From there, Jeremy walked Alvin through the historic time line using the references he'd found to interpret what was being seen. But as Jeremy continued to lay out the proof in intricate detail--all three versions of the legend; maps, notes on quarries, water tables, and schedules; various construction projects; and the detailed aspects of refracted light--Alvin began to yawn. He'd never been interested in the nitty-gritty of Jeremy's work, and he finally convinced Jeremy to drive him across the bridge to the paper mill so he could see the place himself. They spent a few minutes looking around the yard, watching timber being loaded onto platforms, and on their way back through town, Jeremy pointed out where they'd be filming later. From there, they headed to the cemetery so Alvin could get some footage during the daytime.
Alvin set up the camera in various locations while Jeremy paced on his own, the stillness of the cemetery forcing his thoughts back to Lexie and his worries about her. He remembered their night together and tried once again to understand what had made her rise from the bed in the middle of the night. Despite her denials, he knew she was feeling regret, maybe even remorse, about what had happened, but even that didn't make sense to him.
Yes, he was leaving, but he'd told her repeatedly that they would find a way to make it work. And yes, it was true that they didn't know each other well, but considering the short time they'd been together, he'd learned enough to know that he could love her forever. All they needed was a chance.
But Alvin, he thought, had been right. Whatever her concerns about Doris, her behavior this morning suggested that she'd been looking for an excuse to get away from him. What he wasn't sure of, however, was whether it was because she loved him and thought it would be easier to distance herself from him now, or because she didn't love him and didn't want to spend more time with him.
Last night, he'd been sure that she felt the same way that he did. But now . . .
He wished they could have spent the afternoon together. He wanted to hear her concerns and alleviate them; he wanted to hold her and kiss her and convince her that he would find a way to make their relationship work, no matter how hard that might be. He wanted to make her hear his words: that he couldn't imagine a life without her, that his feelings for her were real. But most of all, he wanted to reassure himself that she felt the same way about him.
In the distance, Alvin was hauling the camera and tripod to another location, lost in his own world and oblivious to Jeremy's worries. Jeremy sighed before realizing that he'd drifted to the part of the cemetery where Lexie had vanished from sight the first time he saw her here.
He hesitated for a moment, a hunch taking root in his mind, then began searching the grounds, pausing every few steps. It took only a few minutes until he spotted the obvious. Making his way over a small ridge, he stopped at the foot of an untamed azalea bush. Twigs and branches surrounded it, but the area in front seemed to have been tended to. Squatting down, he reset the flowers she must have been carrying in her bag, and he suddenly understood why neither Doris nor Lexie wanted people trampling through the cemetery.
In the gray light, he stared at the graves of Claire and James Darnell, wondering why he hadn't figured it out before.
On the way back from the cemetery, Jeremy dropped Alvin off at Greenleaf for a nap, then returned to the library, rehearsing what he wanted to say to Lexie.
He noticed the library was more crowded than usual, at least on the outside. People were milling on the sidewalk in groups of two or three, pointing upward and gazing at the architecture, as if getting an early jump on the Historic Homes Tour. Most seemed to be holding the same brochure that Doris had sent Jeremy and were reading aloud from the captions highlighting the unique properties of the building.
Inside, the staff seemed to be preparing as well. A number of volunteers were sweeping and dusting; two others were setting out additional Tiffany lamps, and Jeremy assumed that once the official tour began, the overhead lights would be dimmed to give the library a more historic atmosphere.
Jeremy walked past the children's room, noting that it looked far less cluttered than it had the other day, and continued up the stairs. Lexie's office door was open, and he paused for a moment to collect himself before entering. Lexie was bending down near the desk, which had been nearly cleared. Like everyone else in the library, she was doing her best to get rid of clutter, stacking various piles under the desk.
"Hey," he said.
Lexie looked up. "Oh, hey," she said, standing. She smoothed her blouse. "I guess you caught me making the place look presentable."
"You do have a big weekend on tap."
"Yeah, I suppose I should have taken care of this earlier," she said, motioning around the room, "but I guess I've picked up a nasty case of procrastination."
She smiled, beautiful even in her slight dishevelment.
"It happens to the best of us," he said.
"Yeah, well, not usually to me." Instead of moving toward him, she reached for another pile, then ducked her head beneath the desk again.
"How's Doris doing?" he inquired.
"Fine," she said, speaking from below the desk. "Like Rachel said, she's just a little under the weather, but she'll be up and about tomorrow." Lexie reappeared, reaching for another stack of papers. "If you get the chance, you might swing by before you head out. I'm sure she'd appreciate that."
For a moment, he simply watched her, but when he realized the implication of what she was saying, he took a step toward her. As he did, Lexie moved around the desk, acting as if she hadn't noticed, but making sure to keep the desk between them.
"What's going on?" he asked.
She shuffled a few more items on her desk. "I'm just busy," she answered.
"I meant what's going on with us," he said.
"Nothing," she said. Her voice was neutral, as if discussing the weather.
"You won't even look at me," he said.
With that, she finally looked up, meeting his eyes for the first time. He could sense her simmering hostility, though he wasn't sure whether she was mad at him or mad at herself. "I don't know what you want me to say. I've already explained that I've got things to do. Believe it or not, I am in sort of a rush here."
Jeremy stared without moving, suddenly sensing that she was looking for any excuse to start an argument.
"Is there anything I can do to help?" he asked.
"No, thanks. I've got it." Lexie slipped another stack under the desk. "How was Alvin?" she asked, her voice rising from below.
Jeremy scratched the back of his head. "He's not mad anymore, if that's what you're asking."
"Good," she said. "Did you two get your work done?"
"For the most part," he said.
She popped up again, trying to appear rushed. "I pulled the diaries out for you again. They're on the desk in the rare-book room."
Jeremy gave a weak smile. "Thanks," he said.
"And if you can think of anything else that you might need before you leave," she added, "I'll be here for at least another hour or so. The tour starts at seven, though, so you should plan on being out of here no later than six-thirty, since that's when we turn off the overhead lights."
"I thought the rare-book room closed at five."
"Since you're leaving tomorrow, I figured I could relax the rules just this once."
"And because we're friends, right?"
"Sure," she said. She smiled automatically. "Because we're friends."
Jeremy left the office and made his way to the rare-book room, replaying the conversation in his head and trying to make sense of it. Their meeting hadn't gone as he'd hoped. Despite the flippancy of her final comment, he hoped that she would follow him, but somehow knew she wouldn't. The afternoon apart hadn't helped to mend things between them; if anything, they'd gotten worse. If she seemed distant before, she now seemed to view him as radioactive.
As much as her behavior bothered him, on some level he knew it made sense. Maybe she shouldn't have been quite so . . . cold abo
ut it, but everything came back to the fact that he lived in New York and she lived here. Yesterday at the beach, it had been easy to fool himself with the belief that things would magically work out between them. And he had believed it. That was the thing. When people cared about each other, they always found a way to make it work.
He realized he was getting ahead of himself, but that's what he did when confronted with a problem. He looked for solutions, he made suppositions, he tried to analyze long-term scenarios, in order to carefully assess the potential outcomes. And, he supposed, that's what he expected of her as well.
What he didn't expect was to be treated like a pariah. Or for her to act as if nothing had happened between them at all. Or to act as if she believed that last night had been a mistake.
He glanced at the stack of diaries on the desk as he took his seat. He began separating the ones that he'd already skimmed from the ones that he hadn't, leaving four to go. To this point, none of the other seven had been particularly helpful--two had mentioned family funerals taking place at Cedar Creek--so he reached for one that he hadn't examined. Instead of reading from the first entry, he leaned back in his chair and skimmed passages at random, trying to determine whether the diarist typically wrote about herself or the town she lived in. It was written from 1912 to 1915 by a young teenager named Anne Dempsey, and for the most part, it was a personal account of the day-to-day events in her life over that period. Whom she liked, what she ate, her thoughts about her parents and friends, and the fact that no one seemed to understand her. If there was anything remarkable about Anne, it was that her angst and worries were the same ones characteristic of young people today. While interesting, he set it aside, along with the others he'd rejected.
The next two diaries he perused--both written during the 1920s--were largely personal accounts as well. A fisherman wrote of tides and catches in almost minute detail; the second, by a chatty schoolteacher named Glenara, described her budding relationship with a young visiting doctor over an eight-month period, as well as her thoughts about her students and people she knew in town. In addition, there were a couple of entries concerning the town's social events, which seemed to consist largely of watching sailboats on the Pamlico River, going to church, playing bridge, and promenading along Main Street on Saturday afternoons. He saw no mention of Cedar Creek at all.
He expected the last diary to be another waste of time, but calling it quits would mean leaving, and he couldn't imagine doing so without trying to talk to Lexie again, if only to keep the lines of communication open. Yesterday he could have strolled right in and said the first thing that came to mind, but the recent zig and zag of their relationship, combined with her clearly agitated state, made it impossible to figure out exactly what he should say or how he should act.
Should he be distant? Should he try to talk to her, even knowing that she was itching for a fight? Or should he pretend he hadn't even noticed her attitude and just assume that she still wanted to see how the mysterious lights really came about? Should he ask her out to dinner? Or just take her in his arms?
See, that was the problem in relationships when emotion began muddying the waters. It was as if Lexie expected him to do or say exactly the right thing at exactly the right time, whatever that was. And that, he decided, wasn't fair.
Yeah, he loved her. And yeah, he, too, was concerned about their future. But where he wanted to try to figure things out, she was acting as if she was willing to throw in the towel already. He thought again about their conversation.
If you get the chance, you might swing by before you head out . . .
Not, "if we get the chance." If you . . .
And what about her final comment? Sure, she'd said, because we're friends. It had been all he could do to bite his tongue at that. Friends? he should have said. After last night, all you can say is that we're friends? Is that all I mean to you?
It wasn't the way you talked to someone you cared about. It wasn't the way you treated someone you hoped to see again, and the more he thought about it, the more he wanted to respond in kind. You're pulling back? I can do that, too. You want to have an argument? Here I am. He hadn't done anything wrong, after all. What happened the night before had as much to do with her as it had with him. He'd been trying to tell her how he felt; she hadn't seemed to want to hear it. He'd been promising to try to make it work; she'd been dismissive of the idea all along. And in the end, she'd led him to the bedroom, not the other way around.
He stared out the window, his lips pressed together. No, he thought, he wasn't going to play her game anymore. If she wanted to talk to him, fine. But if not . . . well, then, that was the way it was going to be, and honestly, he couldn't really do anything about it. He wasn't about to go crawling back to beg and plead with her, so whatever happened next was in her hands. She knew where he was. He decided that he'd leave the library as soon as he was finished and head back to Greenleaf. Maybe it would give her the chance to figure out what she really wanted while letting her know he wasn't prepared to stick around and be mistreated.
As soon as he left, Lexie cursed herself, wishing she had handled things better. She'd thought that spending time with Doris would have clarified things, but all it had done was to postpone the inevitable. The next thing she knew, Jeremy came waltzing in, acting as if nothing had changed. As if nothing were changing tomorrow. As if he wouldn't be gone.
Yes, she had known he would be going back, that he would leave her behind just like Mr. Renaissance, but the fairy tale he'd started the night before nonetheless continued to linger, fueling fantasies in which people lived happily ever after. If he could find her at the beach, if he had enough courage to say the things he'd said to her, couldn't he also find a reason to stay?
Deep down, she knew he was nurturing the hope that she would come with him to New York, but she couldn't figure out why. Didn't he understand that she cared nothing about money or fame? Or about shopping or going to shows or being able to buy Thai food in the middle of the night? Life wasn't about those things. Life was about spending time together, about having the time to walk together holding hands, talking quietly as they watched the sun go down. It wasn't glamorous, but it was, in many ways, the best that life had to offer. Wasn't that how the old saying went? Who, on their deathbed, ever said they wished they had worked harder? Or spent less time enjoying a quiet afternoon? Or spent less time with their family?
She wasn't naive enough to deny that modern culture had its own seductions. Be famous and rich and beautiful and go to exclusive parties: only then will you be happy. It was, in her opinion, a bunch of hogwash, the song of the desperate. If it wasn't, why were so many rich, famous, and beautiful people taking drugs? Why couldn't they seem to hold a marriage together? Why were they always getting arrested? Why did they seem so unhappy when removed from the spotlight?
Jeremy, she suspected, was seduced by this particular world, as much as he didn't want to admit it. She had guessed this about him from the moment they'd met and had warned herself not to get emotionally involved. Nonetheless, she regretted the way she'd behaved just now. She hadn't been ready to deal with him when he showed up at her office, but she supposed she should have simply said as much, instead of keeping the desk between them and denying that anything was wrong.
Yes, she should have handled it better. Whatever their differences, Jeremy deserved at least that much.
Friends, he thought again. Because we're friends.
The way she said it still galled him, and absently tapping his pen against his notebook, Jeremy shook his head. He had to finish up here. Rolling his shoulders to ease the tension, he reached for the final diary and scooted his seat forward. After opening it, it took only a few seconds for him to realize that this one was different from all of the others.
Instead of short, personal passages, the diary was a collection of dated and titled essays written from 1955 to 1962. The first had to do with the building of St. Richard's Episcopal Church in 1859 and--while the site was
being excavated--the discovery of what appeared to be an ancient Lumbee Indian settlement. The essay covered three pages and was followed by an essay on the fate of McTauten's Tannery, built on the shores of Boone Creek in 1794. The third essay, prompting Jeremy to raise his eyebrows, presented the writer's opinion as to what had really happened to the settlers on Roanoke Island in 1587.
Jeremy, vaguely recalling that one of the diaries belonged to an amateur historian, began flipping through the pages more quickly . . . scanning the headings, looking through the articles for anything obvious . . . turning the pages fast . . . skimming . . . stopping suddenly when he realized he had seen something and flipping the pages back, only to freeze when he realized that what he'd seen . . .
He leaned back in his chair, blinking as he moved his fingers down the page.
Solving the Mystery of the Lights in Cedar Creek Cemetery
Over the years, some residents of our town have made the claim that ghosts are present in Cedar Creek Cemetery, and three years ago, an article was published regarding the phenomenon in Journal of the South. Though no solution was offered, after conducting my own investigation, I believe I have solved the riddle of why the lights seem to appear at certain times while not at others.
I will say definitively that ghosts are not present. Instead, the lights are actually those of the Henrickson Paper Mill and are influenced by the train as it crosses the trestle, the location of Riker's Hill, and the phases of the moon.
As Jeremy continued reading, he found himself holding his breath. Though the writer hadn't attempted an explanation as to why the cemetery was sinking--without which the lights would probably not be visible at all--his conclusion was otherwise essentially the same as Jeremy's.
The writer, whoever it was, had nailed it almost forty years ago.
True Believer Page 25
