“I don’t understand it either, really. I stopped trying to at some point because what difference does it make?” He shrugs. “My dad seems to think it was some form of self-hatred, some kind of ‘let’s just blow up my entire life now’ kind of thing, and as much as I hate to admit he’s right about anything, maybe he is.”
“He’s always right.”
We exchange a small grin.
“I regret not coming after you when you left and not trying to find a way to make us work,” Dane says. “But I will never regret Mia.”
My hand falls to his forearm. We both look at it, my pale skin on top of his tan. “Of course you wouldn’t regret her.”
His eyes draw away from my hand and to my face before he takes off rocking again. I slip my hand back to my lap and look anywhere but at him.
My thoughts are muddied. A part of me wants to run to the car and flee, taking what’s left of my pride with it. Another part wants to say what I came to say and then leave with grace. As the two parts argue, I just sit and wait.
The porch creaks with the motion of the chairs. A car door slams somewhere in the distance. It takes a long time before either of us speaks again.
“I don’t know if you know this or not, but Katie left us right after Mia was born,” he says.
“I didn’t know. I’m sorry.”
He shrugs. “I’m sorry for Mia.”
My heart pulls as I wonder how she feels about that. “Is she okay with it? I mean, does she miss her?”
“She didn’t know her long enough to miss her. That’s sad as hell, isn’t it?” His eyes are as sober as a judge. “You’ve heard the stories about my mom. She was mean and awful and could swing a switch with the best of them. I’d hide Matt in my room some days so she’d take her anger out on me and not him.”
Squeezing my eyes closed, I bite my tongue. Interrupting him with a full-on rant about how much I loathe his mother won’t help anything. Still, it’s hard.
“But at least I knew her.” He places his hand on my shoulder until I open my eyes. “I knew I wasn’t missing anything when it came to her, you know? When my mom died, it was almost a relief. Mia doesn’t get that. There will be a day when she feels like she missed out or that she wasn’t enough to keep Katie around, and that’ll be a day that I can’t handle.”
I think about Katie and how she always struggled to really fit in anywhere. She went overboard on everything in hopes that she would feel like she belonged. I kind of feel sorry for her.
“What happened to Katie?” I ask.
“What? Do you hope she got eaten by a shark?”
“No. Maybe a piranha,” I joke. “Honestly, I hope she’s okay somewhere. For Mia’s sake.”
Dane smiles. “I really don’t know. But I hope the same. I hope she’s done something with herself and comes back someday sober and happy and wants to get to know our daughter.”
“Did things end badly between you?” I ask, not sure if I really even want to know.
“No.” He shrugs. “She just said she wasn’t into this anymore and was going to leave. And she left. Her attorney sent papers giving me full rights, and that was the end of it. I was suddenly a nineteen-year-old kid with a baby girl. Talk about a learning curve.”
Laughing, I decide to lighten the mood. “How’d you do with diapers and onesies?”
“I’m a champ.”
Our laughter blends together in the easiest way. It’s like the notes just know where to go to be harmonious and we hit them together automatically.
After our chuckles fade, he turns to me again. “I wonder sometimes if Katie just didn’t want me. And if somehow I’m to blame for her not wanting Mia.”
“Dane, no. That’s not fair.”
“Life isn’t fair. If it was . . .” He looks around the porch before coming back to me. “If it was fair, you and I would’ve ended up together.”
My insides turn to mush as his words hit me straight in the heart. I’ve told myself for years it never would’ve worked out between us. That Dane was a bad guy. But none of that is true, and down deep, I knew it. Hearing him say that is a vindication of sorts.
“I guess everything happens for a reason, right?” I ask, using his words from the other night.
“Do you believe that?”
“Not really. I think we can justify things if we look hard enough. And besides, once enough time has passed, you can usually find something good in a situation. Maybe that’s the ‘reason’ everyone talks about.”
He slides me a half smile. “Mia’s certainly my reason right now and for the next decade or so.”
“She’ll always be your reason,” I correct. “I saw your face today when she ran toward you.”
“I’m a sucker. What can I say?” He chuckles. “I worry by the time she has to move out, she’ll be so used to all my attention she won’t be able to hack the real world. But on the other hand, that might help deter a relationship if she ever thinks about having a boyfriend.”
“Oh, she’ll have a boyfriend,” I tease. “Have you seen those green eyes?”
He rubs his palm on his forehead, making me laugh. “Between Haley and me, she’s being flooded with ‘boys are bad’ rhetoric.”
“So,” I say, clearing my throat. “Who is Haley, anyway?”
As he stretches his arms over his head, his features fill with amusement. “I forgot about your little jealousy over her.”
“I’m not jealous. I have no reason to be jealous. Clearly.”
“Fine. I’m fucking her.”
“Fine.”
I look off into the distance, jealousy burning through me. Just as I’m ready to shove off the chair and head to my car, he bursts out laughing.
“She’s my first cousin,” he admits. “My dad’s brother came to town right after Katie left. Haley and I kind of hit it off in a non-incest kind of way.” He lets that sink in. “She had just graduated and didn’t have a plan, so I hired her to stay and help with Mia. She does that and works at the library. It’s a win-win.” He watches me sag against the rocker. “Does that help your jealousy?”
“I’m not jealous.”
“Sure. For the record, I find it kind of adorable that you’re still jealous to think I’m sleeping with someone else.”
“Of course you are,” I say. “Do you think I think either of us has been celibate in the last however many years?”
A shadow falls across his eyes, sending a chill up my spine.
“Besides,” I rush, “maybe you’ll find someone whom Mia loves and you love and you can create a family.”
“If there’s one thing I know,” he says, getting to his feet, “it’s that I won’t be falling in love. My track record with women is shit. I messed up with you. Something happened to Katie. I tried one more serious relationship with a girl named Sara, and she left. Mia was heartbroken.”
I stand too. Dane’s bodywash rolls through the air as he leans against the house. I fight hard to stay focused on the topic at hand and not on the sliver of skin showing right above his waistline.
“I get it,” I say. “I won’t be falling in love either.”
“Why?”
“You broke my heart. One other guy I was kind of serious about almost cost me my job. He hated that I worked with mostly men. Hated how many hours I worked. Hated that I was a terrible cook, because his mom was a chef with dinner on the table every night at six.”
“So I’m a dick and he was an ass. How’s that stopping you now?”
I think about that. “I’m not where I want to go yet. There are a hundred things I want to accomplish before I settle down and let someone else influence that,” I admit. “I told myself when I was a little girl that I’d get out of Dogwood Lane and prove that I could be something, and I don’t feel like I’ve proven that yet.”
His eyes twinkle with golden flecks as he watches me. “I think you’re something all right.”
Swatting him in the chest, I head toward the stairs. I stop short of desce
nding. “I am sorry for what I said to you. I was sorry before I knew your child was Mia. I just didn’t know how to tell you or if I should. If it mattered.”
He shoves off the wall and saunters toward me. Towering over me, he gazes down. “It always matters. You always matter.” Scratching the back of his head, he sighs. “Mia thinks an awful lot of you. Thank you for helping her.”
“It was really my pleasure.”
An innuendo that has nothing to do with the topic at hand is on the tip of my tongue. When Dane smirks, I know it’s on his too. I also know I need to go. Now.
“Have a good night,” I say, heading down the steps.
“Hey, Neely.”
I stop in the middle of the sidewalk and turn around. He’s leaning against a post, his arms crossed over his chest.
“Yeah?” I ask.
“You made Mia really happy today. Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.”
“And . . .” He rolls his eyes for my benefit while trying not to crack a smile. “You might’ve, you know, made me happy with your apology. Even though I still think you need a communications class.”
“I’ll make a note of that.” I get to my car, my heart fluttering away, and open the door. Before climbing in, I look at him one final time. “Good night.”
“’Night.”
With a final grin that turns me to goo, he enters the house. I slip into my car and turn on the ignition and crank on the air-conditioning full blast. Still, I don’t move. Instead, I think about what he’s doing inside. Which room is his. What Mia is doing right now.
Grabbing my phone from the cup holder, I pull up my email and find the drafts folder.
Dear Mr. Snow,
Thank you very much for the invitation to interview. I can be available for an interview any day next week from the hours of 10 a.m. to 2 p.m. EST. Please respond with what fits your schedule best.
Sincerely,
Neely Kimber
I hit “Send,” put the car in drive, and head down the street, looking back only once.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
NEELY
So anyway, he has a brother.” Grace chomps on a carrot in my ear. “And I might’ve perused his social media last night, and let me just go ahead and let you know you’re welcome.”
“Let me guess: Dark hair. Blue eyes. Between six foot and six foot four? White-collar job with at least a master’s degree. Briefs, not boxers.”
She gasps. “How’d you know?”
I laugh. “Because you always pick out that type for me.”
“It’s what you like.”
A blue truck rolls up to the front of Aerial’s and parks a few spots away from me. Dane gives me a little wave as his boots hit the asphalt.
I switch the phone between my hands so Grace doesn’t hear if I suck in a breath or otherwise make note of the way my heart is racing. I don’t need that conversation.
“That’s not my type at all,” I tell her, taking in the way Dane’s jeans hug his thighs. “You got me all wrong, friend.”
“I know you better than you know you.”
Dane turns from the sidewalk up the walkway. As he nears, I’m less and less inclined to listen to Grace and more apt to watch Dane move.
I haven’t been able to stop thinking about him since I left his house last night. Considering the conversation we had, I should be detaching. There’s no point in meddling around with ideas about what his house looks like inside or if I’d still feel like I’m floating if he kisses me behind my ear. Nope. None of that is helpful.
But all of that is true.
“Hey,” Dane says, giving me a lopsided grin as he breezes by.
“Hi.”
“Who was that?” Grace barks. “Come back here. Talk to me.”
“Will you hush?” I hiss into the phone.
“Who was that? Was it Dane?”
I take a few steps away from the entrance as a couple of mothers and daughters exit. “Yes. It was.”
“Well, not to be creepy or anything, but I looked him up online. I don’t know how to say this, Neely, but he’s freaking hot.”
“I know.” I moan. “I hate him for it.”
“Don’t hate him for it. Fuck him for it.”
I kick at a pebble, my lower stomach clenching at the mere suggestion. “It’s not like that.”
“Why?” she deadpans. “Explain to me why it’s not like that. From here, it looks very like that.”
“Because.”
“Words, Neely. Use them.”
I switch the phone between my hands again, catching it as it slips off my sweaty palms in the transfer. Once it’s nestled between my ear and shoulder, I sigh. “Look, he and I have a history together that isn’t . . . wonderful. I’ve told you that. But I was talking to him last night, and—”
“Like you ran into him in a cornfield or like you had dinner?”
“I went to his house. Uninvited,” I add as she begins howling through the line. “I went to say I was sorry for being rude. That’s it.”
“Do you know how many men’s houses or apartments I’ve just showed up to randomly? None. The answer is none.”
“Because you date men who are unavailable.”
“So you’re dating Dane?” she goads.
“No. Ugh.” I blow out a breath. “He isn’t dating because he doesn’t want his daughter to get hurt.”
“That’s so sexy.”
“I know.”
I kick at another pebble. It rolls down the sidewalk and into a pile of dirt near a dandelion. It had a softer landing than I’m going to have.
Another mother and daughter exit the gym, and I find myself waiting to see if Dane and Mia come out next. They don’t. My shoulders sag.
“Any chance you’ll be back before the weekend?” Grace asks. “I have an extra ticket to a show on Broadway.”
“No, but I forgot to tell you. I scored an interview with Archon Sports.”
“I love it,” she chirps. “That would be a good fit for you, I think. They’re really cutting-edge on a lot of things industry-wise. I bet you could work your way in and make a name for yourself.”
“I hope so.”
“Me too. But, dude, I gotta go. I have an article due in the morning, and I’m about twenty percent done.”
“I’m jealous.”
“Only you would be jealous of work.” She laughs. “I’m off to order takeout and get some words down. Call me later and tell me what happens with Archon. And Dane. Really Dane. That’s what I want to know.”
“Nothing is happening with Dane,” I insist. “I’m leaving here by next weekend. What would be the point?”
“You are lame. Lame, lame, lame.”
“Goodbye, Grace.”
“Bye.”
I tuck my phone back in my pocket and spin on my heel to see Dane and Mia coming out of the gym. Wide smiles split their cheeks, and I wonder if it’s their grins making me grin or vice versa.
“Why didn’t we get you as our coach?” Mia asks.
“Aerial said she wanted to see that back tuck.”
“But she could’ve come over for a minute. The minis got you. No fair.”
“Well, I’ll tell you what,” I say, coming to a stop in front of them. “I’ll ask Aerial if I can get you next time. How’s that?”
“Awesome, because we told Aerial tonight we wanted you. No offense to her.”
“You better have been nice,” Dane warns, his touch of a southern drawl prominent. “I better not hear you were disrespectful.”
Mia looks up at him. “Have you ever heard that?”
Dane laughs. “Well, it better not start now.”
“It won’t.” Mia turns to me. “What are you doing now?”
I glance at her father. He has a hand jammed in a pocket of his work jeans as he studies me.
“I’m going to grab some food and do some work,” I tell Mia. “Adult stuff. Yuck.”
“Come feed the fish with us.” She bounces
on her heels like she’s just cured cancer. “It’ll be fun. There is one huge one—Grandpa calls it a koi fish.”
“They’re all koi fish,” Dane says.
“Anyway, there’s one huge one I call Shamu. You have to see it.”
She takes my hand and tries to pull me toward Dane’s truck. I don’t move despite her best efforts. Instead, I take in Dane’s reaction. It changes the longer I watch. The corner of his lip turns upward. His brows follow suit. The lines on his face smooth as he bites the inside of his cheek.
“You scared of fish?” he asks.
“What? No.” I laugh.
“I’m going to say goodbye to Madison. You two get in the truck.” Mia runs down the sidewalk toward her friend, leaving her father and me alone.
We watch her little ponytail swish behind her as if we aren’t sure how to proceed. I run my palms down my shorts and hope they don’t leave sweat marks in their wake.
Finally, Dane turns to me. “So you going or what?”
“Yeah. I need to prepare for an interview this week, and I haven’t checked the news in so long.” I make a face. “I’m a news junkie. I have it on in some capacity a hundred times a day. I don’t think I’ve even turned it on today.”
“That’s what happens when you have breakfast with Penn.” The words are tossed out there as if he’s just continuing with our conversation, but the way his jaw tics proves it’s more.
I snicker to myself at the touch of annoyance in his tone. “Penn was in the café when I came in to pick up breakfast for me and Mom. We chatted over coffee for about five minutes.”
Dane shrugs, but the relief is evident. “You’re lucky you just talked to him over coffee. Otherwise, he would’ve thought you were getting married.”
Mia dashes by. “Let’s go, people!”
“You guys have fun,” I say. Wishing for a split second I was going with them, I glance at Mia. There’s a feeling in my chest I can’t explain, but I’m not sure I can fill it with any amount of cheesecake when I get home.
I start toward my mom’s house when Dane grabs my arm. His fingertips warm my skin, sending shock waves through me. “Go with us,” he says.
“I thought you didn’t do things with women?”
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