by Susannah Nix
It’s a great crowd out here. Break a leg.
He replied a few seconds later with three heart emojis.
I laid my phone facedown on my lap and sipped my beer while I waited for Wyatt to come onstage. Ten minutes later, Zelda came out to introduce him.
No one knew exactly how old Zelda Blanc was or whether that was even her real name. She’d opened Zelda’s in the nineties, but her life before she came to Crowder was shrouded in mystery and the subject of much debate. Some said she was an oil heiress or a widowed trophy wife. Others speculated that she’d been a “Dellionaire”—one of the hundreds of Dell employees who got rich off the company’s initial public offering in the heyday of Austin’s tech boom. Some of the more colorful rumors included tales of a criminal past, the witness protection program, and possibly some kind of entanglement with organized crime.
Witness protection seemed unlikely to me, given Zelda’s tendency to stand out in any room she entered. I’d never seen her without a full face of makeup that included dramatic winged liner and brightly colored lipstick. She favored fifties-style dresses and wore a different wig every day, just like Moira Rose on Schitt’s Creek. Tonight’s wig was a bright green Bettie Page style that matched her green lipstick and the leaves on her flowered dress.
She kept the introduction short, welcoming everyone in her husky smoker’s voice and mentioning the drink specials before announcing Wyatt as “a member of Crowder’s most famous family” who’d be performing his own songs for the first time tonight.
I couldn’t imagine he’d approved Zelda’s mention of his family, but when he came out he betrayed no sign of annoyance—or any of the nervousness I’d seen earlier. He’d slipped into his laid-back stage persona and the Wyatt King charm machine was in full effect, all lady-killer smiles and smooth banter as he settled onto his stool and got ready to play.
My heart pounded like it was me up on the stage when he started the first song. It was one called “Bait and Switch” that he’d written about his dad, but he’d picked it for his opener because it was catchy and upbeat.
I could tell right away that he’d hooked the audience. The energy in the room changed as soon as he started singing. The murmur of conversation died down, and as I glanced around me I saw rapt expressions on every face. I caught my brother’s eye and he grinned at me, proud and impressed.
When the song ended, the room erupted into applause. Josh leaped to his feet, hollering his approval. As shouts and whistles sounded off around the room, I finally saw Wyatt’s mask slip a little. A look of bewilderment came into his expression as the ovation dragged on, like he couldn’t quite believe all that cheering was for him.
His eyes found mine, and when I gave him a thumbs-up he broke into a heartbreaking smile.
“Wow.” Josh’s hand squeezed my shoulder as he leaned over to speak into my ear. “He’s good.”
“Yeah, he is.” I kept my eyes fixed on the stage so my brother wouldn’t see the emotion in my expression.
Wyatt got command of himself, flashing a crooked grin at the audience as he thanked them for their enthusiasm. “Y’all settle down now, because I’ve got a whole set to get through here before I can have a beer.”
It earned him a round of laughter, and he grew even more relaxed, soaking in the attention. “This next song is called ‘Bright as the Sun.’ And it’s one I wrote about regrets and the girl who got away.” My heart clenched a little, but Wyatt was careful not to look my way.
It was slower and softer and a lot more melancholy than the opener. A hush fell over the crowd as he crooned the first verse in a voice aching with emotion. I held myself still, afraid to look at anyone as the words washed over me. Words he’d written about me. Full of longing and pain and bittersweet devotion.
No one knew that, of course, except me and Wyatt. My eyes burned as I blinked back the tears I couldn’t afford to let myself shed. I kept waiting for him to look at me, but he never did. Not once. He probably couldn’t. Not without giving himself away.
When the song ended there was a moment of reverent silence as the final notes hung in the air. Then, as if on some invisible cue, the audience exploded into applause.
I surreptitiously wiped beneath my eye as I clapped and cheered. When I glanced around, I caught Mia looking at me, her eyes narrowed and her expression thoughtful.
Well, damn. So much for maintaining my cool.
“Holy shit,” Josh muttered, staring up at Wyatt in awe. “Ho-ly. Shit.” He didn’t seem to have noticed my reaction.
“Thank you,” Wyatt said, bending down for the bottle of water sitting next to him. “I’m glad you like that one. I guess we’ve all probably got someone in our past we still think about.” His grin turned sly. “Who knows? Maybe mine will hear that song one day and come back to me.”
This got him a few whistles and “ooohs” from the women in the audience, and his eyebrows arched, eating it up.
It bothered me that he’d implied the song was about one of his former hookups. He’d basically put out a cattle call to every woman he’d ever slept with, each of whom would now be wondering if she was the special someone he’d been singing about. I understood why he’d chosen to make it seem that way—I even recognized that it was good showmanship that would probably help generate buzz and drive interest in his music. But I deeply disliked the thought of his past lovers forming a line at his doorstep in the hopes of rekindling some old flame.
I also didn’t love that he still wouldn’t look at me. Or that he kept on not looking at me for the whole rest of his set. Despite his request that I sit up front where he could see me, he didn’t seem to need my reassurance. I should have been glad he wasn’t freaking out, but as the night wore on and he sang song after song exposing deeply personal feelings he’d never shared with anyone but me, I felt more and more distance between us. Especially when he started doing his usual trick of picking out various women in the audience to flirt with, making eye contact with woman after woman—but never with me.
It didn’t fill me with the same jealous hunger it had before. It hurt. This didn’t feel like a game. There was no thrill anymore. No heated excitement. Watching him gaze at another woman while soulfully mouthing words I’d thought were meant for me made me feel hollow and cold. Like I didn’t even exist.
By the time he finished playing his final song, I was struggling to hide the painful ache in my chest. I had to force a smile as the crowd leaped to its feet to give him a standing ovation. I was happy for Wyatt. I really was. He’d earned this. I was glad to see his creative efforts rewarded with the praise and respect they deserved.
But I couldn’t help feeling like I’d lost something.
Or maybe I hadn’t lost it so much as realized it had never really belonged to me in the first place.
25
Andie
Wyatt got mobbed as soon as he emerged from the shadowy recesses of Zelda’s back hallway. I heard the commotion, and when I craned my neck I saw the crush forming as everyone tried to pay their compliments at once.
“His songs reminded me a lot of The National,” Mia observed as her gaze followed mine to the back of the room.
“I was thinking Mat Kearney,” Lucy said beside me.
Mia frowned at her. “I don’t know who that is.”
As a genius mathematician, Mia wasn’t always up on current pop culture. I assumed because her brain had its hands full solving complex abstract math puzzles. I was kind of surprised she even knew about The National.
Josh shook his head. “More like Pete Yorn or Bob Schneider.”
“I don’t know who they are either,” Mia said.
Josh smiled as he pulled her in for a kiss. “I know, sweetie.”
Ryan McCafferty’s thunderous baritone rose above the clamor at the back of the room, ordering everyone to back off and give his brother some space. The throng melted away, clearing a path as Ryan waded toward Wyatt.
“Let’s go.” Josh nudged my arm, pushing his chai
r back as he grabbed Mia’s hand.
I looked at Lucy, but she shook her head. “I’m good here. Go on.”
Leaving her at the table, I followed my brother and his girlfriend back to where Wyatt was currently being crushed in an enormous bear hug by his giant-sized brother. When Ryan finally set him down, Wyatt was red-faced and laughing so hard he doubled over at the waist.
“Someone get him a drink!” Ryan bellowed, and several arms shot out to proffer beverages. He grabbed a shot that looked like whiskey and shoved it in front of Wyatt. “Here, drink up. You’ve earned it.”
Wyatt knocked back the shot before accepting a hug from a smiling Tanner. The two stayed clenched for a long moment, during which it looked like Tanner was speaking quiet words into his ear.
When they finally let go of each other, Wyatt turned his eyes toward us. They lingered on me for just a fraction of a second before Josh stepped forward and wrapped him up in a hug. I waited while my brother congratulated him, then while Mia hugged him, before Wyatt gave his attention to me.
The way he smiled at me went a long way to filling the hollow space in my chest. He threw open his arms, beckoning me forward, and when I went to hug him he lifted me up off the ground, squeezing me so hard all the air left my lungs. After my feet hit the floor again he loosened his grip enough for me to catch my breath, but he didn’t let go.
“You did it,” I said. “I’m so proud of you.”
“You made it possible,” he murmured, brushing his lips against my cheek. “I wouldn’t be here without you.”
Before I could react, he let me go and turned to greet the guys in his band. I stepped back to give them room and soon found myself standing on the outside of the group clustered around Wyatt. Manny was there, and Josie, and his youngest brother, Cody, and they all came forward to take their turn congratulating him.
I was so proud of him I felt like I might explode with all the feelings inside me, but I wasn’t allowed to show it. I’d abdicated my girlfriend rights when I agreed to keep our relationship a secret. I didn’t get to stand by his side all night, sharing his moment of triumph. That honor went to Wyatt’s family and his best friend and his bandmates. I’d bumped myself out of the line of succession.
Mia appeared at my side, slipping her arm through mine to pull me closer. “You okay?” She was as tall as my brother and had to bend down to speak into my ear.
I nodded, watching Wyatt enjoy his moment in the sun. I knew he had to be feeling good, and I had no intention of bursting his bubble. This was his night. He deserved to enjoy it.
It wasn’t long before one of Wyatt’s bandmates proposed moving the party to the Rusty Spoke. After Wyatt had talked Tanner and Ryan into coming with them, he pointed at Josh. “You’re coming too, right?”
Josh nodded and turned to me and Mia. “You two up for it?”
I shook my head. “I’ll leave y’all to your fun.”
I knew what would happen if I went along. I’d spend the whole night watching everyone else talk to Wyatt while I’d have to keep my distance and pretend he didn’t mean the whole world to me. The thought of it made me want to break things, and I didn’t want the thing I broke to be Wyatt.
Josh looked a little surprised, since he was used to me tagging along with them. But he accepted my answer easily enough. He probably assumed I was sick of Wyatt after having him around every day for the last few weeks, working on my house.
“I’m going to pass too,” Mia told Josh before turning to me. “Would you mind giving me a ride home?”
“Sure, no problem.” I could use the company, and I had a feeling Mia had guessed as much.
“Suit yourselves.” Josh came forward to kiss Mia goodbye, and she let go of me to step into his arms.
I looked away as they embraced, envying their easy affection and the fact that they didn’t have to hide how they felt about each other. Lucy caught my eye, standing over by the door looking like she was fixing to leave, and I went to say good night to her.
“Are you going with the guys?” I asked her.
“No, I told Matt to find himself another ride home.”
I couldn’t blame her for not wanting to be around Tanner after the way he’d acted toward her earlier. “You’re gonna be all right?”
She nodded. “Thanks for letting me sit with you.” Her gaze moved over my shoulder, and she smiled. “Hey, Wyatt. You were great up there.”
“Lucy,” I heard him say just behind me. “Thanks for coming tonight.” His hand pressed against my lower back, and my heart fluttered at the contact.
Lucy bid us goodbye without lingering to chat. As we watched her make her way out the door, Wyatt leaned down to speak into my ear. “You’re not coming?”
I could tell he was disappointed. But I also knew he’d have a better time without me than he would with me there feeling resentful and unhappy. I couldn’t tell him that though. Not without infecting the rest of his night with my sour mood.
I didn’t turn to look at him, because I was afraid of what my eyes would say. But I leaned back into his hand, letting him know I wasn’t pulling away. “You’ll have more fun without me getting in the way.”
“You could never be in the way.” He sounded hurt and worried, so I tried to reassure him.
“I’m so proud of you right now, I don’t think I’d be able to keep my hands off you. I want you to be able to relax and enjoy yourself without having to worry about blowing our cover.”
“I only want to be with you.”
It helped to hear him say it, but it didn’t change the reality of the situation.
I turned to face him, resting one hand on his shoulder as I leaned up to kiss his cheek. “We can’t. Tonight you need to go celebrate with all the family and friends who came out to support you. We’ll celebrate together tomorrow. Just the two of us.”
His arms tightened around me in a fierce hug. “Promise?”
“Cross my heart.” I saw Mia coming toward us and pulled out of his arms, forcing a grin. “Text me tomorrow when you recover from your hangover.”
“Are we still going home?” Mia asked, glancing back and forth between me and Wyatt.
“Yep.” I offered him one last smile as I backed toward the door. “Stay out of trouble.”
“Wyatt’s really talented.” It was the first thing Mia had said since we’d gotten in my car a few minutes ago.
I nodded as I pulled onto the highway. The goat farm where she lived with my brother—the farm I’d grown up on—was on the far side of campus, a few exits past the university’s main entrance.
“Some of those songs were pretty interesting.”
I kept my eyes on the road. “Mmm hmm.”
“He’s sure written a lot of love songs for a guy who once told me he was allergic to commitment.”
I couldn’t think of anything to say, so I didn’t say anything.
“I like Wyatt a lot,” she continued after a moment. “I didn’t think I would when I first met him.”
“I remember.” Wyatt’s flirting hadn’t worked on Mia. She’d been too smitten with my brother to succumb to Wyatt’s charms.
“I remember you tried to warn me off him.”
I cut a quick look at her. “I did no such thing. I just wanted to make sure you knew to guard your heart around him.”
“Have you been guarding your heart, Andie?”
My hands tightened on the steering wheel as I prepared myself to lie yet again. “How many times do I have to tell you—”
“I think Wyatt’s a good person,” she interrupted. “I wanted you to know that, in case there was anything you wanted to talk about. I’m also really good at keeping secrets. Just putting that out there.”
For a second, I was tempted to take her up on it. But I’d given Wyatt my word. Anyway, it was bad enough that Wyatt and I were lying to Josh. No way was I going to ask Mia to do it too. “I appreciate the offer, but I can’t.”
She gave me an understanding smile. “Wyatt has a l
ot of layers to him that he doesn’t like to let people see. You two are a lot alike that way.”
“I guess.” I checked my rearview mirror as I pulled off the highway. The service road was deserted behind us. This side of town was mostly farm and ranch land. There weren’t many people out and about this late on a Saturday night.
“Josh has a few blind spots when it comes to you. I’m the same way with my younger sister. Our overprotectiveness can be misguided sometimes, even if we think we’re looking out for your best interests.”
I glanced at her as I turned onto the farm road that led to my parents’ old place, but I didn’t say anything.
“Because Josh only sees you as his little sister, it means he doesn’t always see you clearly. Tonight, for instance, I don’t think he noticed that anything was wrong.” She paused. “But I did.”
I felt her eyes on me and shifted in my seat. “It’s not that I don’t want to talk about it…”
“I know,” she said softly. “You can’t.”
Neither of us spoke for the last few minutes of the drive. I pulled off the blacktop, onto the gravel road to the farm, and the Jeep jolted as we drove over the cattle guard. I parked in front of my parents’ old house next to Mia’s Toyota hatchback and cut the engine before turning to look at her.
“I’m not saying this is about Wyatt, you understand? That is explicitly not what I’m saying.”
She gave me a solemn nod. “You never said anything at all to me about Wyatt.”
I leaned back and rubbed my forehead, trying to figure out how to talk about it without actually saying what it was I was talking about. “I sort of agreed to keep something secret in order to protect someone else, and now I’m starting to regret it. I don’t like all the lying and sneaking around, but I don’t know how to avoid it without the other person getting hurt.”
Mia seemed to consider this. “I’m assuming this other person is someone you care about a lot?”
“Yes.” I hesitated. “More than I’ve ever cared about anyone.”
Her eyes widened as they leaped to mine. “And does this other person feel the same way about you?”
