by Ivy Smoak
Regardless, it was pretty clear that I had been smitten with James immediately. Tyler had never stood a chance. Maybe if I had run into him first. But that’s not how the story went. I'd met James. And I had fallen head over heels for him despite knowing that it was wrong. Somehow it being wrong just made it even more appealing. To me now and to me then. Something must be wrong with me.
I put the pages of the manuscript on the coffee table and stood up to stretch. I hadn’t read very much, but my mind was racing. I could feel the chemistry through the pages. It was undeniable. But it was still hard to believe I’d sleep with my professor. That I’d fall in love with someone so utterly unattainable.
And what did James mean by details? I leaned over and flipped the manuscript to a random page and scanned. Nothing unusual. I flipped to another page and my eyes bulged.
He pushed my back against the tile. "Is there something that you wanted?" His voice was so seductive.
I gulped. "Yes." His torso glistened from the water flowing down it. And the steam from the shower surrounded him. God he was sexy. He looked almost ethereal.
He leaned over and took one of my nipples in his mouth and bit it lightly. He pinched my other nipple between two of his fingers. I writhed under his touch.
"And what is it that you want?" He left a trail of kisses down my stomach and stopped right where I wanted it the most. I could feel his warm breath.
"You."
"Do you mean like this?" He stroked my pussy with his tongue.
"Professor Hunter," I moaned.
He put his knees on the tile floor and lifted my thighs over his shoulders. While I was admiring his strength, he slid two fingers inside of me.
I gasped.
"Or maybe you'd prefer that I fuck you with my fingers?" His dirty words made me want him even more.
"Yes!"
He moved his lips to my clit and sucked on it hard. I was pinned against the shower wall, completely immobile. He pumped his hand faster, moving his fingers in and out of me. His tongue continued to stroke my clit, driving me crazy.
"Yes!" I screamed again.
He pushed my thighs even farther apart. The position allowed his fingers to go even deeper. He was licking and swirling his tongue over my clit. I could feel my body begin to shudder in his arms. He placed his lips around my clit again and sucked hard.
"Professor Hunter!"
I threw the pages back down, scattering them across the coffee table. Holy shit. My whole body felt hot. James was right about the details. Vivid, mind-blowing details. I swallowed hard. I almost felt like I was drunk like I had been in that scene where James had walked me home. I pushed the pages back together so no one would be able to see the heated scene I had just been reading. I needed fresh air. A walk would help clear my head and cool me off. I walked over to Melissa and Josh’s room and knocked on the door.
“Hey, Melissa?”
She opened the door and blew a strand of hair out of her flushed face.
I stifled a laugh. I was almost 100 percent sure she had just been banging Josh.
“What’s up?” she asked.
“I was wondering if you could watch Scarlett? She’s upstairs sleeping, so she won’t be much trouble. But I wanted to go for a walk…”
“Oh, I can come with you. Just give me a sec.”
“It’s okay. I wanted to clear my head.”
“If I’m being completely honest, I promised James I wouldn’t let you go anywhere alone.”
That made sense after I'd tried to run away. It was funny that she was in charge of watching me instead of Scarlett, though. I wasn’t sure James trusted me with my daughter after today either. I had learned my lesson about fiber. “I’ll ask one of James' security guards to come with me.”
“Alright. You sure?”
I lowered my voice. “You’re clearly busy.”
“I am not…” her voice trailed off. “Fine. You caught me. In my defense, I thought you and James were busy too.”
I laughed. No, not quite. In my manuscript though? Yes. Yes. Yes! I could feel my own cheeks blushing just thinking about that shower scene. “I’ll be back in a bit.”
“Awesome. Maybe we can watch a movie or something like we always used to? Just us. I feel like we need a girls’ night.”
“I heard that,” Josh said with a laugh from behind the door.
I smiled. “I’d like that. No offense, Josh,” I added.
“None taken,” he said.
“Have fun.” I smiled at her and left them alone. A girls’ night sounded perfect. Just like old times. Even though they still partially felt like current times to me. But I was getting used to this reality. I was getting used to James and the kids. I could picture myself here now.
I opened up the front door. Ian was standing outside talking on his cell phone.
“Oh, Jen, I have to go, Penny just walked out. Mhm, I will. Take a deep breath, it’s going to be fine. I love you too.” He hung up the phone. “Jen says hi.”
“James’ sister, right? And your fiancée?”
He smiled as he slid his cell phone back into his pocket. “You’re remembering things now. So, um…what are you doing out here?”
“Actually I was hoping to go for a walk and I was told I needed someone to accompany me. But you’re busy. Maybe Briggs or Porter could come? Or…” my voice trailed off trying to remember all the names. “Or William?”
“I’d be happy to go with you, Penny.”
“But your phone call…”
“Everything with Jen is an emergency. Our wedding isn’t very soon. A flower arrangement disaster isn’t even a thing this far out. She’ll be fine.” He walked over toward the elevator.
I laughed. “What exactly is a flower arrangement disaster?”
“I don’t know. I may have been holding the phone away from my ear.” He smiled, even though we both knew it wasn’t true. He had been listening to every word, crazy or not. I could tell he loved her.
“What made you realize you wanted to get married?” I asked as we stepped onto the elevator.
“Well, a number of things really. I liked Jen for far longer than I’d like to admit. Really since the first time I met her.” He smiled. “I hadn’t been working for James long and he asked if I’d pick her up at the airport. She’s just so full of life. And beautiful. And smart.”
We walked through the lobby and out the front doors as I thought about what he had said. He made it seem like it was love at first sight. Was that what James and I'd had? The first few chapters of my manuscript sure made it seem like we had.
“Are we friends?” I asked.
“You and me? Or you and Jen?”
“I was asking about you and me. But now I’m curious about both.”
He smiled. “Well, yes to both.”
“Can I ask you something then?” There was still something nagging me about the note in my pocket. What James said made sense. But what if he was wrong? What if I was unstable? And depressed. And lonely. If I could get out ahead of it, maybe I could fix it. I was growing attached to this life. I didn’t want for it to end.
“Of course.”
“Do you think I was unhappy before I lost my memory?”
“I believe you were happy.”
“There isn’t anything that seemed off about me? Anything at all to indicate that I wasn’t?”
It looked like he was deep in thought as we entered Central Park. “Do you want my honest opinion? As a friend?”
“Yes.”
“I think you’ve always struggled a little with self-confidence. You felt lucky that James fell for you and you have a hard time understanding why he’s lucky too.”
I sighed. “That sounds like me. It’s kind of how I feel right now. I mean…what is he doing with someone like me? He could have anyone…”
“He loves you, Penny. And you have no reason to doubt your self-worth. You’re smart and funny and kind. He’s lucky to have you. And he knows it. You just have to acce
pt that.”
The note hadn’t felt like I didn’t understand James’ love. Maybe I did feel worthy of him. Maybe I had finally realized that we were both lucky, instead of just me. James could have been right about everything. The letter was just an unfortunate coincidence.
Ian’s phone started buzzing. “Hey, Jen,” he said. “I’m working right now. I’ll have to call you back…” He paused. “We can find a new florist…” Another pause. “Babe, it’s late. We can look tomorrow.”
“You can go if you need to,” I said.
He pulled his phone away from his ear. “Yeah, I’m not leaving you out here alone. James would kill me.”
“It sounds like Jen will kill you if you don’t. I talked to James about it earlier. He thinks that crazy doctor is long gone. You’ve seen no sign that he’s around. Trust me, I can take care of myself.” I thought about when I'd kneed Tyler in the balls in the chapter I had read. I was kick ass. “And I’ll head back now if it makes you feel better.”
He glanced at his phone and then back at me.
“Really. Go.”
“Are you sure?”
I looked around. It was late, but there were a few people still walking through Central Park. I was safe here. “I’m sure.”
He put his cell back up to his ear. “I’ll be there in a few minutes, baby. Love you too.” He hung up. “Let me just walk you back real quick.”
“Ian, I’m fine. See?” I started walking backwards in the direction we had come. “I even know the way.”
He laughed. “Okay. I’ll see you tomorrow. And thank you. You’re right, she was probably going to kill me.”
I smiled and waved before he turned and started walking in the opposite direction.
This was what I had wanted anyway. A little time to myself and some fresh air. I took a deep breath. The air didn’t seem as stale in the park. I slowly walked back toward the apartment.
The hairs on the back of my neck stood up. I glanced over my shoulder, but no one was there. Why did I keep feeling like someone was watching me? Usually I could dismiss it because I knew the security detail was tailing me. But tonight? Ian was gone. No one else knew I was out here.
I picked up my pace. So much for a relaxing stroll. But I had gotten everything I needed from this walk. Talking to Ian was exactly what I had needed. I’d always had issues with self-confidence. It made sense that they plagued me into adulthood. But it didn’t mean I was depressed. If anything, it would have just made me want to prove that I was worthy of James. I smiled to myself. That was probably what the book was for. And the pen name. All of it. I wanted to show him that I wasn’t just some stupid trophy wife. But James already knew that. I could tell by the way he looked at me.
“Penny? Penny is that you?”
I turned around, expecting to see Ian. But it was an older man jogging up to me. His gray hair was slightly askew and looked in bad need of a cut. Really, he looked disheveled in general. But he also looked familiar. Just like the scenes in the book felt familiar. And the dreams I’d been having.
“Oh, it is you.” He smiled. He had a perfectly white, straight smile that did not at all fit with the rest of him. I would have guessed he was homeless before he smiled. But now that he was closer, I could tell he definitely wasn’t homeless. He was just a little dirty. Like he had accidentally fallen asleep out here. Or rolled around in the grass. Or something. I studied him as he brushed a leaf off his shoulder.
“I’m sorry, do I know you?” I asked.
“Yes, yes. I’m a good friend of Jon’s. We’ve met before but it’s been several years.”
“Jon?” I racked my brain. “James’ father?”
He nodded. “Indeed. I’m so glad I caught you. I heard about what happened, dear. How are you feeling?”
“Better now.”
“Good.” He smiled. “Do you want to sit and catch up for a moment?” He gestured to a park bench off to the side of the path.
“Oh, I’m sorry, I can’t. I really must be getting back.”
He coughed. “I understand.” And then he coughed again. And again.
“Are you okay?” I asked.
He kept coughing.
“Do you want me to go get a water bottle?”
“No,” he wheezed. “I just need to sit down.”
“Here.” I helped him over to the bench he had pointed to before.
He collapsed onto it and patted the spot beside him.
How could I say no? I was worried that if I left him alone he’d cough up a lung. I sat down even though all I wanted to do was get back. I wanted to read more of the manuscript. And watch a movie with Melissa. And maybe get a goodnight kiss from James. It was a silly thought. But also a perfect one.
“Sorry, dear,” the old man said. “My lungs aren’t what they used to be.” He pulled out a handkerchief from his pocket, but instead of blowing his nose or coughing into it, he just wrung it in his hands.
I didn’t know what I was supposed to say. The hairs on the back of my neck rose again. “I really should be getting back.”
He took a deep breath. “Just a minute and I’ll be alright.” He took another deep breath.
I started to tap my foot nervously. How did James’ father know this guy? Jon was fit for his age, and wealthy, and put together. The man beside me was the opposite of all that. Not that two people so different couldn’t be friends. It just felt…off. “How did you say you knew Jon again?”
“Old friends.” He reached over and placed his hand on my forearm. His fingers were like ice.
Something clicked in my mind. And I almost laughed out loud, but luckily I stifled it. I didn’t remember him. He just looked like someone I remembered. Professor Snape from the Harry Potter movies. He had an uncanny resemblance to that actor. “Has anyone ever told you that you look like Professor Snape from the Harry Potter films?”
“Why, yes. Your daughter actually. Last time she saw me she actually called me Snape.” He smiled.
There was something off about his smile. It didn’t seem genuine. At all. If anything it felt menacing. I shifted nervously on the bench as his words tumbled around my head. “But I thought you said it’s been several years since you’ve seen me. Scarlett’s only three and a half.”
“Several can mean three,” he said calmly.
“But if it had been that long she wouldn’t have been talking. And…” I tried to remember what James had told me about his parents at dinner. “James’ relationship was pretty strained with his parents when we met. I didn’t even meet them until just a little before our wedding.”
“I thought you didn’t remember anything. I guess you can’t always trust tabloids. I should have known when they were talking about what designer dress you were wearing when you left the hospital instead of focusing on the real story. Your lost memories.”
Tabloids? God, this man didn’t know me or my family. I tried to stand up, but his icy fingers dug into my skin, pulling me back down onto the bench.
“Let go of me or I’ll…”
“You’ll what? Call for help? There’s no one around. And you have no phone.”
How could he know that I didn’t have a phone? Unless he had been following me. I knew I felt someone watching. I knew it. Why hadn’t I said anything? Why hadn’t I trusted my gut? I knew why. Because I had been fighting my gut this whole time. My gut screamed that I loved James. That I could trust him. That he was everything. But I kept denying it. I had been telling my gut to piss off ever since I woke up in that hospital room.
“You’re coming with me,” he said and pulled me off the bench.
So I did what I knew I was good at. I tried to knee him in the crotch.
But before my knee made contact with him, he pushed his handkerchief over my mouth.
I screamed but my voice was muffled by the fabric. I tried to move, but my body felt heavy.
“You were supposed to die,” he said. “You were supposed to fix my life, not ruin it.”
I
couldn’t breathe. My eyelids started to close. I should have trusted my gut all along. Because images of James were the last thing that flashed through my mind. I loved him. And now he’d never know.
There was nothing wrong with him describing our love as light and dark. I liked the darkness. The sounds of the city died away as my eyes closed. Darkness was everywhere. And I understood what he meant. It was hard to breathe without the light.
* * *
Thank you for reading A Whirlwind of Color! Penny and James' story continues in This Is Love!
I fell in love with Penny as soon as she fell into my arms. I wasn’t a believer in fate, but she convinced me. And every day she convinced me just how special our relationship was. It was us against the world. And I foolishly thought our love was indestructible.
Now I know that love isn’t about light and darkness or whirlwinds of color. Love can’t be defined in such simple terms. When you lose it, all of that becomes clear.
I don’t know how much longer I can breathe in a world where I look into my wife’s eyes and only see a stranger. I’d do anything to get her back. But this is one thing I don’t know how to fix.
This is the end to our love story. I just hope to God it’s not the end of us.
Available January 29, 2019.
Pre-order This Is Love now!
A Note From Ivy
I almost ended James and Penny’s story a few books back. But I’m so glad I didn’t. I have so much fun writing about this couple. I’m not sure any characters have ever been closer to my heart.
I know you probably feel like throwing things at me right now. I just hope it’s because you love these characters as much as I do and hate to see them in pain. And not because you hate me. After all, Penny and I are basically the same person. We’re a packaged deal!
If you’re excited about the next book in the series, I want to know. I would be so grateful if you could share your thoughts in a review. There’s nothing I love more than reading your reviews.
