by Heather Long
“Since five days ago.”
Since the day we’d gotten Freddie back. I ran a hand over my face.
“Jasper?” Freddie asked. “Is this because of me?”
“No,” I told him. Kestrel echoed it, but Vaughn frowned.
“Where is Dove now?”
“About that…”
I closed my eyes and counted slowly, fisting my temper in both hands, before I opened them and raised my brows at Kestrel. “Yes, Kellan,” I said slowly, even as Vaughn loomed at my shoulder. Apparently, he was on my side in this argument. “Where is Emersyn?”
“She and Rome took off on my bike,” Liam answered. “I told him to get her out of there. We didn’t know how many might be around, and I stuck around to deal with the mess. He probably took her to my place.”
Yeah. I was done.
“Get in the fucking car,” I told him as I pivoted to go to the car. “Freddie, inside, eat, shower, sleep. Don’t touch the liquor and don’t touch the weed. Kestrel, try to keep an eye on him and do a better job than you did with Emersyn.”
I didn’t wait for a single response as I slid into the driver’s seat. Liam apparently took that particular command well. He folded into the seat next to me, and I was already accelerating as I hit the controller for the door. It was late in the day, the sun had already gone down, and traffic was thick as assholes working their banker’s hours went home to their suburban houses after they stopped off to bang their mistresses or fucked a hooker in an alleyway.
Story of my fucking life.
“Jas…”
“Don’t.” I shook my head. “Don’t Jas me.”
Liam sighed and tilted his head back. “Fine, Hawk. She’s safe at my place. I’m not connected with you guys as much, and it’s in Royals’ territory…”
I cut him a look as I took the next turn and headed for the loop to head to the far side of the city. “Not really selling this to me.”
“She’s with Rome.”
There it was. The one person we both trusted. The only link we had left. I still didn’t know why Rome had chosen to stay with us when Liam left, or why Liam had left him with us and didn’t take him. I sure as shit wasn’t gonna kick Rome out the door, but at the same time…
“Rome isn’t going to let anything happen to her.”
I pulled out a cigarette and got it lit before I cracked the window. “Why the hell do you keep coming around? If you want to be here, be here. You don’t. So stay with your new friends.” Bitterness swelled in me. I still had no idea why he’d decided to ditch us five minutes after Raptor ended up in jail. He hadn’t even waited for them to move him upstate before he walked away.
“Does it matter?” He sounded tired. As tired as I was. The last three years had been…
“Yes, it matters. You left your brother—”
“I never left my brother,” he cut in. “Don’t start with that shit. I’ll always have his back. I could have yours too if you’d stop being such a fucking dick about everything. I’ll have hers too. That was why I was there today, by the way, and you’re fucking welcome, since you and Vaughn were locked away with Freddie the desperate.”
“Leave him alone.”
“You coddle him,” Liam snapped. “He’s never going to stand on his own feet because he doesn’t have to. He knows no matter how far he falls, you’ll go and get him.”
“That’s what family does. You used to know that.”
I blew out a stream of smoke.
“Sometimes you have to fall,” Liam muttered. “You want an omelet, that means you break some eggs.”
“When I want your opinion, I’ll be sure to draw a dick on my face ahead of time, ’cause that’s how smashed I’d have to be.”
He ignored me after that, and I was fine with it. He wasn’t wrong about Freddie, but I had no idea what the hell else to do. If we sent him away to one of those lock-in rehabs, I didn’t know if he’d survive. Freddie needed us, and isolation freaked him out. He acted like everything was a party, but his triggers… Fuck, I wasn’t sure even I knew where they all were.
Liam snorted when I pulled up to his building. Yeah, I knew where the fancy fucker lived. He gave me the code to get us in and then directed me where to park. The bike was sitting there. That was a good sign.
The ride up in the elevator was silent. I ignored all the cushy signs and the security cameras. The place gave me hives. At the door to his place, he took the lead. The interior was dark, save for the fireplace flickering colorfully and the exterior lights visible through the windows.
It was the light of the hall slanting into the room that revealed Rome wrapped completely around Emersyn on the sofa. She was tucked up to his chest, her eyes closed and her body utterly relaxed. There was a shadow of a bruise on her cheek, but otherwise, she was perfect.
“Lucky bastard,” Liam muttered. Fuck it. I needed an outlet. I punched the asshole.
Black and Gray
Jasper
“Jasper.” Ms. Stephanie pulled over one of the chairs in the classroom and took a seat on it. Everyone else was outside playing. I’d had to stay inside for recess. “We talked about this.”
I nodded, not looking up from where I colored on the page. I was using the black and the gray crayons. I’d taken every single one of them. That was what had started the problems. But until Ms. Stephanie came in, I hadn’t been willing to take them out from where I’d hidden them.
Ms. Stephanie never took away from me what I’d rightfully collected. At her little sigh, I stole a peek at her. She rubbed at the corner of her eyes. Ms. Stephanie was a pretty lady, with dark hair and eyes. She had a pretty smile. But she always seemed tired.
I was probably the reason she was tired.
Mommy said it was always my fault she couldn’t sleep. Then Dad put her to sleep forever, and they put Dad in jail. The crayon snapped in my fingers, and I glared at it. Then tossed it in the trash can in the corner. Plink. Plink. Both pieces landed.
I picked up a new black crayon and went to work on the outfits again. Stupid coloring assignment.
“Jasper,” Ms. Stephanie said again. “Do you mind if I color with you?”
“Only if you use the black and gray.” If she tried to put that green or blue on here, I’d… Well, I couldn’t hit her like I had that other boy, but I’d tear up the page. That would be fair.
“Is that what prompted the fight?” She picked up the gray crayon and studied what I was doing before she began to shade in the cloud. That was perfect. It had been a dark and rainy day. The clouds had been getting grayer and grayer until they were almost black all day long.
“I guess.” I shrugged.
“You guess, or you know?”
I stole another look at her and saw she wasn’t focused on me but on the page. “I guess. I get into fights for lots of reasons. Most of the time, what the other kids say isn’t why I did it.”
She nodded, then traded her gray out for another black once all the clouds were done. I’d almost gotten all the people into black clothes, but one of the guys had an umbrella and she colored it black too. We sat like that for the next hour, coloring the page, adding touches of black and gray to the trees, until it was all done.
When we finished, she studied the picture with her chin propped in her hand. A knock on the door made me sigh, and I lined the crayons back up. Ms. Stephanie murmured, “We need to go now. The detectives have some questions.”
“They always have questions.”
“I know,” she said softly, then hesitated, but when she ran her hand over my hair, some of the tension leached out of me. “I know all this is hard, sweetheart. But they really do need your answers, then I’ll take you for ice cream after. I have another boy I have to pick up today. Would you like to meet him?”
I eyed her. “Why?”
Instead of scolding me, she chuckled. “Because he’s almost as suspicious as you are, and he’s new to the system. I thought maybe you could give him some pointers.”
> Right.
I shrugged. “I don’t care.”
With care, she took the coloring page out of the book for me, and when she offered it to me, I shook my head. Nodding once, she slipped it into her bag.
“All right.” When she stood and held out her hand, I didn’t take it right away. I liked Ms. Stephanie, but that didn’t mean I wanted to lean on her. The last six months had proved everyone was transient in my life. Everyone who mattered left.
I didn’t want her to matter.
Then she wouldn’t leave.
Or if she did, it wouldn’t hurt.
No one stopped us leaving the school. No one questioned her or why she checked me out. In the car, she put me in the backseat and then tried to find out what my favorite music was, but I didn’t care.
At the police station, I went into the room with the colorful walls and all the toys. The cops came in, and like Ms. Stephanie, they sat on the floor or on the little chairs like it made them one of us.
The questions started, all over again.
“When did your dad get home?”
“What did you and your mom do that day?”
“What did they fight about?”
“Did your dad ever hit you?”
“What about your mom?”
Every detail, and I answered the questions all the same. But I didn’t look at them or Ms. Stephanie. I focused on the bird picture across the room. I wanted to be that bird. I wanted to fly away from here.
But I told them that Mommy took me to the zoo for my birthday. We’d looked at all the animals. She bought me popcorn. I got to feed the giraffes. She even let me go on the carousel. It had been a fun day. When Daddy got home, he’d been mad ’cause dinner wasn’t ready. Mommy also forgot to pick up his beer.
The yelling started, and I got under the table like I always did. Mommy said if Daddy didn’t see me when he was mad, he probably wouldn’t hit me. But he kept hitting Mommy.
He hit her until she wasn’t even crying anymore.
Then he dragged me out from under the table and made me go to bed. Mommy was on the floor for two days before the cops came.
Where did Daddy go after I went to bed?
I didn’t know.
I didn’t care.
Daddy broke Mommy.
Now I had to live somewhere else.
Finally, they let me leave.
“You did great, Jasper,” Ms. Stephanie praised me as she guided me out. “I know you’re tired of answering those questions. But it’s important, and I’m so proud of you for being a strong little boy.”
Except, I wasn’t strong.
If I’d been strong, Mommy wouldn’t be broken and I would have hit Daddy when he kept hitting her.
I didn’t argue with Ms. Stephanie though. She meant well.
She really did.
I’d forgotten all about the other boy until we made another stop. That was also when I realized I’d moved homes again. Did that mean I was moving schools? I’d stayed at three different group homes in the last few months. They moved me every few weeks.
At first, I’d thought it was an adventure. Now I knew better than to get attached.
To anything.
Or anyone.
“Jasper,” Ms. Stephanie said as she led me into the yard where a dark-haired, dark-eyed boy watched us with all the suspicion I felt. “This is Milo. Milo, this is Jasper. He was the boy I told you about this morning.”
I wasn’t the only one to shoot her a sharp look. She’d told him about me.
“Why don’t you two get to know each other while I take Jasper’s things inside and talk to Ms. Joanie.”
Neither of us said anything, and she left us alone to stare at each other. Milo squinted at me, then back at the house when a baby cried before he swung his gaze to look at me again.
“You want to play?”
“Not really,” I told him. I wouldn’t be here long. This kid would start something, we’d fight, and I’d end up somewhere else.
He shrugged. “Well, I’m gonna play over there.” He pointed toward a row of toy cars and an old racing set. I’d had one like that. “It’s better with two. But do what you want. Ms. Joanie will make us clean up before dinner.”
Without another word, he walked away, and I sat down on the steps. I didn’t play with him, and he didn’t say anything else. Ms. Stephanie left with a wave and a kiss to the top of my head. Milo and I were out there all afternoon, not saying anything. But when the other kids got home, he did something weird.
He came to sit on the step next to me. Not saying a word, he just sat there, and so did I. None of the other kids bothered us.
Chapter 14
Emersyn
The crash of a table and low-pitched snarls jerked me out of the most peaceful sleep I’d managed in a long time. My eyes snapped open as a pair of bodies fell next to the sofa. When I would have tried to roll out of the way, Rome’s arms tightened around me, and we were suddenly over the back of the sofa and I was tucked behind him as the battle raged across the living room.
“What the hell?” All traces of sleepiness fled at the unrestrained violence. The pair on the floor staggered to their feet. Another pair of hits, flesh slamming into flesh followed by harsh breathing, ripped through the room. Rome made no move to intercede, and even though my heart slammed a mile a minute, I went for one of the lamps. There was a wall switch, and it turned up the lights in the room.
“Fuck.” Jasper flinched as one of the brighter lights shown in his face. Liam’s fist caught him next, and it was my turn to wince, ’cause the blow knocked Jasper back a couple of feet. Not that it slowed him down, he just snarled and raced right at Liam, slamming his shoulder into Liam’s midsection and driving him back toward the sofa Rome and I had been sleeping on.
Liam brought his fists together and drove them down at Jasper’s back, landing a pair of blows before he crashed into the sofa, and then they were both knocking it over and landing on the far side.
Sidestepping the pair, Rome reached for me, and I gaped at him. A part of my brain was trying to process what the hell happened, and the rest of me couldn’t believe he wasn’t going to intercede.
Liam was a jerk, but he was his brother, right?
And Jasper?
I sighed. Jasper was Jasper.
The two were trading punches. Jasper took more than a couple in the gut, but then Liam swore as he narrowly missed Jasper’s knee slamming into his crotch.
“This is ridiculous.” I started forward, but Rome scooped me up by the waist and curled me to him as he walked us toward the kitchen.
“We can’t let them just beat each other up.”
“We can,” he said, disagreeing with me, and then pressed a kiss to my nose. “It’s good for them. Lets them get out all their feelings.”
Once in the kitchen, he set me on the counter. It was the exact same position I’d been in earlier that evening. The night before? What day was it? But the same spot he’d kissed me for the first time. I wasn’t the only one thinking about it, because his gaze dipped to my lips and his eyes warmed.
With his thumb, he traced my bottom lip. “Coffee? Or do you want to just go back to my room?”
My whole body clenched at the offer. We’d fallen asleep on the sofa in between trading long, slow lazy kisses and little stories about things that didn’t matter and were still safe to talk about. A crash from the other room burst the bubble around us, and I glanced toward the living room. Liam had Jasper pinned to the wall. But it didn’t last long. Both of them were bleeding too.
“Are you sure we shouldn’t stop this?” Another blow had me wincing.
“It’s how they process their feelings,” Rome told me, resting his forehead to the side of my head and bracing his hands on either side of me on the counter.
“With their fists?”
“It works for them.” Rome shrugged. “I paint. You dance. We all have our process.”
Flicking my gaze back to Rome, I sighed. �
��You know me almost too well.”
“I’ve watched you for a long time.”
I almost laughed. “’Cause that’s not creepy at all.” In so many ways, it wasn’t funny, but Rome’s sudden smile pulled my laughter free. There was just a hint of red to his cheeks too, and it was the sweetest thing.
“Are you two for fucking real right now?” The grunting, panting explosion of sound came from Jasper, and I pulled my gaze from Rome’s rather reluctantly to find Liam and Jasper both leaning, bloody, shirts torn, faces puffy in a promise to bruise. Both were also glaring at me and Rome.
“Yes,” Rome said. “We were sleeping, and no one invited you two.”
“It’s my fucking place,” Liam snarled.
“And you brought my damn girl here,” Jasper finished.
I blinked at Jasper’s description, and I wasn’t alone in that. Rome cut Jasper a look that held not one ounce of friendliness. “She’s not a possession.”
“You know what I meant,” Jasper said with an aggrieved sigh. “Get your things, I’m taking you back.” The last was directed at me.
“What if I don’t want to go?” Because while I had chosen to go back to the Vandals, most of them didn’t know it. Jasper didn’t seem the type to keep it to himself if he had heard. I was also sick and tired of being talked about in the third person and ordered around.
“Then you don’t have to,” Rome and Liam answered almost in perfect sync. It was eerie and sweet. Their voices were so alike, and yet the cadence and the emphasis were different. I didn’t think I’d mistake one for the other. Not again.
Right now, with Liam’s cut eyebrow and busted lip, it would be extremely difficult to mistake him for Rome. Twisting around in front of me, Rome folded his arms and leaned back against the counter with one of my knees pressing against him on either side.
“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” Jasper said, sounding all at once as tired as I felt and as weary as Liam appeared. But the tightness of Liam’s stance and the way he shifted his weight said he was ready to tear back into Jasper, despite how bad they both looked. “I’m not the damn enemy. This is Bay Ridge Royals side of town.” The last he delivered to Rome. “You might be safe, but does that safety extend to her?”
