by Apollo Surge
"I'm sorry too," Elliot said, hanging his head. "I promised you I wouldn't leave you alone after last time, but as soon as things got tough I did it again. I've been so caught up in my own head..."
"Come with me," Sawyer asked.
Elliot looked up, surprised, took a step toward him, then hesitated.
"Why?"
"Because I love you," Sawyer said, the words slipping out like it was nothing, despite how long and hard he'd had to fight to make himself feel like he could say them. "Despite all the stupid shit that's happened to me, even when everything else is up in the air, I know one thing for sure. I know I love you. And if the world is going to end, I want to spend the time I have left with you. Just you."
Elliot stared at him, and for a moment Sawyer felt stupid, ready to be shot down. Then the other bounded across the distance between them to shove is face into Sawyer's, burying his nose in the smaller wolf's fur.
"I love you too," Elliot said, and Sawyer could feel the strength of that emotion across the pack-bond. "I love you so much."
"Then let's go," Sawyer said, nuzzling Elliot, his heart feeling lighter already. "Just you and me. I'll explain everything once we're out of the territory."
Elliot hesitated, looking back downhill.
"What about the pack...?"
Sawyer didn't have an answer. He knew leaving them was wrong. He knew abandoning their responsibilities was the wrong decision. If Elliot wanted to stay, Sawyer wouldn't blame him.
But after a moment, Elliot shook his head and looked Sawyer in the eye.
"Let's go," he agreed.
They didn't need to say anymore.
Chapter Twenty-Two
They ran as wolves over land, out of the territory and on through the night, through the state park and still further, running beside highways and interstates.
Around dawn, Sawyer used his Influence on someone at a truck stop. In novelty t-shirts and shorts from the souvenir shop, they got a cheap hotel room and counted up what they had left sitting on the bed, wards against the Fae drawn in the condensation on the windows.
"We can sleep for a couple of hours, then catch this bus," Elliot said, pouring over a bus schedule he'd got from the lobby. "We'll be in Canada by tomorrow night."
"Do you think we can lose the Fae by crossing the border?" Sawyer said with a teasing smile. "I didn't know the Seelie Court's jurisdiction only covered the continental US."
"Obviously the Unseelie are in charge of Canada," Elliot said, running with the joke. "Have you ever seen Ontario in the winter?"
Sawyer laughed, leaning against Elliot's side, and Elliot gave in to a fit of laughter as well, which had nothing to do with the rather weak joke and everything to do with relief. They were together again. There were no looming responsibilities, no bills to pay, no one depending on them but each other. Midsummer seemed far away.
"I'm pregnant," Sawyer said, almost without thinking, caught up in the euphoria of freedom. As soon as the words left his lips however, his heart seized in his chest and his fear returned. This would change everything. What if Elliot decided to go back? What if-
"I know," Elliot replied.
Sawyer's quickly rising panic vanished all at once. He simply stared for a moment, trying to process that.
"You knew?" he finally said, looking at Elliot in stunned disbelief. "Did Alicia tell you?"
"No," Elliot said at once, shaking his head. "She didn't have to. Of course I knew. Did you think I wouldn't notice? I love you, Sawyer. I notice when you part your hair on the other side."
Sawyer groaned, putting his face in his hands. "I'm so fucking stupid."
"Like, you've been throwing up every morning for practically the last four months," Elliot said. "The heartburn? The swollen feet? Suddenly wearing clothes three sizes too big for you? The peanut butter cravings? I'm not an idiot, Sawyer."
"Well I sure am," Sawyer grumbled. "I've been freaking out about telling you all this time."
"I mean, even if I was oblivious as hell, I would have noticed by now. You look like you're smuggling a small watermelon already. And no, getting that 'taco cat' shirt in 3x does not hide it. I'm surprised no one else has mentioned it by now. Maybe they were just being polite?"
"Why didn't you say something?" Sawyer asked, his face scarlet with embarrassment.
Elliot looked away, some of the humor draining from his expression.
"I don't know," he said. "At first, I figured you hadn't said anything because you were planning to get rid of it. I didn't want to make you feel pressured to keep it or anything. It worried me that you didn't tell me, I would have wanted to be there for you, but I figured it was none of my business, and you'd tell me when you were ready. But the longer you didn't say anything the more it seemed like you just didn't want me involved. And the whole Fae thing happened, and all the pressure to be Alpha, and how I kept fucking up- It made me question everything. Maybe you were right not to tell me. Maybe I shouldn't be involved. Why would you trust me with a kid when I can't even pay the bills, right? I was... really in my own head about all of it."
"I should have just told you to begin with," Sawyer said, feeling like the world's biggest asshole. "I was afraid you'd freak out and end things."
"That's my own fault," Elliot said at once, looking guilty. "After how I reacted to the omega thing I can't blame you for thinking I'd freak out again."
"But you told me you wouldn't," Sawyer said, shaking his head. "I should have trusted you. I kept telling myself that I'd tell you once I decided whether I was going to keep it. And then I kept putting off deciding whether I would keep it so I wouldn't have to tell you. I've just been avoiding making any decision at all as long as I could."
"So, we've both been dumbasses," Elliot said, taking Sawyer's by the shoulders with a rueful chuckle. "But that's not new for either of us. We got there eventually, and we'll do better in the future. That's what matters."
Sawyer nodded, grateful beyond measure for the person Elliot was, and that someone like him could feel anything for a disaster like Sawyer. He put his hand over Elliot's on his shoulder and pulled it close enough to kiss the back of his fingers.
"Have you decided?" Elliot asked, lacing his fingers with Sawyer's and squeezing his hand. "If you haven't, it's all right."
Sawyer thought about it for a moment, looking down at the curve of his stomach, embarrassingly obvious past the folds of the too large t-shirt.
"Is there even any point in deciding?" he asked quietly. "It's not going to be born before Midsummer."
"That doesn't matter," Elliot said, pulling Sawyer closer to his chest. "We won't even talk about it. If the world ends, it ends. I mean, the world is always ending, right? Serena said the Council spends most of its time stopping the world from ending. Meteors and solar flares and super volcanoes and a hundred other things. The world could end a hundred different ways right now. Or it could go right on as normal, but this hotel could like, explode or something. Or I could have an aneurism right now and drop dead. Or we could both choke on our free continental breakfast tomorrow morning. There's no guarantee we'll live until Midsummer. It's all bullshit and every minute could be our last so, fuck it, right? We have to just keep living and trying to be happy anyway. I want you to make whatever decision makes you happy."
Sawyer leaned against Elliot's chest, wishing he could accept that cheerful nihilism so easily. He could feel Elliot's heart beating, and the way it sped up as he spoke, and Sawyer had a feeling Elliot was still struggling to accept it too. He held the other man tightly.
"I think I want to keep it," he said, so quietly that for a moment he wasn't sure Elliot heard him. But then Elliot squeezed him tight and kissed the top of his head. Sawyer heard his breath hitch, the tremor in his shoulders, and leaned back, worried, but Elliot just pulled him close again, shaking his head.
"Sorry," Elliot mumbled when he could speak. "I didn't expect… I'm just really glad. However much time we have left, if it's a month or if it's years,
I'm so glad I get to spend it being a family with you."
Sawyer's heart ached, begging him to kiss Elliot and forget everything else. But he couldn't, not until he Elliot knew everything. Elliot saw Sawyer's expression and frowned.
"What's wrong?"
"There's still more I need to tell you," Sawyer said quietly. "And if… if you don't want to stay with me after you hear all of it, I wouldn't blame you. But just, hear me out first."
Elliot listened patiently as Sawyer told him everything. About the deal he'd almost made with Jagger, and the dreams about Goldenrod, the offers he'd received from both Courts and how he might have saved everyone and had chosen to run instead. Finally, he told him about the dream in the cave. The truth about how the Moon had used him.
"I still don't understand why She bound the Hart to me," Sawyer said as he finished. "Unless She wanted me to take Goldenrod's deal. Or She meant for me to die back at New Years. She said something about 'restoring the Hunt' but I don't know how or why. I just know I'm not interested in doing anything for Her anymore. So I left. She can find someone else to sacrifice."
Elliot had laid down on his back on the bed at some point, staring at the ceiling. Sawyer couldn’t blame him for his slightly shell shocked expression. It was a lot to absorb.
"So, what's the verdict?" Sawyer asked after a long silent moment.
"What?" Elliot asked, blinking.
"Do you still want to stay with me?" Sawyer asked, his heart beating too fast.
"Of course," Elliot said without hesitation, sitting up.
"Even knowing how selfish I was?" Sawyer asked. "How selfish I'm still being? I could save the entire world and instead I'm… running away. I'm dooming the entire world just so I can go on living another month."
Elliot shook his head. "You didn't doom the world, that isn't on you. Just because a firefighter doesn't go back into a burning building to save someone doesn't mean the fire was his fault."
"Does make him kind of a shitty fire fighter though," Sawyer pointed out.
"My point is," Elliot said, taking a deep breath. "Sacrificing yourself to save the world was never your responsibility. It should never be anyone's responsibility. Especially someone who had no say in the matter. And I think…" He reached for Sawyer's hand, tracing the veins that crossed the back of it with a finger. "I think if a world needs an innocent person and a child to be sold into some kind of fucked up fairy slavery to be saved, maybe it's not worth saving. What kind of world would it be, if it was bought at that kind of price?"
Sawyer swallowed a lump in his throat and squeezed Elliot's hand, his stomach still doing flips. He couldn't quite believe it yet. Could Elliot really forgive him that quickly?
"What about you?" Elliot asked, startling Sawyer out of his thoughts.
"What about me?" Sawyer asked, confused.
"Do you still want to stay with me?" Elliot asked. "I turned my back on my pack. I ran away from being Alpha. They all needed me and I left them behind. And I had way less good reasons than you did. Do you really want to be with someone that selfish?"
"Of course," Sawyer said immediately. "That's not even a question."
Elliot smiled. "Exactly."
Sawyer felt warmth blossom in his chest, pure and piercing. He loved this man. Selfish and stubborn and everything else. The thought made him feel slightly dizzy. He was in love. Really, truly, completely in love.
Sawyer kissed Elliot, long and sweet, and forgot the coming end entirely as Elliot pressed him down into the mattress with plans to kiss every inch of him.
Elliot was gentle, too gentle, as though afraid Sawyer would break. Though Sawyer usually pushed him to be rougher, tonight he relished the careful tenderness, the grazing touches, the feeling of being cherished.
Elliot undressed him slowly, and pressed his lips to every inch of skin, lingering for a long time over the tight curve of Sawyer's swollen belly. Sawyer traced Elliot's body with his tongue and the tips of his fingers, relearning every dip and curve, memorizing him like it might be his last chance, as it always might. For what might have been forever they just lay touching one another, sharing a thousand kisses, or only one, never truly broken, as they simply soaked in the warmth of being close to one another again. When Sawyer's fingers finally brushed Elliot's cock the other man gasped and jerked into the touch, and they both seemed to realize at once how tightly those languid kisses had wound them.
They lay facing one another, staring into each other's eyes, rocking into one another's hands. The simplest kind of pleasure, but all they needed and more for the moment. Sawyer was constantly amazed by the beauty of Elliot's expressions, the clarity and complexity of longing and shame and hope and pure, unmistakable love as it crossed his face. The way the bright, clear blue of his eyes darkened to a halo of navy around the black pits of his pupils, blown wide with ecstasy.
They came into each other's hands, then again in the shower, and when they fell into bed again, clean and still damp, they were already kissing once more, unable to stop touching one another. Laughing, they separated just long enough for Elliot to take a fistful of change to a vending machine down the hall and return with lube and condoms.
"Is it all right?" Elliot asked, slick fingers pressing against Sawyer's entrance. "I mean, it won't hurt you or the baby, right?"
Sawyer rolled his eyes.
"It'll be fine," he assured the other man, pulling him down into a kiss. "I want you inside me."
He felt Elliot twitch with eagerness in response to that and knew there would be no need to argue further.
Elliot's fingers worked him open slowly, taking his time, still being almost more gentle than Sawyer could stand. He lay close to Sawyer, dropping kisses down his throat, as his fingers pushed deeper and opened Sawyer wider. Soon, Sawyer's breath was coming in short, eager gasps as Elliot teased him, fingers stroking his sweet spot. Sawyer had only been able to finish with fingers alone during his heat, but he was confident that Elliot had the patience and the skill to make it happen again. He, however, did not.
"Hurry up," he begged. "Please."
Elliot didn't fight him, slipping his fingers free. But he didn't move between Sawyer's thighs as Sawyer expected. Instead he nudged Sawyer to lay on his side and lay next to him. He curled up as closer to Sawyer as he could, his chest to the other man's back, and Sawyer bit his lip as eager heat bloomed within him as he felt Elliot's cock press against his thighs.
"This should be easier on your back, right?" Elliot said, kissing Sawyer's neck, his hand trailing down Sawyer's ribs to his hip and back up again.
"I could care less about my back right now," Sawyer said dryly, which made Elliot smile.
"You will later."
Sawyer held his breath as he felt Elliot adjust, then the thrilling heat of his cock sliding along the cleft of his ass and finally pushing in.
Elliot was right, the position was incredibly comfortable, allowing Sawyer to close his eyes and think of nothing but the slow slide of Elliot filling him up. He tipped his head back and Elliot kissed him softly as he slowly worked his way deeper, always taking his time. Sawyer shivered when he finally felt the swell of Elliot's knot against his stretched entrance, wondering if he could take it tonight. Elliot probably wouldn't let him, he was being so incredibly careful, but Sawyer wanted it anyway.
They set a slow, undulating rhythm, like dancing. Elliot's thrusts were slow and deep, Sawyer rolling his hips back into them, loving the way his breath caught every time the knot teased him. Elliot's free hand stroked him slowly in tandem with his thrusts. It was just enough pleasure to keep Sawyer wanting more, but never enough to let him feel like he was building toward an orgasm. It felt like they could just lay here like this for hours, never tiring or rushing to completion. Just enjoying the perfect closeness that only being joined this way could achieve.
But Sawyer, ever restless, wanted more. He rolled his hips back a little harder, squeezed a little tighter, and Elliot got the idea, slowly raising the speed,
though he maintained that sense of slow, unhurried intimacy, even as his thrusts became fast enough for Sawyer to feel them in his core, his cock jumping with eagerness at the rush of deep stimulation. Elliot squeezed him a little tighter, stroked a little faster. Sawyer felt Elliot's knot grind against his entrance at the end of a hard thrust and groaned low in his chest.
"You want something?" Elliot asked, teasing, as he pulled out again.
"Elliot," Sawyer muttered, embarrassed.
"We gotta work on our communication, remember?" Elliot said, his breath hot against Sawyer's ear. He pulled out almost completely, and then eased back in one long, slow slide that ended with his knot pressed hard against Sawyer's entrance, grinding against it in small circles. "If you want something, you have to tell me."
Sawyer cursed into his pillow.
"Knot me," he said finally, face burning.
"What's that?" Elliot asked, feigning ignorance badly.
"Fuck me with your knot before I get Jacob in here to do it for you."
"Oh, is that how we're playing?" Elliot asked, grinning. Sawyer felt the other man's hand on his shoulder, pushing him over onto his front. He had to pull his knees under him to keep his weight off of his stomach, which seemed to be exactly what Elliot wanted as the other moved on top of him, pulling out just long enough to reposition. Sawyer expected another long, slow slide in. Instead, Elliot thrust forward hard, sheathing himself up to his knot in one movement which almost knocked the breath out of Sawyer.
Elliot rocked against Sawyer's entrance, letting his knot tease the stretched edges of Sawyer's hole.
"Jacob, huh?" Elliot said conversationally, pulling back just a little to thrust in hard again. Sawyer felt himself stretch around the edge of the knot for just a moment before Elliot let up. "I always figured Mateo was more your type. Tan, toned, fun. I suppose Jacob is bigger though. Is that it? You think the equipment is to scale?"
"Oh my God shut up," Sawyer groaned, fighting the urge to stroke his own dick as Elliot's knot teased him.
