by DW Cee
“I’m hungry. Can we eat, Mommy?”
Slowing down the swing, I picked up Ollie and left the sand area. “What shall we eat?”
“How about pizza?” My four year old could eat pizza every day if I let him.
“Again?” I kissed his nose. “Alright. Let’s go eat pizza again for the third time this week.”
I looked up from Ollie’s smiling face and nearly had a heart attack when I bumped into Jamie again.
“Hey,” he called hesitantly.
“Hey,” I called back.
“Who’s this?” Jamie asked the both of us.
I had no idea how I was going to explain Ollie to his father.
“I’m Oliver and I’m four, almost five. I was thwee a long time ago.” My explanation wasn’t necessary. Our loquacious four year old introduced himself to his daddy without missing a beat.
“Hi Oliver. I’m Jamie. What a great name. My middle name is Oliver.”
Ollie stared at this stranger who should have been his closest friend. “Who’s this, Mommy?”
I saw the surprised look in Jamie’s eyes. I knew what he was thinking.
“Mommy?” Both Hutchison boys asked simultaneously - one out of shock, one out of curiosity.
“He’s an old friend of Mommy’s. I knew him when Dani and I used to live in Los Angeles.”
Ollie leaned over and whispered in my ear. “Could he be my daddy? Is he the one?”
Tears formed unwillingly. Lately, Ollie had been asking more frequently about his father. His father stood just a step away and I couldn’t tell him the truth.
“Olivia, I thought you couldn’t have… Are you married?”
Words halted, his eyes immediately darted to my ring finger. What were the chances that he’d recognize this antique gold band on my ring finger to be the one he gave me? It was scratched up and worn through since I never took it off. Though our relationship broke, the ring stayed on my finger to keep other men from paying any attention to me… or so that was the reason I gave myself and to those around me. Painfully I had to acknowledge now that I wore this ring as a constant reminder of what I once had with Jamie.
“I’m hungry, Mommy.”
“Ok, sweetheart. We’ll go now.” I stepped around Jamie without answering his question. “Good seeing you,” I said walking away.
“Wait, can I join you?”
Before I could answer no, Ollie spoke for me again. “Sure, Mr.… What do I call him, Mommy?”
“My name is Jamie Oliver Hutchison. You can call me Jamie.”
“Hey, that’s my name!” My heart skipped several beats. Ollie knew that his last name was Hutchison but I had told my son many times he could never tell anyone this information. He usually told people his name was Oliver Maize.
“I told you we had the same Oliver name.” Jamie put out his hands ready to shake Ollie’s. Instead, Ollie gave him a high-five. “Where are we going for lunch?”
“We’re having pizza!” Ollie shouted into the air and ran off ahead of us.
“What happened? I mean, how did Oliver happen? Didn’t the doctor tell us you couldn’t have kids? Isn’t that why we had to break up? And when did you get married?” Jamie sounded anxious for an explanation. I wanted to tell him that it wasn’t me who ultimately broke off the relationship. It was him who didn’t want to see me anymore. He chose having kids and living a life with Melinda, his ex girlfriend, over me.
More than anything I wanted to tell him the truth about Oliver but disrupting his idyllic life would be selfish.
“Ollie’s adopted.” The words just popped out of my mouth. Why had I said this? What a mistake.
“Huh? That doesn’t make sense. Why? How random. Ollie seems wonderful but you never mentioned wanting to adopt. What happened?” He sounded frustrated now.
“I wasn’t looking for Ollie. He came looking for me. It’s a long story, Jamie. Maybe one day when we’re in a different place I’ll explain it to you.”
Dumbfounded. That’s how Jamie appeared.
“Liv, he looks just like you. And, where did the name Oliver come from?”
I chuckled at the inside joke. Only if you could see that your son is a mirror image of you. From the day he was born, I understood I would never forget your face.
“I guess we’ve lived together long enough to start looking alike,” I answered with a slight laugh. “As for his name… he came with the name.” I was on a roll with these lies.
Jamie looked to be buying every misinformation. We stopped talking as we sat in a booth with pizza in hand.
“Ollie, what’s your favorite food?”
“Pizza.”
“What about your favorite toy?”
“Firetwucks,” he answered with his mouth full.
“Are you in school yet?”
“I’m going to start kindergarten soon, Mommy says. Right, Mommy?”
“Yes, sweetheart,” I answered wiping down his mouth.
“Any favorite places you like to visit?”
“The zoo – that’s my favorite place in the whole wide world. I like sleeping in my mommy’s bed a lot too. That’s my favorite place but I can only do that on special days, Mommy says.”
Jamie and Ollie looked smitten with one another. Blood was thicker than water.
“I used to love the zoo when I was little. That was my favorite place, too. Maybe we can visit the zoo in Central Park? Would you want to do that with me, Ollie?”
Our son looked up at me with expectant eyes. He wanted to go but didn’t know if I’d let him. My silence kept Ollie quiet as well.
“Oliver, if you are almost five, when is your birthday?”
“Tomowow.”
“Tomorrow? Happy birthday. I’ll have to get you a present. What would you like?”
“To see my daddy. Mommy says I’ll see him one day. I hope it’s tomowow.”
Ollie’s request left us both speechless. I pulled our son from his chair and brought him onto my lap.
Hugging him, I reassured, “Ollie, your daddy is missing you too. You will see him soon. If you’re done, let’s say thank you to Mr. Hutchison and go home. It’s time for a nap.”
“Thank you, Mr. Hutchison.” He yawned and was ready for a long nap. I picked him up and carried him out the door.
“Thanks for lunch, Jamie.” Without saying much else, I walked towards the subway. I felt Jamie walk behind us but neither of us uttered a sound. As I shifted Ollie’s drowsy body Jamie came up from behind and carried our child to the subway. Silently we waited for the train to approach.
“Olivia, can we go somewhere and talk? I have so many questions for you. Like… where you’ve been the last six years. Why you’ve never tried to contact me. Did our relationship mean so little to you that you could abandon it after one argument? And, where’s your husband? Did you two separate?”
“You told me never to call you again,” I whispered.
“I was mad,” he answered, frustrated. “You left behind a terse message saying you were giving me time to think through our relationship, before flying off early to Africa. Then you went AWOL on me for two months. Not one email, call, letter – not one word – for two whole months. What did you expect?” Now he was angry.
“I came back and told you why I did that and how sorry I was. You were the one who said you couldn’t forgive me.”
“I’m sorry. I was an idiot. I couldn’t see past the anger for a long time. Once I did, I came back looking for you but I couldn’t find you again.”
“It doesn’t matter now,” I responded with deep sadness. He was married and he thought I was married as well.
“Are you going to disappear again without a trace? Will you at least take my number and call me? I’ve missed you. It’s been so long… too long.” He laid a heavy burden on my heart. I wanted his number, his heart, his commitment to me and Ollie. This could never be.
I took Ollie from his father and stepped into the train.
“Wait!” He held my arm.
He slipped his business card into my purse and said, “Please call me. We need to talk.” He sounded desperate now.
“You made yourself clear to me the last time we spoke. I don’t want to be your ‘burden’. Hope Melinda is well.”
With perfect timing the door shut and I sat with my back against Jamie’s face. I heard the banging on the window but my crying eyes didn’t turn around. Hugging our son tightly to my chest I cried all the way home.
Carrying Ollie from the station to my mom’s house, I was lost in my own thoughts of what had transpired today.
“Olivia!” My mother yelled. “Wait up.” I turned to see her hastily walking towards us. “Have you been walking with Oliver this whole time? Here, give him to me.”
My mom looked up at me in fright. “What happened to you? Why have you been crying?”
“Ollie and I ran into Jamie at the park today. What am I going to do Mom?” The tears fell even heavier.
DANI 2005
Though it seemed like yesterday, Mom and I buried Dad over half a year ago. My dad, Paul Henry Kingston, died in a car crash that left me with bruises and my mom hospitalized. The doctor released Mom from the hospital so she could attend the funeral but we had to immediately hospitalize her again as her body suffered almost as much as her heart. Mom and Dad were the ideal love story in everybody’s mind. This tragic ending only added to their fairy tale love.
Six months ago we were off to the hospital going in for Mom’s first pregnancy check up. Mom and Dad were thrilled that she finally got pregnant again. Being seventeen years old, and my mom being forty, I thought it was weird they wanted another child, but apparently neither thought it was too late. The day started off no differently than any other day. I got up, got dressed for school and went downstairs to see what Mom or Dad had fixed for breakfast.
“Good morning, Dani. Did you sleep well?”
“No! Not with you and Dad jumping for joy over this new baby. I can’t believe you guys want another child at this point in your lives.”
“Dani. I’m only 40. You know your dad and I wanted a large family. I can’t help it if all the other babies didn’t want to stay in my tummy.” Mom showed off her child-like giddiness.
“Didn’t the doctor tell you all those miscarriages made your body weak?”
“Yes and that’s why I got an appointment right away. The doctor will give me a full check up today. I have a good feeling about this one. I think it’s a boy.”
“How do you know already?”
“I know because with you, I was so sick from day one. With this one, I have no morning sickness at all.” She went about putting breakfast on the table and whistling her tune.
“Good morning princess.” Dad came over with a huge grin. I had no misgivings about who he was addressing. After four miscarriages Mom and Dad had stopped trying to have more kids because he feared for her health. He was over the moon about having another child.
“Um, Dad… Most fathers call their daughters, princess, not their wives. How about just calling her Olivia, for a change?”
“Sorry Dani. I’ll remember to call you princess next time but today, your mom gets the title.”
“Um, hasn’t she had that title for like the last eighteen years?”
“Yeah. Change is hard!” Dad chuckled. Mom giggled. I lived with two teenage lovers. “We’ll come pick you up from school later today and we’ll all go see the baby together, okay?” He only rubbed my back while Mom got a complete hug and kiss. Being an only child, this should have bothered me but it never did. It was sweet that Mom and Dad loved each other so deeply.
“Do I have a choice?” I pretended to sound annoyed.
“Dani’s not as excited as we are about this baby. She’ll come around, won’t you, Dani?” Mom pinched my cheek.
“Mom, what will I have in common with a sibling eighteen years younger than myself?”
“Look at your dad and Uncle Mike. They’re best friends.”
“Great so I have to wait till I turn forty to have a best friend/sibling I can converse with?”
“Or, you can be a great babysitter until he or she can become your new bff.” Dad added.
“I am not walking out with this baby! People will think I had a baby. Eeew!”
“Dani. Why don’t you go to school? Your dad’s ready to leave.”
“Bye Olivia.” Dad went over to her again. This was going to take a while.
“Come on Dad. Stop kissing Mom or I’m going to be late for school.”
“She’s such a party pooper,” Dad whispered.
“I agree. Bye. I love you.”
“I love you too.”
“What about me?” I asked with exasperation.
“You are our world,” Mom said laughing, “at least until the baby arrives.”
School was uneventful and I was too embarrassed to let any of my friends know about the baby. First in line to pick me up, Mom and Dad eagerly drove to the doctor’s office. Once the monitor turned on and the ultrasound began, Mom and Dad were in awe. All I saw was a dot on the screen. They acted as though they saw the baby in his or her full grown state.
“Isn’t he beautiful?” Mom asked Dad.
“He is.” Dad embraced her.
“Hello…? Does anyone else here not find this weird that you’re addressing this dot as a he? There’s not much there.”
“Not now, but soon we will have another one just like you. You know how much we love you, Dani. Imagine how much we will adore this next one.” Mom was really addressing the dot more than she was addressing me.
I decided it was no use acting angry with this situation. Both of them were goners. I needed to join their bandwagon.
“Yeah. I agree. The baby is darling.” I answered with as little sarcasm as possible. “Can we go eat? I’m hungry.”
We got back on the road and within minutes of getting on the road, it happened. Some guy ran a red light as we were passing through and hit us on the driver’s side. Instantly, I lost my dad, my mother lost her love and we lost the baby. Mom has been in a state of a functioning coma since then. Six months later, she’s done her best to live.
“Hi George. Thank you for seeing me on such short notice.” We had to visit Uncle George to get our taxes done.
“How are you doing, Olivia? How are you Dani?” My uncle George, who was really my godfather, came over and tenderly greeted us.
“We’re taking it day by day. I think Dani is coping better than I am.” Mom’s assessment was correct.
“I can’t believe Paul’s gone from us.”
Mom’s body convulsed again at the thought of her husband being gone. George, Dad’s best friend since college, saw these tremors and stopped talking.
“Olivia, how can I help?”
“George, I stopped by because I don’t know what to make of all these financial statements that Paul left behind. I’m trying to get our papers together for taxes but I’m so lost. You’re probably so busy and I’m really sorry to come to you at the last minute. I should’ve gotten my act together earlier.”
“Olivia, I’m happy to help with anything you need. Where is all the paper work?”
“Well, most of it is on Paul’s computer. You know how computer illiterate I am. Can you send someone over to figure out what documents I need to get over to you?”
“I can come over and take care of that for you.”
“George, no. It’s got to be chaos in your house with the new twins. It took you and Meghan so long to have these babies. You go help Meghan and enjoy them with her. Paul would have liked to have seen them. Thank you for naming your son after Paul.” Mom lost it again. “I’m happy to pay for as many hours as it might take to figure out this confusion. Actually, Paul was so meticulous, I’m sure it’s not that bad once you get into his computer.”
“I’ll send over my best young accountant. He’s one of the brightest in this firm."
“Thank you, George.” Mom got up and Uncle George gave us both a hug.
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“Olivia, please let us know if you need anything else. You and Dani are family to us. We want to help in any way we can.”
“You and Meghan have been so good to us. If you could keep telling Dani as many stories as you can about her father during his college years, I’ll consider that the biggest help of all. She loves her godfather very much.”
“You bet! I’ll have Jamie Hutchison stop by this afternoon. He’s a fun guy. You’ll enjoy his sense of humor plus he’ll be of great help.”
“Thank you, again.”
We walked out into a crowded street and Mom went into her silent mode again. It was hard enough losing Dad, but it was actually harder losing Mom. She was physically here but emotionally and mentally, I had no idea where she was the last few months. If it wasn’t for Grandma who had kept us company, we’d both go insane.
“Mom, can you tell me about how you and dad met?” Of course this was a story I’d memorized by now but talking about Dad was the best way to bring her back to life.
Mom’s beautiful smile came back. Only when she digressed to her carefree years did she laugh and talk endlessly.
“Your dad and I met on the road on my way to work.”
“Huh?” I had feigned a confused stare.
“Yup. That’s how we met.”
OLIVIA 1987
“Mom, I met the cutest guy on my way to work today.” This had been the highlight of my week and I had told all my girlfriends at work about Paul.
“How did you meet him, Olivia?” Mom didn’t sound too interested.
“Well, I kind of met him on Monday but today was the day he asked me out.”
She was still busy doing whatever it was that she was doing, but I didn’t care. I continued the story with or without her attention. “I was on the curvy part of the road that leads to the freeway on Monday and I caught this really good looking guy in the passenger seat of a car next to me. At the red light, he waved hello. So, I waved back but they had to keep driving because the light changed.”
