And I couldn’t do that. I couldn’t give that.
Bryce Green had humiliated me and caused me so much self-doubt all those years ago. What if I gave my heart to Easton Carter and he tossed me to the side? It would eviscerate me.
He had the power I’d sworn to never give anyone, and he’d taken it without me even realizing it. No one could have the ability to hurt me. I couldn’t allow it. I wouldn’t, no matter how incredible it had felt to be in his arms. To have him inside me.
Easton had come too close. But I wouldn’t allow that to continue.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Easton
Present
Mulaney backed away from me one heel click at a time. Her fists balled and jaw clenched. I’d gladly take a punch in the face if it would put an end to all the nonsense around me.
“When did this happen?”
I didn’t turn around to look at my dad when he spoke. His tone was hurt. I couldn’t decipher if it was because I’d kept something this important from him or because his feelings for Mulaney were more.
Acid coated my mouth. She’d married me, but what if she’d been his all along? Hell, I’d woken up the next morning in Vegas alone and hadn’t been able to talk to her for nearly four days after the wedding. Pretty clear where her head was at. It was mine that was a wreck.
“It’s about damn time,” Miss Ruby said.
“You didn’t think to ask for her hand, son?” Even Mr. Jacobs’s stern tone couldn’t break my focus on Mulaney’s face.
What I hadn’t seen all these months, even though she’d told me over and over, was finally apparent. I was her mistake.
She hadn’t needed time to warm up to the idea of being married. The timing of her becoming interim CEO right after Vegas wasn’t the issue I’d made it out to be in my head. Those were notions of a man with false hope and a belief he’d make her see they belonged together.
Our night in Vegas had been the most incredible of my life, and it had very little to do with the sex, though it had been awe-inspiring. Mulaney had been magnificent. The way she gave so much of herself. Somehow I’d known it would be like that. Unrivaled. I could see it all. The view of what my days with her could be like beyond work, where we took our friendship, our partnership to a deeper level. I’d finally acknowledged the feelings I’d kept buried. She’d been everything to me for too many years to count.
With every step she took away from me, the wounds that had never healed ripped wide open. The only difference between then and now was this time I got to watch her walk away instead of waking up in a hotel room alone.
An energy cracked between us, one loaded with pain and anger and the chemistry neither could control. It was the betrayal that was most potent. She stared at me like I’d done something catastrophic by outing our secret, but I was done playing by her rules.
Our gazes warred until she disappeared. The front door slammed, and Muriella darted toward the foyer.
“Aren’t you going to go after her?” My father’s voice broke through the haze.
“Maybe she’d rather you go,” I spat, the bar stool scraping as I stood.
His brows knit together, but I shouldered my way out of the kitchen before he could say anything. Once I was in the elevator lobby, I looked around in a daze, temporarily at a loss.
I opted for the stairwell, jogging the flight down to the apartment. Was I chasing after her or running away? Part of me had hoped she’d own our marriage now that her family knew, and we could move forward together. The other wasn’t sure if I should be grateful she hadn’t. Everything in me screamed I knew her, that she would never be with my father or ruin our company.
Small seeds of doubt were a powerful thing. Adding my anger on top of it was a dangerous combination. I felt crushed. Defeated.
I’d followed my mother’s advice and given Mulaney space to get used to the idea of us being married. The wide berth I’d left between us had as much to do with respect as anything. I didn’t want anyone to think she had her position at Carter Energy for any other reason than she’d earned it. She’d been with us for so long, we should’ve been well beyond that, but she was a force to be reckoned with. The timing of her being named interim CEO and our nuptials was suspect, even if only a handful of us knew. As unfair as it was, people didn’t always choose to act with respect around those who achieved goals before them.
The door to our room was open, but I knew she wasn’t there. Mulaney’s presence was impossible not to feel.
I shoved a few things into a bag and grabbed my briefcase. If I stayed, I wouldn’t be able to think straight. At least I understood one thing very clearly: Mulaney and I might share undeniable chemistry, but it would never amount to love or marriage. I’d been blinded by misguided hope. But now I could see. There was absolutely no future for us. It was time to end this farce.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Mulaney
That big-mouthed SOB.
Everything was fine until he had to go and air our dirty laundry . . . and in front of the people who mattered most, no less. He’d done it to force me into a corner so he’d get what he wanted.
I paced around the rooftop deck Muriella had pointed me to and barely felt the cold. How could he have done this? For seven months he’d kept quiet, but I saw now he’d given me a false sense of comfort while he bided his time. Why he wanted everybody to know about our mistake was beyond me.
We could’ve fixed it a long time ago, but he’d refused. So I was unwilling to acknowledge he was my husband. If I did . . . I couldn’t, and that was all there was to it. And yet . . . even after the last few days where I’d watched Easton pull away—looking at me with inexplicable disdain—it only highlighted what I almost had. Something dangling in front of me I wanted badly. But now all hope was gone.
“For a newlywed, you sure are acting strange.”
I wheeled around at the sound of Stone’s voice. Mitch was right behind him.
“I’m not a newlywed,” I argued.
“I believe it. When Jules and I got married, we couldn’t keep our hands—”
“I don’t want to hear a damn thing about where either of your hands were,” I said, angry and hurt with equal measure. Not at my brother, because he deserved every ounce of happiness in his life. Unlike me, it seems.
“I second that,” Stone agreed as he strode across the deck toward me. “Mind filling in some gaps? I knew there was something up with you and Easton when you stopped by to see me a few weeks ago, but I thought I might be crazy.”
Mitch thwacked him in the back of the head. “You’re crazy as a run-over dog, and by the way, in case you forgot the way she carried on with the man at the ranch—”
“I’m standing right here.” I hugged myself to shield against the cold. “There is nothing going on between us, and I’ve never carried on in my life.”
They both fired unimpressed looks in my direction.
“Gettin’ married is kind of an important detail to leave out.” Stone leaned against the ledge of the building.
“I don’t need a guilt trip,” I snapped.
He held up both hands. “I’m just trying to figure out why you got married in the first place if you didn’t want to be. That’s not like you.”
I tapped my foot as I looked back and forth between them. “You want to know the truth?”
“Seems as good a place to start as any,” Mitch said.
“He bet me I wouldn’t do it.”
“Aww hell,” Stone groaned.
“Little sister, when are you going to learn you don’t have to take every dare thrown on the table?” Mitch squeezed my shoulder.
“Hold up a second.” Stone stroked his chin and stared at me.
“Whatever is about to come out of your mouth, I don’t want to hear it,” I said. I’d come up here for some peace and quiet. Apparently, that was too much to ask for.
“We know you can’t say no to a dare,” he started, completely ignoring me. “But even mo
re than that—”
“She never does a damn thing she doesn’t want to,” Mitch finished.
“That’s not true. I can’t stand to garden, and Ruby makes me get out there with her every spring.”
“But you like spending time with her, and you love making her happy,” Stone pointed out.
My brothers were too observant for their own good.
“Why are you hiding this from us? You know we approve of Easton,” Mitch said. “How long has this been going on?”
“There’s nothing going on. It was a drunk night in Vegas. I married him on a dare, and now I can’t get rid of him.” The words felt wrong even as they came out. Technically, they were the truth, yet they were lies. Lies I’d keep telling myself until whatever Easton made me feel went away.
Mitch and Stone exchanged a look.
“You went to Vegas in May.” My older brother didn’t miss anything. “You’ve been living with him all this time and didn’t think we ought to know he’d officially become part of our family?”
“I haven’t been living with him,” I said, affronted.
“You have been since we got back to New York,” Stone corrected.
“Not before then,” I argued.
“Hold up.” Mitch squinted at me. “You mean to tell me you’ve been married for seven months to that poor guy and you haven’t been living together? You made vows.”
“It was a dare,” I shouted.
“You still made them,” Stone said quietly.
“Aren’t y’all supposed to be on my side?”
“We are.” Mitch pulled me in for a hug I didn’t want, but when his arms went around me, I deflated.
“That man has the patience of Job.” Stone scruffed my hair, and I swatted his hand away.
“I’ve tried to do the right thing. He won’t sign the annulment papers I keep giving him.”
Mitch put me at arm’s length, eyes rounded. “You didn’t.”
“We made a mistake. It could easily be fixed, but his stubborn ass won’t do it.”
Stone spun me around. “He loves you, knucklehead.”
“How the hell would you know?” I punched him in the shoulder. “Ever since you got together with Muriella, you’ve got hearts in your eyes.”
“He’s right,” Mitch said.
I punched him too. “I’ve got the biggest saps for brothers.”
“Stop acting like you don’t feel anything.” Stone caught me by the arm as I tried to get away.
“I cried like a baby when the Rangers lost in the playoffs,” I said. Pity came from his direction.
“I’d have lost Jules if it weren’t for you.”
“I thought she almost cost you Juliana?” Stone asked, pity turning to confusion.
I refused to look at Mitch. “You were both being idiots. Somebody had to do something.” Stone was right. I had almost cost Mitch and Juliana their relationship. But all it had taken was a little nudge and reminding them of their past. They were meant to be together whether I’d helped or not.
He shrugged. “If you don’t want to be married to him, why bother with this annulment business? Just divorce him.”
I gripped the ledge as I swayed on my heels. Was there really a difference between divorce and annulment? The results were the same. Yet somehow divorce seemed unpalatable, a step I wasn’t willing to take.
“Ruby would kill me,” I said, weakly.
“She’d rather you be happy than shackled to a man you don’t love.” Stone nodded his head toward the door. “It’s colder than a well digger’s belt buckle in Idaho out here. Now that we’ve solved your problem, let’s go inside.”
“If you’d have talked to us sooner, you could’ve been rid of Easton a long time ago,” Mitch chimed in, hooking his arm through mine.
“Just a few seconds ago, you said he had your blessing,” I argued.
“He does, but that doesn’t matter if you don’t want to be married to him. You don’t have to tell him to his face. Just serve him the divorce papers.”
I stumbled as Mitch led me forward. Every time I’d given Easton a set of annulment papers, I’d been the one to deliver them, never mind I’d been running like hell from him pretty much since we’d said I do.
“I have a good lawyer,” Stone said. “Can’t promise Easton won’t get something of yours, but you’ll keep most of it.”
A throbbing began in my temples. Every step down the stairwell beat harder until my head felt like a drumline was in my skull.
Divorce.
Somehow over the months, I’d gotten used to this strange dance we were tangled in. I’d demand we fix our mistake. He’d refuse. My brothers had given me a solution to the problem I couldn’t make go away myself, but they were right about one thing: I didn’t do anything I didn’t want to. And if I’d really wanted to be untangled from Easton, it sure as hell wouldn’t have taken me seven months to do it.
I looked between Mitch and Stone. Only I knew the truth about my feelings for Easton. Up until now, they hadn’t mattered. The bottom line was I couldn’t have him. But what if my stubborn subconscious had known what I refused to accept?
I didn’t want to let Easton Carter go.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Easton
I’ve got cancer.
I woke with a start and found myself in the chair I must have dozed off in by the window in Drew’s suite.
And it doesn’t look good.
I smashed the heel of my hand into my forehead, attempting to erase the day my mother told me her diagnosis from my mind. She hadn’t cried. She hadn’t looked scared. If anything, she’d been determined.
About nine months ago the doctors had given her six months at best. She’d proven them and the disease wrong, showed them she wouldn’t go quietly and without a hell of a fight.
I was the one who’d fallen apart at the news. It hadn’t been fair to her, but I’d cried with my head in her lap, terrified for what she had to face. Scared shitless for what life would be like without her in it. She’d stroked my hair and promised she wouldn’t go easily.
That moment had changed me.
Our family had always been close, but over the years I’d taken that for granted. I’d taken time for granted. Somehow, I was forty-one and wasn’t really sure how that had happened. The company had been my life, and that’s what I’d wanted. I never thought much beyond running and growing Carter Energy. It had been my purpose, what gave me happiness. I figured there would be time later for other things.
Learning Mama’s life would be cut short suddenly had me thinking about my own. What did I want beyond work? What were the things I’d put off because I thought there’d be time down the road?
Children.
I’d buried my desire for them and focused on what was right in front of me. Time had always been short, yet somehow I’d believed there’d be more. Just get past this deal. Once we’re through this slump. After this year is through.
Kids weren’t the only thing I’d denied myself. Those words I’d never wanted to hear had awoken a sleeping giant. I’d finally acknowledged I wanted more with Mulaney, but I’d squandered the months of our marriage without showing her what our life together could be. Only a fool would believe a wedding night was enough. It had been for me, but I hadn’t hidden from my feelings.
The power of what had happened between us couldn’t have been one-sided, yet when it came to her, I wore rose-colored glasses. At this point, it didn’t matter anymore. I’d given her more than enough time to come around. I had to do what was best for me.
I reached for the business card on the nightstand and ran my thumb around the worn edges. The cardboard rectangle had been in my wallet since shortly after Mama had delivered her news. Once the initial shock wore off, it was as if switches flipped, lighting places in me I’d kept dark for a long time.
This was something I could do for me and hopefully there was enough time to give my mother.
Unfortunately, two in the morning wa
s too early to move forward. I stretched and stood stiffly from the chair. Light from the living room filtered under the door.
Drew sat on the sofa, hair sticking up straight, his laptop in front of him.
“No. No. No. No.” He stabbed at the keys, muttering the word like a curse.
“Problem?”
He jumped, nearly dropping the computer. The frazzled expression on his face smoothed. “Nothing compared to yours.” He canted his head. “You married Mulaney? Are you nuts?”
Everything in me coiled into a defensive posture. She didn’t deserve my loyalty, yet I couldn’t help my reaction.
I took the chair closest to him. “No.”
“I hate I missed all the fireworks.” Drew closed his laptop and set it to the side. “Guess it makes me feel a little better I wasn’t the only one you left out in the cold.”
I tightened my jaw. Keeping things from my family wasn’t something I was accustomed to doing, yet again I’d been protecting Mulaney. The week following our marriage she’d been named CEO. She was so concerned with how our industry perceived her, and I’d respected that, even if it meant not telling my father and brother. I couldn’t keep it from my mother. I’d desperately needed her advice on how to make my marriage work.
Drew shook his finger at me. “You’ve had something going on with her all this time.” He grimaced. “Jesus, your wife’s been screwing Dad?”
I bolted to my feet, at my limit with the conversation. According to Drew, those were the facts, but the greater part of me denied it with all I was.
A hand clamped on my shoulder as I was almost back to my bedroom door. “I’m an asshole. They probably weren’t. I just—”
Heartbreaker: A Workplace Friends-To-Lovers Romance (Paths To Love Book 3) Page 17
