“Why is that?”
“Because no matter how many times you separated, you always managed to come back to each other.”
How often had I gone back to Leo? I wanted to ask but figured that wasn’t an appropriate question to ask Edward’s sister.
She introduced me to a lot of people after that, and although it was a little exhausting, it was enjoyable as well. Some were kind and showed genuine concern, while others plastered on fake smiles and shared disingenuous compliments that made me want to laugh out loud. Several people insisted we were close, and I noticed Helena shaking her head slightly, indicating it wasn’t true. She was a gem, that one. I liked her very much.
At one point, Helena got caught up in another conversation, and a young woman around my age walked over.
“Hello, Annette.” Her voice was soft and lilting. “You probably don’t remember me. My name is Beatriz.” She had light brown hair that was almost blonde, stormy gray eyes, and a cute button nose that turned up just slightly.
“I’m sorry, I don’t. How did we know each other?”
“We went to school together, but you weren’t exactly my number one fan.” She ducked her head and smiled sweetly as if she’d already forgiven me. “Edward and I dated for a while, but it didn’t work out.” She quickly patted me on the arm. “He was always in love with you.”
“Oh, I see. Well, I hope I was nice to you.”
She put on a bright smile, but it was definitely an effort. “You were.” My instincts told me she wasn’t being upfront about something, but it could have just been the awkwardness of the situation.
“Why do I get the feeling we didn’t get along?”
She chuckled a little and glanced to the side. “It’s water under the bridge.” And then she sobered and pulled me away from the others. “Honestly, the real reason you didn’t like me,” she lowered her voice, “was because I walked in on you and Leo Campbell kissing.”
I frowned. “Before I married Edward?”
She shook her head. “After.” She gave me a meaningful look and leaned in even closer. “But I assure you, just as I did before—I would never tell anyone. I want to be a true friend to you. You can trust me. I only have your best interest in mind.”
I felt sick to my stomach. Like…really, really sick. I didn’t want it to be true, but it appeared something had definitely been going on with Leo, though I didn’t understand it because everything about that man repelled me. But then again, without my memories, I wasn’t the same person. I even applied make-up differently, or so my assistant Lydia had told me. She said I used to use bold colors and emphasized my eyes and lips, whereas now I seemed to gravitate to softer hues and a more natural look.
“I tried to tell you to stay away from him,” she continued, “but you said it was none of my business.”
“I’m really sorry.” My shoulders stiffened, and I felt vulnerable standing here with this woman, hearing her share scandalous secrets I didn’t even remember. I wondered if she would try to blackmail me, though her demeanor was non-threatening, so there was at least that.
“You don’t need to worry. I never judged you. I just wanted to be your friend.” She placed a hand on my arm, her eyes softening. “You and Edward are so good together. Everyone knows that. Please don’t mess things up with him.”
“I…I’ll try not to.” I looked down, blinking back tears. It was disconcerting to find out I had gone behind Edward’s back like that.
Who am I? It was the question I’d been asking myself over and over, and, yet, the answers that came as a result were unsettling. And then suddenly, it was all too much, and I needed to get away. If I had to stare into her kind, accepting eyes one moment longer, I might let go and share more than I should. “Excuse me, I need to attend to something.”
“Of course.” She bit down on her bottom lip, concern showing on her face. “I hope I didn’t upset you. I only wanted—”
“It’s fine,” I said, holding up a hand. “I just need to… I have something I need to take care of.”
I strode in the direction of the castle, planning to find a lavatory so I could have a few moments to myself. People smiled as I walked by, and I did my best to appear unshaken, but Beatriz’s words had rattled me to the core. I didn’t know why it was hitting me now when Leo had already said we’d had a relationship after my marriage to Edward, but I hadn’t believed him. Not really. A part of me truly hoped he’d been lying in order to gain some unfair advantage. Now, I wasn’t sure what to think. I only knew that I didn’t want to be that kind of person. I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn’t see him until he was right in front of me, and we nearly collided.
“Whoa. Careful.” Leo smiled, his white teeth sparkling in the sunlight. “I was hoping we’d have a moment to talk.” He glanced around and then put his hands on my shoulders. “I’m going crazy without you, Annette. Please, give me a few minutes to explain.”
“I can’t be around you.” I stepped back, and his hands fell off of me.
“Can’t? Or won’t?”
“Both. Now, if you’ll excuse me.”
I brushed past him, but he caught my arm. “You can’t run from me forever. Eventually, you’ll remember why we were so great together.”
“Whatever happened between us—it’s immoral. I don’t want that kind of life.”
“It never bothered you before.”
Nausea swept through me and settled in my stomach, making me want to retch. “Well, it matters now.” I glanced at his tight grip on my arm. “Let me go.”
He grimaced. “You’ll never get rid of me.” He leaned in until his face was inches from mine. “You and I…we’re made from the same cloth. We understand each other better than anyone else.”
“Listen very carefully,” I said in a slow, steely voice that sounded threatening to my own ears. When had I learned to speak like that? “If you don’t let go of me right now, I will scream and everyone will know you are a cad.”
He instantly released his grip, and I practically ran towards the main castle entrance. I stopped outside the double doors, out of breath and shaking from my encounter with him.
“Annette!” Edward called to me from a distance and then he jogged over and stopped in front of me. “Are you all right? I saw you talking to Leo and then you started running. What did he say to you?”
I couldn’t relay the conversation back to him, not when it involved my sordid past. A past that would surely destroy my marriage. “Nothing. It’s okay.” My voice shook. “Everything is fine.”
He took my hand and held it firmly. “You’re so cold…and you’re trembling.” His brows descended. “Tell me. What did he say to you?”
“He wanted to reminisce about high school, that’s all.” I hated lying, but I didn’t know how to get out of this. “He tried to help me to remember him, but I was too overwhelmed.”
His face grew red, and a spark of anger flashed through his eyes. I couldn’t tell if it was because he didn’t believe me, or if he was angry Leo pushed me too hard. It seemed as if he were debating whether he should say something, and then he finally pursed his lips and let out a breath. “I shouldn’t have left you on your own for so long. I’ve been…dealing with some things, but it’s no excuse.”
Our eyes locked, and I felt myself slowly unraveling, but I couldn’t look away. “I don’t understand the state of our marriage, and when you avoid me like this, it doesn’t make it any better.”
“I know. I promise I’ll make time for us.” A muscle in his jaw pulsed. “I’ve been working closely with the police, and I haven’t said anything because I didn’t want to upset you.”
“It’s more than that, Edward, and you know it. You stay away from me even when you’re home. In the morning, you’re out riding, and in the evenings…you don’t come near me. We don’t share the same bedroom. What am I supposed to think?”
Emotion clouded his eyes, and he stared at me meaningfully, as if he wanted me to catch on to somethin
g important, but he wasn’t willing to say what it was. “I don’t know how to fix this. You’re accusing me of avoiding you, but three weeks ago, we got married, and you were the one who stayed away.” He clenched his fists. “I’m not trying to make you feel bad because you obviously don’t remember, so there’s not much you can do at this point.” He let out a sigh. “Honestly, I’ve thought about...” His head dropped forward and his gaze fell to the ground. “Never mind.”
“Please, share what you were going to say.”
He shook his head. “Forget it. It won’t help.”
I stepped closer and put my hand on his arm. “Edward, please. How can things improve if we don’t talk to each other? I want to understand how I’ve upset you.”
He ran a hand over the back of his neck and glanced around, appearing lost, like he didn’t know how to cope with the situation. “I can’t do this. We have guests, and my parents expect… Let’s table this conversation for now.”
“Fine.”
He leaned forward and kissed me lightly on the cheek, but it felt perfunctory. “Are you ready to return to the party? Or would you prefer to retire to your room? I can tell everyone you weren’t feeling well.”
A huge part of me wanted to hide in my room and forget any of this had happened, but I couldn’t do that. I could tuck myself away, but doing that wouldn’t make it all disappear. “I’m ready to return to our guests.”
“I think that’s a wise choice.”
***
The following day was a Sunday, and after receiving evidence of my potential misdeeds, I decided attending church might be a good plan. If I had really done what Leo and Beatriz said I did, I needed to rack up as many points as possible with God. I’d kept a church bulletin, so I must have gone before. When I announced my plans to Edward, he said he would accompany me there.
On the drive over, I asked if we normally went to church together. He said we only attended occasionally before we got married—on holidays most of the time—and when we did go, we went to an older historical church in town. We hadn’t gone since before the wedding.
Today, we were going to a smaller country church pastored by a man named Gabriel Arquette—I’d gotten the address from the bulletin—and I hoped it might ease my anxiety and inspire me to keep pressing forward.
We made a spectacle of ourselves as we walked in a little on the late side, our security detail trailing in after us. Everyone’s eyes turned to us for a few moments, and then they directed their attention up front.
A man stood at the pulpit reading a passage of scripture while we took our seats. He didn’t look up or acknowledge us, which I was extremely grateful for, and when he finished, he asked everyone to stand and sing a hymn. Like always, none of this rang a bell, but I sensed peace emanating from those around us.
When it was time for the sermon, he opened his Bible and read Isaiah 1:18. “Come now, let us reason together, says the LORD: though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red like crimson, they shall become like wool.”
Instantly, I felt a yearning to have my sins forgiven like that. In fact, I wanted it more than anything else I could I think of. Pastor Arquette continued to share various scriptures. He talked about how we were dead in our sin and walked according to the ways of this world. He said salvation was a gift we received through faith, and that there was nothing we could do to earn our way into God’s favor.
I didn’t completely understand that. It didn’t make sense to me. In my mind, finding favor with God would depend on how well I was able to clean up my life. I didn’t exactly know how much dusting needed to happen since I was dealing with a huge memory loss, but I had the feeling I would need to work doubly hard to get back into the Lord’s good graces, assuming I had been there, to begin with.
The pastor closed with Romans 10:9-10.
…if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For with the heart one believes and is justified, and with the mouth one confesses and is saved.
I wanted to confess, as this verse had said to do, but I wasn’t sure if my belief was enough to save me. I had a vague knowledge of who Jesus was and that He died for my sins—that must have been my semantic memory kicking in—but I didn’t know where to go from there.
Had I had these same concerns before?
After singing one last hymn, everyone exited the church and lingered outside, talking. Edward and our security team remained in their seats as I walked up the aisle to speak with Pastor Arquette, stopping in front of him while he looked down at his Bible. I cleared my throat. “Pastor, thank you for that sermon.”
He glanced up and smiled at me. “Hello, Annette. I’m glad to see you back.”
“I was wondering if you could help me. I know I was here because I have a church bulletin, but I don’t remember anything else. You see, I have amnesia, and I’m at a loss most of the time.”
His eyes flickered with kindness. “I think everyone in Calais is aware of what happened. News travels fast and with television and social media…” He smiled again. “I’m glad you returned with Prince Edward. I’ve been praying for both of you.”
“Thank you.” I glanced down at the floor for a moment, contemplating what to say next. “I’m looking for anything that will trigger my memory. In the past, did you and I ever have a conversation?”
He nodded. “You asked if we could start the service a little later so you could sleep in.”
I stared at him in disbelief. “I did?”
He chuckled. “Yes. I suggested you come early and take a nap later on.”
The humor in his eyes made me laugh. “I can’t believe I had the gall to suggest you change your services for me. Did we ever talk about anything else?”
“No, I’m afraid not. You promised to return, and that was…let me see.” He peered up at the ceiling, appearing to consider. “I think it was about two months ago.”
“I see. Well, thank you for your time.”
“I would love to talk more,” he said. “What did you think of the sermon?”
Edward stood from his seat and cleared his throat. “Annette, we need to get going. Mother is hosting a luncheon, and we don’t want to be late.”
I nodded and turned to Pastor Arquette. “It looks like we need to leave.”
“Thank you for joining us. Come back next week if you can.”
Once we were in the car, heading to Westbridge Castle, I took Edward’s hand and kissed it, a shy smile tugging at my lips. He pulled away and stared straight ahead.
I felt the rejection in every part of my body. “What’s wrong?”
He shrugged. “This isn’t like you.”
“What’s not like me?”
“This affection.”
I gaped at him. “I never showed you affection?”
He turned away but not before I caught his grimace. “You did a little while we dated, but after we came back from our honeymoon you just…stopped.”
I studied him for a few moments. “Are you mad at me?”
He didn’t say anything for a long while. “I don’t…understand you.”
“That makes two of us.”
That brought a smile and a chuckle from him. “I’m sorry I’m so irritable. Maybe it was that sermon. I don’t like thinking about that stuff.”
“Let’s put it out of our heads right now. Yesterday, you promised to spend time with me. Can we do something together later on today?”
He turned to look at me, his eyes flickering with an emotion I couldn’t quite detect. “Is that what you want?”
“Yes. Very much.”
“All right. It’s a date.”
The corners of my lips curled up. “Yes, it’s a date.”
Chapter 6
Edward
I liked the way she’d looked at me in the car—like I meant something to her—but it wouldn’t last. That was what I had to keep telling myself be
cause if I allowed myself to hope, there was a chance it would all fall apart when her memory returned.
Still, I had promised to spend more time with her, and if I were honest, I was looking forward to it. I was wary…but who wouldn’t be after reading that note from Leo? If I thought bringing it up would jar her memory, I’d do it, but at this point, it seemed pointless to talk about it unless she started remembering things.
What if her memories didn’t come back? We might have a chance to start over—to wipe the slate clean and do everything differently. I considered that for a moment. I enjoyed the outdoors, had always participated in sports and physical activities, and when Annette and I dated, we’d often hike or go mountain climbing. I distinctly recalled her complaining at times, but she’d participated in order to please me. This time around, I would concentrate on the things she enjoyed. I knew she loved watching movies. In fact, I remembered her telling me her favorite was an old Alfred Hitchcock movie called Suspicion with Cary Grant and Joan Fontaine.
I made a call to my assistant, Raphael, and asked him to obtain the movie so we could watch it after the luncheon. He said he would get right on it.
After church, we’d each gone to our own rooms and rested for a while, and now that it was nearly noon, it was time to go down to the dining room. Thankfully, it would just be the family and a few of my parents’ closest friends. I knocked on Annette’s door, and when she opened it, my breath caught in my throat. “You look…amazing.”
She’d chosen to wear the dark green dress I’d purchased for her on our honeymoon, the one she’d never worn because she said it made her hips appear too big. I had disagreed with that assessment since every part of her was beautiful to me. The dress showed off her curves and brought out the green in her eyes, but everything looked good on Annette. She was often too hard on herself.
“Thank you.” She smiled shyly. “I wasn’t sure about this one, but something told me to wear it.”
“Good choice. I like it.”
She lifted her eyes to mine and there was so much yearning there that I had a hard time catching my breath. She didn’t remember our relationship, but she was drawn to me—I could tell.
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