Twenty-Five
At seven o’clock, I took myself down to the train station, wanting to be extra sure that I would be there in time to catch Lena before she slipped aboard the train and took her seat. The station was quiet as there were no trains arriving or departing just then, but there were still a couple of people hanging out in the tiny cafe just outside the ticket booth. I poked around in a few of the nooks and crannies to make sure Lena wasn’t there yet, and then I sat down on a bench that had a full view of both entrances.
I was dressed nicely in dark trousers and a dark green shirt, and I’d even combed my hair as if my appearance would somehow affect the outcome of this talk, and as I perched on the bench, I smoothed the thighs of my trousers, pushing away a non-existent wrinkle. My stomach felt like it was in knots. I still had no idea what I was going to say to Lena when I saw her. I had this faint hope that the words would simply spring to my mouth when the time came, but I knew that wasn’t going to be the case. I should have come up with some kind of script, even if it flew from my mind the moment I saw her.
The problem was, I still didn’t entirely know what I wanted from Lena. I kept saying I was looking for closure, but I still felt like there could be this connection to be explored if I could just get her to stay in town. But even if she stayed, would I always be waiting for her to bail again? And was the value of her friendship worth the price of the anxiety?
I wanted to pace, but I forced myself to remain seated. I needed to seem calm and collected when she arrived, even if that was only for my own benefit. What would she say when she saw me? Would she run again? Turn around and walk right back out of the train station as she had the night of the concert? I didn’t want to force her to talk to me, but I still needed this for myself.
Then, at a quarter to eight, she arrived. I almost missed her appearance as I was staring down at my shoes at the time, but some instinct made me raise my head, and there she was, framed in the doorway with a suitcase in one hand and her soft drum case in the other, her blonde hair drawn back in a bun. She wore muted colours tonight, which was unusual for her, and there was a maroon scarf looped around her neck, her jacket zipped up against the chill that was creeping into the evening.
I stood, unsure if I should approach her or let her come to me. My movement caught her eye, and then her gaze landed on me fully, and she bit her lip, a confusing spread of emotions warring across her face. She continued to hesitate in the doorway despite the other people trying to get around her, and I stayed where I was as well, waiting to see what she would do.
Finally, I saw her shoulders dip with a sigh, and then Lena pushed forward, headed right toward me. Relief flooded through me that she wasn’t trying to avoid me, but it was very quickly replaced by anxiety when I realised I’d now have to talk to her.
Lena stopped three feet from me and set her drum down on top of her suitcase, looping the strap over the hard handle so it wouldn’t fall off. She offered me a small smile that didn’t quite read her nervous eyes as she brushed a loose lock of hair back from her face.
“Hi, Callum,” she said softly, the first to break the silence that had overtaken us.
“Hey, Lena,” I replied, and her name felt strange in my mouth. “I tried to talk to you at the concert the other night, but you were already gone. Not that I went to the concert to find you. I was there for a case. I didn’t even know you’d be playing…” I trailed off as I realised I was babbling, my eyes darting from Lena’s face to the floor, unable to settle on either one.
“I saw you there,” Lena said awkwardly as she wrapped her arms around herself. “I was surprised. I didn’t know what to say to you, so I… left.”
“One of your bandmates told me you’d be on this train,” I said and gestured behind me at the tracks where the train had just pulled up and began to divulge its passengers. “Look, I’m not here to ask you for anything. I guess I just need to know why you never came back or even called. You said the tour would just be for a few months, but it’s been a year, and you didn’t even bother to call. Why?”
Lena sighed, and her shoulders slumped. “I don’t know. I guess it was just easier not to? I liked you, but you reminded me of everything that had happened, and I really didn’t want to be reminded of all that.”
“I understand,” I said honestly. “But you could have at least sent a letter or something, just so I wouldn’t have to wonder what had happened. It was eating me up inside.”
“Yeah, that was… crappy of me,” she admitted. “I’m sorry.”
“And I’m guessing you’re not coming back after this either,” I said.
She gave me a sad smile and nodded. “Maybe with time, I could separate you from the rest of what happened, but it’s still all tangled up in my head right now. So no, I’m probably not coming back for a while. But I might one day if that helps.”
But I shook my head. “No. I can’t keep waiting for you. It’s not fair to me, and it’s probably not fair to you, either.”
“I suppose not,” she agreed. “Could I at least have a hug before I go?”
I had to think about it for a second, but then I nodded and took a step closer to her, holding out my arms. Lena made sure her bags were balanced properly, and then she folded herself against me, wrapping her arms tightly around my back. I squeezed her back and let my cheek rest against the top of her head. There was something almost a little desperate about her embrace like she couldn’t bear the thought of letting go or as if she needed some kind of anchor before she floated away, but I made sure to think of it as the final goodbye in my head. I’d come here for closure, and it wouldn’t do to leave a door to a foolish hope open.
Lena didn’t make any move to disengage, so I loosened my arms first and gently pulled away. After a beat, she followed suit and quickly dashed a hand across her eyes before I could see if there were any tears there.
“Well,” she said as she turned and picked her drum up. “I’d say I’ll be seeing you, but that would be a lie, so I’ll just say goodbye, Callum.”
“Goodbye, Lena,” I replied.
I stepped to the side so that she could take her things through the turnstile toward the train. I watched as she showed her ticket to the conductor, and she glanced back at me just after she boarded, her eyes thick and heavy with emotion. Then she shook herself and disappeared into the carriage. Something went out of me the moment she was out of sight, and I felt my knees wobble for a second before I bolstered them up again. This was good. This was what I wanted.
I stayed there until the train left, watching it slowly trundle away from the station as its wheels thud-thudded against the rails. I had no idea if I was going to see Lena Taggert again, and I couldn’t hold out hope that I would for my own sanity. I’d just have to hope that she’d be okay wherever her life took her and try to do the same for myself.
I smiled softly as I jiggled my keys in my hand and turned my back on the train station.
Goodbye, Lena Taggert. And good luck.
Epilogue
A hush fell over the assembled group of musicians as I finished my story, and I took a long drink of water to wet my parched throat. The hubbub of the pub still surrounded our small circle as glasses clinked and the other patrons carried on their own conversations, but none of that had much effect on the ring of chairs itself as everyone stared at me, enraptured.
“I remember that bank robbery,” Mark, the old man, said. “I actually had an account with them at the time. Heard about all it.”
“All that stuff with your dad and the Kraken?” Sean, the guitar player, butted in. “Is that actually true? Or are you just pulling our legs and trying to impress us?”
“It’s true,” I assured him, and his eyes immediately began to glow with excitement at the idea. “And it only gets crazier.”
“You found the person watching your flat?” he asked eagerly. “And those people who were using that underground lab? Is it still there? Can we go see it?”
“It’s… c
omplicated,” I said to answer all his questions at once. “And no, you can’t go see the lab. It’s been destroyed.”
“How?” he wondered, and a couple of the other musicians nodded along with his question, curious as to the answer.
“A story for another time,” I said, and the entire group immediately groaned. I couldn’t help but grin. It was kind of fun, having them eating out of my palm like that. “Now, I think I need another drink. You should get back to your music. That’s what the people came to see, after all.” I nodded my head at the pub at large, though as soon as the music had stopped, the other patrons had stopped paying attention to us.
I rose from the stool and took my wallet with me as I headed for the bar. Mark stood as well and followed me, holding two fingers up to the barman to indicate that we both needed fresh drinks.
“Did you have a chance to go check out that address?” he asked me.
I nodded as I sat down to rest my leg, which still ached from the rain and dampness. “She wasn’t there, but the current tenant gave me her forwarding address.”
“I’m confused,” Mark said. “That last story made it seem like you were calling it quits in your search for Lena. But you’re still looking for her now. Did something else happen?”
“You could say that,” I sighed. “But I’ll tell you another time. It’s a bit of an involved tale.”
Mark nodded. He knew I wasn’t just saying that to avoid talking about it, but that I would actually tell him when I got around to it. I’d already spoken for quite some time that night, and I didn’t fancy continuing right away. It was draining work, after all.
Our drinks arrived, and Mark clinked his glass to mine before raising his lips. I sipped my whiskey as well, letting the liquid roll over my tongue before slipping down my throat.
“Will you go investigate that new address?” he asked a minute later after we had a chance to sit and ruminate in silence.
I nodded. “Eventually,” I said. “For now, though, I think I need a bit of time to rest.”
Mark smirked and clinked his glass to mine again. “Don’t we all?”
“Amen to that,” I agreed, and together, we finished off the last of our drinks and then went back to the circle to return to the easy companionship of the music and the instrumentalists.
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Fatal Transaction: A DCI MacBain Scottish Crime Thriller Page 35
