by Lolah Lace
“Huh, filmmaking.”
“I know it’s not a good choice.”
“No, I think that's a great choice.”
“You do?”
“Yea, you’re a really good mother for encouraging your kids. I don’t think university is in the cards for me.”
“That’s a shame. You are so talented.”
“Thank you, but I’m okay with what I’m doing right now.”
“You’re only twenty so you have time to change your mind.”
“I highly doubt it.”
“How long are you staying with your aunt and uncle?”
“Just for the summer.”
“Where are you going after the summer?”
“California.”
“Do you have family in California?”
“Friends and family.”
“Are you going for a job?”
“Yes.”
“Tell me. What kind of job?”
“What’s with the twenty questions?”
“I’m just making sure you have a plan once the summer is over.”
“Not much of a plan. I’m going to go to California. I will come up with a plan after I arrive.”
“Well, I guess that’s something.”
“Just because my mother is dead doesn’t mean you have to feel like you need to mother me.”
“No, no, I’m n—”
“I don’t see you like that. I know you’re a mother but you’re not my mother. I’ve been without a mother for half my life. I’ve learned to adapt without one.”
“That’s harsh. I’m not trying to be your mother.”
“You don’t talk to Mandela like you talk to me.”
“Don’t call Nelson, Mandela.”
“What do I have to do to make you see me as an equal?”
“I see you as an equal.”
“So if you go on a date with Nelson than you’ll go on a date with me?”
“Jason seriously. Even if I completely overlook the age difference, I’m your employer.”
“I have no problem sleeping my way up the ladder. I’m the only one actually on the ladder but it’s all good.”
I ignored him. “Just pull up to the front door?” I had made my way to his uncle’s house.
“Pull around to the side there.” He pointed. I have a key to the side door. I keep my bike under that archway.”
I drove the car around to the side of the house. The motion lights came on when I moved up the paved driveway. I put the car in park. It was time to speak about it.
“Remember what happened Saturday.”
“No, what happened on Saturday?”
My eyes grew large. I was on fire and I couldn’t hide it.
“Kat, I'm just joking.” Even in the darkness of night, I could see his bright mischievous smile.
“Jason we need to keep things strictly professional. No more kissing and touching. You have to keep your hands to yourself. It’s not right. I’m older and things like this can get complicated.”
“How so? Are you afraid you’re going to fall in love with me.”
“This is what I’m talking about. Only a young person would say something so ridiculous.”
“Is it really ridiculous? Your guard is up. You’ve already counted me out. You haven’t even given me a fair shake.”
“I don’t’ have to give you a fair shake.”
“That’s true but it’s your loss. I’m a really great guy.”
“I already know you’re a great guy. You need to be a great guy for someone in your age range.”
“I’m too much for young girls. I’ve been told that I have a lot of tenacity.”
“Get your bike and take your tenacity inside the house and to bed.”
I hit the button to pop the trunk.
“That’s cold.”
I shrugged. “You’ll survive.”
“Sweet dreams, Ms. Sweet. Thanks for the ride.”
Jason leaned over and kissed me on the cheek. I wasn’t prepared. He hopped out of the car before I could protest. This boy was going to make me choke him to death.
He quickly removed his bike. He slammed my trunk down. I watched him lean his bike against the side of the house where it couldn’t get wet from the downpour.
I waited until he was inside the house before I pulled away. I drove straight home. I quickly settled in and removed my clothes. I put on my sleep t-shirt and climbed into bed.
My cell phone vibrated and I grabbed it off the bedside table. I had a new text message.
Jason: [Are you home yet?]
Me: [Yes]
Jason: [Did you set the shop alarm?]
Me: [Yes]
Jason: [Goodnight Kat.]
Me: [Goodnight.]
I waited to see if there would be more but there were no more texts. If only he was twenty or thirty years older. But he’s not so thinking about him was a complete waste of my time. At my age wasting time was one of the worse things I could do.
Chapter 10
KATRINA
I slept like a baby last night. I’m sure it was because of the rain. I woke with a throbbing ache between my legs. I couldn’t remember my sex dream. I did know that it was what caused my vaginal discomfort. I would bet money my repressed dream featured a tall, young man with the lean cut body of a swimmer, sexy brown hair and naughty chestnut eyes. I refused to touch myself and I didn’t pack any sex toys because I didn’t think I would need them. I was wrong about that— so wrong.
I eased the throb with a long hot shower. I pulled a cute little sundress from the closet. There were red and white candy canes all over the dress. When I was younger my mother used to make me and Cherise cute little dresses and outfits with candy all over them. She would order candy fabric from the Butterick and Simplicity catalogs. Our mother was quite a good seamstress. I loved wearing my candy-patterned outfits. Mama’s sewing days were long over now that she had arthritis. People still talked about her sewing skills.
Jason was a few minutes earlier on Tuesday than he was on Monday. He was full of energy.
“Good morning, Kat.”
“Morning.”
Jason dropped his backpack on the floor behind the counter.
“It’s dry out. Just a few puddles here and there.”
“We needed the rain. The grass was going to burn if it didn’t rain soon.”
“And we got it.” He agreed.
“Hey Jason, did you interview with my sister before I hired you?”
“No, I didn’t.” I expected a lie but got the truth.
“I thought that you did.”
“Yes, you thought that.” He tipped his head at me as if to say what else.
“That’s why I hired you.”
“Oh, I needed a job. I came in and you were hiring.”
“But you know I thought you already talked with my sister.”
“I didn’t talk to your sister. I walked in off the street. You needed help and I just happened to be at the right place at the right time. It was kismet.”
I didn’t know about all that but I was willing to let it go. I could see he wasn’t in the mood for an interrogation.
Our day was going well. I thought yesterday’s rain would make the customers hesitate to come around. I was wrong. Tuesday was a pretty good sales day. After the lunchtime rush, things started to die down. The rest of the day was going smoothly. We only had a few hours left in the workday when my cell phone rang.
I answered as soon as I saw Aaron’s beaming face appear on the cell phone screen.
“Hello, Aaron, what’s wrong?”
“Nothing, calm down Ma.”
“I’m calm.” I wasn’t sometimes. I had a bad feeling and this was one of those times. I noticed Jason watching me. He wasn’t even pretending not to listen to my conversation. “So you’re good?”
“Yes, I am great. How you doing?”
“I’m okay.”
“Cool.” I heard reluctance in his voice. “Ma, I have to tel
l you something about Dad.”
“What he do this time? Is there any real food in the house?”
“Yeah, he gave me money for groceries.”
“When are you supposed to shop for your own food?”
“Ma.”
“Did he think you were supposed to eat fast food three times a day?”
“Ma.”
“Yeah, what’s up?” I was talking instead of listening, something that I needed to work on.
“I want to tell you this before you hear it from someone else.”
“Go ahead, tell me.” I shrugged even though Aaron couldn’t hear or see my body movements.
“Dad has another kid.”
Oh my god! Seriously? I knew I heard that hot mess. I took a deep breath. “When is this baby coming?” I steadily asked.
“It’s already here.”
“His girlfriend LaTasha had a baby?”
“No, this is another lady named Stephanie.”
I was confused. I looked over at Jason. He was still watching me. “What happened to LaTasha?”
“She’s still around. He got his current girlfriend LaTasha and a baby mama named Stephanie.” The line went silent. I believe Aaron was waiting for me to say something. So I did. “Did you already know this?”
“No, I didn’t know about a Stephanie. Did he tell you this?”
“No, he didn’t tell me shit. I just found out.”
I let his little curse word slip up go. “Well, I guess you have a half brother or sister, great.” I didn’t think it was great. I thought it would’ve been great if my kid’s father had all his kids with the one woman he'd been married to for twenty years. Me.
“It’s a girl.”
“Well, that’s great.” I fake smiled through the phone.
“Great for who? I’m not claiming this random kid.” I could hear the agitation in his voice.
“Aaron, me and your dad are divorced. You don’t have to pick sides,” I said those lies through gritted teeth. Of course, I wanted him to pick me.
“Ma, I know I don’t have to pick sides. You say that all the time. But this kid, Ma, this kid is three years old.” My son’s revelation made me numb. “Ma, did you hear me?”
“Oh yeah, you said she’s three?”
“Yeah Ma, I’m sorry. She’s three. Can you believe it?”
I could believe it. “Boy, it’s okay. I’m fine.” It wasn’t okay. Erik and I had only been divorced for two years. My son could count. This three-year-old was proof that my ex-husband was a piece of shit.
“You still here? Ma?”
“Your dad can have as many kids as he wants. We’re divorced so he’s free to live his life and do whatever pleases him.” I tried to steady my voice.
“I didn’t want to give you this news but I didn’t want you to find out from someone else. Grandma Lottie knows. Aunt Shay knows.” My mother-in-law and my sister-in-law, two people I don’t have kind words for.
“Does your sister know?” I asked.
“I told Kennedy yesterday and she’s not talking to Dad anyway so she’s definitely on your side.”
“Why aren’t they speaking? What’s happened now?”
“She asked him for some money.”
“Why does she need money? She has a job this summer.”
“I don’t know. She didn’t tell me. Dad said no to her because she never returns his phone calls.”
“That sounds like his petty ass. Why didn’t she ask me for the money?”
“Ma, you know you make considerably less money than Dad, right?”
“Yes, I know but—”
“Kennedy snapped and told him he must be spending all his money on his hoes. Now they’re not talking to each other.”
“Is he paying child support for this other kid?” Not my business, but I was curious.
“He probably hitting her with a few coins. I don’t think it’s court-ordered. The baby mama is young and probably dumb.”
“How do you know this? Grandma Lottie watches this kid so this Stephanie can go to work. You know if you give Grandma Lottie some wine she tells all her business and everybody else’s business.”
“Well, that’s true.” My ex-husband’s mother was a raging, functioning, motor-mouth of an alcoholic— if that’s a thing.
“But you shouldn’t get your grandmother drunk.”
“All I did was get the bottles, plural, from the fridge and a glass out the cabinet.”
“Still.”
“Stephanie, she works at the mall. Grandma Lottie can’t stand her. This kid is three and still wearing pampers.”
“The shopping mall? No, no, I don’t want to hear anymore. This is your father’s life. It looks like he has two girlfriends.”
“That we know about.” My son had a sharp tongue like me. He was always good at getting information for me. His loyalty was always with me and I couldn’t lie. I loved it. He was my baby.
“I shouldn’t be surprised about this. What else is new?” I wanted to change the subject to something more pleasant, something I could deal with.
“Ma, don’t let it upset you.”
“I’m not upset.” That was a big ole lie.
“I promise I will not grow up to be like him.”
“Of course not. I raised you with feelings.”
“You sure did. I’m going to go hoop at the park district. I promise not to get any of these nappy head little girls pregnant.”
“Thank you. That’s cute but that goes for the stringy head ones and the mixed curly-headed ones too.”
“Okay, the Becky’s, the Mariah’s and the Keisha’s gets no love from me.”
“Oh boy, be good. Go straight home afterward. You know I don’t feel good about that night gym mess.”
“Five-0 is there and some of them even hoop with us.” His words didn’t make me feel better. But if Aaron felt safe with the police around and not scared for his life I wanted to be supportive.
“I love you,” I mumbled into the cell thinking about what he told me.
“I love you too, Ma.”
I waited until the phone call dropped. I locked my cell screen and placed my cell phone on the counter. I was so glad no customers came into the store while I was on that call.
We had one hour left until we closed and it couldn’t get here fast enough for me. Erik Bilson was a whole bastard. I was so happy I decided to get rid of his last name. I was tempted to keep my married name because of my children. I was glad I dropped it. That last name was my past and no matter how I tried to escape my ex-husband’s bullshit, it always had a way of creeping back into my life. It was clear he had been cheating on me while we were married with not one, but two different women. Stephanie and LaTasha and whoever else could have that fool.
“Hey.” Jason’s voice jarred my back to the present. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine. Family drama.”
“I heard some of it. Your ex-husband?”
“Yes.” I sighed.
“He’s a bit of a tool.”
“That’s an understatement.”
“Don’t hang your head. You’re better off without him.”
Well, that was the truth. That man caused me too many tears, wrinkles, and bags under my eyes. I wouldn’t wish that hurt on my worse enemy. I thought I was going crazy at the end of my marriage. My actual sanity was in question. I could barely function. I went through so many emotions before I said to myself this man is gone. Let him go. Bon, voyage bitch.
This little baby revelation made me miss my son Aaron even more. I knew he was a teen but he was my baby. My daughter Kennedy moved out years ago and Aaron and I had become really tight while his sister was away in college. His personality was so close to mine. We had the same interests. He had the same temperament as me. Having my son on my side made my survival and healing happen quickly. I had to be strong for him. His family had blown up before his eyes. The divorce made us closer. I got the support from him that I needed not to break into a mi
llion little pieces, and not to cut that cheating bastard into a billion little pieces.
Chapter 11
KATRINA
Hours after the phone call, I feverishly cleaned the store. I had to try to get my mind off of this child my ex-husband fathered while we were still married. That child is here and she didn’t ask to come here. I had a hundred and one questions but it wasn’t healthy to ask them. Even if I had the answers they wouldn’t matter. The answers wouldn’t change a thing. I could guarantee they would make me feel worse than I already felt.
As soon as the front door was locked I was going to send Jason on his way. I had an entire bottle of wine waiting for me to drown my sorrows. I was going to call my girl Rolanda and tell her about this ass-of-a-hole ex-husband that I gave my entire youth to.
I needed to vent to someone that could understand what I was going through. I really didn’t want to lie around and think about how Erik was cheating. Or how he was making babies with these broads right behind my back. Or was it right in front of my face? Regardless, I had never cheated on my husband and that’s one of the reasons it hurt so much. If I would’ve been out in the streets doing me I probably would’ve felt better or stronger, or whatever.
I took marriage seriously. I grew up in the church. Erik didn’t. Erik’s parents weren’t married. I wondered if that was why he was okay with chipping away at our union and the foundation we built as husband and wife. Thinking about it now was senseless. I couldn’t begin to figure out why that man was the whoring asshole he turned out to be. He’s trash, just a sack of damn trash. I didn’t see any treasure in any of this.
“Hey, it’s time to go,” I shouted out across the room to Jason. There was an impolite tone to my delivery but I wasn’t trying to be rude. My mind was cluttered with all the backstabbing I’d endured at the end of my marriage.
“I don’t want to leave you alone.” He was moving toward me with his bronzed eyes peering at me.
“Why not? I’m fine.” I could barely hold his gaze.
“I can tell you’re upset.”
“I’m not upset.”
