by DW Cee
“And I loved you too,” he shouted back.
“I know you did, but I always felt like I loved you more, a lot more. Many times, I thought that my love for you bordered on obsession. My main concern was to make you happy. I wanted always to please you. My world revolved around you and your needs, and I probably choked you by being so needy.” Suddenly, I sat back in my stool and stopped my defense. “Wow, I think I just had an epiphany. I see now why you said you needed your freedom on graduation night. I suffocated you.” Relieved to finally understand our separation, but aching like I did on our broken night, I quickly changed the subject so I wouldn’t hurt so much again.
“So, tell me about Jennifer. She seems like a really nice person. I got to talk to her a bit during dinner.”
Max didn’t confirm or deny anything I said. He looked visibly upset, but answered my questions.
“After we broke up, I actually ended up in the hospital.”
“What! What happened? Are you all right?”
“Yeah,” he answered reluctantly. “I got into a car accident and Jen works in orthopedic rehab, and that’s where we met. She really helped me through a tough time. I thought I wouldn’t be able to use my legs again.”
“How did this happen? How did you get so hurt?” Tears started rolling down my cheeks. I hurt knowing that Max hurt. No matter what our relationship, I still saw Max as an extension of myself—even with Jake in my life.
Silently, I chided myself.
Emily, why can’t you get a hold of yourself? Why do you have to wear your emotion on your sleeve?
Vulnerable. Transparent. Weak.
That was me in a nutshell.
With a comforting smile, Max placed both hands on my cheeks and wiped away my tears with his thumbs. He then pulled me toward him and held me.
He whispered, “It’s OK. I’m fine now. It was a freak accident, and I’m completely rehabilitated.” He slowly added, “It feels nice to hold you again, Em” and didn’t let go of me.
His words created an unwanted spasm in my heart, making me pull away from him. My eyes were down, embarrassed I was crying.
“Sorry. I didn’t mean to get so emotional. I think two glasses of wine and no food are getting to me. I’m glad you’re OK. Go on.”
“Jen helped me rehab daily and her kindness won me over. I guess you are right. I do like being taken care of by women.” He chuckled lightly.
“Max, everybody likes to be taken care of, it’s not just you.” In my heart I wondered why Max couldn’t have taken care of me just a little bit more…
With a look of regret he continued his story. “After the car accident, I finally decided I wanted to go to medical school, and I studied hard for the MCATs, then applied everywhere. Once med school started, I realized this was where I should have been all along. It’s been a long time coming for me. My big regret is that I didn’t get my act together back in undergrad, but I suppose it’s better late than never.”
“I’m very happy for you. You finally found what you want to do with your life. I’m sure you will do well in school, since you are the brightest person I know.” I was truly thrilled for Max. It made me happy to know he had found a career path and would make something of himself. I always knew he would.
After our meal, we walked a little and continued our conversation. I could tell by his pensive look that he had something else on his mind but was afraid to tell me.
“Em?”
“Yes?” I replied, my eyes staring into his soft brown eyes.
He stopped walking and held both my hands. In all ways, I feared what would come out of Max’s mouth, but I also hoped that perhaps I could find closure. I wanted to start again without baggage. My feelings for Jake blossomed with each date, but I couldn’t comprehend this last hold Max had on me.
“I know I really hurt you on graduation night. I want to say I’m sorry for messing things up so badly. You believe I loved you with all my heart, don’t you?”
Max could be so tenderhearted when he wanted to be. He put both his arms around me and held me against his body. My arms went limp—a dead weight hanging by my side. I bit down on my lips to stop from crying. With resolve, I vowed to end all emotional ties with this man whose chest heaved a large sigh against my heart. There would be no more tears, no more hurt.
“Em, I’m so sorry for hurting you. That was truly not my intention graduation night. Please don’t believe that I didn’t love you as much as you loved me. I was just too stupid and immature to know what I had. You were my world.” His broken face broke my heart.
I stopped him from saying any more.
“Max. Thank you, but your apology is unnecessary. You didn’t feel as deeply about me as I’d hoped. That’s not a crime. I don’t blame you for my pain. It took awhile but I’m OK now. I hope one day we can be friends again. Let’s go home. It’s late.”
The car ride back was a quiet one, though Max looked like he still needed to talk. I thought through what Max finally admitted and how I handled the situation. Was this the closure I needed?
Max apologized, I accepted, end of our story? I was going to accept tonight as closure and move on with life.
Luckily, when we got back to the house, we found a distraction in Peter and James who had passed out at my front door.
“Pete, James, are you guys OK?” Max asked.
“I need to sleep,” Peter slurred. “We both drank too much, so Will dropped us off here. Emily, can we spend the night at your house? I’m so tired I don’t think we can make it home.”
“Um, I suppose you guys can spend the night. You know that I’m leaving early in the morning?”
“Yeah. Can you open the door? It’s cold.” Peter and James crawled into the house but never made it into the guest bedroom. They both fell asleep on the living room floor.
Max didn’t have much of a choice but to settle into the guest bed. It was 3:00 a.m.
Chapter 4 San Francisco Confessional
Ding Dong.
Exactly at 7:00 a.m., Jake was at the door. Looking as amazing as ever in slacks, a button-down, and a blazer, he held a latte and a croissant as I opened the door.
“Good morning. Are you ready to leave?”
“Not quite. Come in.”
“Whoa, what happened here?” he asked, surveying the mess all around the house. “A slumber party?”
“There was an after party I didn’t attend, and these guys drank too much to drive home. They asked to spend the night here, but never made it into the bedroom.” I left out the part about me crying like a fool in my ex’s arms again. “I think they’re getting up now.”
Peter and James stretched their arms and slowly got up from the floor. “Good morning,” they muttered with one eye open.
“Hey. Did you sleep well? Are your backs OK? You both fell asleep on the floor the second you walked into the house. I have breakfast ready for you guys. You know I won’t be home all day, right?” I asked.
My pedantic rambling, followed by obedient nodding of heads, reminded me of my fourth graders at school. I laughed to myself.
“Jake, do you still have my spare keys? Can I have them back?” He slowly handed them to me. I winked at him, knowing he didn’t like giving these up.
For a sleepy guy, Peter’s senses were alert enough to catch my fumbled throw.
“Make yourselves at home. Just lock up when you go, and return the keys next time.”
Without any warning, Max walked out and I caught a startled glimpse on both Jake’s and Max’s faces. I looked over at Jake apologetically and hoped I hadn’t spoiled his mood for the rest of the day.
“Road trip!” My dear friend Peter yelled out, turning the attention on himself to save me. “We need to support our football team. Emily, are you in? Jake, you want to come too? I have ten tickets to the Las Vegas Bowl.”
“When is it?” I asked.
“The day after Christmas,” he replied.
“I guess so. You want to go?” I said turni
ng toward Jake. “It would be fun.”
“You do know I went to your rival school?”
“Boo!” We all jeered, then laughed like good friends.
“I don’t know if I can sit through one of your football games.” Sure, rub it in that your school has a better football team. Wait till basketball season. “Plus, I can’t take any more time off from the hospital.”
I was bummed at the thought of Jake being really busy again, No doubt we’d be back to our once-a-week date night at best.
“Emily, what are you doing next Monday to Thursday? My mom called this morning to tell me that we are all going to Hawaii right before Christmas, and she wants me to bring you along. You know my family’s been dying to meet you. She’s reserved a seat for you on the plane, and you can room with my sister, Jane.”
“With your whole family?” I was a bit flustered at the thought of being with Jake’s family for four days. Would they like me? Would I like them? Then it dawned on me. “How did you get four days off?”
“Well…the chief of staff at the hospital is my dad’s brother. Mom reminded Uncle Henry that I haven’t had a vacation since I got there. It didn’t hurt that she promised him four tickets to the New Year’s Day football game.”
“I see. Are you sure you want me there for four days with your family?”
“I couldn’t think of a better Christmas present than to have you spend four days with me and my family!” Jake declared.
“OK, then. Tell your mother I said thank you and that I’d love to go.” The thought of being a part of Jake’s family on this trip gave me a sense of belonging and a sense of family I so desired.
We headed out the door, and I knew I had some explaining to do so before we reached the car; I pulled Jake’s hand to a halt.
“Jake, I’d like to explain about the guys you saw this morning, especially Max. I know that was really uncomfortable and I’m sorry.”
“Emily, you don’t have to explain anything.” Jake’s face looked even more uncomfortable, than when he saw Max come out of the guest room.
“I do. Peter and Jeff went out to the bar with our friends and drank enough to where they couldn’t drive home. We found them lying on my doorstep, and they asked to spend the night.”
“Can I ask where you and Max were at this time? I assume you weren’t with them?”
“No. We went out for a bite to eat. I didn’t have any dinner, and Max suggested I grab a bite to eat before we met up with the rest of the gang. Our dinner took longer than expected, and when we got back to my house, Peter and Jeff were comatose on my front porch.”
Jake’s face turned a bit pale. “Dinner?”
“It was literally dinner. We also had a good talk, which I’d like to share with you whenever you’d like to hear about it. Are you OK? Can we go on with this day without us being uncomfortable with one another?”
I gave him a hopeful smile.
“I told Max last night that I was really looking forward to spending a whole day with you. Even though we’ve been dating a few months, I don’t think we know each other very well.”
“What do you mean we don’t know each other?” he asked while opening the car door for me. “Here, get in. We need to get going, or we’re going to miss our flight.”
Flight. OK, we were probably headed up to San Francisco. I delighted in the idea of spending this day with him.
“How can you say that we don’t really know each other?” I guess he couldn’t get over my last statement.
“Jake, when was the last time…better yet, has there ever been a time where we spent an entire date without being interrupted? Our first date at the Mexican restaurant, what happened? You got paged and went in to perform some surgery. Our second date, brunch at the hotel, what happened? The chief called you and told you to attend some conference in Atlanta. That’s also when we got into our first argument and couldn’t even talk it through because you had to leave.”
I could tell by Jake’s surly expression, he didn’t like where I was taking this conversation. I personally enjoyed it. “Don’t get me going on our third date to Santa Barbara that ended before it even started. And last night, you left me stranded before dinner was served. Although I think we did manage to spend an entire three hours together. That’s a record, you know.”
“What about all the times I come by, call, or text you?”
“Are you kidding me? The last time you came by my house, you got mad at me and left in the middle of dinner.”
“I apologized about that,” he defended himself.
“You did, but only after you realized you were in trouble because I wouldn’t answer your calls or your texts. You can be such a five-year-old at times,” I teased him. “And as for your calls and texts, you call from the hospital and have to hang up within minutes. Your texts look like an hour-by-hour hospital itinerary. How did you ever have a relationship with this schedule? Does your hospital have no other doctors but yourself?”
I shook my head and chuckled. Time was a limited and precious commodity with Jake. We had never really spent any quality time together, and we shared very few meals in their entirety. Jake stayed quiet for a while and looked to be thinking over our exchange. He turned his head toward me as if to retort but stopped himself.
“So, you see why I’m so excited to spend this whole day with you?” I put my hand over his sitting on the armrest. He turned his palm up and interlocked our fingers.
“OK. I get your point. I already feel very close to you, but you apparently need more convincing. That will be my mission today. Ask me whatever you like. I’ll answer all your questions.”
As we drove up the 5 Freeway, I did my best to get some answers. “Burbank airport, huh? Could we be flying to San Francisco? It couldn’t be Seattle, that’s a bit too far for a day trip. Any hints?” He wouldn’t budge. “Aw, come on. I thought you said you would be answering all my questions.”
“Not a chance,” he said with a sly grin. “You’ll have to wait till we get there.”
“OK, so here’s something about me you don’t know. I don’t like surprises. I like everything planned out, and I prefer to do the planning.”
“Control freak.”
Laughing, I answered, “I know, but I can’t help it.” Slowly I counted to five and then begged, “Please? Just a teeny tiny hint?”
Nothing worked till I started slowly working my lips from his neck up to his ear. “Are you sure you can’t give me a hint?” My poor attempt as a seductress worked…well.
“You’re not playing fair.” His body froze and the car started slowing down. “You need to stop before we get into an accident. I’ll tell you once we get to the airport. I promise.”
We parked the car in the long-term lot and got on the bus headed toward the terminal.
“So, where are we going? You promised to tell me,” I whined.
Jake grabbed me by the waist and pulled me in to him. “Where have all the kisses gone?” he asked while practicing the same moves I played on him in the car. Heading into terminal three bound for San Francisco, he didn’t have to answer after all.
As soon as we got on the plane, a nervous thought ran through my mind. “You don’t have to go in to work today, do you? They can’t make you come back from San Francisco, or worse yet, find you an operation to perform up in San Francisco?”
This time, Jake shook his head and laughed. “Does my job make you that nervous?”
“Yup. I think I’m going to reconsider dating a doctor—or at least I’m going to date a doctor who doesn’t ever have any emergencies.” I peeked over to see his expression. It didn’t change.
“Yeah? What kind of doctor would that be?”
“Maybe a dermatologist or perhaps a podiatrist.” I knew this would bother Jake, as a podiatrist was vying for my attention when Jake and I started dating.
“Trust me, after today, you’re not going anywhere from me.”
“Very confident there, Dr. Reid. We’ll see about that
.”
At SFO, Jake rented a car and we headed north. In a little over an hour, breathtaking scenery filled with rows and rows of grapevines came into view. Our final destination—Napa Valley. Though the calendar read December, Mother Nature still boasted fall with trees full of leaves in gorgeous hues of oranges, reds, golden yellows, and greens. Quaint wineries resembled Hansel and Gretel cottages, and the CIA building looked like the Greystone Mansion. Every building looked inviting.
“Wine country reminds me of Tuscany, only flatter.” My thoughts rambled out loud.
“Have you been to Tuscany?”
“Yeah…it was the most beautiful place I’ve ever visited. I want to go back and hear Andrea Bocelli sing in some open meadow.” Feeling so at ease, I rattled off one of my dreams. I looked out the window and fantasized being in such a place with Jake—traveling together…possibly growing old together.
“A kiss for your thoughts?” Jake woke me up from my reverie.
I waited.
“Well?” An uneasy smile tugged at his lips.
“Where’s the promised kiss?”
He lifted our interlocking hands and brought them to his lips.
“I was admiring all the unique architecture.” Not confident enough to describe my fantasy, I stated a blasé fact.
“That’s it?”
“My answer was about as exciting as that kiss you just gave me.” I hid my smile by facing the scenery through the passenger window.
Before I knew what was happening, he grabbed me and gave me a full-blown kiss with his eyes on the road. The car swerved a bit. It took me awhile to regain the composure I’d lost after that embrace.
“Well? Shouldn’t that kiss elicit a better answer?”
I had to laugh. “I thought it would be nice to go back to Tuscany…” I would see what he’d try next in order to get the rest of my answer.
The next kiss I got off the side of the road was too indecent to put into words. My cheeks stayed blushed for a long while after the kiss was done.
“…with you when I’m old and gray…” Leaving everything hanging, I didn’t dare look him in the eye for a while.
