“Yeah,” Cassian’s voice was cool and calm, but those eyes of his still burned. “We can come to some kind of agreement.”
Clint nodded, making no effort to hide the relief washing over him. “I get it. Coming to your house was a dick move, but I hadn’t—”
Cassian moved toward me, silencing Clint, who watched in confusion. Cassian put his hand somewhere between my shoulder and neck. I went rigid. His hand was massive against me, and the gesture made no secret that he was in complete control. Of me. Of the situation. Even of Clint.
I had no choice but to be backed against one of the poster corners of the bed as he drove me backward with his iron grip on my shoulder. He stopped, bringing himself in close to me until our bodies were nearly touching—so close I could feel the heat pouring off his skin. So close I could smell him.
Involuntarily, I sucked in through my nose, hating how the scent of him made my heart race and my skin tingle. I looked past Cassian as well as I could, toward Clint.
Clint’s fists were balled, and he was clearly trying to decide what to do. I couldn’t even fault him for not immediately attacking Cassian or trying to rip him off me. Their encounter at Dead Ringers made it clear he was no match. And we were completely alone. There’d be no one to stop Cassian this time.
Cassian’s eyes danced across my features, almost lazily. When he spoke, it was so low I didn’t think Clint could hear. “If you care about it, you should try to hide it, Scarface.”
“Why is that?” I grated, mustering up as much defiance as I could, given the circumstances.
Every second ticked by like minutes, like we were all locked in his spell and frozen into inaction. Cassian was the king here, and we’d been the fools who wandered into his domain. God. Letting Clint convince me to bring him inside had been so stupid.
“You’re smarter than that. Figure it out for yourself.” He took a half step back, making me feel like I could finally breathe again. Without so much as glancing Clint’s way, he left the room. I heard his door close down the hall a few moments later.
Clint was shaking where he stood, fists clenched so tight his knuckles had gone white. He lowered his eyes when he saw me looking, then shook his head. “I’m sorry, I—”
I went to him and hugged him. “It’s okay.”
He was still trembling when he put his arms around me and hugged me back.
I closed my eyes and let my thoughts turn over what Cassian had said. Outside his suffocating aura, it wasn’t hard to piece it together.
I realized it would’ve been a mercy if he’d just told Clint to leave me alone or pay the price. Instead, he wanted me to do it. He wanted me to know anyone and everything I cared about was a target.
* * *
We got to sit in the courtyard during biology class to “observe nature.” Judging by the way our teacher had dark sunglasses on and was sitting in the shade while staring at her phone, I took that to mean she was hungover or sick and wanted to take the day off.
I sat with Zoe and Marne on a stone bench in the sun. It was chilly, so the sunlight felt good on my skin. It made my scar tingle, but my hair had grown back a little more, which meant I was able to swoop my hair over it.
I caught Zoe and Marne staring at me. “Stop looking at me like that.”
“I just can’t believe you’re living in his house.” Zoe spoke with muted awe. “Like you got ready at Cassian Stone’s house this morning. What was it like?”
I rolled my eyes but did my best to explain. “There are like a million bathrooms, so I didn’t have to wait for anyone to get out of the shower. And I guess he’s got this sort of aura. It’s like you can almost feel when he’s near. When he walked by me in the hallway outside his room this morning, he didn’t even glance my way. It was like I was invisible.”
Zoe looked thoughtful. “That’s good, right?”
“I guess?”
Marne shook her head. “Not good. If you’re being hunted, you want to at least have eyes on the predator. You want to know where he’s planning to come from and how he’s going to attack. If he disappears into the shadows, you’re exposed. You’ve given up your neck to him.”
I grinned, even though her words had sent a slight chill down my back. “I don’t think it’s all that dramatic. He thinks he can ‘ruin my life.’ But what’s really left to ruin?”
“Charli…” Zoe reached out and squeezed my hand. “Don’t talk like that.”
“Sorry.” I laughed softly. “I wasn’t trying to sound depressing. I mean, I’m okay with it. It’s just that he acts like I’ve got this perfect picture of happiness he wants to shatter. But the fire already did his job for him. He’s just walking through a bunch of ruins and trying to find a way to tear them down.”
“Now who’s being dramatic?” Marne was watching me with a raised eyebrow. “My life is ruins,” she said in a playful, but mocking tone. “Can’t kick things down that have already fallen. My soul is a dark, bottomless pit of despair and a—”
I snorted, waving my hand to shut her up. “I’m almost eighteen. Aren’t I allowed to be a little melodramatic sometimes?”
Zoe nodded seriously. “You’ve been through a lot, Charli. You can be as dramatic as you want.”
“She doesn’t speak for all of us,” noted Marne. “I prefer practicality over emotionality.”
My eyes were drawn to the second floor of the school. An outdoor corridor ran above the entire courtyard, and I saw a pretty girl with long, silky black hair waiting by a classroom door. When the door opened, Cassian stepped out and started striding somewhere with purpose. She gripped his wrist and stopped him long enough for him to turn around and plant a kiss on her neck as he squeezed a generous handful of her ass. Then the two of them disappeared inside, probably to screw around in one of the bathrooms.
Zoe followed my eyes. “Weird, isn’t it?”
“What?” I felt blotchy patches of red staining my neck and cheeks, as if she could see the jealous strings of thought coursing through my head.
“How hate and desire aren’t mutually exclusive.”
Marne gave a wiggle of her eyebrows. “Deep.”
It was. And it was true. No matter how illogical, I couldn’t deny the way my body reacted to him. Clint and I still hadn’t labeled the flirtations between us, but it was clearly to the point that I deserved to feel all the guilt and shame I could manage, too. I shouldn’t have been attracted to Cassian. My body should’ve been smart. Smart enough to realize being drawn to him in any capacity was like a bug floating toward the pale, blazing light of a bug zapper or a sailor being drawn to sea by a siren’s song.
“Just think about Clint, though.” Zoe gave a little shrug. “I’ve known him since middle school. He’s a really good guy.”
“Yeah.” My eyes were still trained on the door Cassian had disappeared into. “He is.”
19
Cassian
Forks and knives clinked against plates. Walter had some cringeworthy ass dad music playing over the house’s sound system. He occasionally bunched his eyebrows together and did a little headbang between bites of his steak.
I sat across from Charli, who hadn’t looked my direction since sitting down.
She looked like a porcelain princess sitting there with the patio windows framing her and the lake glistening behind her. Like some pretty little thing that had been mistreated and marred. She’d tried to swoop her bangs to the side to cover her scar, but I could still see the puckered skin peeking out from beneath it.
She took a measured bite of potatoes, chewing quietly while staring at her plate.
My mom cleared her throat. “So, I took the liberty of figuring out your community service projects.”
That got me and Charli to look her way.
“Community service?” Charli asked.
“I keep forgetting you’ve been gone. Yes. Parker High students need ten hours of community service before they can graduate. Cassian has been dragging his feet on it, so I arranged
something for both of you. A charity is building a house for a family in need. It’s in town, so you could stop by after school a couple days a week.”
My mood went from annoyed to amused when I saw the look of horror on Charli’s face.
I took a cheerful bite of steak, then slid my eyes to Charli. “Want to invite any friends? Maybe any guys you’ve got a thing for from school? I’m sure mom could make room for another volunteer.”
I expected her to glare openly at me, but she seemed to have complete control over her expression. She smiled easily, then shook her head. “No one I can think of.”
Interesting. I’d warned her about the shit she was pulling with Clint, and it appeared Charli Rhodes was smarter than I’d given her credit for.
“Oh,” I snapped my fingers, as if just remembering something. “There’s someone I want to invite. Sophie.”
This time, Charli’s features tightened, but she smoothed them out quickly enough.
I grinned to myself as I focused back on my plate and finished my meal. Charli might be defiant as hell and she might even have a decent backbone. But she wasn’t immune to me.
When she came back to Silver Falls, she still had her father. She had a home. Within a few days, she’d made friends and found hobbies. Then she found some pathetic little version of a boyfriend.
As long as she had things she cared about, it felt like I still had work to do to settle the score. She’d only understand what she’d left me with when she had nothing, too.
After dinner, I decided to pay Charli a visit in her room. She’d been avoiding me, and I’d been allowing it. But I was done playing nice.
The door was locked, but I shimmied a credit card in the gap between the door and the frame, wiggling it slightly until the lock popped back into the door. I found her sitting on the edge of her bed with her backpack in her lap and a distant look on her face. She jumped like I’d just caught her naked with her hand between her legs and blushed a deep red.
“What the fuck?” she snapped.
I chuckled, leaning in the doorway. “This is what you do with your spare time?”
She set her backpack down and stood, taking a few challenging steps toward me. “What if I’d been changing?”
“Then I would’ve enjoyed the view, I guess.”
Charli’s fists balled up like she was about to try to swing at me. “You know, your excuse is bullshit.”
I quirked an eyebrow, waiting.
“Yeah. You think you’re justified in making me miserable because of what happened? You seriously think I’m a bad person for not wanting to leave my mom inside a room that was on fire?” She closed the distance between us and shoved me in the chest.
I looked down at her, letting the impact jostle me backwards slightly. Tears were glistening in her eyes again. God. She was such a fucking crier, wasn’t she?
“I never asked your dad to risk himself for me. And I’ve been heartbroken ever since you told me what really happened. But I’m not sorry. I’m not sorry I was ready to die in there with my mom before I’d walk away.”
My jaw flexed and my teeth ached. Instinctively, I wanted to argue with her. She’d cost me my dad. Plain and simple. If she’d made different choices, he’d still be here. I wouldn’t have a fucking patch of agony stretching across my back that ached like a bitch every time I got too hot or even before really bad thunderstorms. I’d let it be so black and white in my head, and all the things she wanted me to hear were splashes of color that didn’t belong in my version of events.
So I didn’t let them sink in. I let the words wash right over me and I clung like a goddamn bear to the rage. “I’m sorry you didn’t die, too.”
The tears in her eyes spilled down her cheeks. At least she was keeping her composure, even if her eyes were leaking. Her face didn’t crumple, and she didn’t look away. If anything, I thought she might start swinging, soon. That, I would like to see.
“You’re a bastard. You’re a fucking bastard.”
I folded my arms. “Alright.”
“And I hate you.”
I nodded. “Bore me much more, and you won’t be the only one crying, Scarface.”
She slapped me then. To her credit, it was hard enough that it made my tooth catch on my lip somehow. I immediately tasted blood. I rubbed my thumb across the spot and saw a smear of crimson there. “Are you done?” I asked.
“Get out of my room.”
“Careful with all that hate.” I gripped the edge of the door, ready to close it in a moment. “You feel too much of anything for someone and your heart might get confused.”
She laughed humorlessly. “Are you speaking from experience?”
Anger spiked through me. I almost wanted to laugh, because what if she was right? Was my obsession with punishing Charli morphing into something else? But I clung to the anger and turned it into a taunting smile. “You really do wish I was into you, don’t you?” I reached out and pushed her hair back from her face. “But I could never love a monster.”
I expected her to bite back, but I’d apparently touched a weak spot. All her defiance crumpled in on itself, like some gravitational force at the center of her chest activated. Her head sank down and her shoulders rolled in. It was subtle, but I could see I’d won.
“See you at breakfast.” I knocked twice on the door, then gave her a meaningful look as I reached around and re-locked the door for her. “To make sure you can stare into space like a freak without being interrupted.”
I shut the door and headed back to my room. Despite everything I’d said, I couldn’t help feeling like something inside me had cracked. Those words of hers I’d refused to hear still lingered around in my head somewhere. And her accusation… Fucking Charli.
Whenever I felt my conviction start to slow, all I needed to do was visualize it. To see the shape of my dad who had been so strong. To see him curled up on himself with flames dancing above him, almost like they were taunting me.
See what strength gets you? See what happens to good people?
There was a universal truth in that. Either you could be the one doing the burning, or you could be the idiot who wound up burnt.
20
Charli
The chilly night air streamed through our hair. My hands gripped the truck bed like my life depended on it—probably because in a lot of ways, it did. Clint was driving us along a switchback road that led to some fancy house in Calvary county. I’d let Zoe convince me to come, and I was starting to feel glad I had.
She smiled at me from the other end of the truck bed. Four guys from the swim team were all jammed up front with Clint, and when I looked his way, he caught me and flashed a wink.
I smiled but looked away. I still needed to find a way to break things off with him. All my instincts wanted me to just do it plain and simple. I could explain Cassian’s threat and tell Clint I really did like him, even if I’d been more and more sure that he wasn’t really “the one” material. He was still a nice guy and I’d enjoyed our little fling.
Except I couldn’t do that. Clint would probably feel compelled to defend his honor, or something. He’d confront Cassian and wind up getting hurt again. I had a sinking feeling Cassian had already puzzled all of that out, too.
The only way I could spare Clint was to convince him it was my choice. That Cassian wasn’t a factor at all.
Zoe and I laid down flat, bracing our hands and feet against the walls of the truck bed to keep from slamming into each other or anything else. We watched the trees whip past and the stars overhead.
Despite all the chaos, it felt good. Here and there, I was stealing snatches of memories I could cherish. Cassian probably thought he’d made my life miserable, but I guess the part he didn’t get was that I was no stranger to misery. I’d learned to find the good moments where I could a long time ago, and there had been plenty. Including tonight.
We all piled out of the truck once we got to the party. Clint tried to walk with me, but I made an excuse about
needing to take a girl trip to the bathroom with Zoe. Like a coward, I planned to simply avoid going to look for him afterwards.
I was going to have a hard conversation with him, but I didn’t feel like ruining his mood right before the party was ideal timing.
Zoe and I threaded our way through the people mulling around outside the house. It was a huge, luxury style log cabin that was more like a log mansion. I was starting to recognize a lot of faces from Parker High, but it seemed like half of Calvary High was mixed in here, as well.
We went inside and asked a few people until someone pointed us to a bathroom. Inside, we were surprisingly alone.
Zoe locked the door, then gave me a curious look. “Why are you avoiding Clint?”
“Because Cassian might literally kill him if I don’t find a way to cut him loose.”
Zoe pursed her lips. “That’s a good reason.”
I was relieved she didn’t try to argue the point. I guess she knew Cassian well enough to know I hadn’t been exaggerating. “Later, though. I didn’t want to have that conversation right now.”
“Fair enough. But you’ll tell him soon, right? Clint is my friend, too. I don’t want—”
“I will. I promise. And once enough time has gone by that he moved on, it’d probably be safe to tell him the real truth, too.”
Zoe and I rejoined the party and found ourselves in a conversation with two tall, athletic looking blonds from Calvary. They were brothers, we learned. The broader of the two was Hugh, and the leaner one with wolfish eyes was Marcus.
Marcus had apparently seen Zoe run at a track meet a few weeks back and had been hoping he’d run into her again. And Hugh seemed interested in handing me as many drinks as I’d take.
I politely sidestepped his first offer and poured myself a drink, promising myself it’d only be the one.
Nearly an hour passed while Hugh practically cornered me into a conversation that wasn’t entirely unpleasant, except for his tendency to turn everything back to himself. I liked animals? Yeah, he’d once volunteered at the zoo over the summer. Oh, I was doing track at Parker? He was doing football, wrestling, and baseball. And he’d be happy to list off all his stats and accomplishments in each.
Savage Love Page 8
