Never mind.
I didn’t want to know.
Locking those worries away for later, I forced myself to focus on Grier for real this time, but it was hard. I had trouble adjusting to our dynamic. She was here, in the loft where she had spent so many nights with Linus, as a guest. As my guest. This had been their space for a year and change. Arguably, Grier belonged here more than me. The imbalance left me feeling like I ought to ask her permission before I got a bottle of water out of my own fridge.
Awkward as it might be to have her in my space, I had to remind myself she wasn’t here for me.
I had lost my brother, and she had lost her first love, and a friend. She had come to pay her respects.
That was it. That was all. It had to be.
There were no bodies. There were no bodies. There were no bodies.
The endless loop of Remy’s words wasn’t helping matters. With my brain fried extra crispy, I couldn’t get it to stop hopping from thought to thought like frog legs avoiding a pan of hot grease. “Tomorrow.”
“That’s…quick.” She checked with Linus. “Are you sure you don’t want to take another day?”
I could tell then that she was viewing this wake as a genuine farewell to our lost loved ones.
And I could also tell, I hadn’t given up on my brother or Addie or the others.
Hope is both a misery and a miracle.
“No one knew them here,” I reasoned. “They’ll expect the formalities to be observed in Savannah.”
An itch between my shoulders had me searching out Linus, and sure enough, he was watching me.
Chills skated down my spine, but I hadn’t lied to Tisdale. Linus didn’t require my consent, but he had it. It would hurt him, deeply, to clean up my mess, but he would do it. He was a good man, and a good friend.
While I respected his concern, I didn’t plan on embracing the dark side because of my loss.
Then again, I was obviously in denial. I could tell. I knew the signs. I couldn’t trust myself. Not yet.
I had to believe he would know if or when I made a wrong turn and correct it before taking extreme, but necessary, measures.
“Okay.” Grier hovered on my periphery. “I can handle this if you have somewhere else to be.”
She was giving me an out. A pass. An escape route.
A way to pretend, for a while longer, that the wake was window dressing.
Coward that I was, I took it. With both hands. And I ran with it.
“I would appreciate that.” I flashed her a wobbly smile. “Midas?”
With his hand pressed to my lower back, ready to guide me out, he said, “I’m with you.”
We made our exit without explanations or excuses. I didn’t want to lie to them, so I didn’t, but I couldn’t be here anymore. I needed open air, a purpose. I needed to make progress and not regress. I couldn’t waste another minute curled up in bed while the coven picked off everyone close to me.
No sooner had we hit the streets than Remy called me. “Did you find everyone?”
“Yeah, Lethe is clear. She left with Tisdale. Ares is good too, but yikes. I had to test her out in the hall just to hear myself think. That kid they’re watching has a set of lungs on him. I thought I might do a twofer and test Liz while I was there, but she was at work.”
“Wait.” I held up a finger. “They still have the baby?”
“There were complications with the sister-in-law’s surgery. She and Liz are on baby duty until the grandparents arrive to take over.” She caught her breath then finished her recitation. “Lisbeth was with Ford. They were staring longingly into one another’s eyes. I pried them apart long enough to test them. Both are clear. She’s got the kit, and she’ll bring it to HQ tomorrow.”
All good news. Thank the goddess. “Are you still at the Faraday?”
“About to walk out the door, why?”
“Head downstairs to see Abbott about your hands. All of your hands. All of you…and their hands? Whatever. You know what I mean.” I gestured Midas forward. “I should have made that a priority. My head wasn’t in the right place earlier. I’m sorry.”
“Fine,” she said gruffly. “Only if it’ll make you feel better.”
“It would.” A smile tugged at my mouth. “Much better.”
Grumbling under her breath, she ended the call to, I hope, seek medical treatment.
Abbott knew who and what she was, and he was the only person I trusted with her secrets and her care.
After putting up my phone, I checked with Midas. “Did you catch all that?”
“I did.” He cut his eyes toward me. “You’re a good alpha to your people.”
The praise caused heat to rise in my cheeks, and I ducked my head until they cooled.
Without a destination in mind, I fell into the old habits of walking my familiar patrol routes. I wish there had been a disturbance, a physical outlet for my helpless anger and anxiety, but the city remained quiet, as if she mourned with me. Which was ridiculous since she was still bonded to Linus.
And Linus wouldn’t regret never seeing Boaz again, would he?
Surprising no one, least of all myself, I circled back to the restaurant. I wasn’t sure how long I stood there before I noticed a peculiar gleam among the debris or when I decided to pursue it. Midas didn’t stop me when I picked my way through the wreckage to reach it, but he followed to keep me from stumbling or collapsing, one or the other.
Nestled in a pile of ash, a ring winked up at me. The thick gold band was familiar, as was the glass stone.
Once upon a time, I had begged Boaz to let me wear his class ring. Other girls had worn their boyfriends’ rings, and it made me jealous. I didn’t date much in high school. Most of my friends ended up having sex junior or senior year, which I also envied, but not enough to get naked with a guy I would have to see for the rest of school, who would ask questions about my scars.
Fear tasted metallic in the back of my throat when it hit me Midas would see them too.
Suddenly, his choice to see me as I truly was as opposed to the glamour I wore made me twitchy.
“Gold wouldn’t have survived this without warping or the glass cracking.”
Startled from my thoughts, I glanced over at Midas. “It’s pristine.”
Well, as pristine as any piece of jewelry that had survived daily wear since his teenage years could be.
“Do you want me to get it for you?”
The words hung in my throat, so I nodded, which came easier.
Midas crouched and raked his fingers through the crumbling flakes, collected the ring, then cleaned it on his shirt before handing it to me. “What does this mean?”
Along the inside of the band, Boaz’s stamped initials had faded with wear, but I could still read them.
“This means…” I slid the ring onto my finger, “…my brother is alive.”
That was the obvious conclusion.
What does this mean?
A direct link to my brother rather than my sister hinted that the coven knew my true identity.
What does this mean?
I didn’t have a frakking clue.
“Boaz’s ring was planted. They meant for you to find it.” He crouched again and ran his hand through the ash one last time. “The Remys and Bishop wouldn’t have missed it. It’s too big.”
“Who planted it?” I rubbed my thumb over the stone then slid the ring off my finger and put it in my pocket. “The bomber? Boaz? The coven?”
“Boaz would have called or made contact if he was able, so that leaves the coven or their agents.”
“Why haven’t they reached out? If they took hostages, why not name the terms for their release?”
“I don’t know.”
But we both had a good idea why they might have kept them, what they might have done to them.
If my brother or Addie, or their—our—parents, had miraculously survived, I would have no choice but to greet them with a finger stick and not a hug.
> That really, really sucked. It made my head throb and my heart ache. But I had to be smart about this.
Until I reached for him, I hadn’t noticed Ambrose’s absence, which unsettled my stomach. Usually, I kept a closer eye on him. Now was not the time to relax my vigilance, no matter how well-behaved my darker half had been acting lately. Key word acting. More than likely, he had been hiding from the crowd in the loft he suspected might lynch us. Normally, I would applaud the performance, but just now I needed his help.
“Can you sense anything?” I reached into my pocket, impressed by how well I had trained myself to stuff them full of chocolates without thinking about it. “I know you taste magic on a person, but what about a place? Can you try?”
I paid a modest toll of three white chocolate truffles rolled in crushed pecans for his cooperation.
Midas watched, more curious than anything about Ambrose’s quirks. “Do you think he’ll find anything?”
“I’m not holding my breath.” I walked the rest of the site but knew better than to expect another clue. “I should have asked him sooner, but it didn’t cross my mind. He’s attuned to energy sources that will fill his tank, not residual magic that’s less than a mouthful.”
I got my answer when Ambrose swirled to a stop before me and bounced his shoulders in a shrug.
Disappointed when I should have known better, I asked, “Would sampling the other sites help?”
Quick to stick out his hand, he waited for me to toss him more chocolate to buy his opinion.
“I’m guessing that’s a yes, but also that it will cost me.”
The shadow bobbed its head and curled its fingers in a gimme motion.
“I’ll pay up once we get there. Otherwise, you’ll act like I tricked you into working for free and pout until I waste premium chocolates on one of your tantrums.”
Ambrose, who was quick to laugh at me, did, miming a fit of hilarity that bordered on slapstick.
“Midas?” I checked with him to see if Ambrose freaked him out as much as he disturbed Bishop. “Do you mind two more stops?”
“I’m game for whatever you think will help.” Curiosity brightened his eyes. “Can I…feed him?”
On his best behavior, Ambrose walked over to Midas, bent at the waist, and stuck out his hand.
“Don’t fall for it. You can’t touch him.” I shooed the shadow away. “He’s just sucking up to you.”
“Does that mean I shouldn’t feed him?”
“Now that you can see him, and you’ve expressed an interest, I expect he’ll start begging you for scraps.”
We started walking back to the site of the first fire, Choco-Loco, which was closer to our position.
“What can he eat?” Midas laced our fingers. “Is there anything I shouldn’t give him?”
All of a sudden, I felt like a pet parent giving instructions to a gullible pet sitter.
“Never tell him it’s okay to feed on anyone or anything. He needs my permission for that.” Though, after watching him skim from random people on the street, I had my doubts that was as true as it used to be. “With you and I bonded now too, I’m not sure how it will work going forward. It might be like my ability to issue you orders. You might be able to do the same to him with a direct command.”
“I hadn’t thought of that.” Midas angled his head toward me. “We’ll need to figure it out, eventually.”
“Yeah, we will.” I glared at the shadow tucked within Midas’s shadow. “Or else accidents might happen.”
Hand tightening around mine, Midas took my meaning, and he set his jaw.
One wrong word from him might damn me as easily as I could damn myself. How terrifying was that?
At least as terrifying as it must be for him to know that I could wrest control of his beast away from him.
“Are we soul mates? Fated mates? Cosmic partners in a predestined love?”
Based on Claudia’s explanation, and Ambrose vouching for our bond, the answer was a resounding yes. Such a connection would explain the influence we each held over our other halves, but it felt weird bringing it up to him instead of the other way around.
“We’re…complicated.” He rubbed his jaw. “The truth?”
Tugging on his arm, I leaned against him. “That would be nice.”
“I don’t know.”
“Explain.”
“At first, I thought so, yes. Now I’m not so sure.” He was quiet for a moment. “There is a bond. We know that much. We can both sense it.”
“But?”
“It doesn’t function how it was explained to me.” He slanted me a searching look. “Each pair is different, but usually not this divergent. We don’t pick up on each other’s thoughts or emotions. We’re connected, but I’m not sure how. A link has been established, but it’s almost like it hasn’t been activated yet.”
How the heck did you activate it? Add batteries? Pull out the plastic tab? Dial an 800 number?
“You’re telling me we have a wonky bond?”
Finding a soul mate was like hitting the lottery when you were a warg. Gwyllgi hybrids like Midas, with their half-warg and half-gwyllgi lineage, didn’t often experience the same bone-deep connection to their partner. They had too much fae in them, and fae were much, um, freer in their affections.
“I haven’t brought it up,” he admitted, “because we have so much else on our plates right now.”
Aside from the real danger we might pose to one another if we didn’t hash out how much influence we each wielded over the other, I couldn’t blame him for shelving it for later. Until this extra stress hit, it could have waited. Now, not so much. We needed to talk it out at the very least to make sure it wasn’t another type of bomb about to explode.
“Do you think it’s okay?” I placed a hand over my heart. “Will it break?”
“I don’t think so.” A deep groove bisected his forehead. “We’ll figure it out.”
“It doesn’t bother you?” I rubbed my chest. “That we’re in mating limbo?”
Midas stopped in his tracks and used our joined hands to haul me against his hard chest.
“I’m not in limbo.” He lowered his head, his warm breath skating across my mouth before his lips touched mine. “I’m right here, with you, where I’ll always be.”
“I didn’t mean to derail us.” I tightened my grip on him. “It just hit me, when you mentioned how we can each probably exert control over the other.”
We hadn’t tested his theory on my end, but it was on the to-do list now, and I had a hunch about the outcome.
“I’m happy to answer any questions you have to the best of my ability.” He kissed me again, quick and soft. “I want you to know that I don’t need the bond to tell me you’re—”
“—my own person?”
“Mine.” He smiled against my lips when he stole another kiss. “All mine.”
Spluttering laughter, I let him get away with it. “Am I going to wake up with a tattoo branding me one day?”
Heat flashed in his eyes, and he slid his gaze down my body. “How many do you have, anyway?”
“It’s a surprise.”
The fact we could laugh together and tease one another meant the world to me on a good day. That we could talk about our future, uncertain as it might be, without missing a beat… Yeah. It meant everything.
Our reprieve lasted long enough for me to remember how to breathe again, but then we were at Choco-Loco, and Ambrose was zooming off to explore. His recon didn’t take long. Within a minute, he skidded to a stop before us and reported by spreading his hands wide.
“Here.” I handed Midas three more truffles. “Toss them in, wrapper and all. He doesn’t care either way.”
Shadow morphing into the outline of an eager dog, it thumped its silent tail and lolled its tongue.
“He can assume any form?” Midas flung them one at a time. “Anyone’s form?”
“He can mimic any shadow he’s encountered from what I can tell, but he can
only manifest one face.”
Midas dusted his hands then flashed his empty palms, like Ambrose really was a dog who required proof he was out of treats. “Linus’s, right?”
“More or less, yes. He took artistic license, but from a distance, we could pass for him.”
Mouth tight, he watched the shadow reshape to match my outline. “Can he manifest now?”
“This is it.” I caught the flicker of annoyance through my bond with Ambrose. “Unless I lose control.”
“You’re so much stronger than I ever knew.” Midas fisted his hand in my hair. “I had no idea.”
“I don’t deserve all the credit. Those tattoos you’re so interested in counting? Linus designed them. They help me control and contain Ambrose. Day to day, they do the heavy lifting.” And they looked good doing it. Linus truly was an artist. “They give me space to think and act beyond obsessing over whether a snap in my temper is me having a bad day or Ambrose nudging me toward a bad decision.”
While absorbing that, Midas turned his gaze skyward, toward the lightening horizon. “We have time to hit the last site if you want.”
“Yeah.” I had to go if there was even a slight chance of discovering another clue. “Might as well.”
I was dragging by the time we arrived. The ring in my pocket must have weighed a thousand pounds.
“Ambrose.” I tossed him three more treats as I stood where the bar used to be. “Do your thing.”
Straining my eyes for the telltale gleam of another clue, I was reminded of the glint that saved my life.
“The night the bar was bombed, I was standing outside on my phone when I saw this glint. I was going to check it out when the place exploded.”
Ambrose was fast, but one day he wouldn’t be fast enough. That was simple math and plain truth.
“Bishop reviewed the footage from that night. He said it resembled a flashbang. The kind the pack uses.” I bit the inside of my cheek. “I should have told you sooner, but there was Claudia and then the challenge and then…”
The news about Boaz and Addie had been my true breaking point.
“We’re all under a lot of stress.” He scrubbed a hand down his face. “Things are going to slip through the cracks.” He reached for his phone. “Every enforcer is required to sign out their gear at the start of a shift and must account for it before they go home.”
Proof of Life (The Potentate of Atlanta Book 4) Page 13
