by Ingrid Diaz
Valerie stepped forward and placed her finger to my lips. “No. I shouldn’t have even thought to ask you that question. I’m sorry. I just let my paranoia get the best of me.” She went to sit on the couch. “I’ve never done this before, Alix. It scares me.”
I sat beside her and faced her. “You’ve been in relationships before.”
She smiled sadly. “I’ve never been in love before.”
My heart skipped a beat. “Neither have I,” I whispered.
Valerie turned to me, her eyes betraying her surprise. “But Jessica—”
I shook my head. “Jessica never felt like this.” I took a deep breath. “Look, Valerie, that day in your apartment when you told me you loved me and I walked out . . . I’m sorry. I was overwhelmed. No one . . . had ever said that to me before. I kind of freaked. When it comes to fight or flight, I generally fly.”
A smile passed her lips. “It’s okay.”
Okay? I shook my head again. “No. No, it’s not okay. Because I’m in love with you. And I need you to know that. Even if I go back to Florida and you decide to stay here and I never see you again—”
Her kiss drowned my words, stealing my breath away. I couldn’t even remember what I’d been talking about. I’d kissed her before but somehow this felt different. Its sweetness was tinged with an urgency that had never existed before.
Valerie pulled away first, looking like a child who’d just been caught doing something wrong. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to do that. You were saying?”
Did she really expect me to remember? “Who cares? And why are you sorry?”
“I didn’t mean to cross the line.”
“You didn’t,” I assured her. Then I remembered what I’d been talking about. “I wasn’t saying anything important. Just that I love you. But that can wait.”
Valerie smiled. Then a troubled look passed across her features and she turned away.
“What’s wrong?”
“There’s something you need to know,” she said. “I don’t want to hide anything from you anymore.”
Uh-oh, I thought. Whatever it was, I was sure I wasn’t going to like it.
She took a deep breath. “Jade knew.”
“Jade knew what?” I asked, suddenly confused.
“She knew the whole plan. She helped me. That’s why she took you to Whispers that night. That’s how I knew where you lived.”
I nodded. “I kind of figured.”
Valerie stared at me in surprise. “What?”
“Well, while I was in my fuming, angry stage I started thinking about everything, especially about the night we met. And everything just kind of kept going back to Jade. She wanted me to go to the club. She picked the club. She opened up a conversation with you. Then you told me that Jade had been at Whispers earlier and told you where I lived but she doesn’t have a car so there’s no way she could’ve gotten there. Especially not in the middle of the day.”
I shrugged. “It started to make sense. What I couldn’t figure out was why. But then I remembered Jade telling me this story about this girl Valerie that had pretty much saved her from getting raped one night. So all the pieces fit together.”
“You’re not mad?”
“Well, like I said, I was in my fuming, angry stage so I was enraged then. But I figured Jade never meant for things to get that out of hand. Don’t get me wrong, we’re going to have a big talk later, but I keep thinking that if none of this would’ve happened . . . we would’ve never met. And I’d rather go through this all over again than go the rest of my life without knowing you.” I cringed. “Is that too corny? I’m sorry.”
“You’re amazing,” Valerie commented, her gaze never leaving mine.
“Yeah, I think so.” I smiled. “Any more confessions?”
Valerie paled slightly. “There’re a lot of things about me you don’t know . . .”
I took her hand. “Then you will tell me . . . later. I don’t think I can handle any more tonight.”
“I keep wondering what I did to deserve you.”
“Maybe you were really good in another life,” I joked.
Valerie laughed. “Thanks.” She looked around for a moment, then cleared her throat. “Do you want to spend the night?”
I arched an eyebrow. “That was subtle.”
“Not like that,” she said, blushing slightly. “Just . . . sleep. It’s getting late and I don’t want you leaving at this hour. I don’t really want you leaving, period.”
I glanced at my watch to see what her definition of “getting late” was. Ten o’clock. I’d hate to know what she considered early. “Only on one condition.”
“What’s that?”
“You cook me something,” I responded. “I’m starving.”
Ò
Several hours later, we were lying on her bed. Valerie lent me a pair of sweatpants and a tee shirt to sleep in. We had two bowls of popcorn between us, one with butter, one without. On the big screen TV, Romy and Michelle’s High School Reunion was playing. We’d flipped a quarter to see who got to choose the movie. She’d lost.
“Romy or Michelle?” Valerie asked, grabbing a handful of popcorn and stuffing it in her mouth.
I stared at the couple on the screen. Which would I rather sleep with? Hmm. “Lisa Kudrow, definitely.”
“You don’t think Mira Sorvino is cute?”
“No she’s cute too, but I’m loyal to Friends.”
Valerie laughed. “Dork.”
I munched away on some popcorn as I shrugged. “Romy or Heather?”
Valerie considered. “I have a weakness for bitter women. So I’ll go with Jeanine Garofalo. Jennifer Aniston or Steven Tyler?”
“Steven Tyler,” I replied without hesitation. “Catherine Zeta Jones or Jennifer Connelly?”
“Oooh! Tough one. Jennifer. I’m loyal to Labyrinth. How can you possibly choose Steven Tyler over Jennifer Aniston?”
“Easy. He’s yum.”
Valerie cringed. “I worry about you, I really do.”
I laughed at her discomfort.
“Steven Tyler or me?”
I stared at her. “Steven Tyler, of course.” I was rewarded with a handful of sticky popcorn hitting my face. “Thanks.”
“I am officially not speaking to you,” Valerie announced, looking very much like she meant it as she turned her full attention to the movie.
“You asked.”
Valerie continued to eat her popcorn and focus on the movie.
“Fine, be that way.” Two could play at this game.
The movie proceeded along. Fifteen minutes of silence went by before Valerie spoke. “Is it ’cause you’d rather be with a guy than a girl?”
I nearly choked on the mouthful of popcorn. I grabbed for the Dr. Pepper on the nightstand. “Huh?”
“Do you like guys more than girls?” she asked, quite seriously.
For someone who appeared so self-assured, Valerie was sure insecure about the oddest things. “No I don’t like guys more than girls. In fact, I don’t really like guys. Only Steven, and only because he’s my idol. It’s more about admiration than sexual attraction.”
“But you’d rather sleep with him than me,” she protested, almost pouting.
Laughing, I kissed her cheek. “I was just kidding, you dinkus. I would never choose anyone over you. And I wouldn’t choose him over Jennifer Aniston either. I’d have to be insane.”
“So you’d never pick someone over me?”
“Nope.”
“Good to know.” She appeared mighty proud of herself.
“Jennifer Connelly or me?”
Her mouth dropped. “That’s not fair. You can’t ask me to betray my loyalty.”
I laughed. “All right, I’ll put it this way. Say you were in a room with the two of us and you had to pick one and the other wouldn’t know that you chose the other over them. Which would you pick? It’s okay. I won’t be offended.”
“Okay, one moment.” Valerie closed her eyes, app
earing deep in concentration.
I continued to eat my popcorn as I waited.
Finally, she said, “You.”
“You’re just saying that to be nice.”
“Nope. I’d pick you.”
“Ahuh. And why?”
She grinned. “’Cause believe it or not, you’re hotter.”
I snorted. “Good one.”
Valerie grabbed my hand and pulled me up. I nearly knocked the popcorn all over the bed. “Come on.”
She led me to the full-length mirror in the closet and stood behind me as I contemplated my reflection. “Explain?”
Valerie simply motioned to the mirror. “What do you see?”
“You and me,” I answered. “Do the questions get harder as we go along?”
“I’m serious.” She turned me around to face her. “What do you see when you look at me?”
That was easy. “I see the most beautiful woman on the face of the earth.” I meant that too. Jennifer Aniston had nothing on this girl.
“Why thank you,” she said, turning me back around. “Now what do you see when you look at yourself?”
“I see me standing in front of the most beautiful woman on the face of the earth.”
“You’re gorgeous, Alix.”
Shrugging, I said, “I’m okay.”
“Gorgeous, yet frustrating.”
“I like to present a challenge,” I replied, smiling. I turned back to my reflection. I supposed I wasn’t a complete ogre. In the right light, I even looked semi-human.
Smiling, I joined Valerie back on the bed. “So what are we doing tomorrow?”
“Packing.”
I was confused. “Pardon?”
“We’re going back to Florida.”
Chapter 5
Valerie
So my plan to leave everything behind went full circle and landed me right back where I started and I wasn’t entirely certain how that had occurred. There were many things over the past few weeks I couldn’t quite explain. Like when did awkward silences give way to endless conversations? And how did “I had a nice time” suddenly start meaning “I love you”? I couldn’t pinpoint the exact moment where dull aches turned into a searing pain at the thought of never being with her, yet looking back I can’t recall what it was like when I didn’t know her. Strange, that.
The clouds outside of the airplane window stretched out endlessly in a playground of possibilities. I wondered what it was about the sky that made everything seem possible. Perhaps the lack of boundaries, the presence of illusion that made the clouds appear more solid than they were. That’s how I’d once imagined love to be, an illusion.
I gazed at the slumbering form beside me and felt my heart skip at the mere sight of her. It was unnerving yet exciting and I thought again of the tattoo on my skin and how I’d failed at living by its example. I’d thought myself strong for avoiding the weakening grasp love always seemed to have on those unlucky enough to fall for its deceiving allure. But now I saw myself as far more of a coward for running from the fear of heartbreak. Facing it was, by far, the greater challenge. I just hoped I was a strong enough candidate for the job.
Alix stirred in the seat, her green eyes slowly opening. “Was I snoring?” she asked with concern.
“Yes,” I lied. “For a while I thought it was the engine. I thought for sure we were going to crash.”
She slapped my arm. “Not funny.”
I rubbed away the tingle her touch had left on my arm, pretending instead that she had hurt me with her sad attempt at inflicting pain. “Sleep well?”
“I always sleep like a baby on planes,” she responded with a yawn. “I don’t know why I’m so sleepy.”
“Perhaps because you were up all night watching movies?” I suggested casually.
“Perhaps. But I think it had more to do with the fact that you kept kicking me.”
“Me kick you?” I cried, shocked that she would have the audacity to suggest such a thing. “Do you want to see the bruises on my leg? You were probably a donkey in another life.”
“Do donkeys kick?” she asked, the original argument momentarily forgotten.
Jade leaned forward in her seat beside Alix. “Rabbits kick hard.”
I sent her a questioning glance that was voiced when Alix said, “What the hell?”
“A rabbit kicked me really hard once!” Jade argued, rubbing a spot on her chin.
Alix frowned. “I don’t want to know why the rabbit was close enough to kick you in the chin.”
“It’s a complicated story,” Jade stated. “Your simple minds would never comprehend.”
“Thank God,” Alix mumbled. She put on her headphones and started pressing buttons on her mp3 player.
Jade followed Alix’s example and put on her headphones as well.
Bored, I turned once again to the view from my window. Such pretty patterns hovering over nothingness, breaking apart, breaking free of themselves and drifting nowhere. I contemplated the designs, attempting to find meaning in the meaningless forms floating with slow progression. I wondered briefly if clouds had any sense of self and if, like us, they basked in overrated self-glory. Did they realize they were going in circles? Did we?
I took Alix’s hand in mine, amazed as always by the softness of her skin. Then I settled back in the seat and closed my eyes, succumbing to the safety and comfort her touch provided.
Ò
We arrived at MIA shortly thereafter, and I was surprised to find Jessica waiting for us at the gate. Her presence made me feel terribly uneasy. I felt better when I saw that she looked equally surprised to see me walk out behind Alix.
The two of them hugged, and I stood by awkwardly, looking around as though strangers walking about were the most interesting thing in the world.
“I guess the mission was a success,” Jessica said, glancing at me. I couldn’t determine how she felt about the fact, but she seemed pleased that Alix was back.
It was then I remembered my hair, and felt suddenly self-conscious. It was an irritating feeling, one that left me feeling more angry than annoyed. Why should I feel embarrassed? It was my hair color. But the feeling remained even after we left the gate and stood by the carousel awaiting our bags.
“Catch my bag if it comes around,” Alix said to me. “I’ve gotta run to the little nun’s room.”
Jade followed suit, leaving Jessica and I alone.
I tried not to clear my throat or make any other sound that would give away my discomfort. I tried instead to busy my head with plans of action. Like how I was going to get a car now that I’d sold the other one, for instance. I stared pleadingly at the line of bags cruising by, hoping one of them would turn into one of ours so I would have something else to do besides stand there in unbearable silence.
“So,” Jessica said. “What made you come back?”
“I’m sure you know the answer to that,” I replied.
She nodded. “Good reason.”
“Yes, she is,” I agreed, wondering if this was going anywhere or if she just wanted to kill time until Alix and Jade returned.
“They left on purpose,” Jessica informed me, looking at me with her usual cool expression.
Reflexively, I glanced in the direction they had left. “How do you know?”
“Because Alix only says ‘little nun’s room’ when she’s up to something.”
“Good to know,” I replied, slightly jealous that Jessica should know something about Alix that I didn’t. Reminding myself that they’d been best friends for years didn’t make me feel any better. I had to get over this. “So what do you suppose she’s up to?”
“This,” Jessica answered simply. “Us talking.”
“Oh,” I said, not knowing what else to say.
Jessica turned to me, regarding me with a serious expression. “What would you be willing to give for Alix?”
“I’m sorry?” I asked. Did she want me to trade her for something? I was confused.
“Alix’s happ
iness, how much is that worth to you?”
“Are you trying to buy me off again?” I asked, feeling my rage rising.
To my surprise, Jessica laughed. “Calm down,” she said and her voice wasn’t mocking so I did. A little. “I’m asking if Alix’s happiness is enough to make you forsake your pride?”
I wasn’t entirely sure where she was going with this, but I knew the answer to the question. “I would give anything to ensure Alix’s happiness.”
Jessica nodded, seemingly pleased. “So would I.”
“I know,” I told her, knowing it to be so.
She studied me for a moment, then asked, “Will you join me for lunch tomorrow?”
Her invitation shocked me, but I willed it not to show. “Will Alix be there?”
“No. Just the two of us.”
I mulled the idea over. Then I thought of her question about me forsaking my pride and I instantly knew why she asked. “What time?”
“One. Is The Olive Garden okay with you?”
“Fine. If I can get there. I sold my car before I left.” I have no idea why I told her that.
“I’ll pick you up then.” She seemed to debate something over in her head, then asked, “Do you have a place to stay?”
“I’ll be at the same apartment,” I said, thankful I didn’t have to lie. I’d never needed anyone before and I wasn’t about to start asking Jessica Heart for favors.
She nodded and said, “I’ll pick you up at one then. Here they come. Act as if we’ve been standing here in silence the whole time.”
I resumed my award winning brooding look just in time to see Alix and Jade round the corner. Jade carried a bag in one hand from a recent purchase. Alix carried a matching one.
“Bathroom having a sale?” I asked.
“Yes,” Alix responded. “Toilet paper . . . hand soap . . . you name it. Quite the bargains too.”
“Sorry I missed it.” I smiled at her.
She smiled back, instantly making me forget that Jessica and Jade were both there, watching our interplay with undisguised interest.
