Lucy felt a stitch of culpability, knowing she would have been home earlier if she had accepted his ride the first time. “It wasn’t entirely his fault,” she said weakly.
“There’s no need to defend him, Lucy,” Betty said. “I won’t tell your daed about this, but I expect you to exercise better judgment in the future. You’re not so desperate to keep a suitor that you’d abandon your common sense. This incident almost makes me sorry I invited the Burkholders over for dessert after the festival tomorrow night!”
“You did?” Lucy gulped. She had no idea.
“Jah. I wanted to surprise you. You’ve been such a gut sport about attending all of the social events for my side of the family over the years I thought it was time we had some of your friends over. Nick’s mother agreed it was a lovely idea. Her sons have to close the shop first, but they’ll join us here after we return from Piney Hill.”
“It is a lovely idea. Denki, Betty,” Lucy said, her eyes brimming with tears. As touched as she was by Betty’s gesture, she couldn’t fathom how she’d explain to her stepmother why Nick wouldn’t actually show up. But maybe she wouldn’t have to; maybe he’d be a gentleman and make an excuse for his absence. After all, excuses were his specialty.
Too tired to worry about the situation now, Lucy said good-night and slogged upstairs, but despite her exhaustion it took a long time for her to drift off. Her lack of sleep combined with her apprehension about the Burkholders’ visit put Lucy in a foul mood the next day. The festival should have been cause for celebration, not dread, but Lucy wished the event were already over. Since Frederick had picked up Katura, Mildred and Lucy had plenty of room to themselves in the back seat of the buggy. On the way to Piney Hill, Lucy’s father, Betty and Mildred sang a medley of carols while Lucy bit her tongue and tried not to cry. She could hardly taste the Philly cheesesteak sandwiches they bought from one of the vendors as they strolled the festival grounds. Even when the auctioneer announced the highest bid for her tablecloth-and-napkin set was $1200, Lucy felt the knot tightening in her stomach.
They were heading back to their buggy when their paths intersected with Dan and Eve’s. Was Lucy imagining things or did they just quickly drop hands? When Eve gave her a wink, confirming what she thought she saw, Lucy smiled in spite of herself. She couldn’t envision a better couple, even if Eve had to return to Ohio soon. Maybe long-distance relationships are the best kind, she thought wryly.
“Lucy, it’s great your contribution raised so much money!” Dan exclaimed heartily.
“Denki,” Lucy said, and wished them both a merry Christmas. She was quiet the rest of the way back to the buggy, wondering how she was going to tell everyone she and Nick were no longer courting. She knew she should get it over with now, to spare everyone the awkwardness when the rest of the Burkholders arrived without Nick.
“Daed, Betty, there’s something I need to tell you,” she began, but she was interrupted by a shout across the field.
“Lucy!” She glimpsed a flash of red hair. Nick?
But no, it was Kevin. “I’m glad I found you. Nick wants to give you a ride home,” he said, pointing toward a parking lot on the opposite side of the grounds.
Lucy hesitated. The last thing she wanted was to talk to Nick, but maybe he’d worked out an excuse for the evening. She’d do anything not to have to admit their breakup in front of their entire families tonight.
“You go ahead and ride with Nick,” Betty insisted. With levity in her tone indicating all was forgiven, she added, “Just don’t kumme home too late.”
“I won’t,” Lucy promised, following Kevin.
When they were out of earshot of the others, he stopped and said, “Listen, Lucy, I know you probably don’t want to see Nick, but you’ve got him all wrong—”
Lucy butted in, fuming, “Whatever Nick has told you, you don’t know half of the story.”
“He hasn’t told me anything, but I have eyes. I have ears. And unfortunately, some of our peers have big mouths. So I know enough to tell you you’ve got him all wrong.”
Lucy began to contradict him again, but Kevin spoke over her, saying, “He isn’t interested in Jenny Nelson and he never was. He wasn’t using you to see her and he wasn’t fixing her cabin because of some affection he holds for her. He was fixing it because I started a fire in it and he didn’t want our parents to find out because my daed’s been under a lot of stress. Nick didn’t want me to get into trouble, so he couldn’t tell anyone about it, not even you.”
Lucy had the sensation the earth was shifting beneath her feet. “Oh, neh,” was all she could say again and again as Kevin’s words sunk in. No, Nick hadn’t been entirely honest with Lucy about the cause of the cabin fire, but that was because he was trying to help Kevin, not hurt her. He was protecting his brother, just as he’d tried to protect Lucy the night before when he told Betty it was his fault she was out so late. Lucy had called him immature and self-centered, but she was the one who had behaved like a spoiled brat.
“Where did he park his buggy?” she asked Kevin.
“Uh, about that...” Kevin faltered. “When I said he wanted to give you a ride home, I was making a guess. I mean, I think he will want to give you a ride, but—”
“Just tell me where he is,” Lucy interrupted.
“He’s still at the store,” Kevin admitted. “If we leave now, we can make it there before he closes up and leaves.”
“Let’s run!” Lucy called, and she took off so quickly toward the parking lot Kevin could hardly keep up with her.
* * *
Nick was removing Penny’s blanket when Kevin’s buggy turned into the special hitching lot for horses behind the mercantile. Nick had grown increasingly nauseated ever since that morning when his mother told him she’d accepted a family invitation to the Knepps’ house. So that was why Betty Knepp wanted to talk to Mamm on Thursday, he realized. All day he’d brooded about how he was going to avoid attending the gathering, but as it turned out, his stomachache gave him a legitimate excuse. He’d insisted his brother leave the store early, so he was surprised to see Kevin’s buggy returning.
But it was Lucy, not Kevin, who got down and came toward him. As much as Nick had wanted to speak to Lucy at the party the evening before, he wanted to avoid speaking to her tonight. His stomach was in knots, he heart was wrung out and he felt like he was on the brink of either crying or throwing up. Quickly he adjusted Penny’s harness straps and climbed into the carriage.
“Nick, can I talk to you?” Lucy implored, standing at the side of the buggy.
“Not now. I don’t feel good and I was just leaving,” he replied, looking straight ahead.
“Please don’t,” she said, but he picked up the reins. Lucy was suddenly in front of the buggy holding her palms toward him. “Stop,” she commanded Penny.
“Lucy, get out of the way,” Nick shouted. “You’re going to get hurt.”
“I don’t care,” she shouted back. “I’d rather get hurt physically than to let you to feel hurt emotionally from all of the things I said. The accusations I made. Please, Nick. Please let me talk to you.”
Nick reset the parking brake and jumped down. Penny was agitated, so he stroked her neck, avoiding Lucy’s eyes. “I’m listening,” he said.
“Kevin told me you weren’t interested in Jenny. He told me he started the fire, too. But he shouldn’t have had to. I should have known—I did know, deep down—I was wrong about you. I called you immature and irresponsible and self-centered, but those words describe me, not you. You were right, I have such a self-righteous attitude. But I’m no better than anyone—in fact, I’m worse.” Lucy was gasping, her words tumbling over each other.
“Slow down,” he said, dropping Penny’s rein and moving closer to Lucy’s side. “You need to catch your breath.”
She was really gasping now so he put his hand on her shoulder, the way he’d calm
his horse. “Whoa,” he said. “Breathe in and out, Luce. In and out.”
When her breathing steadied, she said, “I’m so sorry for saying such baremlich things to you. I was just so incredulous that you would have genuinely liked me that I jumped to conclusions to prove that it was all a sham. It wasn’t because I doubted you. It was because I doubted...I doubted anything so gut could be true.”
Nick searched her face, which was contorted into a grimace. “I can see why you’d think I was interested in Jenny. I wasn’t totally honest with you from the beginning. I’m so sorry about that and I’m so sorry about accusing you of helping spread false rumors about Jenny and me. I know now you didn’t do that. But, just like you said, I should have known all along. That’s not the kind of person you are. You’re...you’re not like any woman I know.”
Lucy half coughed, half sobbed. “Jah, I’m sickly and dull.”
“What?” Nick nearly hollered in bewilderment. “I didn’t mean that at all. You may have health challenges, but I haven’t seen them stop you from doing whatever you want to do. In fact, you work harder than most meed I know. And you’re the most interesting woman I’ve ever met. I mean, you’re quiet sometimes, but I like how thoughtful you are. You can also be really surprising, so being with you is an adventure. But more than anything, I feel like I can completely be myself when I’m with you.” Then he emphasized, “I feel like I can be better than myself when I’m with you.”
“There’s no need for you to be better than yourself. You’re wunderbaar just as you are,” Lucy immediately responded, gazing earnestly at him. “You’re so popular and outgoing sometimes I can’t believe you’re having as much schpass with me as I’m having whenever I’m with you. But you’re not just fun to be around. You’re also caring and hardworking and dedicated to the people you love.”
Lucy lowered her eyes shyly, and Nick’s chest swelled as he allowed her words to settle over him. She paused before lamenting, “I would do anything to take back the awful things I said this past week.”
“So would I. But since we can’t, how about if we start completely anew right now, this minute?” Nick asked. “Complete honesty?”
Lucy nodded. “I can say with complete honesty that even though our relationship began as a fake courtship, it’s become the most real thing I’ve ever experienced.”
“I can say that it’s the most real thing I’ve ever experienced, too. The only thing fake about it was that it was fake.”
Lucy giggled and rubbed her arms. “I’m getting cold. Will you take me home?”
“I’d be happy to, after I do this.” Nick bent down and kissed her. Then he straightened and said, “In the interest of being completely honest, I have to confess I just lied. I don’t want to take you home. I want to keep kissing you.”
“I appreciate your honesty,” Lucy said. She stood on tiptoe and wrapped her arms around his neck, and they kissed several more times. Funny, but Nick’s stomachache had vanished completely.
* * *
Lucy never knew a Christmas like this one. When she returned home, she was surprised to find Bridget had arrived a day early—she wasn’t expected until late Sunday afternoon—and Lucy threw her arms around her cousin before tugging her into the hall.
“Listen, I was going to tell you this in private, but you’re going to find out shortly anyway. Nick Burkholder is courting me. He’s not like he used to be. I mean, not like when he was courting you and started walking out with Naomi Renno before you’d even broken up.”
Bridget scrunched her forehead a moment before her eyes lit up. “Oh, jah, I remember that now. I’d forgotten all about it.”
“You forgot Nick was seeing someone else behind your back? But you were devastated!” Lucy didn’t want to bring up unhappy memories, but she couldn’t believe Bridget was being so blasé about it.
Bridget waved her hand. “I’m sure I felt crushed at the time, but hearts mend. He wasn’t the right one for me. Besides, I found out a long time ago he wasn’t really walking out with Naomi. It was just a rumor, a complete falsehood, and I jumped to conclusions. That wasn’t fair. I’m glad you’re not as judgmental as I was.”
“Oh, I’m not so sure about that!” Lucy said, laughing.
* * *
After Nick’s parents departed and Lucy’s went to bed, the young people continued playing board games until almost midnight. When it was time for Nick to leave, Lucy zipped upstairs and returned with something in her hand. They stepped onto the porch while the others said their goodbyes.
“Did you notice Kevin and Mildred seem to be enjoying each other’s company?” Lucy asked.
“Jah. We’ll have to keep an eye on them if they wind up courting.”
“To be gut examples?”
Nick chuckled. “Neh, to be sure they don’t make the same mistakes we did.” He wrapped his arms around Lucy as they observed the stars. They stood in silence and then Lucy gave him the flat little packet she was holding. “It’s a sort of Grischtdaag gift I made a while ago.”
“Aw,” Nick moaned, recalling how he’d destroyed the gift he’d bought for her. “Yours will be a little late.”
“Your forgiveness is the best gift I could receive. Besides, this is a silly little thing. Kumme into the light so you can see it.”
Nick moved to the part of the porch where light streamed from the window and he carefully unwrapped the package. It was a handkerchief, and embroidered in the corner was a coppery, galloping horse, his mane flying back, his hooves lifted in speed.
“I know it’s a strange gift, but I thought you could use it since you didn’t have one to offer me that night I was crying.”
“Denki,” he murmured. “But I hope nothing makes you tearful when you’re with me anymore.”
She grinned up at him. “Only the wind against my face,” she said. Smiling, Nick bent to kiss her, but she pulled back. “Not in the light—someone will see us.”
“Gut,” Nick replied. “I hope they do.”
Epilogue
In the spring both Nick and Kevin were baptized along with several other Willow Creek young people, and afterward their church hosted a traditional potluck dinner.
“I’m proud you made the choice to commit to following Christ and the Amish church,” Nick’s mother said to him.
“There was never a question of if I’d commit. It was only a question of when,” he replied. “I should have done it long ago, but I’m glad I did it today.”
“So am I,” his daed said.
“Me, too,” Lucy added as Nick’s parents left to tell Kevin they were grateful he was baptized, too.
“Now that I’m officially considered an adult in the eyes of the church, you know what this means, right?”
“Jah. It means you can’t let Penny gallop so fast,” Lucy joked. “It’s not responsible.”
“Hardly!” Nick uttered. “My running around days may have kumme to an end, but Penny’s running doesn’t have to. Neh, I was going to say now that I’m baptized, there’s nothing to keep me from marrying an Amish maedel.”
Lucy blushed, teasing, “Well, I can think of one thing. You have to find a maedel worth marrying, first.”
“I already have,” Nick said. He didn’t kiss her, since that would have been inappropriate for the occasion, but he did lean over and whisper, “I love you, Lucy.”
“I love you, too, Nick.” She surreptitiously squeezed his arm and gazed into his eyes. It was the first time they’d spoken those words aloud, but it was no rumor they were true.
* * *
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Dear Reader,
When I was around Lucy’s age, I was sometimes drawn to gregarious, charming men like Nick, who in many ways were a contrast to my reserved, introverted personality. Then I went through a phase where I deliberately avoided that type of man at all costs. Like Lucy and Nick, I eventually realized I couldn’t judge a book by its cover one way or the other; I had to get to know the person—and vice versa—on more than a superficial level before determining whether or not to develop a relationship.
Similarly, I’m reminded of Isaiah 53:2, which indicates there was no comeliness about Christ that we would be drawn to Him. Whether that refers to His physical appearance, lineage, societal status or something else, I’m not certain. But I do know He wasn’t anything like people expected. Discovering who He is and how much He loves me is the most rewarding joy of my life, as I hope it is for you, too.
Blessings,
Carrie Lighte
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Her Amish Holiday Suitor (Amish Country Courtships Book 5) Page 18
