What if I can't change anything? What if this is my punishment from my previous life? He didn't believe in hell, but he was beginning to understand he could just be replaying his entire life over again. I might have to relive everything – my crippling social anxiety, the fear during the Shift, the death of my parents, surviving on my own, Yusef, the Red Chain, Doc–I might just have to watch and endure all over again. Noah’s heart began to race, but he tried to find peace with his mother’s song. Even with the calming tune, Noah still felt a wave of panic beginning to take over.
But then something sharper, hotter than the song descended—he thought about the Aelves. Jagged hatred focused his turbulent emotions into a blade. Without the aliens preying on humanity, without them causing the Shift, none of the worst pain in his past would have happened. Everything prior to the Shift was Noah's fault. He could accept that. But the Shift? No one deserved to live in a world like that. The Aelves had brought the whole world to its knees, exposed the worst that humanity had to offer, and gave it a place to grow. Noah had given into despair, like so many others.
Except for people like Doc, Noah thought with a smile. Doc Broad planted a seed of hope in him, and Noah knew it was still there. Doc would have chuckled at Noah’s fear of his very existence causing more harm. Noah's only friend after the Shift had given him a gift that still endured. The ability to move forward.
He knew what Doc would say to him right now. The guy would just pull out a cigarette, blow it in my face, and tell me to stop being silly. Doc's signature calm and raised eyebrow flashed through Noah's mind.
Even if I have no control and have to relive everything all over again, I'm not going to do it while being afraid. If there's anything I can control, it's myself.
Noah mentally went through a laundry list of past regrets. He had never tried out for any sport in school because he’d been a bit smaller, weak, and uncoordinated. His height hadn’t been a real excuse, he knew that, but his attitude at the time had been a symptom of a much deeper issue. The realization hit with less force than it might have before he’d died, but being an infant, he still had to hold back tears.
I'm afraid of failing, Noah thought bitterly. Or, at least I was.
He recalled all the ways he’d grown before dying, and how Doc Broad being killed had changed everything. All the uncertainty and fear he’d built up over the course of his life had boiled into rage against the Aelves. They put us back to the Dark Ages, killed us, and…killed Doc.
But the Aelves had just been the breaking point, the focus for all of his anger. Maybe the anger had always been there, but he’d just aimed it at himself. He never wanted to relive his old life again, at least not as he’d lived it before. That would truly be hell. But with this new life, despite the weirdness, he had options. He briefly wondered what a pissed off baby looked like and felt ridiculous. His new existence was exciting, but would also take some getting used to.
Okay, he thought. Risky or not, I need to take action. Even with my short life before, having my memories gives me a huge advantage. I have to use it.
He flexed his chubby little fingers and frowned. The floor of his crib felt unsteady as he tried to get up on both feet. His baby body felt awkward, his limbs unused to the new commands. My head feels heavier than my body, Noah thought as waved his hands to right himself. The physical issues, emotional issues, and mental issues would be difficult to deal with, but at least he knew his situation was temporary. The song helped, and so did the hate in his belly.
Noah briefly struck a martial arts pose, balling his soft hands into fists, but then rolled his eyes at himself. With his chubby face and cartoon jammies, he couldn’t even take himself seriously. He sighed and laid back down.
Control. Noah repeated the word over and over. I need control over my body, over myself. If I have control, I can do anything. With great effort, he got up again and forced his unsteady legs to move him across the playpen. Walking normally felt like balancing on a rope, and he had to keep his arms out to steady himself. His body was completely unused to the movement, resisting his commands with every step. It took a few attempts, but eventually, Noah found himself making awkward but more confident strides across the playpen.
Tired, he sat back down, leaning against his stuffed teddy bear, Mr. Cuddles. I didn't think I'd see you again. Noah smiled at the toy. He held out a hand to rest on the bear and sadly shook his head. My relationship with you will definitely be different than when I was a kid. That kind of makes me sad. Maybe not everything will be better with my old memories.
That thought led to his memories themselves, how they were not the only thing he’d brought back with him. He still had the powers of the orb. Eyes closed, Noah focused on the sounds around him once more. Unlike before when he had simply touched the orb to get perfect clarity, now Noah could sense he needed to focus. With a few tries, he verified that he’d been correct. The more effort he put into listening, the clearer the sounds became.
I wonder… He turned his attention inward as he soundlessly sang his mother’s song. A familiar pulse came from inside him, a rhythm separate from his own heartbeat. Even if he could speak, Noah wouldn't have been able to explain the sensation in words. It was a feeling unlike any other he had ever experienced.
After a moment, Noah opened his eyes and discovered that his fatigue from walking around the playpen was mostly gone. He tried to laugh, but it came out as a giggle. Then he opened the blue screens again. The first one was still fuzzy, but Noah pushed his will into it, trying to force the words to become clear.
A sharp pain spiked through his head, rocking him back into Mr. Cuddles. A screen opened in his vision.
Soul intact, but unstable. Require assistance from Modifier's to stabilize soul.
The sheer number of discoveries he’d made finally overwhelmed his limited emotional control. Noah found himself crying. He lost himself for a while, reverting to just a normal baby again, but when he came back to himself, he was still crying. The door to his room suddenly opened, and through his tears, he saw his parents, Lana and Clark, walk in. The sight of them caused Noah to lose his breath.
The last time he’d seen them, they’d been beaten and bloodied by a wandering raider gang, busy distracting the raiders for Noah to escape. His mother's jet black hair had gone grey soon after the Shift. His father’s proud back had bent, his face wrinkled. They look so young, Noah thought. He found himself crying even harder, but not with pain or sadness. I’m just so damn happy to see them.
Noah's mother, Lana Henson, had been the most loving, caring mom Noah could have ever asked for. In his previous life, she’d spent most of Noah's early childhood at home to care for him. Looking back on those times, he wondered if his mother had been too soft on him, never challenging him enough. His father, Clark, was an accountant. He worked the standard nine to five and didn't know a thing about sports. Still, he hosted a Super Bowl game every year just because he liked having friends over. On the surface, Noah had had an ideal childhood.
Seeing his parents again made a new rush of memories wash over Noah, and he cried louder. His mother tsked and rushed forward, scooping him up. Noah’s baby brain was calmed by this, but his rational mind examined all of the memories flooding his consciousness. In his former life, when he’d reached middle school and had taken state aptitude tests, the way his parents treated him had changed. Noah had scored ridiculously high, and his parents had praised him a lot, probably only wanting the best for him.
They’d used phrases like, "You have so much potential." But his parents hadn't really pushed him in any way. Instead, they’d let him drift, perhaps believing that he would find his own way. Then when he’d stagnated, he’d felt like his parents had hung an imaginary blade above him, judging him, the unspoken reality being that he could be better than he was, do better. To Noah, "You have so much potential," had eventually translated to, "You aren't good enough."
After that, his grades had dropped. He’d drifted away from his childh
ood friends. Any talk of his future had made him want to shut down. Shame had filled him. He’d watched people who had been given so much less, who had far worse families still do better than him in just about everything. Noah had been afraid that any choice he made wouldn't be good enough, that it could lead to failure, to broken expectations. In his previous life, he had never been able to put any of this into words, hadn’t even been able to admit how deeply he’d been depressed. But with all his past memories now, after enduring the Shift and seeing his parents again like this, he understood.
They only wanted the best for me, he realized. He’d never really blamed them in the past, he’d known that he was a failure, and it hadn’t been his parents’ fault. But one thing was for certain: In this new life, Noah wanted to give his parents a reason to be proud of him. They’d always been supportive, even when he’d been useless as a teenager. They’d sacrificed themselves to save his life.
He would never forget.
After his mother checked him over, she set him back down. Noah had stopped crying. His parents began leaving the room when Noah made a loud gurgling sound, his attempt to say something, anything. When they both stopped, Noah propped himself off Mr. Cuddles to look at them better.
"Oh," his mom exclaimed happily. "Testing out your legs, huh?"
Noah was about to stand up, to show them how he could walk now, or even spell out something using his toy blocks, but he hesitated. He wasn’t even entirely sure how old he was, so it might be too unusual, maybe even terrifying if he revealed himself to his parents now. He settled down, waiting for his parents to leave the room, and after they did, Noah gingerly folded his baby arms and frowned. He had some thinking to do.
***
After a lot of thought, Noah decided to keep most of his walking and…thinking secret, at least for the time being. A freakishly brilliant toddler would be easier for most people to stomach than a talking baby, even for his parents. That gave him some time to kill for about a year at least though. Noah realized he needed to come up with a plan, not only for the next year but for the next twenty.
At least the terrible pain in his head had gone, leaving behind a lesson in the price of messing with the screens. Noah didn’t know what a Modifier was, and wondering about it in circles wouldn’t do much good—he needed more information. In the meantime, Noah could reason his way through a few other problems. The last few hours had definitely proven an important fact. I changed things. It was clear to him now that this wasn't some cruel hell where he had to relive all his previous failures over again.
This gave him a huge sense of relief. He had a definite chance to do things right this second time around. Noah’s oversized head began bobbing in excitement. With the orb magic combined with my life experience, who knows what I can accomplish? I could become rich!
His excitement was cut short by echoes of anger inside of him. The violent memory of Doc's death came to mind, banishing any fantasies of living a fun life on the beach.
Never again, he thought. He needed to prepare for the Shift. More importantly, he needed to prepare others, too. He knew he'd sound crazy if he tried to tell people what was going to happen, even after he was older. Who would believe him that in seventeen years, most technology would stop working and alien Aelves would hunt humanity down for food? No, he couldn't save the world, but he could at least protect his family. Noah didn't know how he was going to do it, but he had some time. His heart began to beat faster at the thought. I can actually change things.
Ideas slowly whirred through his developing mind. Maybe I can at least try to spread word of…the possibility of something like the Shift happening, Noah thought. Even as that idea crossed his mind, he knew it would be a long shot. Other options he considered were to try becoming internet famous or make a blog, leaking information slowly. The whole notion sounded ridiculous, but armed with the powerful knowledge that he could change history, he was ready to shoot high.
He would need resources first - and would need to do it quietly. Maybe he could save money and prepare at night after going to school during the day. He would definitely need to plan how best to get his family to a fortress as soon as possible after the shift, maybe even before it happened. Money should come easy by playing the stock markets, at least to begin with. In general, I already know which companies will tank or rise. After the Shift, dollars and cents will have zero value, so I can spend all of it before it becomes useless. I’ll need to figure out how to get a little money to play with first, though. That may not be easy.
As Noah kept thinking about the coming apocalypse, he wondered, Maybe I can take my parents close to Camp Hammerfist after the Shift. It was the only place that had been able to resist the Aelves.
Time was on his side—for the moment. The time to act would come quickly, though. Having a solid plan was critical, and it wasn’t like Noah could do much else right now while he was stuck as an infant, so he laid down, stared at the ceiling, and thought. He thought harder than he ever had before in his life, fighting the sluggish speed he could currently think, but over time, a plan began to come together.
Chapter 11
For Noah, time flew by in a blur. His thoughts notably grew faster, and his body grew physically. Noah also snuck onto his parents’ computers when they weren’t looking to keep abreast of world events and even brush up on his knowledge.
He considered his second life a precious gift and cherished spending time with his parents, even if he had to hide his true intellect. At times he even felt guilty, especially when he intentionally knocked things off of tables after reviewing standard toddler behavior.
In addition to the work he spent on the present, he also reflected on the past. He reviewed past mistakes and triumphs. His prior knowledge was critical for planning the best way to prepare his family for the coming Shift.
The memory from his first life of his mother’s broken, bloody smile as she screamed for him to get away from the raiders hounded Noah like a rabid dog at his heels, motivating him to find a way to keep his parents safe. The greatest immediate hurdle he identified was funding. As an infant, he couldn’t exactly run out and get a job.
Noah planned to capitalize on his knowledge of future stocks and financials to make money as quickly as possible, and most importantly, spend that money wisely before the Shift came again. It was a longshot, but at first, Noah created several email accounts for himself and sent his father investment ideas, but Clark must have either passed it off as spam or thought it was creepy. Either way, Noah decided to stop, but his parents had already definitely noticed he wasn’t a normal child.
Noah took advantage of the fact that all parents think their children are gifted, and he simply began showing more gifted behavior that he had read about online. After confirming his father and mothers’ biases, they had him tested, and he easily passed the tests. After that, he could allow himself to start speaking more freely, and he’d already accomplished some of what he’d set out to do.
His parents were proud of him.
Soon after he’d been confirmed a “genius”, he’d started showing an interest in his father’s work, and in “current” events on the news. Over time, his parents eventually noticed his curiosity.
Noah began asking questions about finances, remembering to keep his language simple. Luckily, this touched on his father’s passions, and Clark immediately engaged with him about business and accounting, even at three years old. Noah was worried that he might be pushing it a little too far too fast, but he had underestimated his father’s passion for finances.
Although Clark looked like a strict dad on the surface, he was pretty easy going except for where numbers and money concerned. In Noah’s previous life, it had been a running joke to poke fun at his dad’s thriftiness. Clark had always been too cheap to spend money on corrective eye surgery instead wearing his inexpensive, ridiculous looking glasses. Noah’s father had always been far too conservative with his money to do something like invest in young, upstart ventu
res as well—they were too risky for him.
Noah and his father talking about accounting or finances became almost a nightly occurrence at the Henson house.
Granted, Noah still had to stunt his vocabulary, use incorrect tenses, and speak more slowly, but for the most part, neither of his parents treated him like a normal child of his age anymore.
When he had almost turned four, it had dawned on a frustrated Noah that he hadn’t connected with his mother intellectually yet the way he had with his father. His mother Lana was a severely underpaid elementary school teacher. He couldn’t remember a time she didn’t have a side job to help pay for extra Christmas presents or family trips. Between the two Henson parents, Lana always acted as the trailblazer, willing to try something new. Slower to try new things, Clark’s skepticism to anything new would usually break down in the face of Lana’s enthusiasm. Her adventurous streak was what finally got her husband to try a weekly session of yoga, or to incorporate Brussel sprouts into some of the meals that she cooked.
Noah remembered that his mother had always wanted to travel, and held a fascination with Japan and Japanese culture. Since Noah knew of a startup in Japan that would absolutely explode soon, becoming the world’s leader in solar power, he decided he could use his mother’s interest to kill two birds with one stone.
At first, he just asked his mother about other countries. Then he focused on Japan. This led to deeper conversations with his mother about Japanese history and even industry, so Noah made a big production of studying Japan on his own, which absolutely delighted Lana. This allowed him to start gently nudging his mother about the business he’d “found” that was very impressive, and that he believed his parents should invest in.
First Song Page 10
