by K Carothers
Erin smiled wryly. “I’ll be the first to admit that I don’t know everything—not nearly. But I feel like I knew a whole lot more yesterday than I do today. I certainly never dreamed that any of the ghosts I’d have to face here would turn out to be real.”
“Oh my,” Jenna said. “It almost sounds like Dr. Pryce might actually believe in ghosts now.”
“I can’t discount what happened. The more I think about it the more sure I am that it wasn’t all just in my head.”
“Don’t discount it, Erin. And I hope someday you won’t discount another ghost—the Holy Ghost.” Jenna grinned. “That sounds like a poem I should write. I’d call it ‘Holy Ghost.’ Let me think how it would go…”
Erin couldn’t help but laugh. “Oh Lord.”
“Yes, He would be in there too,” Jenna said, looking at her with a thoughtful and amused expression. “I think the poem would begin with:
“The only life that ever existed for my friend
Was in the mundane world she could comprehend.
She aced chemistry, physics, and biology,
But I’ll bet she got an F in theology.”
“Hey,” Erin protested. “I would not have gotten an F in theology, if I’d taken it.”
“Okay,” Jenna laughed. “I’ll make that: ‘She aced chemistry, physics, and biology / But had no interest in studying theology,’ since I’m sure you’re right. You would have aced theology—while you sat there the whole time studying chemistry, physics, and biology.”
“Now that might be true,” Erin admitted with a grin.
Jenna’s expression turned thoughtful again. “I think the next part of the poem would go something like:
“Then one night she saw before her bed
A wraith-like figure, quickly gone,
But not all in her head.”
“It was next to my bed, actually,” Erin remarked in a droll tone. “And it’s definitely in my head now.”
Jenna nodded. “We can change the bed part to ‘beside her bed.’ But I have an idea about how the ending should go:
“The room got strangely cold,
And a shiver ran through her very soul.
For what shook her heart and mind the most,
Was if that was there, then so too could be,
The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost.”
Jenna’s face split into a wide grin. “There you have it: ‘Holy Ghost.’ What do you think?”
Erin didn’t immediately answer, taking a sip of her tea. She knew the question was Jenna’s way of asking if she was open to the existence of God. And after their talk yesterday, she had a feeling her friend wasn’t going to let her brush aside such sensitive topics anymore. But Erin realized she couldn’t let herself do that anymore. Jenna had been right: She needed to open up—probably about this subject more than any other.
Setting her cup down, Erin finally said, “My grandmother always threw God’s name in with the hateful things she would tell me. I think the only thing she really enjoyed was talking about how God was going to punish people for their sins and send everyone to Hell—except for her and a few other ‘devout Christians,’ of course. And she would inevitably rant on and on about the world ending according to the Book of Revelation and the horrible things God was going to do to people then. It was terrifying, and I would have nightmares about it all the time. So I guess at some point I decided I would rather not believe in God, that the worst thing there could possibly be was that God.”
Jenna reached over and covered Erin's hand with hers. “As I’ve said in the past when you’ve let me rant on and on, a lot of things in the Bible shouldn’t be taken literally. And that’s especially true of the Book of Revelation. Chances are, if the world does end in such a horrible way, it will be humans who cause it. But God exists, Erin. Just not that God. People have a tendency to put their own likeness on Him. They see a God with attributes that are distinctly human and flawed, when He is, in fact, not human at all. He’s the most loving and forgiving sort after all. And I’m glad for that, or I’d be pretty nervous about facing Him. I’ve got a lot to be forgiven for myself.”
“Oh please, Jenna. There’s not a better person around than you.”
“I don’t know about that. You’re forgetting it was just yesterday I told you to go screw yourself.”
Erin burst out laughing. “Yes, that is true. And you also spoke rather unkindly about men who aren’t good at kissing.”
“That wasn’t very nice, was it?” Jenna said with a half-rueful smile. “I guess yesterday you were saving lives and earning a ton of frequent flyer miles from God, while I was earning a trip to the confessional. I’m jealous—and there I go again. I think I bought myself another trip.”
Erin shook her head. “Now you’re just talking crazy, Jenna.”
Her friend laughed softly. “Ah, crazy. What an interesting word. It can mean anything from true insanity to absolute brilliance. And over the course of human history crazy has often turned out to make the most sense. But that’s neither here nor there. And I think I’m just babbling now.” With a whimsical smile she eased herself out of the chair and stood up, grabbing her cane. “I need to go back to bed before Wesley starts making more sense than I do.”
Hearing his name, the big orange tabby got up from under the table and rubbed himself against Jenna’s leg, purring loudly.
Erin bent down and scratched his back. “You are adorable, Wesley. I wonder what does go through your head?”
“Mrroww,” he answered, brushing himself against her as well.
Jenna lightly touched Erin’s shoulder. “You should get some sleep too. Just remember, you have nothing to fear here.” Then she turned and hobbled out of the kitchen, with Wesley walking along beside her.
Erin continued to sip her tea for a while. But she knew she was only delaying the inevitable, so she finally forced herself out of the chair, put the teacups in the sink, and reluctantly went upstairs.
You have nothing to fear here, she repeated to herself. You have nothing to fear here…But as soon as she reached the bedroom doorway an image of what she’d seen earlier flashed through her mind—that translucent white mist, vaguely human in shape, hovering next to her before it faded into the darkness…
With a shiver running down her spine, she flipped the bedroom light switch on and peeked her head inside. Everything still looked the same.
She tentatively went in, leaving the door open just a crack in case Jenna needed her during the night. Then she glanced around the room for a lamp and softly groaned when she didn’t see one. There was no way she would be able to sleep in the dark now.
She lingered indecisively by the door and almost headed back downstairs to sleep on the couch. But with a resigned sigh she eventually lay down on the bed, pulling her robe tightly around her. And under the bright, steady glow of the ceiling light, she hesitantly closed her eyes.
Chapter
7
Luke stood at the front door with a package of toilet paper in his arms, a big white bow on top. “For you,” he said with a grin, and held it out to Erin.
She smiled, taking the package. It was economy size, no less. “Wow, this is the most—useful gift I’ve ever been given.”
“I got it to remind you that you’re a white cloud, so don’t use it up too fast.”
Erin met his gaze and immediately felt something electric pass between them. Those vivid blue eyes made her feel alive in a way she’d never experienced before. She opened her mouth to say more, but nothing would come out.
“Hello, Luke,” Jenna said, walking into the little foyer as well.
Erin turned around, and Jenna’s eyes dropped to the package in her arms. “Luke Mathis, that is not a very nice welcoming gift!” She shook her head and smiled at Erin. “I guess now you know why he’s still single.”
Erin
bit her lip, not daring to look back at Luke. Now he knew she’d asked that question. She wondered if her friend had done that on purpose.
Luke didn’t miss the meaning behind Jenna’s statement either, and he briefly studied Erin from behind. Her sandy blond hair was pulled back in a ponytail, and she wore an airy short-sleeve white blouse and yellow capris—which highlighted the lush curves of her bottom nicely. He imagined slowly caressing her there, then sliding his hands around her waist and pulling her back against him. He’d brush his lips over her ear and whisper into it exactly why he was still single.
He’d been up half the night with her on his brain. Now that she’d returned, and he’d seen her and touched her, the glowing embers of what he’d felt for her before had reignited into a brightly burning flame. Soon, he promised himself. She wasn’t going to leave this time without knowing how he’d always felt about her. He wasn’t that awkward teenager anymore.
He set those thoughts aside for the moment, though, and told Jenna the story behind the gift.
“I see,” she said, and slowly grinned as she glanced between the two of them.
Erin stood there hugging the package of toilet paper. She could feel the heat of a blush on her cheeks. Luke had moved closer to her. She didn’t look behind her, and he didn’t touch her, but she could feel him there, a breath away. “I…I’ll go take this upstairs,” she said awkwardly.
She made a beeline for the staircase, feeling like a bungling teenager as she went up to deposit the package in the bathroom. It was probably from lack of sleep after what had happened in the middle of the night. The very idea that Shannon could be there…Goose bumps rose on her arms at the thought, and she looked down the gray carpeted hallway in both directions before leaving the bathroom.
Luke and Jenna were still in the foyer when she walked back downstairs.
“I’ll start unloading your car,” Luke said. “I’m sure you’d like to get settled in.”
Erin nodded, feeling some semblance of composure finally return. “I’ll come with you and help.”
“I think I'll go sit out back and enjoy the sunshine for a while,” Jenna said with a rueful smile. “I wish I could be of more help myself.”
“Don’t be silly,” Luke told her. “Go rest.”
As they walked out of the house toward her car, Erin glanced at Luke. “Did Jenna ever tell you she has Li-Fraumeni syndrome?” She’d done some internet research on it before he’d called last night, and now fully understood what Jenna had been dealing with. It was a dreadful disorder to have.
Luke nodded. “She told me a few years ago—only because I kept trying to set her up with some of my friends and wouldn’t stop pestering her about it. I told her you would want to know too.”
“Yes, I would have. But I’m glad she wasn’t dealing with it completely on her own all this time. You’ve been a great friend to her, Luke.”
“I couldn’t ask for a better friend myself. She’s the nicest person I know.” A guilty smile crossed Luke's face. “Just don’t tell my mom I said that.”
Erin laughed. “I don’t think I ever met your mom.”
They reached the car and Luke turned to her. “I’m sure you’d like her. Everybody does—well, except maybe my brothers these days.” He grinned. “My mom’s come down with a serious case of grandmother fever, and neither of them has produced the cure. They’re both married, so they’re taking the brunt of her ire. It’s kind of funny because they used to lay into me nonstop about being the baby in the family, and now they’re the ones getting bombarded with the ‘B’ word. I love it. Although I wouldn’t mind being the one to fix the problem.”
Erin had felt like a deer in the headlights as soon as she’d realized where the conversation was headed. And his last words hit her hard, a poignant reminder that she couldn’t get involved with him for either of their sakes—a reminder she shouldn’t need. But it still hurt, more than she cared to admit. And not knowing what to say, she silently opened the rear passenger door of her car to start unloading the baggage inside.
Luke saw the wounded look on her face before she turned away, and he mentally kicked himself for talking about his mom, thinking he’d probably stirred up more painful memories of her own mother. “Erin—”
He abruptly stepped back to avoid getting hit by the suitcase she flung out of the car. A duffel bag followed, skidding across the driveway and into the grass, and he quickly grabbed hold of her arm. “Slow down, Erin. Let me help you.”
She pulled her arm away as if his touch burned, and walked over to the suitcase she’d thrown out. “I’m going to take this inside,” she said tightly, and rolled it away.
Luke collected a few more bags from the backseat, then grabbed the one in the grass, and headed after her, his brow furrowing with concern as he watched her disappear into the house.
Erin lugged her suitcase up the stairs to her bedroom. Luke’s words echoed through her mind, and she could no longer fight off the maelstrom of emotions they aroused inside her—dejection, self-loathing, anger. And with no other outlet available, she released all that pent-up frustration on the suitcase, flipping it down hard onto the bed and pounding her fist against it, over and over, with a groan. She paused a moment afterward, closing her eyes as she tried to gather herself. I’m not going to cry. I am not going to cry…And when she felt like she was in control again, she swung around to leave—only to see Luke standing in the doorway watching her.
He dropped the bags he was holding and strode over to her, clasping her upper arms firmly in his hands. “We’re not doing anything else until you tell me what’s wrong. Did I upset you by bringing up my mom? I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking.”
Erin shook her head, too embarrassed to meet his gaze. “No, please don’t feel sorry about that, Luke. If I fell apart every time someone mentioned their mother I’d be in a mental institution by now…Babies, on the other hand, are a different story.” She let out a sigh. “I can’t have children. I gather Jenna never told you that.”
“No, she didn’t,” Luke softly responded. Jenna would never have mentioned that Erin was trying to have a baby with another man. He was pretty sure she knew how he’d always felt about Erin.
“When you mentioned having babies it just brought up a lot of bad memories, that’s all,” Erin said, trying to downplay the issue.
Luke still heard the heartbreak she couldn’t quite keep out of her voice. “Did you ever find out what the problem was?” he gently coaxed.
“I was the problem. Peter’s tests came back normal.”
“What about fertility treatment?”
“We never got to that point. By then Peter realized he preferred women who weren’t broken.”
Luke tilted her chin up. “You’re not broken, Erin. Not unless you want to be. And I also happen to know a thing or two about infertility. My friend Scott—the detective you met yesterday—dealt with it for years. His wife ended up having in vitro fertilization done twice, and they got twins both times. I should take you over to visit them one of these days.”
“But it’s just as likely not to work,” Erin said, still avoiding his direct gaze. “I’ve seen the numbers.”
“Then you’ll adopt and give some child out there a good home. You more than anyone should understand how important that is.” Luke squeezed her shoulders affectionately. “But in any case, this can’t be the same woman talking who just yesterday shoved a big ass needle into a kid’s chest without batting an eye. You wouldn’t give up on some boy you didn’t even know, and yet you give up on yourself so easily? I find that hard to believe, Erin.”
She smiled ruefully, studying the slight cleft in his chin that she hadn’t noticed before. “I know. I’m pretty messed up.”
Luke skimmed one hand over her shoulder to the side of her neck, and lightly caressed her jaw with his thumb. “I would just go with pretty.”
Er
in slowly lifted her gaze to meet his, mesmerized. The pain subsided, and his fingers started awakening entirely new sensations inside her. She watched his eyes drop to her mouth and felt him slide his thumb up to trace her lower lip. When he gently coaxed it down she knew he was going to kiss her, and her heart beat faster. She really wanted him to kiss her.
“Mrroww.”
They both looked down at Wesley, and the moment was broken.
Luke laughed softly and bent over to pet the cat. “Do you want some attention too, buddy?”
Erin stepped away, still half-dazed by her reaction to Luke. “I—I guess we’d better go finish unpacking. Jenna’s waiting for us.”
Luke nodded, following her out of the room. She was right, of course. But there would be another time. He was going to make sure there was another time.
* * *
There is no way I’m going in there.
That was Erin’s first thought as she stood by the pond with Jenna and Luke.
It was a perfect day for swimming. The weather was warm, and the sky was once again cloudless, with the calm water in the pond reflecting the blue sky above.
“I’ll go in first,” Luke said with a grin.
Erin watched as he pulled his T-shirt up over his head and tossed it into the sand, giving her a brief glimpse of impeccably toned chest and abdominal muscles before he turned and ran toward the pond. Her gaze traveled over his broad shoulders and well-formed back, and lower to the firm, muscular backside outlined by his blue swim trunks, and the warm summer day suddenly got a lot hotter. But then he splashed full tilt into the water, letting out a whoop as he dove under the surface, and she grimaced at the sight.
