by DW Cee
The tears finally appeared. I’d expected them much earlier. She had held off a long while, for her standards.
“Then he died when I was in eighth grade, and his death devastated me. My mom and I had both lost the love of our lives and our best friend. This was also when I started to finally grow and develop physically. I was a mess in every way when I got to my grandparents’ home in LA.”
She worked to hold back her tears so she could finish her story.
“When we got to LA, my mom went through bouts of depression and it terrified me. I forced myself to come out of my shell and tried to be everything my mom wanted me to be—cheerful, lively, and strong. She did her best to stay content, and this was when she and I bonded. Even with my grandparents around, we felt like we had no one but each other. Rather than spending time with friends after school, I spent time with my mom. She told me everything she could about Dad up to when my memory clicked and I shared about all my days with Dad when it was just the two of us. She had become my love and my new best friend. Then she died the end of my junior year a few days before my birthday.”
At this point Emily couldn’t hold back. I held her and let her cry. Her body convulsed, she wailed painfully then sobbed softly. There was no way I could erase this pain for her. I realized tonight no matter how much love I gave her, this pain would never go away.
“A year later, Max came into my life and soon became my best friend, my love, and my only family. Four years later, I lost him too. My heart’s been severely broken three times. I don’t think I can stand another heartbreak. That’s why I’m so cautious with us. I’m sorry I frustrate you, but do you think you can be even more understanding of me than you’ve already been and allow me to move at my own pace? I know I’m being unfair to you, but this is the only way I can be in a relationship right now.”
What could I say to her? I finally understood her. It really wasn’t me, it was her.
“Emily, I love you regardless of how fast or slow our relationship has progressed. I am happy to do what you’ve asked if you will promise to do one thing for me.”
She looked up at me, wondering what that one thing would be.
“Promise me you will stop looking at me as the one who will break your heart but try to accept me as your new best friend, your eternal love, and the one who wants to create a family with you. That’s what I want to be for you.”
She nodded her head and agreed.
“By the way,” I added, “when’s your birthday?” How ridiculous I didn’t even know my girlfriend’s birth date.
“May twentieth,” she answered.
“No way!” I said in amazement. “My birthday is May nineteenth.”
“Are you kidding me? We have almost the same birthday. How fun!” So childlike, her mood changed from crying to laughing within a sentence.
“We’ll celebrate our birthdays together and for two full days, OK?”
She shook her head yes again.
It was time for me to leave my tenderhearted girlfriend. As usual, my entire being wanted to settle right here in her house for good.
“Can I stay tonight?”
Emily shook her head no.
“Please? I want to be with you tonight. We don’t have to do anything. Let me just hold you.”
Her head shook no, but I saw hesitation written all over her face. Her guard was coming down and she was falling my way.
“Jake, it’s never been so hard for me to say no but I have to do it. This is a promise I made to myself as well as to my mom.”
“But we won’t do anything but sleep.” I started building my case.
“It may start off that way, but you know that’s not where it will end. I’m not as strong as you think I am. Look at me earlier today. With you already in my bed, I happily curled up in your arms and slept. I shouldn’t have done that.”
“But, Emily…I’ll be strong for both of us.”
She laughed. “Yeah, right! Like you’ll be able to fight me off if I decide to take advantage of you.” She cackled at the thought. “I’m going to the movies with Sarah tomorrow night so I won’t see you unless it’s really late.”
“All right. I’ll call when I’m done and we can decide what to do. Good-bye, My Love.”
“Good night, Jake.”
Thursday proved to be a difficult day to see each other.
Good morning, Love. Would you like me to stop by with breakfast?
Good morning. No, I’m still sleeping. Sarah called after you left and we talked till very late last night or better said, early this morning. I don’t want to get out of bed.
What did you talk about for so long?
You.
What about me?
Aren’t you late for work? We’ll talk later. I want to sleep.
Can’t I stop by?
Then I have to get out of bed and be somewhat ready to see you. I’ll see you later. Have a wonderful day. I’ll be thinking of you in my sleep.
That could be construed in a naughty way.
Only by you…good-bye!
I got to another full day at work. The chief and I lunched together in the cafeteria and quickly got back to a couple of afternoon surgeries. The second surgery I assisted for the chief took much longer than expected, and by the time I got out of the hospital, it was way past midnight. As much I wanted to see Emily, I had to go home and pick up more clothes to bring back to Mom’s. With no basic clothing left, laundry was calling my name.
I just got out of work and need to stop by my house in the Valley to pick up some clothes. What are you doing?
I got in about an hour ago from dinner and a movie with Sarah. Does someone live in your house in the Valley?
Yup, I have roommates who haven’t seen me in a couple of months because of you.
These roommates aren’t women, are they? Is that why we always hang out at my house? You’ve never taken me to your house. Should I be worried? Allison doesn’t live there, does she?
Oh there it was again. I thought we had gone a few days without talking about Allison.
Think what you like. I’m not going to answer any of your questions.
You can be so mean! I guess I won’t see you for a while. I’m not letting you into my house till I get an explanation on your house.
I love you!
Oh like I believe that now. Good night.
Friday and Saturday, Emily and I didn’t see each other because the chief decided to take a few days off before I went on my vacation. Being so busy, I didn’t see much beyond the hospital walls. I texted Emily when I could but even that wasn’t very often.
Hi, Sweetheart, what are you up to? I miss you.
Hi! I’m having dinner with Sarah, Charlie, and Peter.
Oh? What did you do all day?
Waited around for you to call or possibly stop by. I thought maybe we could have lunch together.
Why didn’t you send me a message? I would have come over for a short while. I thought you were busy today since I didn’t hear from you.
You seemed so busy. I didn’t want to bother you. When are you done tonight? Can you stop by? I miss you a lot.
I won’t be done till really late but I’m off as of tomorrow. I’ll stop by after checking on my patients. We’ll have tomorrow till Thursday together. I can’t wait.
Me neither. I have to go. My friends are upset again. They’re so sensitive, huh? By the way, the answer to the question you’re dying to ask but haven’t is no. Max is with his family tonight. Bye.
I love you!
My vacation officially began Sunday. Since the chief wasn’t around, I still stopped by the hospital and checked on all the patients before going by Emily’s home. No surprise, she opened her door dressed in pajamas looking groggy.
“How do you function on so little sleep?” Emily asked while getting ready for our day.
“I’ve never needed much sleep. I can do fine on three to four hours a day.” I comfortably sprawled on her bed and watched TV. “What sh
all we do today?”
Emily pondered what to do.
“Emi? What are some things you’ve always wanted to do?”
“What do you mean?” she sounded confused.
“You know, like if money were no object or in your wildest dreams you’d like to…”
“Like a bucket list? Aren’t I a little too young for a bucket list?”
I gave her a stern look. “Emily Logan, your list.”
After a few minutes she answered.
“#1—I want to hear Andrea Bocelli sing in some outdoor stadium in the hills of Tuscany.
#2—I want to take a series of cooking classes in Italy, France, or Japan.
#3—I want to climb all the steps of Machu Picchu.
#4—I want to eat a formal Kaiseki meal in Japan.
#5—I also want to go on a dining spree in Spain.
#6—I want to live in New York City for a while.
#7—I want to spend a few nights in a hut in the middle of some island—like the ones you see in travel magazines.
#8—I want to learn to ballroom dance.
#9—I want to go on one of those trips with that chef Anthony Bourdain.
#10—I want to be a judge on Iron Chef.”
None of those seemed too difficult for me to do for her except for #9 and 10.
“I have one more; #11, I want to picnic at the Tuileries Garden with someone I’m madly in love with.”
Another wish that could easily be granted. Now that I knew all the things she wanted to accomplish, I would start going down her list. First, I’d take her to Europe and we could cross off numbers 1, 2, 5, and 11. That was half the list. After Hawaii, I’d beg the chief to let me off for a couple of weeks in late spring and surprise my love with a European trip. Maybe I could propose to her there.
“Jake…Jake!”
“Huh?”
“What are you thinking about? I was asking you if we can go shopping today. I still haven’t bought your mom a gift. You have to help me buy something for her.”
I told Emily about Mom’s obsession with clocks. No matter where we traveled, Mom always came back with a clock. It was a good thing her house was big; otherwise, it would look like a clock museum.
We walked through a flea market and Emily was on a mission to find the perfect clock for Mom. Mom would be touched Emily cared enough to buy her a present. Jane’s glowing report of Emily compounded with my confessions of love, Mom and Dad already loved this girl as their own daughter. I couldn’t wait to introduce them.
“I just realized, the two months we’ve been dating, you’ve never met my parents or Nick.”
“Nope, I haven’t.”
“How did that happen? Why didn’t I take you over to meet my parents? You live minutes from their house.”
“I don’t know. I thought perhaps you were embarrassed to introduce me to them.” She tried to keep her face still but couldn’t help a mischievous grin. “You’ve never taken me out for sushi either, and that’s my favorite meal. I had to go with Sarah the other night because I craved it.”
“Let’s go have sushi and meet my parents.”
At dinner I asked Emily to tell me more about her years with her family. Though I knew it was a sad topic for her, I was curious about the family I would never meet. Coming from such a large family, I couldn’t imagine being completely alone. I figured Emily would have some aunts and uncles or at least cousins her age. Sadly, she told me her parents were only children and since her grandparents’ death four and five years ago, she’d been alone every holiday.
“So after your mom and grandparents died, who did you spend your holidays with?”
She stared at me, not with tears, but with a wondrous look of love and appreciation. She understood why I was asking these questions, and she tried her best to placate my hurt for her.
“I spent a few holidays with Max’s family and a few with Sarah’s family. One Christmas, both Max and Sarah were out of town visiting relatives, so I spent it alone. That was a sad Christmas.”
My heart broke. Loneliness marked her big brown eyes, yet her concern was still for me. She smiled and made light of her situation. “I sound so pathetic, huh?”
She fed me a bite of her dessert—a feeble attempt to gloss over both our sadness. I couldn’t believe she had gone through so many painful days before we met. I reached over and held her hand.
“Oh, my sweet Emily…My Love…I hate thinking about you being alone. I wish we could’ve met earlier. I would’ve filled your void.” I vowed to her and myself, “I won’t ever let you be alone again.”
After dinner, we called my parents but they weren’t around so I dropped off Emily at home and we separated, knowing we would be back together for four straight days.
Chapter 10 Is This Heaven on Earth?
“I’m around the corner…” I said on the phone to Emily.
“Great!” She sounded extra cheerful.
Right as I got to her house, she was waiting on the sidewalk with one compact suitcase.
“Hi, Beautiful.” Greeting her with my usual enthusiasm, she reached up and kissed me hello in return. “You’re in a good mood.”
“Why wouldn’t I be? I get to spend four days with you and your family. After Christmas who knows when I’ll see you again? It may be months before we get another chance like this.”
She wasn’t completely incorrect.
At the airport, without any prompting, Emily went and hugged Mom, Dad, and Nick, introduced herself during the embrace, and thanked them for inviting her on our trip. By my family’s huge grins, I could tell they welcomed her immediately.
Nick came over to me while grabbing our bags and whispered, “You weren’t kidding when you said she was hot. She’s gorgeous.”
“I know, isn’t she? She’s just as beautiful on the inside too. I think Mom and Dad like her already.”
We looked over to see the three of them talking and laughing about something. Emily glanced over at me and winked.
We landed in Maui and met Jane at the hotel. Jane and Emily went to get settled in their room, and I stopped by their room after Nick and I had unpacked.
“Are you ready for our first excursion?”
Emily nodded her head. “Where are we going?”
“You’ll see.” I grinned. “Let’s go.”
Emily’s eyes popped at the sight of the helicopter waiting to take us on a tour of Maui.
“I’ve never been on a helicopter before. I’ve actually never been to Hawaii. This is so exciting,” she whispered into my ear.
On the helicopter, no different from the opera, I enjoyed watching Emily’s wide-eyed expression more than the view itself. She seemed most in awe with all the waterfalls we passed over. We’d have to go swim near a waterfall, if that was what she enjoyed the most. I held her close to me the whole ride, and I could sense Mom watching us with a smile. Knowing my abundant love for this girl, Mom couldn’t help but love her as well.
Emily took off her headset and pushed mine back to whisper another message into my ear. “Watch the view…you see me all the time.”
I kissed her and confessed, “I’d rather watch you.”
She smiled.
At lunch, Emily sat next to Mom and Jane and they talked feverishly about taking a girls’ ski trip up to Mammoth before Emily’s and Jane’s vacations were done. I thought about protesting a girls-only trip but let it alone, as I’m sure Mom and Jane both wanted to get closer to my love.
“Emily, Jake tells me you’re a foodie. Do you want to pick out some restaurants with me to try out during our stay here? We can’t eat hotel food the whole time.” Nick brought up Emily’s favorite conversation.
“I’d love to! Did you bring any guides or should we look it up online?”
“Let’s stop by a bookstore and do some research.”
“Sounds great. I’ll talk to the hotel concierge as well. That sounds like fun. What’s next on the agenda?” Emily asked Mom.
“We ha
ve a tour guide waiting for us to take us on a hike. Did you bring walking shoes?”
“Yes. I’ll go change into them right now.”
We walked to Emily’s room and she couldn’t stop smiling.
“Why are you so happy today? Is there something other than what you told me this morning?”
She shook her head no. “I’m happy to be a part of a family, especially your family.” That statement should have made me happy but instead it grieved my heart thinking about Emily’s not having had a family for so long.
“What’s the matter?” she asked, seeing the change of expression on my face.
“Nothing. You should hurry. Everyone’s waiting for us.”
We went on a long hike that led to a dormant volcano, then went snorkeling for half of us and scuba diving for the other half. I got scuba lessons for Emily so she could eventually dive with me on our next water vacation. By the end of her lesson, she looked exhausted.
“I need a nap,” she lamented in the ocean.
“We can go back and take one—your bed, my bed or the cabana?”
“At this point, I’ll take anything. I never exercise so today was too strenuous for me. Can we rest before dinner?”
