by E. L. Todd
“I want to talk to her.” He came around and reached for the door.
I shoved my hand into his chest and pushed him back. “What kind of man harasses his daughter at two in the morning?” I didn’t realize how angry I was until I spoke. “If you want to talk to her, you can wait for a more appropriate time.”
“Every time I call, she doesn’t answer.”
“That’s her right!” I marched to him then looked down into his face. “If you keep bothering her, I’ll make you regret it.”
“Are you threatening me?” His eyes looked cold and calculating.
“I threaten any man who hurts my girl.”
“Your girl?” he hissed. “What have you done to deserve her?”
“What have you done to push her away?” I snapped. “That’s the real question.”
He looked like he wanted to punch me.
“She doesn’t need your money. She doesn’t need your support. She’s a grown woman who can take care of herself. If she wants to be left alone, then you should do as she asks.”
“I just want to talk to her.”
“You lost that privilege.” I stepped back and headed to my truck.
Her father stayed still and stared at Beatrice through the passenger window. Never once did she look in his direction.
Once I was inside the truck, I started the engine then pulled onto the road. Beatrice stared out the window like everything was normal. She wasn’t crying and she didn’t look scared.
I headed back to my place then walked with her inside. I didn’t ask her anything or try to make her feel better with empty words. It was hard for me to understand what she was feeling. I’d never questioned how much my dad loved my mom. If it came down to it, my dad would sacrifice himself for his family. If anyone even slightly threatened any one of us, that person would be taken out within an hour. My dad didn’t mess around.
When she was inside, she looked exactly the same. Her voice was unreadable, almost dead. She seemed particularly interested in my blank TV screen.
I came close to her then looked into her face. “What would you like to do?” I had no idea what she was thinking.
She paused for a long time, her lips immobile. “I want to sleep.”
“Okay.” I walked into my bedroom and pulled out some clean clothes. “These should fit…somewhat.” I left them on the bed. “I’ll sleep on the couch.”
“Okay.”
“Good night.” I gave her a sad look before I shut the door and sat on my couch. I wasn’t tired. All I could think about was the episode I witnessed. If her father just wanted to talk to her, why did he go about it in a hostile way? If my dad did the same thing, I’d be freaked out.
I leaned back into the couch and sighed. I hoped Beatrice would be able to get some sleep. She might feel better in the morning. I closed my eyes and tried to clear my thoughts.
My door cracked. “Conrad?”
“Hmm?” I opened my eyes and sat up.
“Can you sleep with me tonight?”
I wasn’t expecting her to ask. “Sure.”
She disappeared into the bedroom and left the door open.
When I came inside, she was laying in my bed. My t-shirt looked like a blanket on her. I pulled off my shirt and jeans and stood in my boxers. “Is it okay if I sleep like this?”
“Yes,” she whispered.
I got in between the covers then lay on my back. Could I touch her? Could I hold her? It was difficult to figure out what she wanted sometimes. I would just ask her, but tonight wasn’t the best time to ask for clarification about our unusual relationship.
Beatrice moved to my side of the bed and cuddled into me. Her arm moved across my stomach and she rested her head on my shoulder. One leg was tucked between mine. She was affectionate with me like a lover.
My heart was beating so fast I could hear it in my ears. She was holding me like I meant something to her. We were snuggled in bed, and she was wearing my clothes. The sheet touched our bare skin. I hooked my arm around her and anchored her close to me. Her quiet breaths hypnotized me into a deep calm.
“Thank you,” she whispered. “I knew I could count on you.”
Without thinking, just feeling, I moved my lips to her forehead and pressed a gentle kiss there. The act was spontaneous but premeditated at the same time. I did it like it wasn’t my first time. She took a deep breath the moment I touched her, but she didn’t object or move away from me.
I cuddled into her even more, feeling my heart swell like it never had before.
Chapter Sixteen
Skye
Having a beautiful penthouse in the city was pointless when I couldn’t enjoy it. The light from the city burned like a wild forest fire. I liked to watch them because it distracted my mind from my all-consuming depression. It was the only thing that stopped me from thinking about Cayson.
But he came back to me, vivid and clear.
His lips were on my neck.
His scent was on my clothes.
My heart was forever scarred by the love we shared.
Whenever the pain became too much, I wanted to fly to him and beg him to take me back. I didn’t care if he had a girlfriend. I didn’t care who he was sleeping with. I just wanted him to be mine again.
But then the doubt came flooding back.
He was over me.
He didn’t want me anymore.
We were done.
I didn’t know how much weight I lost, but my clothes barely fit me anymore. They were baggy and loose. My bras were even a little big because my chest had shrunk. I’d appreciate the change if I were happy, but I was too miserable to enjoy it.
I felt like I was in a permanent fog. My mind was always hazy, and I couldn’t think straight. Sometimes my heart beat so low I thought it would stop. Never in my life had I known pain like this. It was agonizing.
And when I thought about how much I hurt Cayson, I felt worse.
He obviously bounced back quicker than I had because he was angry. All I had was self-loathing and pity.
My favorite place in my apartment was the floor. I leaned my head against the ice-cold window and it helped me clear my thoughts. Trinity was usually with me, but I forgot about her most of the time. Days and hours blended together so time had no real meaning. I just existed, without a purpose.
“I made soup.” Trinity set it on the table. “You should come eat.”
“Not hungry,” I whispered.
“It’s really good.” She tried to entice me into eating every day.
“You can go, Trinity. You don’t have to stay with me…”
“Girl, I want to stay,” she said firmly. “I’d just wish you would eat.”
“Not hungry,” I repeated.
A loud knock on the door made me flinch. It was aggressive and powerful.
Trinity flinched too.
I didn’t look at the door. I knew it would be my parents or Slade. No one else came to see me. My brother came a few times with snacks, but I didn’t want him to see me like this. I just wanted to suffer in silence and look out the window like a cat.
Trinity answered the door but she didn’t speak.
I still didn’t turn around to look.
When the door slammed closed, I flinched again. My head snapped and I looked to see who was causing such a raucous in my silent home.
Cayson stood there, looking at me like he might kill me. His jaw was clenched, and his eyes burned in blue fire. His arms were by his sides, but his fists were clenched tightly.
I didn’t know if he real or not.
Was I dreaming this?
He came closer to me, the anger still on his face. He eyed me like I was a nuisance, someone he despised.
I was actually scared. “Cayson?”
He ground his teeth together, his eyes bulging.
When I searched for Trinity, she was gone.
Whenever Cayson came to me in my dreams, it was always in a romantic way. He moved his fingers through my hair a
nd kissed me gently. Words of comfort and devotion were whispered.
I never dreamt of Cayson like this, angry enough to strangle me.
I held onto the wall then pulled myself up. I was weak and tired. My hair was oily and in disarray. My clothes were baggy and old. I hadn’t washed them in almost a week. My joints hurt from sitting still all day.
When I looked at him, he seemed different. He was more fit and tone. His size was smaller, but he seemed to be in better shape. The veins on his hands and forearms were more prominent. They bulged every time he clenched his hands.
“Cayson?” I repeated. My voice contained my weakness. I still couldn’t believe he was really there.
He came closer to me, his anger rising. “How could you do that to me?” Each word was painful to speak. His eyes burned then moistened while he looked at me. His body shook like he couldn’t contain everything he was feeling.
Speechless, I stared at him.
He came closer to me. “How. Could. You.”
I shook under the threat in his eyes. I’d seen him angry before, but it was nothing like this. He was uncontrollable, so upset he could rip me apart, limb-by-limb.
My lips quivered but no words came out.
“Do you have any idea what you’ve put me through?” His eyes bored into mine, searching my face like he didn’t recognize it.
I crossed my arms over my chest, unsure what else to do.
“Do you?” he yelled. “DO YOU?”
I stepped back, frightened of Cayson for the first time in my life.
“Let me tell you.” Spit was flying from his mouth because was so upset. “Every day, it’s been hard to breathe. Every day, it’s been pure agony. When I closed my eyes, I only dreamt of you. But they weren’t the kind that I love. They were nightmares, full of you fucking some other guy.”
I flinched at his profanity.
“And reality was even worse. Do you have any idea how much it hurt to think you were with someone else? That you threw me away for a night of lust? I’ve carried that with me every single day. And now I find out I was put through that hell because you lied about it? It was all for nothing?” He stared at me like he wanted me to argue, to find a rebuttal. “This hurts way more, Skye. A lot more.”
My lips quivered and tears started to fall.
“You think I feel any sympathy for you after what you did to me? You think sitting in your mansion in solitude makes me pity you? You think I give a damn how you feel? What the hell is wrong with you? How could you lie to me like that? And what’s even worse, you never planned on telling me the truth. You were going to make me believe a lie. You were going to make me regret ever loving you. That’s a betrayal I’ll never forgive you for.”
I stepped back, feeling his blade pierce my stomach. He ripped my insides apart, making me bleed until there was nothing left.
He shook his head while he stared at me. “You have no right to manipulate me like that. I was perfectly fine staying here in New York. What’s the point of me going to Stanford when I’m absolutely miserable anyway? I understand that you’re ambitious and always have been, but a job is just a job. I’ll find something else. I’ll go to a different school. I’ll work somewhere else. But you can’t be replaced.”
I looked at the ground, unable to meet his gaze.
“Look. At. Me.”
Tears dissolved on my tongue and I tasted them. Then I looked up again.
“There were so many other options, Skye. That never should have been one of them.”
I wiped my tears away and wished they would stop falling.
He breathed hard while he stared at me. Pain and longing were absent. All he felt was anger. He looked at me with disgust, as anger burned in his eyes. “Have you nothing to say?”
I looked away, my gaze focused out the window.
“Do you have any explanation? Do you have any defense? Do you have any justification?”
I closed my eyes for a moment then opened them again. “No.”
He continued to breathe hard while he watched me. “No?”
I cleared my throat so my voice wouldn’t crack. “I was trying to do the right thing…”
“The right thing?” he snapped. “That’s your idea of the right thing? Skye, what the fuck is wrong with you? At what point in time did this idiot plan sound like a good idea? I can’t believe you lied to me and tricked me like that. I can’t believe you hurt me so bad…”
I tightened my arms around my stomach. “I know… I went back for you a few weeks after you left. But…I was too late.”
For a moment, anger left his eyes. “What do you mean?”
“When I went to your apartment, a girl answered the door—just wearing your t-shirt. She said you were in the shower.”
Confusion came into his eyes.
“I was so hurt that you moved on that I left…” I looked out the window again, unable to meet his gaze.
His voice was void of emotion. “I never slept with anyone, Skye. I have a roommate. She belonged to him.”
My eyes turned back to him, and the knots in my chest loosened up slightly. The idea of him touching anyone else made me sick. And the fact he was still mine made me melt. “Really?”
“I’m hurt you assumed I would do that.” Now he was mad again. “And not that it’s any of your business, but there hasn’t been anyone else since we’ve been apart. I’d ask you the same, but I really don’t want to know.”
That was a slap in the face. “Of course, there hasn’t been.”
The answer seemed to satisfy him because his eyes changed. But they returned to anger so quickly I wasn’t sure if it happened. “I don’t know you anymore, Skye. I’m not sure what to believe.”
“I’ve been sitting in this same spot…missing you.”
“But not missing me enough to come clean,” he spat.
“I was just trying to put you first,” I argued feebly.
“By destroying me?” he asked incredulously. “Because that’s what you did, Skye. You destroyed me.”
My eyes burned with tears again.
He gripped his skull in frustration then closed his eyes. He didn’t know how to handle the anger or channel it. He was always so calm and collected. I’d never seen him have a meltdown. “I hate you for what you did to me. Do you understand that?”
Those words hurt more than anything else he had said. Cayson was never cruel. But he was being cruel now. “I…”
“You can’t treat me like that,” he hissed. “It was cold. And wrong.”
“I know… I was just trying to do the right thing.” I didn’t know what else to say, so I kept repeating it.
He stared at me, at a loss for words.
“I love you.” I didn’t know what else to say. I wanted to fight for him but I knew it was pointless. I hurt him too much. I broke him. This was something he wouldn’t let go. He couldn’t sweep it under the rug like all the other times. “I love you so much.”
He stared at the ground and didn’t say it back. He breathed hard, like he was trying to combat the distant pain in his body. Then he stepped back slowly, like he was trying to get away from me.
Then he walked out.
Everything and More
Book Eight of The Forever and Ever Series
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