep fucking a client?”

  She looked him dead in the eye, unblinking, and said, “I’d throw you under a speeding bus to keep fucking him, Kyle. Don’t overestimate what you and I had together, and don’t underestimate what I have with him. Know this beyond a shadow of a doubt: I don’t want you anymore. We’re done.”

  And just like that, he dropped the poor, wounded act. It was refreshing, really. Then he said, “So, you’re going to give up your career and, what, move to Bumfuck, Montana to pump out babies with some has-been rock star?”

  She snorted. “So much of what you just said is wrong. Who says I have to give up my career? And who says he’s a has-been? In case you haven’t noticed, Jackson Hale is on fire right now. I could get him any gig, anywhere. Which means, I can get myself any gig, anywhere, too.”

  She didn’t address the baby part of Kyle’s rant. It wasn’t something she’d talked about with Jackson. They were a long way away from that talk. But she’d be lying if she wasn’t all of a sudden picturing herself with a couple of little Jackson lookalikes clinging to her skirt.

  It was not nearly as scary as it should have been.

  Kyle sneered. “Can you really get him any gig he wants? Because I can only think of one gig someone like him might want—especially after that carefully placed ‘leak’ about him wanting to work ‘behind the scenes.’ You’re trying to get him the movie score for Fall from Grace.”

  Well, Kyle was a lot of things. Narrow-minded, snooty, unfaithful, and bad in bed, to name but a few. But he wasn’t stupid. She should’ve known he’d figure out Jackson’s endgame.

  She shrugged. “So what if I am?”

  Then he said something that made her blood run cold.

  “That might be hard since the music supervisor for that film is Bill Wilding.”

  Kendall had to fight to keep from flinching. Bill Wilding was Kyle’s college roommate. Bill idolized Kyle. Kendall couldn’t even count all the jobs he’d thrown to Kyle’s clients over the years. He’d hire anyone Kyle recommended.

  Which meant that Jackson wouldn’t stand a chance.

  She narrowed her eyes on him. “What do you want? And do
n’t say you want me back, because we both know that’s not true, and not happening.”

  His evil little smile made her seethe on the inside. “Advise him to sign with me.”

  Kendall couldn’t hold back a snort of laughter at that. “You think he’d let you be his agent? After your little performance last night? There’s no way he’d agree to that.”

  “Oh, he doesn’t have to work with me. He can work with any of my agents. But that’s not all I want. He signs with one of my agents, and you bow out—of his PR, and his life. Unless you’re willing to come back and work for me. Then I might consider letting you handle his PR.”

  He had to know she’d never come back and work for him. So really, he was just being a vindictive, shortsighted twat. “As long as he signs with you, why would you care who he’s sleeping with?”

  He had the nerve to point an accusatory finger at her. “Because if you’re not working for me, I don’t want you whispering in his ear, trying to undo everything I’m doing on my end.”

  Which was also bullshit. He wouldn’t really be doing anything on his end but collecting money.

  “This is just you being a jealous asshole, isn’t it, Kyle?” she asked, shaking her head. “That’s pathetic.”

  His cheeks went up in flames and she knew her barb had hit its mark. If there was anything Kyle hated, it was being looked down on and pitied. But he held onto his temper. Probably because he knew she was mad enough to kick his ass—and with pure rage on her side, she could no doubt do it.

  “You have my terms,” he said, his voice tight, jaw clenched. “I’ll give you a day to think about it. But mark my words—if you don’t convince him to sign with my agency, he will not get that job. And I’ll do everything in my power to make sure he doesn’t work on any other movie scores, either.”

  And with that, he stomped out of her room in a proper snit, slamming the door behind him.