by Ingrid Diaz
Uh-oh. I had stumbled upon a soft spot apparently. Common sense told me to drop the subject. That she would reveal things at her own pace. But at the rate we were going, I didn’t see it happening any time soon. Curiosity killed the cat, I told myself. I hoped I had an extra eight lives to spare. “Have you ever killed someone?” It seemed surreal that I should be asking someone that question, least of all my girlfriend. But with Valerie, nothing really seemed out of the realm of possibility.
Valerie froze beside me. Slowly, she faced me. Her eyes were sad and distant. She wore an expression I don’t remember seeing on her before and it tore my heart to shreds. I instantly regretted asking the question. Not because I feared the answer, but because her look of pain was unbearable.
I took her hand in mine, just so she’d know I wasn’t going to bolt on her.
She seemed momentarily thrown by the gesture and she stared down at our hands for a long moment before responding. When her gaze finally met with mine, she looked more like herself, though there was a tinge of regret in her tone.
“Yes,” she finally replied. “I have.”
I simply nodded, not knowing how else to respond.
Valerie let go of my hand and sighed. “You can go if you want.”
“Go?” I asked.
“Who wants a murderer for a girlfriend,” she responded sadly.
Phrasing it that way sure put things in perspective. I wasn’t entirely sure how to feel about the revelation. I couldn’t say I was particularly surprised. Nothing shocked me anymore. “We are not defined by our past mistakes.”
“Sometimes we should be,” Valerie said sadly.
“Want to tell me what happened?”
“Not really,” she answered. “But I will anyway. You deserve to know who you are with.”
She paused as if to collect her thoughts, then continued. “Well, like I told you before, my mom left when I was thirteen and that sealed my fate. My dad went off the deep end of misery. I always came home expecting to find him dead. He decided to drag out suicide, though, I suppose, and just started drinking constantly. So he was pretty much useless as a father. Aaron was ten at the time and he was already mixing with the wrong crowd. We didn’t live in the best of neighborhoods, so you were either in with the wrong crowd, or dead somewhere. Sometimes there are no in-betweens. By then all the money my parents had gotten from Jessica’s was gone.
“When I was fourteen I met Chris. She adopted me in a way. Aaron too. So I worked for her, selling drugs at the schools. My dad had me enrolled me in a martial arts school when I was four. I think that was the only fatherly duty he ever really performed. Anyway, I got into a fight with some kids who didn’t want to pay, and Chris watched me beat them all to the ground. She was impressed and hooked me up with a friend of hers who gave me private lessons. I didn’t realize it then, but she wanted to use my skills to her advantage.
“There was this man, he went by the name of Jake, but I doubt that was his real name. Anyway, this Jake guy owed Chris a lot of money. And he had it, too, which is what pissed Chris off the most. She hated being taken advantage of. So she sent me after him. I beat him until he told me where the money was. I got the money and brought it back to Chris. But she wasn’t satisfied. She wanted to show him a lesson. So she sent me back to him, this time to kill him.” She paused in her tale, her eyes watering. She shut them, pushing the tears away. When she opened them again, she sighed.
“I was only sixteen. I didn’t know what I was doing. Jake learned his lesson the first time and had a bunch of his men standing around with guns, protecting him. They weren’t very good or very smart. And eventually I got a clear shot of Jake. He never saw it coming.” She fell silent for a moment, then said, “That was the abridged version.”
I listened to the entire story, picturing it all in my mind like a movie. Sometimes I felt like Valerie’s life seemed more fictional when she told the truth than when she lied about it. “So what happened then?” I was curious to know what caused her to get from there to here. Clearly she wasn’t the same person she was then. I couldn’t imagine this Valerie killing anyone.
“Well, Chris was so pleased with my work that she started sending me off on more and more adventures. By the time I was seventeen it all got to me. I found myself with a gun pointed at a girl, not much older than myself and I couldn’t pull the trigger. I saw myself in her eyes. The fear and the repulsion. I dropped the gun at her feet, daring her to use it on me instead. She just turned at ran. And I went back to Chris and announced my resignation. Aaron refused to leave, though. He was fourteen and had already found his niche dealing with computers.”
“Chris let you go that easily?” I asked, unable to keep my mouth shut.
Valerie smiled bitterly. “She didn’t have a choice. I’d gone a bit mad at this point. I was on the verge of losing it. I threatened to go to the police. I threatened to kill her and anyone else who dared cross my path. She knew I would, too. In that frame of mind, I would’ve done many crazy things. Not that I hadn’t already. I let her keep Aaron, one of my many mistakes. I will never forgive myself for leaving him there. But I was mad at him, too, for not wanting to leave with me. So I walked off. I ended up in New York City.”
“Interesting,” I found myself saying. Well, it was.
“You make it seem like I just told you a story from a book or something.”
“Kind of seems that way,” I admitted. “I believe you, of course,” I assured her quickly. “It’s just a reality so far from my own that it somehow seems like fiction.”
Valerie nodded sadly. “I’m guessing once it dawns on you that all of that was real, you’ll never want to see me again.”
“No,” I said sternly, frowning slightly. “I promise you that won’t happen.” I hoped she believed me. “So how long has it been since you spoke to your father?”
Valerie smiled, the first real smile I’d seen since we’d started this conversation. “I talk to him all the time. After I got my act together I went back to Boston for a month to see how he was doing. I was shocked to find he’d pulled himself together and was doing fine. We keep in touch. Email . . . or sometimes I call him, or he calls me.”
This news made me happy, and I smiled back at her. “That’s really good to know,” I said, taking her hand once again. “Thank you for telling me everything.”
“I promised you I would answer all of your questions,” Valerie replied. “My fear is that one of these days you’ll hear an answer you can’t handle.”
I laughed. “I can handle anything.”
“I hope so,” Valerie said seriously and seemed to relax. “My turn to ask you something.”
“Shoot,” I said, wondering what she could possibly be wondering about me.
Valerie played with her tongue ring for a moment. “I went to lunch with Jessica today.”
“That’s your question?” I asked.
Valerie laughed. “No. But it’s relevant.”
“All right . . .”
“She said you’d once forgiven her for something. She told me to ask you if I wanted to know that story.” She smiled sheepishly. “I guess I’m curious to know what Jessica could’ve possibly done to you. Is it because she wouldn’t go out with you?”
Her question surprised me. I hadn’t expected that topic to ever come up. I was surprised that Jessica had even thought to mention it. It was so long ago. “Um, no. It happened long before Jessica and I were friends.”
Valerie arched an eyebrow, interested.
“Well, it’s not quite as compelling as your story, but I’ll tell it.” I started thinking over the details of the tale and suddenly felt embarrassed. “It’s such a dorky story.”
Valerie waited patiently for me to continue, regardless of my warning. Here went nothing.
“I first met Jessica in middle school and at that point she was a really big snob. In other words, she was a total bitch. But I was a total nerd, and the moment I laid eyes on her I was a gonner. Love at fir
st sight and all that jazz. I was fourteen, she was sixteen. And I, in all my dorkyness, went up to her and asked her if I could be her friend.” I rolled my eyes at myself. I was so glad I’d grown up into a much cooler person.
“Anyway, she laughed at me of course. Her posse of friends laughed along with her at the sheer stupidity of my question. But a few weeks later, Jessica was throwing a party. I heard about it through the grapevine, ’cause in spite of her rejection I was still majorly obsessed with her. You can imagine my surprise when Jessica walked up to me one day and invited me to her party. She apologized for laughing at me and said she wanted to be friends. I was elated. I was walking on air the rest of the week, counting the hours until the party.
“So, the fateful day arrived and the party was going wonderfully. I’d never been in a mansion before, and my jaw remained firmly planted on the floor for most of the night. All of her friends welcomed me into their circle with open arms and I couldn’t imagine ever being happier . . .” I took a deep breath, then continued. “Then Jessica suggested we all go skinny dipping in the pool. Everyone thought it was a grand idea and I wasn’t about to argue with my new friends. So Jessica led me to this room where I could take my clothes off and handed me a towel. Then she told me everyone was meeting in the living room.
“So I stripped and put the towel around my body and walked out into the living room, where I was surprised to find everyone else, fully dressed and standing around ready to sing Happy Birthday. When they saw me they started laughing hysterically. Jessica ran over and snapped the towel off of me so I was completely exposed. That’s when her mom came wandering into the room, carrying the birthday cake. She dropped it on the floor when she saw me and cried out, asking what I thought I was doing.
“I was too petrified to speak. Jessica had dropped the towel at my feet and I quickly picked it up and tried to cover myself up. I was too scared to even cry. Her mom walked over and grabbed my hand and then told the butler to escort me to the outside gates of the mansion. I waited out there naked until my mom came and picked me up.” I truly hated that story.
Valerie stared at me. “Wow,” she said.
“It’s okay, you can laugh,” I said, shrugging.
“It’s not funny,” Valerie said, to my surprise. Everyone else found it hilarious. Jade had nearly fallen off the chair. “That must’ve been horrifying.”
“Not quite as much as getting my diary posted all over school, but yes, I was quite mortified,” I agreed. When she arched an eyebrow at the mention of my diary, I sighed. “This really evil girl found my diary and made copies and put them all over school. That’s how Jessica found out I was in love with her. Yadda yadda.”
“You could write a book of all your embarrassing stories,” Valerie commented.
“Yes, so that I can immortalize the worst experiences of my life,” I agreed. “I’ll get right on that.”
Valerie laughed and kissed my cheek. “Sorry.”
“So how do you feel about having dinner with Jessica and Mathew?” I asked carefully. Better to ask when she was apologizing for something. It fared better for the chances of a positive response.
“Sure, when?” Valerie responded.
“Tonight,” I answered. “I’ll let you drive.”
“The Bug?”
“Uh-huh.”
“Excellent! I’m there.”
I smiled, mighty pleased with myself. Some girls were just way too easy to please.
Ò
We ended up at Friday’s for dinner. I wanted to go to Wendy’s but apparently Jessica and Mathew didn’t think that would be an appropriate place for a double date. Instead of arguing, I simply expressed my disapproval by wearing all black. I tended to express my disapproval a lot.
“Cute shirt,” Jessica mentioned, as Valerie and I sat down.
I smiled proudly at my recent purchase. It was a black shirt that read “I’m only wearing black until they make something darker.” “Thank you, I like it.”
“She was torn between that one and the one about the penguins,” Valerie told them. “That’s why we’re late.”
“Penguins?” Mathew inquired.
“‘One by one the penguins take my sanity,’” I said solemnly. “I live by its wisdom.”
“She’s your friend,” Valerie said to Jessica.
“Your girlfriend,” she countered.
“Ladies, ladies,” I said, holding up my hands. “There’s plenty of me to go around.” I regarded Mathew with mock seriousness. “You’ve only been married to her for a few weeks and already she’s fighting over me. You must be doing something wrong. Are you making her wear that leash I gave you?”
Mathew laughed and blushed. “Well . . . uh . . .”
“Whoa! I don’t want to know,” I said, catching his meaning. “You’re both sick. Sick, sick, sick.”
Thankfully, for all our sakes, the waitress appeared. I ordered a salad, because according to Valerie’s new training schedule, I had to eat healthier. Apparently, Frosties and French fries weren’t doing anything for me.
“Since when do you eat salads?” Jessica asked, when the waitress had gone.
“Since Valerie called me fat and demanded I go on a diet.”
Mathew and Jessica glanced sharply at Valerie.
Valerie gave me an evil look. “I’m training her for this role she wants to audition for. She needs to eat healthier. Not less. And I did not call her fat.” The last part she directed at me.
Mathew and Jessica looked at me for confirmation, and I nodded, letting Valerie off the hook.
Valerie sent me another warning look which I found more adorable than intimidating.
“So, Mathew,” I said, staring at him. “How’s med school treating you?”
“I love it,” he replied, lighting up at the mention of it.
“You know that makes you a nerd,” I informed him, in case he didn’t already know. “When are you transferring to fashion design?”
“Are you trying to turn me gay?” he inquired.
“Dominique slipped me a twenty at the wedding so I’d suggest the idea,” I replied. “And I think it’s a lot cooler than med school. I mean, anyone can save a life. But to save a person from the evil claws of bad fashion sense . . .” I nodded gravely as I let the rest hang in the air.
“I’ll consider it,” Mathew replied with a wink.
“Oh, Alix,” Jessica said suddenly. “Do you think we could celebrate your birthday a week late?”
“Hmm?”
“Mathew has a conference and I promised I’d go with him,” Jessica said regretfully. “I didn’t realize it would be the same weekend as your birthday. But it’s too late to change the plans now.”
I tried to hide my disappointment. “Yeah, sure. No problem.” Who’d schedule a medical conference on the weekend of Halloween? Did these people have no sense of decency?
“We’ll make it up to you,” Mathew assured me.
Sure they would. I suddenly felt depressed, but tried to snap out of it. It was only my birthday. Jessica didn’t have to always be present for me to turn a year older. It would happen regardless. But it suddenly felt like the start of a trend. What else would she be willing to miss? First my birthday . . . what next? My wedding? Maybe she wouldn’t be able to make it to . . . whatever state deemed gay marriage legal that year.
Hmm . . . I was starting to notice my slight tendency to blow things out of proportion.
Chapter 7
Valerie
I arrived at Jessica’s mansion shortly after one the next afternoon. I’d received an “urgent” message from her stating, and I quote, “Valerie, this is Jessica. You must be at my house tomorrow at one-thirty. It’s urgent. Oh, and don’t tell Alix. Bye.”
And so I went, wondering what could possibly be so urgent.
“Mr. Collins is by the pool,” Maurice informed me.
“And Jessica?” I inquired. Surely he didn’t think I was here to see Mathew.
“She’ll be do
wn shortly,” Maurice responded. “She’ll join you outside.”
“Thank you,” I told him. I was a bit hesitant, knowing it was Mathew that awaited there. He seemed nice enough, but I’d never been left alone with him and wasn’t sure I’d know what to say. Still, I couldn’t very well stand in the foyer like an idiot waiting for Jessica to appear.
I found my . . . brother-in-law? The title sounded extremely awkward. In spite of the recent advances in my relationship with Jessica, we were still far from being friends. Even further still from being sisters. The entire concept felt as foreign to me as I’m sure it felt to her. Being sisters implied a bond that mere blood couldn’t form. It saddened me in a way. Yet I had to accept it.
I found Mathew sitting on a lounge chair, dressed in jeans and a sleeveless tee shirt and surrounded by books. He was staring intently into a thick textbook whose cover was obscured from my view. But going by the other titles piled around him, I guessed the content of the book to be medicine-related.
Unsure of how to proceed, I stood still, studying him quietly. He was attractive in a boy-next-door sort of way. In a lot of ways he reminded me of Alix. Light hair. Green eyes. Soft skin . . . a beautiful smile that . . .
Er. Sorry. Back to Mathew.
“Having fun?” I found myself asking.
He looked up from the book and smiled. “As fun as Biochemistry can be,” he replied. “Although, I think the entertainment factor is relative.”
“So you are having fun?” I guessed, taking the liberty of sitting on the lounge chair beside his.
A lopsided grin was reply enough. He shut the book and placed it with the others. “Would you like something to drink?”
I had to admit that I was thirsty. But I did not like the idea of calling upon servants to perform duties I was perfectly capable of doing on my own.
Mathew stood. “What would you like?” he asked to my amazement. “I think we’ve got soda, juice, water. Milk probably. I’d fix you a drink but I don’t know how.”
I laughed at the sheer absurdity of the situation. Surely he wasn’t serious. “I’ll take a Pepsi,” I said, out of morbid curiosity. Would he yell the order into the house? Perhaps he had an earpiece with direct communication to the staff.
