by E. L. Todd
He pulled away and stared at me. “You do something with your hair?”
“I got a haircut.”
“It looks nice.” My dad always tried to find something to talk to me about. Since we didn’t have a lot in common, it was hard for him. But I was glad he tried.
“Thanks. How’s the shop?”
“Booming, like usual.” He turned to Arsen. My dad was the same height as him. They were eye to eye. “I’m Ryan.” He extended his hand to shake Arsen’s. “It’s nice to meet you.”
Arsen reciprocated. “Arsen. Thank you for letting me stay with you.”
“No problem.” My dad dropped his hand then patted him on the shoulder. “Sweet jacket.”
Mom smiled. “Isn’t he pretty?”
“Me?” Dad asked.
“No, him.” She rolled her eyes. “Idiot.”
Ryan turned to Arsen. “Please excuse my wife. She’s a pedophile.”
“I am not!” she hissed.
“Well, I’m over eighteen so she’s good,” Arsen said.
My dad laughed. “You can have her, kid. I’m just not sure you can handle her. She slaps like she played it as a sport in high school.”
“You want me to slap you now?” Mom challenged.
“I dare you.” He crossed his arms over his chest and silently challenged her.
“You’re lucky it’s Christmas and we have a guest.”
“I don’t mind,” Arsen said with a laugh.
My mom pointed her finger at my dad. “I’ll get you…later.”
“So scared,” my dad said sarcastically.
She hit his arm. “Go get your son.”
“My son?” my dad asked. “You’re the one who pushed him out of your vag-vag.”
She gasped then slapped him across the face. “Don’t talk like that in front of our guest.”
“It’s fine, really.” Arsen couldn’t help but laugh.
“Now go get him!” My mom pointed toward Slade’s room.
My dad rubbed his cheek then kissed her hard on the lips. “Only because you have a fine ass.” Then he headed to Slade’s room.
My mom rolled her eyes. “Sorry about that…”
“It’s fine,” Arsen said. “More than fine, actually.”
I gave Arsen a triumphant look, silently telling him I was right about everything.
“What’s the big deal?” Slade said as he came out of his room. “I’ve seen my sister a million times. I know what she looks like.”
My dad pushed him forward. “Hug her and say merry Christmas.”
“Why don’t you do it?” Slade argued.
“I already did. Now it’s your turn.”
Slade finally reached me. He gave me a quick hug that was forced, and he barely touched me for a second before he pulled away. “Merry Christmas,” he said as he blatantly rolled his eyes.
“Merry Christmas,” I said with a laugh.
Slade noticed Arsen. “Who the hell is this guy?” He eyed his jacket. “And where did he get that?”
“He’s my boyfriend,” I said. “His name is Arsen.”
“Oh.” Slade studied him then turned to Dad. “Did you know about this?”
“Yes,” he answered.
“We told you about him a few days ago…” Mom said. “You were sitting on the couch with Trinity, making out…”
“Well, if Trinity is sitting on my lap, there’s a good chance I’m not listening to a word you say,” Slade said with a wink.
“Is that supposed to impress me?” Mom asked in an irritated voice.
Slade leaned toward my dad. “You should slip some rum in her drink.”
“Already did,” Dad whispered back.
Arsen watched their exchange with a smirk then extended his hand. “It’s nice to meet you.”
Slade took it. “You too, man.” Then he looked at me. “I didn’t know you had a boyfriend.”
“Yep.”
“For how long?” he asked.
I shrugged. “Awhile.”
“And you didn’t think to tell me this?” Slade asked.
“You didn’t tell anyone about Trinity,” I snapped.
“Well, that was totally different.”
“Not really,” I said.
“Who’s Trinity?” Arsen asked.
“My hot piece of ass,” Slade said.
Mom gave him a firm look. “Don’t talk about her like that.”
“Hey, she’s my piece of ass,” Slade said. “I can say whatever I want.”
My dad nodded. “That is the rule, dear.”
She sighed. “Why do you always take his side?”
“Because he’s right,” Dad answered.
Mom growled. “This is the shit I have to deal with all day.”
“Good thing I’m here,” I said. “Now you have an ally.”
Mom looked at Arsen. “You better be my ally too.”
Arsen eyed the helicopter on the counter. “But that gadget looks pretty sweet…”
She sighed then threw her hands in the air. “Whatever.” She grabbed the bags. “I’ll show you to your room.”
“I got it.” Arsen took them from her. “But thank you.”
“Well, this way.” She led us down the hall and into my childhood room.
Was she going to let us sleep together?
“I just washed the sheets and it’s clean. I’ll let you guys get settled.” She walked out and shut the door.
Arsen walked around my room and eyed my dressers and bed. There was a stuffed pony next to the pillows. He sat down and played with it in his hands. “This is where you grew up?”
I nodded.
“It’s nice.”
I sat beside him then looked at my old jewelry box.
“They’re going to let us sleep together?” he asked in surprise.
“I guess so.” I turned to him. “I told you my parents are cool.”
“They are really cool,” he agreed.
“I told you that you had nothing to worry about.”
He shrugged. “We’ll see.”
***
We sat around the coffee table with all our supplies.
“Okay, let’s make a strip club,” Slade said.
“No,” Mom said in annoyance. “Let’s make an elf house.”
“An elf house?” Dad asked. “I don’t even know what they look like.”
“Strip club!” Slade yelled.
“Let’s just build something,” I said. “Otherwise we’ll be here all night.”
Arsen watched our interaction but didn’t say anything.
Dad put the fudge on the bottom of the cardboard then arranged the graham cracker walls.
Slade picked up the marshmallows. “I’ll make the prostitutes that stand outside it.”
“That’s not very Christmassy,” Mom said.
“Of course it is,” Slade said. “How do you think the Virgin Mary got pregnant? She was a stripper.”
“That doesn’t even make sense,” Dad said.
“With ignorance like that, you’re going to knock up Trinity,” Mom said.
“Why do you do this?” Arsen whispered.
“We build a gingerbread house every year,” I whispered. “But it usually looks like a mess. We still have fun doing it though.”
“Okay,” he said.
We worked together to build a house that was slanted to the right and looked like it might fall over any second.
“It’s like a ghost house,” Arsen said.
“With strippers,” Slade said, still using the marshmallows.
“I’m going to make a slide out of the fruit roll-up,” I said.
“Who’s going to use that?” Slade argued.
“People,” I snapped.
“Fruit roll-ups don’t even go with chocolate.” Slade rolled his eyes.
“Strip clubs aren’t for gingerbread houses.” I kicked him under the table.
“No fighting,” Dad said. He used the last of the fudge to make sure the ho
use was glued together.
“Well, it looks…nice.” Mom cringed.
“It’s delicious no matter how…odd it looks,” Arsen said.
We all stared at it until the house collapsed.
Everyone started laughing, including my mom.
“Well, dig in,” Mom said.
We grabbed pieces of graham cracker and fudge with marshmallows and devoured it.
“So good,” Slade said. “I’m eating a stripper right now.”
“I like it better when Trinity is here,” Mom said. “You’re a lot more tolerable.”
“Mom, she gives me sex,” Slade said. “That’s why.”
Dad laughed. “Sounds about right.” He turned to Arsen. “We’re an odd family. I hope you don’t judge us.”
“Never,” Arsen said with a smile. “I’m having a great time.”
“People usually say we’re too loud,” Mom said.
“Which is true,” I added.
“So, do you go to school with Silke?” Dad asked.
Arsen suddenly stiffened.
I gave him an encouraging look, telling him to be honest.
“No,” he said. “I don’t. I’m actually a few years older than her.”
Dad nodded. “I’m older than Janice by a few years.”
“Old man,” Mom jabbed.
Dad ignored the comment. “So, you’re working then?”
“Yeah.” Arsen didn’t elaborate.
“What do you do?” Dad sucked the chocolate off his fingers then grabbed another graham cracker.
Arsen paused for a moment before he answered. “I sell weed.” He took a deep breath and waited for the disapproval.
My dad flinched. He processed his words for a moment before he regained his bearings. “I see…”
The tension settled.
Arsen stayed quiet.
Dad rubbed the back of his neck. “I assume this is temporary?” He turned to Arsen.
“Yeah,” Arsen answered.
Mom released the breath she was holding. “Okay.” Then she looked at me, silently threatening to kill me if I even thought about trying weed.
“I knew a lot of kids growing up who were dealers just to get by until their other plans fell through,” Dad said. “So, I hope this isn’t your career.”
“It’s not,” Arsen said.
“Okay.” Dad relaxed. “Do you involve my daughter with your business?”
“No,” Arsen said quickly. “She didn’t even realize what I did until I told her. I never bring her around my profession.”
Dad’s shoulders became less tense. “You must make a killing then.”
Arsen raised an eyebrow, clearly surprised. “I do alright.”
“Do you keep the plants in the house with artificial light?” Dad asked.
Mom narrowed her eyes at him. “You sure know a lot about weed…”
Arsen continued. “I grow it in my spare bedroom. It’s easier to contain and hide from my neighbors.”
“Be careful,” Dad said.
Arsen shot me an apprehensive look, wondering if it was really that easy.
“What else do you do?” Dad asked.
Arsen shrugged. “I like to cruise on my Harley.”
“Seriously?” Dad asked. “You have one?”
Arsen smirked. “Yeah.”
“Awesome,” Dad said. “I’ve always wanted an Indian. Those things are sweet.”
“You got a wife and kids to think about,” Mom reminded him.
“You never let me forget,” Dad jabbed.
“You don’t ride it, do you, honey?” my mom asked with fearful eyes.
“Sometimes,” I said.
“She always wears a helmet,” Arsen added. “And I’m a good driver.”
My mom looked like she might have a heart attack.
“Stop being a drama queen,” Dad said.
“Your daughter rides on the back of a motorcycle!”
“Arsen said he drives safe,” Dad said.
She rolled her eyes. “You need to stop being friends with your kids and start being a parent.”
“Oh, here we go.” Dad rolled his eyes. “Mom hates the fact you kids like me more than her.”
“Well, you’re cool,” Slade said. “Mom is just a control freak.”
“I like you, Mom,” I said.
She smiled. “Well, thank you, honey. But please be careful on that bike.”
“I wouldn’t let anything happen to her,” Arsen said. He gave me a fond look then turned away.
“Baby, you need to live a little bit,” Dad said. “I can get shanked at work at any point in time. You could get hit by a cab and die. The world is a scary place, but that shouldn’t stop you from enjoying it.”
“Excuse my husband,” Mom said. “He’s a bit of a hippie.”
“I like it,” Arsen said. “You guys go well together—balance each other.”
“If Mom and Dad divorced, I’d live with Dad,” Slade said.
Dad looked like he might strangle him. “Don’t ever say that again.”
Slade immediately backed off. “Sorry…only joking.”
My parents argued like crazy but they were always on the same side. Sometimes their bickering was annoying, but at the end of the day, it was clear they loved each other.
“Thank you.” Mom gave him a gentle smile.
“You and me until the end, baby.” He leaned across the table and gave her a quick kiss.
“Gross,” Slade mumbled.
“Your family was willing to spare you for the holidays?” Mom looked at Arsen.
Arsen hid the pain that question caused. “Yes, reluctantly.” He added a smile to make it more believable.
“I’m glad you’re here with us.” She patted his hand.
Arsen flinched at the affection. “Thank you…”
“You got any tattoos?” my dad blurted.
Arsen eyed him, considering the question. “No.”
“Oh.” Dad sounded disappointed. “I run a shop in the city. Well, two now.”
“That’s so cool,” Arsen blurted.
“I like it.” My dad shrugged, being humble. “And my son wants to take over the family business.”
“I was born into it,” Slade said.
“How long have you been doing that?” Arsen asked.
“Since I graduated high school.”
“Cool.” Arsen nodded. “What do you do, Janice?”
“She’s a hot-shot at a publishing house. She’s the junior CEO now,” Dad explained. “She’s a college girl.” He gave her a fond look before he dropped it.
“That’s cool too,” Arsen said.
“No, it’s not,” Slade said. “It’s the most boring job in the world.”
“I like my job,” Mom said, offended. “Actually, I love it.”
Dad leaned toward Arsen. “She downgraded with me. But I’m not going to complain. I got a wife with looks, brains, and sass.”
“I got a lot of that last one,” Mom said.
“And I love every second of it.” He lowered his voice to Arsen. “Even when she slaps me. Actually, it’s pretty hot.”
Arsen chuckled. “Good to know.”
“And I taught Silke how to land a mean sucker-punch,” Mom said as she nudged me in the side.
“Yeah.” I looked at Arsen. “You don’t want to piss me off.”
He smiled while he stared at me. “I’ll remember that.”
I hooked my arm through his and leaned close to him. Then I gave him a gentle kiss. He responded quickly then pulled away. My parents didn’t seem to care. They weren’t even watching us.
“Present time!” Dad said.
“Alright,” Slade said.
“Why are you excited?” Mom asked. “You already know everything you got.”
“But I can’t wait to see your face when you open my gifts.” Dad grabbed a box and handed it to her.
She smiled then opened it. She held up a book. “How to Cook for Dummies?”
> “It has different recipes in it,” Dad said quickly. “That’s why I got it.”
Mom didn’t look amused. “I’m taking back that helicopter.”
“No.” He grabbed another gift and handed it to her. “Here. This one is better.”
“It better be,” she threatened. She opened the small box and took out a gold necklace. It caught the light from the tree and sparkled. “It’s beautiful, Ryan…”
“Look at the engraving.”
She flipped it over and read it out loud. “To my sassy wife, thanks for putting up with my shit. Merry Xmas.” She extended her arms out to him and hugged him. “I love it, babe.”
“I knew you would.” He kissed her gently then rubbed his nose against hers.
Arsen watched their interaction closely.
“I love you,” Mom whispered.
“I love you too.” He kissed her forehead then moved away. “Can I keep that helicopter now?”
“You may.” She put on the necklace and felt it in her fingers.
Dad grabbed a present and handed it to me. “For you, kiddo.”
I ripped it open and found a coffee mug. I stared at it for a moment as I examined every inch of it. It was full of different images and colors. Two figures were in every image, stick figures. One had a bow and the other was tall. On closer examination, I recognized all the paintings from my childhood, when my father took me to the zoo, the park, and picked me up from school. I knew he made it, designed it himself since he was such a meticulous artist. My eyes bubbled as I held it in my hands. “Thank you…”
“I’m glad you like it. I worked on that thing for months,” Dad said.
“It’s beautiful.” I hugged him tightly and blinked my tears away.
“Where’s mine?” Slade demanded.
“I got you something else.” Dad pulled away and handed him a gift.
Slade ripped open the paper and saw a tattoo needle set. Everything he needed was inside the box, including different ink. “Whoa!”
“I knew you’d like it,” Dad said.
“It’s sweet,” Slade said. He kept examining it. “But Silke’s is a lot more thoughtful…”
I rolled my eyes. “Are you a girl?”
Slade glared at me then looked down.
“Maybe this will change your mind.” Dad handed him a small gift. It looked like a picture frame.
Slade ripped it open then looked at it. It was an image of a tree with green leaves. A few were falling to the ground, and the closer they got to the earth, the more red they became.
I had no idea what it meant.
