by Paul Vayro
Chapter Eighteen
“Spanish Counterpart I will not tolerate this behaviour. You are the computer on this ship, the ship I own and have paid for in full. You are technically mine and should do as I command, and I command you to show me the planets we have been assigned to explore.”
Dandara Foxley was a fellow member of The Hero's Guild and was attempting to begin the mission she too had just been handed. Having taken off she and her heroic partner, Bettina Slade, now struggled to discover the destinations of the Earth planets they had been assigned to explore. The ship's computer had decided to throw one its many strops.
Tiring of the continuous struggle with her heroic hardware, Dandara attempted to mask her annoyance with an authoritative tone. She failed miserably to gain any co-operation as the ship huffed in response to the blatantly unfair treatment it was receiving.
Spanish Counterpart came fitted with a multitude of options on every aspect of the craft. On receiving their vehicle the pair spent three weeks testing everything from the angle of the seats to the required thickness of the carpet, until finally reaching the personality settings for the on-board computer. Moving on to the obnoxious teenage setting they had tried to pass it by, quickly; however it refused and they’d been stuck with it ever since.
“You could at least answer me.” Dandara could hide her annoyance no more. The only response from the hull was a noise suggesting derision and a lack of understanding on her part.
“Is he still not responding?” Bettina wandered into the main area of the craft.
“No, even though he can CLEARLY HEAR ME.”
“I’ve told you to leave him to it. He’ll get bored eventually.” Bettina picked up a magazine from the table. It changed to the current edition of ‘Feminine Hero’. She was particularly interested in the article on ‘looking good in tights all year round: Would a simple shift of mindset do the job better than a diet?’
“I can’t leave him sat there laughing at us. He’s my computer and should do as I say.”
The computer finally replied with words. “That’s all I am to you isn’t it, a machine to do things so you don’t have to?”
“Yes.” Dandara had no affection for what she saw as a tool. “I turned you on to do, exactly that. The only reason you exist is to make my life easier and I won’t apologise for it no matter how much clever personality technology you’re programmed with.” The rant released a lot of built up tension.
A mumble took the guise of a response, culminating in some form of obscenity before a series of stomps pre-empted the sound of a door slamming. Bettina flicked through her magazine with an expression of being proved right. The computer had stormed off to its room to sulk.
“Say what you like. I feel better.” Dandara headed to the couch that sat opposite her partner.
“I’m saying nothing. As long as you’re aware he could be in there a while.”
“Who even slams a virtual door?” Dandara rested her foot on the coffee table between them. Residual annoyance tapped out a tune. Bettina lightened the mood with a discussion on the article she was flicking through.
“It says here that rather than wish to be thinner we should simply stop seeing ourselves as overweight.”
“What if you are overweight though?” Dandara still had tension to release.
“Well that’s the problem, thinking you’re overweight when you’re actually not.”
“But some people are genuinely overweight.” The foot tapping lessened as her rage found a new focus.
“Those people should just eat less and exercise more, but this is talking about those who think they’re overweight but aren’t. They just 'see' themselves that way.”
“So how do you know if you’re actually overweight or just think you are?”
“I don’t know. By looking in the mirror I guess.” Bettina was finding the conversation harder work than she’d intended.
“But when I look in the mirror I see an overweight hero.” Dandara wasn’t moving on.
“But you’re clearly not overweight.”
“Through my eyes I am.”
“Forget it. I thought it made perfect sense when I read it.” Bettina had already flicked to another article about the ethics of dating someone from a different dimension.
“You would think it made sense. You’re not overweight.” Dandara wasn't finished.
“We’re the same size. How can you see me as fine and yourself as overweight?”
“If I knew that I would never have questioned the article.” A silence followed. Both women knew they’d entered a stalemate. To continue would only see them back where they started in ten minutes. Both women were indeed the same five feet eight inches of athletic promise. Their all in one outfits showed the world as much as it needed to know, and not a globule more. Both were pretty, but in a manner subtle enough to be missed by those who only saw glamour and beauty through superficial eyes.
Bettina made another effort to change the subject. “So what are we going to do about exploring Earth’s if we don’t know where we’re meant to head?”
“I have no idea.” Dandara picked up a few magazines then threw them back down after giving them no more than a glance.
“Couldn’t we just go to the nearest franchise planet to us? Surely we can over-ride the computer for something so simple?” Bettina wasn’t technically gifted but she knew enough vague terminology to get by.
“Of course we can. Bettina, that’s brilliant.” Dandara stood and returned to the control panel at the front of the ship.
“Of course it’s brilliant. Simplicity is always brilliant. It’s seeing it that’s hard.”
Dandara called up a map of the surrounding area, pinpointing the nearest Earth to their position. An effortful red glow symbolised its location, its rhythmic pulsing falling in to synch with her heart. She sensed something big would occur on this humble rock, something life changing, although she often experienced intense feelings of psychic premonition without being correct. For now she allowed the weakening, red glimmer to reflect through her eyes and in to her being, mesmerised by its inevitable pull on her life, trapped within a daydream of never occurring reality.
“Who’s been looking at my maps? I don’t go snooping around your things. Can I get no privacy?” Spanish Counterpart stropped out of his room in a well practised hissy fit.
“They're not your maps they're mine. I bought them along with you and your entire database. Although why I bothered I’ll never know. You've only brought this on yourself. If you hadn’t acted like such a child I wouldn’t have to go in to anything. And don’t be trying to undo what I’ve done. I’ve programmed it directly into the navigation system and we all know why the navigation system won’t speak to you anymore.”
“You’ve never loved me.”
“Of course I’ve never loved you. You’re a machine. I don’t share any of my deepest emotions with a practical serving device.” Dandara remained physically calm. Smugness overcame any need to smash the room up.
“Why do you hate me so much?” The computer turned and stomped back down its virtual corridor, opened its virtual door, and virtually slammed it again.
“Can you believe the dramatics?” Dandara turned back to Bettina. She'd stayed on the couch reading.
“It’s a hard time, puberty. Hormones all over the place, growth spurts for no reason. Your body’s not your own.”
“It’s not going through puberty. It’s programmed to act as though it is. It doesn’t have any hormones.”
“Good point. Well although I understand the dramatics I can’t justify them.” It was as close to an agreement on the matter as they were going to get.
“I’m glad you concur.”
Dandara headed back to the seats and array of magazines. The two ladies had nothing to do but await their arrival at the first Earth franchise on their self styled list. A brief investigation would have revealed who the planet had actually been assigned to, but Dandara trusted destiny to do its job well. Upon meeti
ng the crew of The Little Tub of Fun she may be forced to re-assess such blind faith.
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