Indelible Love Series + Entwined Bundle

by DW Cee

  Sensing hesitation and fear in Jamie’s voice, I didn’t answer him immediately.

  “Please? Would you be willing to meet my sisters and their kids?”

  “Sure,” I voiced.

  DANI 2005

  “Dani, would you mind if I went away this weekend with Jamie?”

  “No. Of course I don’t mind. I’ll be hanging out with Lisa and Heather this weekend so you can do whatever you like.”

  “Ok,” Mom murmured quietly.

  Uh-oh. This didn’t sound good.

  “What’s wrong, Mom?”

  Mom hesitated more than was comfortable.

  “I think I’m going to break-up with Jamie this weekend.”

  “What?” I yelled without thinking. “Why? I thought everything was going hunky-dory. What did he do wrong, now?"

  “He didn’t do anything wrong. It’s just that we are wrong…together…for each other...just all around wrong.”

  “I still don’t get it, Mom. I know I wasn’t thrilled about him in the beginning but he’s obviously crazy about you and you look just as smitten. Where does the wrong come in?”

  “He wants something desperately that I can’t give him.”

  “What’s that?”

  “Kids…”

  “Oh…” I didn’t know how to counter that comment. I let that one lie.

  “No matter how many times he says it’s okay, I know he wishes for kids and if I get out of his way, he can find complete happiness.”

  Mom was now tearing. Shoot. What does a daughter say to a mother who is about to break-up with a perfectly good guy because she can’t give him kids? All I could do was get my butt off the island stool and hug her.

  Of course, my hug made her cry even more and now I was completely lost!

  “Mom, are you sure you have to end everything with Jamie? Can’t you wait it out and see what happens?”

  “The longer I wait, the harder it will be.” Mom slowly pulled herself together and wiped away the mess on her face. “You know I loved your father, don’t you?”

  “Um…yeah…” Where did Paul Kingston fit into this conversation?

  “Your father was my sun on a rainy day; in fact, there were no bad days when your father was around. I don’t think we ever fought – except on our first date and that was all me.” Mom broke into a smile, probably thinking about their first date again. “Paul shielded me from anything he thought might hurt me. I knew nothing but perfect bliss the eighteen and a half years I was with your father.”

  “I know, Mom. I felt the same way. Dad was perfect.” Now she got me all sad, thinking about how great my life used to be when Dad was around.

  “Jamie…he’s like dusk to my dawn and a storm to my calm southern California day, but I’ve grown to love him. In the short time we’ve known each other, he’s worked his way into my heart and buried himself so deep it’s going to be hard to find him and push him out. And when I do push him out, what will happen to that empty cavern? How will it get filled again?”

  “Why are you going away with him if you’re only going to spoil it? Why don’t you just end it now and be done with?”

  Mom lips curved into a rueful smile. “I’d like this one last time with him. I know it’s selfish of me but I’m not ready to let go just yet.” She cried a bit more then bounced right back to her usual self. “Wow! A bit heavy for a Thursday night, huh?”

  “Yeah. But I’m glad you could talk to me about Jamie. You know I want you to be happy.”

  “I know, my baby doll. I love you so much!”

  “I love you too, Mom.”

  “By the way, I forgot to tell you that Grams and Gramps called and changed our summer plans a bit. As your graduation present, they’re taking us to the south of France for a week before we go to Africa. You need to pack tonight for our long trip.”

  “Okay. When do we leave?”

  “We leave Monday, right after you get back.”

  “Yikes! I better get packing.”

  Mom and I would be gone for a total of almost a month before coming back home to pack my stuff to go off to college. It was a bummer what was happening to Mom but I was seriously glad Ian was spending as much time with me before we separated.

  Separation… I had no idea what this would mean to our relationship and how I should react if things should go sour. In two months, Mom and I both found dreamy men but since Ian and I were only eighteen, a break-up was a huge possibility, maybe even imminent with three thousand miles separating us.

  Speak of the devil, my phone vibrated and it could only be one person at this hour of the night.

  “Hey.”

  “Hello, gorgeous!”

  “Okay…” I was too embarrassed to respond.

  “You need a lift to the airport tomorrow?”

  “Um, yeah. Mom was originally going to take me but I think it would work out better if I caught a ride from you. She and Jamie are going away. By the way, Mom just told me that we are leaving on Monday rather than a week from Monday to see my grandparents.”

  “What? Why? How did that happen?”

  “Apparently my grandparents are gifting me a trip to the south of France for my graduation and since I have to leave for the east coast as soon as I get back from Africa, they added it to the beginning of our trip.”

  “Aw, Dani. I had so much planned for us the week before Africa. My parents wanted you to join us up in Ojai. I wanted to show you our ranch and teach you how to horseback ride and to shoot a gun.”

  That sounded wonderful. Briefly, my mind conjured up a thousand excuses as to why I couldn’t meet Grams and Gramps in the south of France. Ian, south of France, Ian, south of France…ugh! Life was so unfair sometimes.

  “I guess we’ll just see each other in Africa when you get there. It’ll be nice for you to spend time with your family before hanging out with mine.”

  “Doesn’t it bum you out that we won’t see each other for over two weeks?” Ian sounded angry with me.

  “Yeah, but what can we do?”

  “For once, Danielle, I wish you’d like me as much as I like you. We’ll be separated for months once we go off to college. I want to spend every possible minute with you. Why can’t you feel the same way?”

  “Ian. You’re being ridiculous. College…separation…it’s all a part of life and growing up. There’s nothing I can do to change any of this.”

  “You can’t change our situation, but it’d be nice if you acted like you wanted to change it. I’ll come pick you up at 7:00 am., tomorrow. See ya.”

  He hung up on me. Just. Like. That.

  Was he stupid? Of course I’d miss him. Of course I wanted to be with him. Frustrating, bone-headed, stubborn boy, man, whatever he was...

  “Mom?” I knocked lightly on her door.

  “Yeah, sweetheart?” She sounded like she was asleep already.

  “Can I quickly go out and see Ian? We kinda got into a fight and I need to fix things before I leave for Seattle.”

  “Okay. Drive carefully.”

  “I will. And also, Ian is coming here first thing in the morning to take me to the airport. Is that okay with you?”

  “Sure.”

  Tearing off my pajama bottom and replacing it with sweat pants and a sweatshirt I sped to Ian’s house.

  “What?” was his delightfully mean greeting from his phone.

  “I’m at your door. Come out.”

  “You’re here?” His bright tone quickly erased my foul mood. “Dani!” His crazy sneak-up-on-me kiss snuck up on me as we stood with his front door open. Our lips stayed attached to one another for a long while.

  “Let’s go up to my room,” he whispered.

  I was tempted…beyond tempted!

  “I just came because I didn’t want you mad at me for two weeks while I was gone.”

  “You can apologize to me upstairs in my room.” He pulled me into the house and tried to get me up the stairs.

  “Ian. It’s midnight. Your parents are p
robably sleeping and my mom is expecting me back immediately. I want to talk to you then I have to go.”

  “We can talk in my room.” His suggestive tone was not helping my cause. My mind was already in Ian’s room.

  “Stop or I’m leaving,” I said weakly.

  “Alright,” he answered leading me to the couch, “talk.”

  “I’ll miss you a lot when we separate and I didn’t mean to sound so callous. I’m so unsure of our future that the only way I can handle our relationship is to be as objective as possible.” Wow, that came out bolder than expected. “I don’t want to hope for too much. Look at what happened to my mom and dad. They were the perfect love story and it ended earlier than anyone expected.”

  All I could do while pouring my heart out was to stare at my twiddling thumb. Ian’s eyes bore straight through my heart.

  “You’ve probably dated a lot but this is my first relationship and I’m learning as I go. We’re both so young, chances are you’ll have a new girlfriend by this fall…” That thought killed me. But, most likely it was true. Why lie to myself?

  “Dani,” he said in the softest, sweetest voice – ever! “I’m only eighteen as well. I haven’t had tons of girlfriends. You’re my first real girlfriend and I don’t see myself with anybody else in the near future. Don’t be so insecure about us. And please bring back the carefree Dani. I’m making this up as I go and have loved every minute of it…every minute with you.”

  Could his words have been any more delicious? I gobbled it up.

  “You want to come up to Seattle with me?” These tentative words popped out without having been processed first.

  “I’d like to but my sister and her family are coming here this weekend in preparation for our trip up to Ojai. I should be home.”

  “Okay.”

  That was a bummer!

  “So I’ll see you and your Mom in two weeks?”

  “Yeah.” Separation anxiety was making me nauseous.

  “I’ll miss you, Dani. Two weeks is going to be a long time without you.”

  “Yeah. Me too.” This time, my hands mangled one another out of frustration. “By the way, Mom is going to break up with Jamie this weekend so best not to talk about him during our trip.”

  “What? Why?”

  “Don’t ask. It’s a really long story. I’ll call you from Seattle?”

  “You better!” he threatened then kissed me again. “And then we’ll email once you’re lounging like a rock star in the south of France.”

  OLIVIA 2005

  “It’s beautiful here. I had a marvelous time, Jamie. Thank you.” I wanted to cry saying these words. This was it – our last day together as a couple.

  “Liv, what’s wrong? You’ve had a heartbroken smile this whole weekend. Is it because of what the doctors said? Don’t worry so much. We can always take the infertility treatment route. We have time.”

  Time was not our ally.

  Time was our biggest nemesis right now.

  “Can you indulge me and listen to what I’m about to say without interrupting? Otherwise, I may not have the courage to finish telling you what’s in my heart.”

  “You’re scaring me, Liv…”

  “I think we should end our relationship and here are the reasons why,” I spit out as Jamie jumped off his seat.

  Both my hands went up instinctively and I gave him a pleading look. His face – simultaneously angry and ashen – returned my pleading look.

  “My most important and really the only reason is because I love you. If I didn’t love you this much, I couldn’t fathom letting you go to another woman, another family.”

  “This again?” Jamie whispered.

  “Jamie…it’s not just ‘this again’. I’m grateful that at my young age I had an unforgettable love with Paul and experienced the joy of raising Dani. A child brings indescribable feelings of bliss and wonder and pride. You need to live this with a child of your own. I want you to live through sleep deprivation. Gosh, those every three-hour feedings throughout the night will kill you by week two. Your wife will be a wreck, you will be a basket case but every time you see that little bundle in your arms, you’ll know it’s worth an eternity of sleepless nights.”

  “Don’t do this,” he whispered again.

  “And that first smile…that has to be the most insanely happy feeling when your child looks into your eyes and smiles at you. Whatever amount of love you had in your heart for this child multiplies exponentially with that first smile. You and your wife need to experience this wonder.”

  Jamie sat on the couch and put his head in both his hands.

  “There will also be copious and frantic calls to the pediatrician's office for colic or a stuffy nose or for nothing other than gas in their little bellies. This is life for most people. This should be life for you. You will meet another person who will adore you and will want to set up house with you with the dog and two point five kids. I want to be that person but I don’t seem to qualify.”

  I walked over to Jamie and sat on my knees in front of his feet. Reaching over to him, peeling back his hands, I asked, “do you believe me when I tell you this is the depth of my love for you?” I finished without tears but also without much wind left in my sail. I’d feel the full rush of my heartache when I got home. Any sign of weakness and Jamie would pull apart my argument. It was done.

  For a long time Jamie didn’t speak.

  I began packing our bags.

  Jamie picked up our belongings and without a fight brought around his car and my tired body slunk into the passenger seat. No hostility, no contesting, no…nothing. We were done.

  “Will you indulge me for a few minutes, Olivia?”

  Jamie stopped the car in the middle of town square and came around to open my door. Holding Jamie’s hand as though it was my last lifeline, I followed him into an antique shop. In silence Jamie looked in the glass cases and finally picked out what he needed while I stood motionless, gazing out the front window.

  We continued our hand in hand walk to a nearby park and Jamie sat us down.

  “You say you love me enough to let me live my life in happiness.”

  I nodded yes.

  “You asked me if I believed the depth of your love for me."

  I nodded again.

  “Show me how much you love me by marrying me.” He pulled out a beautifully intricate gold band that he must have just purchased. “I reciprocate this love, Olivia. Marry me.”

  Without a second thought, I nodded one more time and cried into his neck.

  In the end, maybe I didn’t love him as much as my earlier proclamation because when he offered me forever, I couldn’t let him go. Selfishly, I wanted our happily ever after.

  DANI 2005

  I was freaking out the moment I saw Mom and Jamie holding hands. What had happened on their trip that made Mom change her mind? Freak out again! Was that a ring on her fourth finger? I scratched my head, confused…bewildered…freaked out! “Why is Jamie here and why is there a ring on your finger? Didn’t you say you two were going to break up?”

  “Dani, I can hear you,” Jamie waxed, lyrically, annoyingly.

  “Well?” I asked impatiently.

  “We’re getting married!” Jamie’s excited tone was no less irritating.

  “What?” With eyes bugged out, I stared at Mom for answers I was not receiving. “Mom?”

  Jamie read the panic shooting through Mom and he halted all of us, in the middle of the concourse, in the airport.

  “Dani,” he called gently and warmly, a little less annoyingly. “I can’t live without your mother. I can give up anything, anyone, but her. Would you bestow upon me the privilege of taking care of you Kingston ladies? I may not do your father justice, in your eyes, but I’ll do my best to make your mother happy and to be a good substitute father to you. I gladly accept you as my daughter…will you happily accept me as your second dad?”

  “Um…” I was utterly lost.

  “You want to
talk privately?” Mom finally spoke up.

  Did I want to talk to Mom privately? Yes!

  Did I need to sort out my head? Yes!

  Did I need to butt into Mom’s and Jamie’s life…? No.

  After a short sorting of the head, I decided to get to the heart of the matter.

  “Do you love Jamie?” I asked point blank.

  Mom nodded a slightly fearful but no less enthusiastic yes.

  “Jamie?” He looked alert, ready to answer any question. “Will you take good care of Mom? Like the way Dad used to take care of her?”

  “I will!”

  “Will you treat her like a queen? Like she’s your first and last breath? Like she’s the only person in the world for you?”

  “I will,” he answered tenderly.

  “Like my daddy treated her…?” Like a fool, I started to cry.

  I realized this was the end of my parents, Olivia and Paul Kingston, and the beginning of Olivia and Jamie Hutchison. Jamie quickly let go of Mom and hugged me lovingly – an almost Dad-like hug.

  “Please take care of her. I love her so much. She deserves the world.”

  “I will, Dani. I will.”

  “Mom,” I wailed – which automatically caused her to wail with me.

  Airport drama done, we headed for the wicked witch of the west’s home to celebrate Jamie’s father’s birthday. If and when Mom and Jamie tied the knot, I didn’t know if I’d have to call Jamie’s dad, Grandpa, or Step-Grandpa or just Harry. That also meant I’d have more aunts and uncles or step aunts and uncles. This was way too confusing. I tabled the thought.

  “Welcome, Olivia.” Boy, Jamie’s mom was stiff in her greeting.

  “Thanks for inviting us,” Mom, just as stiffly, answered back. “This is my daughter, Danielle.”

  “Hello, Danielle. It’s nice to meet you.” An even stiffer greeting. Stiff was the theme to this get-together.

  “Hi,” I acted cheerful for Mom’s sake.

  “Olivia!” Someone in this family actually sounded happy to see my mother. “And this must be Dani.”