by Hart, Rebel
He looked me square in my eyes. “I want you to hear me. Are you listening?”
“I am, yeah.”
“There is never going to be a point in time where my shit overshadows your shit. All right? The next time something like this happens, you speak up. Let me be there for you. I think I’ve proven to you how much of a big boy I am. Let me be a support to you like you’ve been to me.”
I blushed. “Okay. I’m sorry.”
“You don’t need to apologize, Rae. But you don’t need to protect me, either. That’s my job.”
“Hey, now. I can protect you just as much as you protect me.”
He grinned. “I suppose you can. If you open up enough to let me protect you.”
“I know, I know.”
“So she went to the hospital?”
I nodded. “She did. She got help. With our income issues, she qualifies for free therapy through the hospital that treated her. And she had her first appointment with them yesterday morning.”
“How often will she go?”
“Starting next week, twice a week. Wednesday and Saturday mornings. She said everything went really well and that they already started unpacking some things. But time will tell.”
“You don’t think she’ll stick with it?”
I sighed. “I’ve seen my mother go without D.J. for almost a month before he comes swooping back in. Wanting her back. Coming with flowers and make-up sex and money to smooth things over. I’ll believe her when I see her actively turn him down.”
“I don’t blame you on that.”
“She’s upset with me for that, though.”
“What do you mean?”
I threaded our fingers together. “We kind of got into a fight last night. She was upset that I went dress shopping with Allison and not her. And it kind of spiraled into this same conversation. She was upset that I didn’t believe she had changed, and I told her that she had broken my trust so much after promising to not go back—only to go back again and again—that I’d believe it when I saw it.”
“Ouch.”
“Yeah. It felt good to get off my chest, but Mom hasn’t been okay since. And the worst is, I don’t even fully feel bad.”
“Because you’re numb to it.”
“I guess.”
He grinned. “What kind of dress shopping did you do?”
Time to drop the hints. “Graduation dress shopping. Though Allison ended up picking up her prom dress instead.”
“Has Mike asked her yet?”
“Not according to Allison.”
“Let me guess. He’s doing the whole ‘assuming they’re going together’ thing?”
I paused. “How did you know?”
“I’ve been talking to him about it. I’ve told him that formally asking her is what girls like. Assuming things is only going to upset her in the short term.”
I narrowed my eyes playfully. “What else have you and Michael been talking about?”
He winked. “Does it matter?”
“Yes, it matters. I didn’t even know the two of you talked outside of school.”
“I guess we’ve been getting along, yeah.”
“So are you wanting to go to prom?”
He smiled. “Are you asking me to go with you?”
“No. Just wondering if that’s your scene.”
“And if it is?”
Just ask me already. “I don’t know. Just wondering.”
“Uh huh. Just wondering? That’s all?”
“Yeah. Why?”
He shrugged. “No reason.”
“Now, you're just being frustrating.”
He chuckled. “And even when you’re frustrated, you’re gorgeous.”
33
Clinton
Rae still had three hours to go on her shift before she was done for the day. And I decided to stick around. I stayed at the coffee shop and did some writing in my notebook. I checked my bank account. Started on a budget. I wanted to have what finances I did have in line for my trip with Cecilia after school tomorrow. I wanted her to know exactly what I could contribute and what I wanted to take care of once we moved.
Because I’d certainly move with her.
That much I knew. Well, almost. I stopped banking on things a while ago. Nothing in my life was guaranteed, so that’s how I saw everything now. Including this apartment, even though my stepmom wanted me to come with her. I would, too. If the offer still presented itself tomorrow.
But, if my life had taught me anything, it was the fact that twenty-four hours changed a hell of a lot.
Still, having a budget was good. So, for the first time in my life, I started jotting one down. I kept track of everything and rounded to the nearest dollar. I placed some calls. Like to the phone company my father used for our phone plan. Truth be told, now that he no longer had access to my bank account—and I no longer had my trust fund—the only thing connecting the two of us was the phone. I had no more bike. So no more insurance. Once I figured out how to separate myself and get my own phone bill, that was that.
No more strings to Daddy Dearest.
The phone call was long. Much longer than I had anticipated. And I was painfully honest with them. No use beating around the bush. I was moving out. Away from my father, and I wanted a new phone plan. One that didn’t have my phone under his name. There wasn’t much I could do other than open another phone plan under my name and have him eventually disconnect my line. Which I didn’t have an issue with at all. They rattled off their available phone plans and I circled the two in my budget. Then I thanked them for their time.
Seven o’clock came around quicker than I had anticipated. I packed my things up and waved at the girl behind the cash register, thanking them for letting me take up a space. Then I stood in front of the main window of Grady’s Groceries. I smiled as Rae came around the corner, purse in hand and fresh off of work. She rushed outside and laughed, throwing her arms around me.
It felt so good to hold her close.
“What are you still doing here?”
I snickered. “Can’t a guy wait for his girl to get off?”
She grinned. “Cheeky, cheeky.”
I quirked an eyebrow. “I see what’s on your mind, beautiful.”
“Are you going to whisk me home and help me decompress?”
“While that’s a tempting offer, I’m craving ice cream. Care to go get some with me?”
“Trying to make up for the lost milkshake date?”
“Depends. Want to split some fries with me, too?”
She smiled, and it gave me all the answer I needed. She slipped her hand into mine and we walked toward the main road as I tried flagging us a cab. It took a few waves. But eventually, someone pulled over. I opened the door for her and told the driver where I wanted to go. And six minutes later, he pulled into the parking lot of the very busy diner.
“Is that line out the door?” Rae asked.
I groaned. “Well, fuck.”
“Care to get a cone instead? We could walk home while eating them.”
“Are you up for walking home after working this afternoon?”
She shrugged. “If we go slow, sure.”
I grinned. “Slow and steady is my specialty.”
She shoved me playfully and I laughed as I paid the driver. We hopped out and pushed our way inside, then placed our to-go order for ice cream cones. Rae ordered a banana-mocha swirled cone dipped in hardened caramel coating. And that damn thing sounded so good I ordered myself one, too. I paid for the ice cream and we pushed our way back out of the diner, heading in the direction of school.
Keeping a languid pace as we cracked into the hardened caramel shell.
“Mmm, my God, this damn thing is always so good.”
I moaned. “I’ve never had the hardened shell before.”
Rae gasped. “Oh, you wound me, Clint. That hurt. Physically hurt.”
“I think you’ll have to introduce me to more of your favorite treats around this area.�
�
“You mean now that you’re staying?”
I paused. “Was there ever a fear that I wouldn't?”
She shrugged. “I don’t know. I guess there was always a fear that you’d use this opportunity to leave. And no one could have blamed you for it. Not even me.”
I slipped my free arm around her shoulders. “I’m sorry I made you feel that way.”
“It’s okay. I’m just glad you’ve made the decision to hang around.”
“I’ve got too many options on my plate not to.”
She snuggled into me. “So, any idea what you might do after you graduate?”
I snickered. “No fucking clue. I mean, there are plenty of avenues. So I’m finding. But they all require a great deal of money. Money I might not have at my disposal if I move in with my stepmom.”
“Why’s that?”
“I mean, I’ll be helping her with bills and such. Neither of us will have a ton of money. At least, until she gets through the official divorce with my father. Which you know he’ll drag out in an attempt to get her to shut things down instead of raking him clean.”
“I hope she drags his ass through the mud.”
“Me, too. He fucking deserves it. But if my father’s coming at us this hard, I can only imagine what she’ll go through during the divorce.”
“You think you might stick around and help her with that?”
I shrugged. “I honestly have no clue. I’m still just trying to not fail my classes. That’ll be the key to getting a decent enough job to support me while I’m on my own.”
“Did you ever think you’d say those words?”
“Actually, no. I didn’t, to be honest.”
She giggled. “They sound good. I know you can do this. We all know you can’t. And you won’t fail your classes. Because you have me and Allison and Michael to help you get to graduation.”
“I still don’t know how I ended up with friends like them.”
She scoffed. “Me, you asshole. I was your ‘in’ with them.”
The two of us laughed as we rushed across the road. Cars honked at us as our laughter grew, and we continued running until we got into the shade. We stood there, panting and eating our ice cream cones as the autumn breeze kicked up. We began to shiver as we stood to catch our breath.
“Still a damn good cone,” she said.
I smiled. “You’re right about that one. But you haven’t answered your own question.”
“What?”
“What are your plans after graduation, smarty pants?”
She started walking again. “Well, it was to move with Allison into an apartment near her college campus. But I’m not so sure about that anymore. I mean, she and Michael are becoming a thing. And I’d hate to be a constant third wheel because I’m living with her. Plus, I’d really like to do something with my doodling and love for graphic design. And I can’t afford a four-year institution.”
“What about two-year? Or whatever?”
“That’s an option, if I go part-time. But none of the community colleges around where Allison’s headed have those programs. Which means I’d be on my own.”
I held her close. “You’re not alone, so long as you have me.”
The two of us talked and laughed as we made our way to her house. I wanted to walk her home. I wanted to make sure she got there safely. Especially since the sun had fully set. I was still paranoid from that night. I wouldn't head toward my house until I knew she was safe within hers. But, as we slowly approached her home, we heard voices.
Her mother’s voice, and a man’s.
“Who is that?” I asked.
“Shh,” she said harshly.
Rae tugged me into a neighboring yard before we crept closer. We stayed in the shadows, hanging out as Rae’s mother stood on the porch. I narrowed my eyes. The man looked familiar, but I couldn't place him or his voice. But, my question was answered by the next thing that flew from Rae’s mother’s mouth.
“D.J., you’re not coming inside. I’ve already told you no.”
He snickered. “Come on, baby. It was just a stupid fight. We have them all the time.”
D.J.? This was the fucker Rae always complained about?
Rae’s mom sighed. “I know we do. But we’ve had our last fight. This isn’t happening anymore. It can’t. I can’t do it anymore with you, D.J.”
“You’re being unreasonable. Why don’t I take you out? You love that wine at that little Italian place—”
“I’m not going anywhere with you, either.”
He took a step toward her. “You’re not done with me. I’m not done with you, either. I’m not giving up on this. On us.”
“Well, good thing you aren’t the only one who can make decisions around here.”
He paused. “Did your daughter get under your skin? You know she doesn’t like me. But she won’t be around for much longer. She’s off to college soon. Or wherever. Then it’ll just be us, baby. Like we always wanted.”
“Like you always wanted. It’s not my fault you were a jerk to my daughter. You had your chance. And now, I want you to leave.”
He took another step toward her. “You'll never be done with me, Lucy. We still love one another. There’s still love here between us.”
I went to step out of the shadows and confront this asshole. Because he was already pissing me off. But Rae slipped her arm in front of me, stopping me in my tracks.
“Hold on. I want to see how she handles this.”
So I held my ground. Even though I wanted to jam my fist into that fucker’s face.
“You know, Deej, I never thought I would be, either. You’ve been a big part of my life for a long time. And at one point in time, I thought maybe you were the one. That we just had some kinks to work out and struggles to work through.”
He sighed. “See? I knew you still loved me. Just let me come in. We can talk rationally about this.”
She shook her head. “No, Deej. You’re not welcome any longer. It takes more than love to make something like this work. And we don’t have it.”
He pointed his finger. “You don’t get to tell me that. You’re not the only one who dictates what happens here.”
“And neither are you. But this is my home. Not yours. And I don’t want you here.”
“I’m coming in.”
She lifted your chin. “If you push past me, I’m calling the police. I won’t repeat this cycle with you anymore. It’s amazing to me that you haven’t already replaced me with some young, dumb, perky little thing. I don’t know why you keep coming back, either. Why I keep letting you treat me like shit. But I need to grow up. And so do you. I need to be the mother my daughter deserves, and you need help. Just like I do.”
“I’m not fucking crazy like you and that spoiled bitch are. Where the hell are you gonna be without my money, huh? How are you gonna eat? Pay your bills? Remember what I do around here, Luciana. Remember it before I walk away. Because if I walk away, I’m not coming back.”
She sighed. “Good. Now, get the hell off my lawn before I call the cops. And don’t you dare step foot on my property again.”
I felt Rae sigh with relief. I looked over at her and saw happiness fill her eyes. They sparkled in the darkness. The pride that washed over her made my heart soar. We watched D.J. walk away and get in his car. And as he peeled out of the driveway, I heard Rae’s mom sniffle before heading back inside.
“Go see your mom. She needs you. And I’ll see you soon, okay?”
I gave Rae a kiss on the cheek before I watched her head for the front door to go take care of the mother she deserved.
34
Raelynn
My eyes opened and I stared at the ceiling with a smile already falling across my face. Monday morning never felt this good, and my heart soared with joy. Last night with my mother was fantastic. I held her while she cried. I told her how proud I was of her. And after venting to me about how stupid she’d been for so many years, we sat down and took stock
of her life. We cuddled up on the couch together and came up with a budget. We looked up the exact totals of all our bills and searched around for all sorts of services in the area. Mom was eligible for a great deal of help, from food stamps to free resume services to help her nail down jobs. We created a vague outline of what needed to happen. What bills were due when. How much money we needed a month in order to keep our heads afloat.
Then we figured out where we could cut back.
To an outsider, it sounded boring as fuck. But, to me, it was the proof I needed to know Mom really was turning over a new leaf. We looked up jobs online she was already eligible for and jotted them down. Most part-time work. But part-time was better than no time at all. With the last of the money D.J. had offered Mom, we figured we had three more months of smooth sailing until we hit an issue. Because even though my paycheck from the grocery store could cover most things, it couldn't cover everything.
By the time we were done, we had a very confusing outline of what needed to happen. Ways we could cut back our bills. Things we could get rid of completely to save money. I promised her I’d research cheap meals for two and she promised me she’d put in two job applications every day from now until she snagged one.
And as I slipped out of bed, I felt the dawning of a new day upon us.
My feet planted into the ground and my body didn’t feel so heavy. Getting dressed didn’t feel like such a burden. I didn’t bust a sweat taking a shower because I had to move around to get myself clean. I even took the steps downstairs two by two, jumping at the end before scooping up my backpack. I felt great. I felt alive. For the first time since Clint and I came together as one, I didn’t feel burdened. Or stressed. The hopelessness that had plagued me no longer reared its head.
What a damn good feeling for a Monday morning.
Things were finally back on track. I made sure I had all my books in my bag, then double-checked my purse. I had my wallet, my keys, my phone. I had some snacks and some chewing gum. I even had some lip gloss in here, in case I wanted to spruce up a bit.
