Indelible Love Series + Entwined Bundle

by DW Cee

  “Olivia. I’d love to stop by. That is… if you’re okay with me coming by again. Rather than going home to an empty apartment, I enjoy spending time with you both.”

  Jamie looked only at my mom while professing his like for us. I knew there was nothing funny going on between Mom and Jamie, but I was getting that funny feeling. Could they be attracted to one another? No way! He was probably feeling sorry for Mom and she was probably just grateful he was helping her.

  Friday rolled around quickly and Mom took me to the beauty salon to get my hair and makeup done. Uncle George came with Jamie and he took more pictures than I appreciated. Aunt Meghan called and relived her prom days over the phone with me, and all we needed was my date to show up to end this embarrassing night. Jamie stood very close to Mom and watched as Uncle George went on, making a fuss about how beautiful I looked.

  Ding Dong. Thank God. My date was here.

  “Hi.” Ian waved nervously at everyone.

  “Hi Ian.” Mom gave him her pageant quality smile. “I’m Dani’s mom.”

  “Hi Mrs. Kingston.” He shook her hand. Then he turned to Jamie and said, “Hello Mr. Kingston.”

  Mom and Jamie looked embarrassed – like they’d been caught making out in the closet, kind of embarrassed.

  “Ian! That’s not my dad. I told you, my dad passed away six months ago.”

  “Oh my gosh! I’m so sorry. I apologize, Mrs. Kingston and my condolences.”

  “Don’t worry about it. This is Jamie Hutchison, a friend of ours and that’s Uncle George, Dani’s godfather.”

  “Nice to meet you all. Mrs. Kingston, would it be okay if I took Dani to a party after the prom?”

  Mom looked uneasy.

  “It’s at my best friend’s house and his parents will be there. I’ll bring her home around three?” Ian sounded unsure but quite sincere. I liked the way he asked Mom for permission to take me out. “Oh… I forgot something. I’ll be right back.” He ran out to his car.

  “He seems very nice.” Uncle George reassured.

  Ian walked in with a corsage and a bouquet of flowers. I knew what Mom’s reaction would be.

  “This is for you,” he said to me before putting the corsage on my wrist, "and Mrs. Kingston, these are for you.” He handed Mom the flowers.

  Her eyes immediately watered and she literally ran away from all of us. Ian looked mortified, Uncle George looked pained, and Jamie surprisingly followed after her.

  “Did I do something wrong?” Ian whispered in my ear.

  “No. You did something right… very right. I’ll explain in the car. Let’s go.” I shouted towards the direction Mom and Jamie went. “Bye Mom. Bye Jamie.”

  Mom wiped down her tears as much as possible and she hugged me good-bye. “Please take care of her, Ian.”

  “I will, Mrs. Kingston.”

  Ian’s uncomfortable look didn’t change as we walked towards his car.

  “You didn’t do anything wrong.” I reassured him. “When my dad came to pick up my mom on their first date, he brought a bouquet of flowers for both her and my grandma. Your kind gesture just brought back a flood of emotions for her. She’s having a really tough time with Dad’s death. He was her world… No, they were each other’s world. I was just a participant in their world.” I laughed.

  “Wow. That’s beautiful. What about that guy, Jamie? He’s not your mom’s boyfriend?”

  “No! He’s just a friend helping her with taxes right now. We barely know him. He works for Uncle George.”

  “He seemed really nice. He also seemed to care for your mother.”

  “No. You got it all wrong. He’s just being nice to her because Dad’s gone. He has a girlfriend.”

  “I don’t know, Dani. That’s not the vibe I got.”

  “Cut it out, Ian. My mom is still grieving. We are still grieving. She’s not looking to be with someone.” Unwillingly, I yelled at him.

  “Sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you. I like your mom. She seems really nice.”

  “Thanks. She is. And after the flowers, you earned huge brownie points with her.”

  While I enjoyed myself at the party, I worried about Mom being by herself. This was the first night she’d been alone since she got married to Dad and of course the first night she’d been alone since Dad died. The bouquet of flowers didn’t help the situation. I tried calling Mom a few times but there was no answer at home so I figured all was good and she was sleeping.

  “Are you having a good time?” Ian brought over something to drink.

  “Yeah. I’m actually enjoying myself more than I thought I would. Thanks, Ian. You’re a lot of fun to be around.”

  “Maybe we should have gotten to know each other better this year. It’s a bummer we’ll be separated after summer’s done. I hear you’re going back east for college?”

  “Yeah. And you’re staying here?”

  “Uh-huh. Would you mind spending some time with me before going off to college? I know you told me earlier that you weren’t interested but I think you might find me to be an okay guy. Hey… you could even grow to like me.” There was something about his sincerity that warmed my heart. The way he asked Mom for permission to escort me to the after party, to the flowers he brought for her, to the way he was asking me for permission to get to know me, Ian was refreshing – if not downright charming.

  “Okay,” was all I could say. How lame! I sounded absolutely idiotic. A boy professes his interest in me and all I could say was, “okay.”

  He kissed my cheek. “Great. Can I start by picking you up in the mornings before school? I need as much time with you before you leave in August.”

  Rather than sounding stupid again and saying, “okay,” I smiled and nodded yes. Right about now, I wished I had Mom’s stunning smile.

  “It’s getting late. I should get home.”

  “Right. Let’s go.”

  During the car ride I told him all about Dad and Mom’s courtship, all one week of it, and our life as a family till now. I also learned about Ian’s family and about the three other siblings who were either off in college, in grad school or married. Just like Dad, Ian was the baby in the family.

  From around the corner, I saw Jamie’s car still sitting in our driveway.

  “That’s funny. I wonder why Jamie’s car is still here. I wonder if it broke down?” I got out of the car and hurried in the house. Ian followed.

  “Hi Dani. Hi Ian.” Jamie greeted us.

  “Jamie. What are you doing here and why are you in my dad’s clothes? Did you spend the night here… with Mom?”

  OLIVIA 2005

  “Are you okay?” Jamie put a comforting arm around me. Though he wasn’t family, it was nice to have him with us. It looked like Dani appreciated his presence as well.

  “I’m okay. Would you guys like to stay for dinner or do you have to leave?”

  “We probably should get going. We have so much work to do before Monday.” I hoped my face didn’t look too disappointed with Jamie’s answer.

  “Do you have something quick we can eat?” George asked.

  “I made a pot of Italian wedding soup and I have some bread. Why don’t you have dinner with me?”

  “Paul?”

  “Yeah.”

  “What?” Jamie was confused with our one word question and answer and wanted to be a part of our conversation.

  “Italian wedding soup was Paul’s favorite. Olivia makes a huge pot whenever some days are more unbearable than other days.” I heard George whisper. “Let’s stay and keep her company.” George and Meghan’s kindness during our time of pain could never be forgotten. Since Mom went back to Jersey, they were our only family here.

  We ate in silence for a while but I soon thought it was selfish of me to make my guests feel so uncomfortable. I tried to break the mood.

  “How are the twins?”

  “They are so much work but such a blessing. After thirteen years of infertility, we are grateful to have them in our lives.”
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br />   “Tell Meghan I’ll stop by again on Tuesday to help her.”

  “Would you? Meghan said you were so much help when you came last week.”

  “I don’t know if I was that much help. You know Paul did most of the work when Dani was an infant.”

  “Your Paul must have been an amazing man,” Jamie interrupted.

  “He was beyond ideal,” I happily added.

  With some hesitation, Jamie asked, “Can I ask why you cried when Ian brought you a bouquet of flowers?”

  George and I reminisced about the first few days Paul and I “met” each other on the road and I continued the story with our first date and the bouquet of flowers that ending up soaking Paul’s dinner jacket. Somewhere during our conversation, I thought about our way to Vegas and our actual wedding day and I felt my chest tighten like it had been doing so many nights after Paul died.

  “Olivia! What’s wrong? What’s the matter? Are you okay?” Jamie quickly got up from his seat and came over to me.

  Between the quickened breaths and the waterfall of tears, Jamie and George were alarmed. Close to panting, I needed air so I ran outside to calm myself but found no solace in the cold night.

  “It’s okay.” Jamie had followed me outside and wrapped me in his arms to console me. “I’ll help you. Just cry.”

  It was as though I needed this permission. I wailed like I did the day Paul died. Time did not heal his absence. Cruelly, it added daily to my pain. Dani and Paul were my two reasons for living. Half of me was dead. The other half hung on for dear life, as unfair as that was to Dani.

  “Olivia. I have your mom on the phone,” George said. What a dear soul he was. What kind friends I had. Even though Paul wasn’t around anymore, my husband left me in good care.

  “Hi Mom.” I unwrapped myself from Jamie’s charitable intent and walked up to my room.

  “Olivia. Today’s been a difficult day, hasn’t it? I’ve been thinking about you all day. Is Dani off to the prom?”

  “Mom?”

  “Yes, Livvy.”

  “Why did Paul leave me? He loved me so much. Why would he do this to me? Why would anyone want to see me in so much pain?” I knew Mom didn’t have any answers, but I needed to ask someone, anyone. “I don’t know how to survive without him.” The tears wouldn’t stop.

  “I know Olivia. I know you’re hurting. Paul is hurting too. He would never want to see you this way. But Livvy, you have to stay strong for Dani. She’s hurting just as much as you are but pretends to be strong because she feels the need to protect you.”

  “I know, Mom. I try not to fall apart like this when she’s around. It’s so hard when I’m by myself. What will I do when Dani goes off to college? Can I move back in with you?”

  “Of course you can come here. Then you’ll be closer to Dani as well. You can also live with Lydia and Joe for a while too. I’m sure they’d love to see you.”

  “Okay. Thanks for talking to me. I’ll be okay.” I tried to stop crying.

  “Are you sure? I can talk to you some more if you like.” I wished I was half the mother for Dani my mother was for me.

  “I’m okay, Mom. You go to sleep.”

  “Call me again if you need me, okay?” This time it was more of a command than her usual gentle words.

  “Okay.”

  We hung up the phone and I decided to call Paul’s parents.

  “Hello?”

  “Hi Mom.” I started wailing again. Mom followed suit.

  Lydia and Joe wept not only for their own loss, but also out of sadness for their daughter-in-law who struggled daily without their son.

  “Olivia. I had a feeling you’d be calling today. I wanted to call after I spoke with Dani but thought maybe I’d cause the tears to flow. Don’t cry, sweetheart. You’re making us sad, too.”

  “Can I come stay with you for a while after Dani goes off to college? I don’t think I can live here by myself.”

  “You are most welcome to stay here with us. Mike and Sheila would welcome you with open arms as well.”

  “When will this sadness go away? What will close up this hole in my heart?”

  “Olivia. It’s hard now but time will heal your pain. You will also one day meet another man who will share in and take away most of this sadness.”

  “How can you say that? I can’t be with anyone other than Paul!”

  “Olivia. You are only forty. None of us wants to see you stay by yourself the rest of your life. You need to heal yourself enough to be open to meeting someone new.”

  “Mom!” I bawled. “You’re not comforting me with this ridiculous talk. Paul would not be happy with you right now, trying to marry off his widow.”

  “Paul would want this for you too. He wouldn’t want to see you so miserable.”

  “I’m going to hang up now because you are making me mad rather than cheering me up.”

  “Call again soon, dear. Your father and I love you.”

  “Okay. I love you too.”

  After hanging up with Lydia, I thought about calling Sheila but stopped when I realized I had guests downstairs. Hurrying down, I didn’t know what I’d say to Jamie. He was such a comfort and yet it was shortsighted of me to get him so involved in our lives. He had his own life to live with Melinda, his girlfriend.

  “Olivia.” Jamie smiled. He too had a kind smile. “Are you feeling better? You definitely look better.”

  I laughed. “Is that your way of saying my tears and runny nose are not all over my face?”

  At first he looked uncomfortable and stammered his way towards an excuse of how he didn’t mean it that way. Then watching my expression, he broke into a cackle himself.

  “You must think I’m pretty pathetic, huh? A grown woman crying at every mention of her late husband, having panic attacks at age forty, and needing her mother to calm her down. Gosh… I am pathetic!”

  “You are not pathetic.” He tried to assuage the insecurities.

  “Yeah I am. I’ve always been a bit on the needy side. Paul was aider and abettor number one to what my mother termed ‘Olivia’s Princess Syndrome’. He spoiled me rotten.”

  “You two must have shared an amazing love.”

  “We did.” I mused. “Wait. Where did George go?”

  “Oh, he got called home. The twins both have a cold and Meghan sent an SOS saying that both babies have stuffed up noses or something like that.”

  “Oh, that’s the worst! I remember one time Dani had a terrible cold when she was just a few months old and Paul stayed up with her three nights in a row holding her upright so she could sleep.”

  “What did you do while he stayed up with her?”

  “I…” There was a long pause not for effect, but because I was embarrassed to admit what I was doing.

  “Let me guess,” he finished my thought. “You were sleeping.”

  “It doesn’t take a genius to figure that one out.” I cracked up. “But in my defense, I held her during the day for every nap. Paul wanted to give me a break. You must think I’m a terrible mother.”

  “Olivia, knowing the little that I do about Dani, you did a wonderful job raising her. I don’t doubt that you have been and still are a fantastic mother. I hope my wife will be as caring and fun as you are.”

  “Why aren’t you and Melinda married? Don’t you want kids? I’d love to meet her one day. She must be quite special to have a man like you in her life.” Whether or not Jamie believed me, I meant what I just said. His pleased look almost made me blush.

  “I want lots of kids. There are four of us in our family and I’d like at least that many.” There was a wistful look in his eyes.

  “You better get started. It’s not easy getting pregnant and raising kids. If Melinda’s your age, it’s a bit late to start now if you’re going to have four kids.”

  “She’s the problem.” He paused. “No, I guess I’m the problem. Melinda and my mom have practically ordered wedding invitations. They’re just waiting for me to give them the da
te.” That was funny. I felt for the girl, but not enough to hold back the giggles.

  “Wait. Why are you still here? Not that I don’t enjoy your company, but… don’t you have a lot of work to do?”

  “George told me to stay here till Dani comes back. He was going to stay but after he got the call, he passed the baton to me.”

  “That George. He feels it’s his responsibility to take Paul’s place the best he can. It’s okay, Jamie. I’ll be fine. You can leave.” Though I said it, I didn’t mean it. Jamie stared at me for a short while. “Really! I’ll be fine.”

  “Can you guarantee me that you won’t have another panic attack? George told me about these attacks you have. He also told me Paul hadn’t left you alone the last nineteen years. Is that true?”

  “Yeah. I told you I was spoiled.” I felt kind of stupid telling another man how dependent I was on Paul. It wasn’t like I didn’t raise Dani or have somewhat of a career as a translator. I did do all the things other women did. The only difference was my husband took care of me every chance he could.

  “You must be one extraordinary woman for a man to have been so far gone, so absolutely, irrevocably in love with you. Maybe that’s what I’m yearning for – that kind of enigmatic love.”

  We both cracked up again.

  “You sound like a man who doesn’t know how good he has it with the woman in his life. It’s not fair to hold onto Melinda if you’re not thinking of marrying her. You need to let her go meet her soul mate, if you don’t believe she’s your soul mate.” I got up to put away the dishes from dinner.

  “That’s… deep. I’ll keep that in mind. Now, you sure I can leave? I can work here if you like. I have my laptop with me as well as enough paper work to last me an entire night. You can sleep while I work in your office.”

  “Thank you, but it’s alright. I’ll brave it.”

  Jamie stole several glances my way while getting his briefcase together. He got up, came over and awkwardly hugged me goodbye. As he slowly let go of me, I felt my chest tighten again. I didn’t want him to leave. It wasn’t like I liked him or anything – I was just afraid to be alone. At least, that’s what I thought.