by K Carothers
Erin pushed her left hand into the bottom side of the birth canal again, all the way into the woman this time, and slid it down along the baby’s arm. She found the elbow, and then the forearm, gently bending the elbow and raising the forearm up against the baby’s chest toward her head. There was some resistance when she attempted to pull the arm out, and she winced, afraid she was going to hear the sound of breaking bone—or worse, feel it. She held her breath as she had to pull a little harder…But suddenly it came free. She felt the rest of the body sink down slightly, and then the baby slid out and into her arms.
Erin immediately began drying her off. And a few seconds later the little girl realized she’d been born. She let out a loud wail of protest.
Erin felt her heart swell with love at the sight of the baby taking her first breath of life in her arms. And in that moment she knew without a doubt: She would have a child of her own someday. One way or another, she would make it happen. Luke was right. She was good at fighting for others, but not for herself. It had been a long time since she’d really even tried. In medicine she expected to succeed, yet in the rest of her life she expected to fail. But it was time she started fighting for that, too. Otherwise she would eventually fail at everything. She’d already been walking down that dark road for a while now. She didn’t want to contemplate what might have been at the end of it.
“Is my baby okay?” the woman asked.
“Yes,” Erin told her. “Dr. McKellar is just waiting to clamp the umbilical cord so more blood gets to the baby since it wasn’t flowing when she was stuck. But she’s doing fine.”
Chase glanced up at Erin with admiration and interest in his baby blue eyes. “Yes, absolutely fine,” he said.
Erin missed the innuendo as she continued to hold the newborn, watching her closely for any signs of distress. Her breathing remained unlabored, though, and her skin quickly lost its purplish hue. She was also flailing both arms around without any trouble. Either one of them could easily have been injured during the delivery.
A minute later Chase clamped and cut the cord, and the nurse wrapped the baby in a warm blanket.
“I’ll bet you want your mama,” Erin softly murmured, carrying the infant up to her mother. She’d stopped crying and was blinking her eyes open now, getting her first glimpse of the world.
The woman took the tiny bundle into her arms with a joyful sob and cradled her lovingly against her body. “Oh, my precious baby girl. You’re finally here.”
Erin smiled, even as her eyes misted with tears. “She’s a stubborn one. But I guess she’ll need it with three older brothers.”
The woman reached out and squeezed Erin's hand. “Thank you, Doctor. You have my eternal gratitude.”
“I’m just glad I was here to help,” Erin said, meaning that in so many ways.
It struck her then how much she truly had to be grateful for herself. And she knew that if she was going to begin her journey back to life, gratitude was one of the things she would need to bring with her the most. And love, that was the other. Jenna was teaching her well, more than any Ivy League school possibly could in a lifetime.
There was a flurry of activity in the room after that, when the woman’s family doctor arrived, followed shortly by her husband. Erin stepped back, not wanting to interfere with the happy reunion. She disposed of her wet gown and gloves and turned to leave. But Chase lightly caught hold of her arm, and she looked back at him questioningly.
“Thank you, Erin,” he said. “I hope I’ll see you here again soon. Maybe it’ll be a little quieter next time.” A sardonic chuckle escaped him. “Although I should warn you, I tend to have a bit of a black cloud.”
Erin smiled, covering his hand with hers. “Think of it as a white cloud.” And with that, she headed out of the room.
Greg Mathis was standing just inside the door and followed her out. “I’ve never been so happy to call off the surgical team,” he said dryly as they started walking down the hallway. “And today might be the first time I’ll enjoy holding a good, strong drink in my hand more than a scalpel. I had called Colin, though, and he was on his way in to help. I figured with his experience in trauma it would be a good idea to have him here—not to mention he was the one on call. But I told him what you did in there, and he almost came in anyway, just to meet you. I think you have nerves of steel, my dear.”
Erin laughed. “Coming from a surgeon that’s quite a compliment.” Then she remembered what had happened earlier at the café, and her expression sobered. If he knew why she and Jenna had really left he’d be saying quite different things about her nerves. In fact, he probably wouldn’t even want her to work there. As it was, she was sure Luke thought she was a total head case. But she vowed those fears were no longer going to get the best of her. They were in for a fight now.
“Erin, I’d like to get you privileges here at the hospital as quickly as possible after what just happened,” Greg said. “The baby seems fine now, but if she has any problems later on, even years from now, every aspect of her delivery will be analyzed for a possible lawsuit. And it wouldn’t look good if one of the doctors involved wasn’t credentialed here.” He smiled wryly. “When I said we should lend a hand, I didn’t know you were going to take me literally.”
Erin couldn’t muster up a smile of her own in response to the quip. Even though he was making light of it, she knew the hospital would have been put in a really bad position if she’d failed with that last maneuver. Once they were forced to use more drastic measures, the baby would probably have suffered significant brain damage by the time they got her out—if she survived at all. And then everyone would be looking for someone to blame. Which still might happen. “I’ll take full responsibility if there’s ever a lawsuit. I didn’t think about—”
“No, you did exactly what you should have done,” Greg interrupted. “And the day I worry more about being sued than saving a baby’s life is the day I need to stop practicing medicine.”
“I’ll bring in the paperwork you need tomorrow,” Erin said. “And I would like to fill in once in a while. But when—when Jenna passes, I’m planning to go back to Boston. I’ve lived there for the last fourteen years, and it’s where I consider home now.”
Greg nodded. “I understand. But if you change your mind, we’d love to have you join us permanently.” He pushed the button to open the ER doors, and they walked into the central lobby of the hospital. “I’m going to run upstairs and check on a patient of mine since I’m here—before I go home and have that drink.” He grinned and gave her a brief hug. “It’s good to have you back, Erin.”
She wished him a goodnight, then headed toward the main entrance.
“Erin!”
Chase McKellar burst through the ER doors, and Erin turned around in surprise.
“I’m glad I caught you,” Chase said, walking over to her with that long stride of his. “I was wondering if you’d like to meet for a drink or two later, since we didn’t get much of a chance to discuss the ER. I’ll be done in an hour or so, and the Shamrock has a nice bar. It’s usually a pretty low-key place to talk.”
Erin was about to say no, but then stopped herself. She thought of Luke, and how her problems with intimacy had gotten in the way of every relationship she’d ever been in. It was time to take that head-on as well. The bar was at the Shamrock Inn…
A plan started to form in her mind, one that just a few days ago she would have thought insane. “Yes, I’d like that,” she told him with a slow smile. “I’ll meet you there.”
Chapter
10
“Erin’s not back yet?” Luke asked as Jenna let him in. “I see her car’s not here.”
“Ah, no…” Jenna answered, nervously twisting one of the rings on her fingers.
Luke’s brows furrowed with concern. “What’s wrong, Jen? Where is she?”
“I don’t think she’s in her righ
t mind at the moment, Luke. She was so upset about what happened at the café. And then she called and said she’d had to help deliver a baby in the ER. I think it was all too much for her.”
“Where the hell is she?” Luke had come tonight because he needed to find out how Erin really felt about him—and he’d broken almost every traffic law in the book to get there as fast as possible. But he couldn’t wait a minute longer. She was literally driving him out of his mind.
Jenna chewed on her lip. “I think I might have to go with Socrates on that one—‘One thing only I know, and that is that I know nothing.’ That is true, in a way…”
“You’re not making any sense,” Luke said impatiently. “Let’s start with what happened at the café. The two of you ran out of there like your pants were on fire.”
“Well, in a way that was kind of true, too.”
“Tell me what’s going on here, Jenna.” Luke wasn’t sure he wanted to hear what she had to say, though. He had a bad feeling about it.
Jenna sighed. “Erin’s really claustrophobic. It usually isn’t a problem, except when it comes to small rooms without a window, or elevators. We’ve gotten a lot of exercise taking the stairs over the years, that’s for sure.”
“What has that got to do with the café?”
“She needed to use the bathroom, and the one there is really small, with no windows. She couldn’t go in, so we left. She was pretty upset about it on the way home.”
Luke stared at Jenna in astonishment. He would never have guessed…But now he was beginning to see things a little more clearly. “And you think she was upset about the baby because of her situation.”
Jenna's expression turned almost as surprised as Luke's had a moment ago. “You know about that?”
“She told me yesterday.”
“Really? She almost never talks about it. She hasn’t been the same since all that happened.”
“So what did she do, go off somewhere by herself?” Then a shocking thought occurred to Luke. “You don’t think she’d hurt herself, do you?”
“I don’t think so. At least not the way you mean.” The lines of worry on Jenna’s forehead deepened. “But then, I don’t know what she’s thinking right now. She didn’t sound like herself on the phone, and she was so vague…”
“Where did she say she was going?”
After a pause Jenna reluctantly admitted, “To the Shamrock.”
Confusion filled Luke's eyes. “Alone?”
Jenna remained silent.
Luke could tell by her expression that he wasn’t going to like the answer to his next question. “Who is she with?”
“Chase McKellar,” Jenna softly responded.
Luke felt like she’d just kicked him in the gut. “She’s with Chase McKellar at the Shamrock Inn. How convenient.”
“Go after her, Luke, before she does something stupid. She’s not thinking straight right now.”
“How am I supposed to compete with a guy like that?” he asked, unable to hide the despair in his voice. “She still bears the name of the first doctor she married. I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s still in love with him. And I’m sure McKellar is just her type.”
“I really don’t think so. And I know she has feelings for you.”
“She told you that?”
“Yes. Now please go after her. Don’t let her get away again without at least putting up a fight.”
Luke would like to put up a fight—and knock out all of Chase McKellar’s pretty teeth with his fist. But Jenna was right. He had to settle this with Erin once and for all. And if she did reject him maybe he could finally get those green eyes out of his head. “Okay, I’ll go talk to her,” he said, running a hand through his hair in agitation. “I’ll call you later and let you know what’s going on.”
He turned to leave, but Jenna grabbed hold of his arm with a half-hearted smile. “Please don’t do any permanent damage to Chase. The rest of the women in this town wouldn’t be too happy about that. And I don’t want to have to come visit you in jail.”
“I can’t make any promises there,” he told her grimly, and headed out of the house.
Jenna eased the door closed behind him. Wesley came up and rubbed himself against her leg, and she looked down at the cat, shaking her head. “What has our friend gotten herself into this time, Wes?”
“Mrroww,” the cat responded, and started to purr.
* * *
Luke walked into the bar and dining area at the Shamrock and saw no sign of Erin there—or McKellar. But he had seen her car in the parking lot. That bright yellow was hard to miss. And it could only mean one thing.
He headed out of the restaurant to the hotel lobby. Cody Winkler, one of the town’s newly minted high school graduates, was standing behind the front desk.
“Hey, Detective Mathis,” Cody said with a grin. “Is there a drug bust or something going down?”
Something might end up busted, and someone could definitely go down, Luke thought malevolently. “Did an Erin Pryce check in tonight?”
“I don’t think so, and I’ve been here all night. But I’ll double check.” Cody looked her name up on the computer. “No, sir.”
“How about a Chase McKellar?” Luke gritted out.
Cody’s smile disappeared, and he quickly looked that name up as well. “Sorry, Detective Mathis. No Chase McKellar either.”
“Did you see a woman come through here—blond hair, green eyes, attractive, about five foot six?”
“Yes, I remember her. She checked in a little while ago.” Cody got back on the computer. “Sally Ride. Room 201.” A puzzled look crossed his face. “Now that I think about it, her name sounds familiar. But she paid in cash—including a deposit since she forgot her ID—and got a room with a Jacuzzi.”
Luke had heard enough. A Jacuzzi…So now Erin was going to literally test the waters with someone else. “Thanks for your help,” he said, and headed out of the hotel.
He made it halfway to his truck before he stopped. Cursing softly, he told himself to keep going. It was over. But his legs wouldn’t move forward another step.
“Damn you, Erin,” he whispered, turning around.
He walked back into the hotel past the surprised clerk and took the stairs two at a time to the second floor. He had to finish this face to face.
* * *
Erin sat on the bed and took another sip of her drink. It was her third, and she was starting to work up the nerve to do it now. Liquid courage certainly did wonders for the faint of heart. She just hoped she wasn’t sorry for it later, like so many of her patients had been over the years.
She heard a knock on the door and got up to answer it, setting her nearly empty drink down on the nightstand. She’d timed that just right. But when she opened the door she blinked in surprise. There stood Luke Mathis, seething like a beast.
“Hello, Sally Ride.”
Erin was glad she was a little tipsy or she probably would have fainted dead away. “Luke. How—how did you know I was here?”
“Jenna told me.” Seeing her there in the flesh further inflamed Luke's jealous rage, a rage he hadn’t even known he was capable of until now. And he pushed past her into the room, his normally ironclad self-control crumbling.
Erin tentatively closed the door and followed him, stunned by this sudden and entirely unexpected permutation of events.
“Where’s McKellar?” Luke demanded, glancing around the room. There was a king size bed with a black plastic bag on it to his left, and a large Jacuzzi in the far right corner. But no Chase McKellar.
Erin looked at him in confusion. “Who?”
Just as she asked the question, someone else knocked on the door.
“That must be him now,” Luke said darkly. “Isn’t he in for a surprise?” Then he strode back and ripped the door open.
A
wide-eyed waiter stood there with a drink in his hand. “Ah, I have your order.”
Erin came over to them and reached around Luke, taking the drink with a shaky smile. “That’s for me, thanks.” Now she was really going to need liquid courage.
Luke closed the door after the waiter left, and turned to face her. Their eyes met over the glass as she tilted it to her lips, and his desire for her burned hotter than ever. But she wasn’t there for him. She wanted someone else. And so his mind completely surrendered to the jealous, lustful beast that had come to life inside him. He grabbed her arms and pinned her up against the wall. The glass flew out of her hand, its contents splashing over them, and fell to the carpet with a thump. “Where is McKellar?” he growled.
Erin could only stare up at him, shocked speechless by his behavior. And for a long moment they stood there facing each other in silence, just inches apart, with him holding her hostage against the wall. A veritable thunderstorm was brewing in the depths of his blue eyes, and she had no idea why.
Until it finally dawned on her. He thought she’d gotten a room with Chase McKellar, and he was crazy with jealousy. She felt a warmth start to fill her that had nothing to do with alcohol. “Chase is probably at home, Luke. I had a few drinks with him at the bar and left to come up here.” Her eyes strayed to his lips, and she unconsciously wet her own with her tongue.
Luke was momentarily hypnotized by that tongue as it slid over her lips. And then his expression darkened even more. “Who are you meeting here then?”
Erin slowly looked up at him. “Myself.”
